Gather ‘round the fire for yet another retelling of what may be the Manosphere’s favorite fairy tale. You know, the one about the evil ladies who have lots of sex with “bad boys” in their early twenties, only to panic a few years later and desperately try to attach themselves to hardworking beta schlubs once they realize that their looks are fading. You know, like that lady riding the rooster that alternates with the mammoth in the Man Boobz header graphic.
This particular version of the tale – posted to the perversely misnamed “Happy Bachelors” forum by a long-time MGTOWer called Outcast Superstar – somehow manages to avoid the phrase “cock carousel” entirely. But regular readers will find the story familiar nonetheless.
Here, without further ado, is “Suckers Vs. Fuckers,” by Mr. Superstar.
[W]estern women love excitement and hate boredom. When they are in their teens and early 20’s, they don’t want stability that suckers have to offer because that is boring.
Gosh, who could imagine that anyone in their early twenties might be more interested in dating various people instead of settling down?
Keep in mind that women don’t think for themselves but decisions on who they date or sleep with is usually made by the council not by the woman herself. This council is usually made up of her mother, sister, and friends etc. If dating a nice guy is not considered to be fun and popular by the “council” he is going to get snubbed.
The fellows at South Park have provided us with a rare glimpse into the workings of these mysterious councils.
There is another group of guys called fuckers. Women love to have sex with these guys during their prime years. Although they offer no stability to these women, however women will still sleep with them. The reason why women will is because they are unpredictable and therefore they are deemed as very exciting.
Oh, but things change radically when these evil ladies start to … age.
Once these women get to there late 20’s – early 30’s they will fraudently sell their looks to suckers who make a good income in order to get married. In other words they will put on a pony show for them until they get the ring.
But as long as these ladies hold onto any of their youthful prettiness, they can still cause trouble.
After a few years of marriage, these women are going to get bored and everything is the suckers fault. They will look for affairs and cash out on their suckers knowing that they will get the house, child support (if they have children), and alimony. All she has to do is file a false abuse charge (no proof necessary) to make all this happen. Even as a bonus, the sucker even gets to pay for her attorney fees.
But ultimately these evil gals will get their comeuppance.
Despite there not being any legal justice in this country, Mother Nature has a justice of her own.
Those suckers who once ached for these women will lose interest in them once they get to be in their mid to late 20’s. The last thing they are going to find attractive are used up women in their late 20’s-30’s. In fact these women must be avoided at all cost. They got a disease called baby rabies. They are going to do everything possible to get pregnant and trap you into a long term relationship where they can get provided for.
Happily, western “suckers” can escape the clutches of these evil ladies. After all, western men have alternatives, in the form of foreign women and, er, model railroads?
[O]nce those “suckers” get financially stable they will get to travel to foreign countries and enjoy beautiful women. Also, while in the United States, they will have developed fun hobbies to do when they are not working. In fact these “suckers” will not have to deal with the stress of fear of divorce, a nagging whore, false abuse and rape chargers, get to keep their sanity and money, won’t have to worry about raising kid that aren’t theirs etc.
And so these so-called “suckers” can sit back and watch with pleasure as the ladies who refused to have sex with them in their younger years grow old and miserable at approximately twice the speed of the more-gracefully aging men.
[T]he women who neglected the “suckers” in favor of the “fuckers” during their prime years are going to have to face justice. It’s not legal justice but Mother Nature justice. Once they get to their late 20’s for every year a man ages, they will be aging by two years. They will wrinkle and get ugly very fast. Investing thousands of dollars in makeup in order to form a bond with a “sucker” is not going to get the job done because they failed to form a bond with a “sucker” during their prime years. Their biological clocks will be ticking and they will get very desperate. They are going to want to be talking care off, like living off a “sucker” so they won’t have to work.
To interject for a moment, I believe that when Mr. Superstar refers to women who are “going to want to be talking care off,” what he means is that these women are “going to want to be taken care of.”
I’m reminded a bit of Kevin Kline’s teleprompter troubles in the movie Soapdish.
Oh, but Outcast Superstar isn’t quite done with his story yet:
Disgusted by their behavior, the “suckers” will not want anything to do with them and will rebuke them. They are going to have to work long hours for the rest of their life because they could not find a “sucker” to take care of them. They will whine and complain that the “suckers” will not commit despite them snubbing them in favor of the “fuckers” during their prime years. They will rot all alone with no one to take care of them, many of them will not get to have children, and will be living very miserable lives until death all because they thought it was cute to let the “suckers” rot all alone while they go squander their prime years to the “fuckers” That my friends is what I call justice!
Um, that’s cool and all, but aren’t these ladies supposed to have cats?
You’re not telling the story right!
Outcast Superstar, tell us the story AGAIN. But with CATS!
NOTE: I found this lovely story after it was reposted on MarkyMark’s blog. After a fairly long period of inactivity, old MarkyMark is posting like there’s no tomorrow.
Image at the top borrowed from Comically Vintage.
right, say I bought into this dude’s whole worldview (which I don’t) and wanted to focus all my youthful wiles on ensnaring his “nice” providerly ass immediately. presumably marriage to a nice guy is not going to stop the baby rabies or the aging-in-dog-years which befall all women. isn’t he going to leave me when one or the other of those things happen?
Is his argument really “Women age horribly and babies are terrible; why don’t women want to have babies with me and grow old with me?”
Ok, I don’t know about the rest of you but I like the way I look now, at nearly 30, much better than when I was supposedly in my “prime” (I still don’t think I am particularly attractive but whatevs). I was a bit of a late bloomer anyway and I was still getting mistaken for a high school student as recently as a couple years ago. My face has recently thinned out and I like the lines I have now. I look in the mirror and see a woman with adventures and experience rather than a child. I’m not sure how to express it but my face feels more like mine now.
I’m thinking that these guys go on about women aging because it scares them. Youth and inexperience are easy/easier to manipulate. I think they know on some level a women with some experience will be less likely to put up with their shit. And that’s why anyone over the hill (past the ripe old age of 25) is unattractive
Everyone Baby Rabies is my new band name you guys can’t use it I already claimed it.
“I’m thinking that these guys go on about women aging because it scares them. Youth and inexperience are easy/easier to manipulate. I think they know on some level a women with some experience will be less likely to put up with their shit. And that’s why anyone over the hill (past the ripe old age of 25) is unattractive.”
Yep. And they figure that a much younger woman hasn’t had a lot of sex…or knows what an orgasm is…or has seen more than one penis.
@tedthefed – “Everyone Baby Rabies is my new band name you guys can’t use it I already claimed it.”
Curses, foiled again!
@Bad_dog – change “30” to “49” and I can echo most of that! Not the school student bit, obviously – thank goodness – but I’m a damn sight happier with how I look now than I’ve ever been.
Also the actors who play teenagers in TV shows/movies/porn tend to be in their mid/late 20s, which must distort reality for dudes who never go outside…
I wonder if Vitamin D deficiency can muck up the thinking processes …
Whenever these guys describe what they think a woman in her 30s looks like it always sounds more like a woman in her 50s or 60s. They don’t seem to have any idea what most 30-something people look like at all, or what most teenagers of either sex look like (typically not like the sexy 20-somethings who play teenagers on TV).
And they also want women who presumably always remain thin and don’t age, give them sex all the time (or else, MISANDERY!), never talk back (women thinking independently = MISDNARY!!), aren’t financially dependent on them, but also have enough time to cook and clean the house (men cooking & cleaning is against NATURE and EVOLUTION). Plus they don’t want any kids because as soon as the kids are born, the woman will divorce them and then the government’s jackbooted thugs will come and force them to support their own children!
I just cannot for the life of me understand why women don’t want to date these guys.
I was surfing around on Amazon a little while ago and came across the book Yes Means Yes and when I was reading through the reviews, there was this PUA/MRA type who wrote this long diatribe (of course).
Now mind you, this is a REVIEW section, where people are supposed to like, review the book? Instead of reviewing the book, he rants on about how the author’s idea of enthusiastic consent wouldn’t work because women really want “plausible deniability” and pretend that they really don’t want sex even if they do, so it’s the man’s job to get over her resistance. Because according to this guy, who clearly knows more about women and what they want than women themselves, because he’s read a bunch of seduction ebooks, his boner being attended to is more important than possibly preventing sexual assault.
Fortunately several other reviewers called him out for attempting to tell actual women what they want.
Bring on the wrinkles!
I will be over here maliciously aging, even as I move in with Beloved and NOT using cosmetics to cover up my developing hag qualities.
Have MRAs not heard that women are frequently MORE comfortable in their skins past thirty? And younger women are too busy establishing their lives and having fun to care.
So I guess the female hivemind will also be maliciously ignoring their work of art fairy tale.
That’s what we need! A fairy tale about MRAs. With the Paperbag Princess ending.
Cassandra – I’d have said more like women in their 60s or 70s.
Not that they seem to know whether we’re still evil irresistible sirens or hidjeous harpies when we’re young:
“Once these women get to there late 20′s – early 30′s they will fraudently sell their looks to suckers”
“Those suckers who once ached for these women will lose interest in them once they get to be in their mid to late 20′s. The last thing they are going to find attractive are used up women in their late 20′s-30′s.”
Oh Holy Shit! The Paperbag Princess is the fairy tale with an MRA in it!!
Why did I not see this before?
Ooooh, becausescience, could you find it again and post it, just for the laffs?
” A long time ago, in a land just like this, every decision about mutual intercourse went through a council of experienced womyn. Verily, every rapscallion who sought to enjoy a sweet, sweet night of punting the vag had to first submit himself to the evaluation of this council so that they might decide whether his rascally ways where fit to entertain the woman of his desires. The council often spent many days in telepathic communication, deciding for and against, using an an ancient mechanism of decision-making deferred to in hushed tones as the “Manual of Hypergamy”. When-ever a dastardly rapscallion lusted for some sweet five minute entertainment, the manual flowcharts of the Manual most holy would thus decide whether or whether not He fulfilled the hypergamous qualifications.
For verily, as my witness, the notion of individuals deciding upon whom and who they would spend their time with remain and remains merely a myth most insincere, a joke for dolts, who no one, ever, decides anything by themselves…”
Not a very good Fairy Tale, is it?
Kittehserf, I noticed that contradiction too.
When myth and reality collide the MRAs desperately cling to the myth chanting la la la I can’t hear you.
How’s the move going, pillow, or hasn’t it started yet?
“Have MRAs not heard that women are frequently MORE comfortable in their skins past thirty?”
Of course they wouldn’t like that idea at all if it ever occurred to them. They don’t want women to be comfortable and confident about anything, ever. They want us insecure – more, they want us frightened and dependent (though heaven forfend we should ever express any need to them, because that’s just clingy and icky and gives them girl cooties).
I’d suggest they buy RealDolls and be done with it, except that would spoil their little game of making someone else’s life miserable to prove what big manly menz they are.
If I had listened to my “council” I’d have been married at eighteen. My mother really did like him.
So what happened to the Fuckers? I mean, the Suckers all got model railroads and the Old Sad Sluts got infected with baby rabies. But without learning how the Fuckers turn out this story lacks full narrative closure and will never be optioned as a screenplay by Disney
I’m so used to MRAs contradicting themselves that it doesn’t even register as unusual any more. In fact it’s kind of a tell that what you’re reading was written by an MRA.
Kitteh, I’m not moving unit the end of the month. I’m trying to rein in the packing because I really hate the disorder of boxes.
For anyone with a real interest in this area, I also like the non-academic, but nicely evidenced, The Subversive Family: An Alternative History of Love and Marriage by Ferdinand Mount.
I’d warn any xtians to skip chapter 1. (This is a man who discovered that his precious views about how christianity worked to enhance families and the lives of women were completely wrong. He writes this chapter with all the fury of a jilted lover – who’s just given up smoking. Unpretty.)
But chapter 2 eviscerates the USSR and socialists generally – and he always hated them.
Once he gets past the religions and the ideologies, he’s fantastic. The really fascinating stuff is lots of items just like that contract mentioned by Stephanie Coontz.
@Jennydevildoll:
Wasn’t that a Seuss story, though?
“All the suckers and fuckers and buckers and butt
need not finish this story because buggers, I can’t think of any ending that fits within the narrative constraints of my established metaphor for the interaction of people oh no I’ve lost the rhyme scheme!”
*Sniff* Why don’t women have sex with me???
“In fact these “suckers” will not have to deal with the stress of fear of divorce, a nagging whore, false abuse and rape chargers, get to keep their sanity and money, won’t have to worry about raising kid that aren’t theirs etc.”
Because of this shit, dude. The sour grapes, fuck, I can smell them. Do they ever listen to themselves?