Gather ‘round the fire for yet another retelling of what may be the Manosphere’s favorite fairy tale. You know, the one about the evil ladies who have lots of sex with “bad boys” in their early twenties, only to panic a few years later and desperately try to attach themselves to hardworking beta schlubs once they realize that their looks are fading. You know, like that lady riding the rooster that alternates with the mammoth in the Man Boobz header graphic.
This particular version of the tale – posted to the perversely misnamed “Happy Bachelors” forum by a long-time MGTOWer called Outcast Superstar – somehow manages to avoid the phrase “cock carousel” entirely. But regular readers will find the story familiar nonetheless.
Here, without further ado, is “Suckers Vs. Fuckers,” by Mr. Superstar.
[W]estern women love excitement and hate boredom. When they are in their teens and early 20’s, they don’t want stability that suckers have to offer because that is boring.
Gosh, who could imagine that anyone in their early twenties might be more interested in dating various people instead of settling down?
Keep in mind that women don’t think for themselves but decisions on who they date or sleep with is usually made by the council not by the woman herself. This council is usually made up of her mother, sister, and friends etc. If dating a nice guy is not considered to be fun and popular by the “council” he is going to get snubbed.
The fellows at South Park have provided us with a rare glimpse into the workings of these mysterious councils.
There is another group of guys called fuckers. Women love to have sex with these guys during their prime years. Although they offer no stability to these women, however women will still sleep with them. The reason why women will is because they are unpredictable and therefore they are deemed as very exciting.
Oh, but things change radically when these evil ladies start to … age.
Once these women get to there late 20’s – early 30’s they will fraudently sell their looks to suckers who make a good income in order to get married. In other words they will put on a pony show for them until they get the ring.
But as long as these ladies hold onto any of their youthful prettiness, they can still cause trouble.
After a few years of marriage, these women are going to get bored and everything is the suckers fault. They will look for affairs and cash out on their suckers knowing that they will get the house, child support (if they have children), and alimony. All she has to do is file a false abuse charge (no proof necessary) to make all this happen. Even as a bonus, the sucker even gets to pay for her attorney fees.
But ultimately these evil gals will get their comeuppance.
Despite there not being any legal justice in this country, Mother Nature has a justice of her own.
Those suckers who once ached for these women will lose interest in them once they get to be in their mid to late 20’s. The last thing they are going to find attractive are used up women in their late 20’s-30’s. In fact these women must be avoided at all cost. They got a disease called baby rabies. They are going to do everything possible to get pregnant and trap you into a long term relationship where they can get provided for.
Happily, western “suckers” can escape the clutches of these evil ladies. After all, western men have alternatives, in the form of foreign women and, er, model railroads?
[O]nce those “suckers” get financially stable they will get to travel to foreign countries and enjoy beautiful women. Also, while in the United States, they will have developed fun hobbies to do when they are not working. In fact these “suckers” will not have to deal with the stress of fear of divorce, a nagging whore, false abuse and rape chargers, get to keep their sanity and money, won’t have to worry about raising kid that aren’t theirs etc.
And so these so-called “suckers” can sit back and watch with pleasure as the ladies who refused to have sex with them in their younger years grow old and miserable at approximately twice the speed of the more-gracefully aging men.
[T]he women who neglected the “suckers” in favor of the “fuckers” during their prime years are going to have to face justice. It’s not legal justice but Mother Nature justice. Once they get to their late 20’s for every year a man ages, they will be aging by two years. They will wrinkle and get ugly very fast. Investing thousands of dollars in makeup in order to form a bond with a “sucker” is not going to get the job done because they failed to form a bond with a “sucker” during their prime years. Their biological clocks will be ticking and they will get very desperate. They are going to want to be talking care off, like living off a “sucker” so they won’t have to work.
To interject for a moment, I believe that when Mr. Superstar refers to women who are “going to want to be talking care off,” what he means is that these women are “going to want to be taken care of.”
I’m reminded a bit of Kevin Kline’s teleprompter troubles in the movie Soapdish.
Oh, but Outcast Superstar isn’t quite done with his story yet:
Disgusted by their behavior, the “suckers” will not want anything to do with them and will rebuke them. They are going to have to work long hours for the rest of their life because they could not find a “sucker” to take care of them. They will whine and complain that the “suckers” will not commit despite them snubbing them in favor of the “fuckers” during their prime years. They will rot all alone with no one to take care of them, many of them will not get to have children, and will be living very miserable lives until death all because they thought it was cute to let the “suckers” rot all alone while they go squander their prime years to the “fuckers” That my friends is what I call justice!
Um, that’s cool and all, but aren’t these ladies supposed to have cats?
You’re not telling the story right!
Outcast Superstar, tell us the story AGAIN. But with CATS!
NOTE: I found this lovely story after it was reposted on MarkyMark’s blog. After a fairly long period of inactivity, old MarkyMark is posting like there’s no tomorrow.
Image at the top borrowed from Comically Vintage.
What goes around comes around skank! Were are all your bad boy “real men” now?
What goes around comes around skank! Were are all your bad boy “real men” now?
Enjoy your cats.
I decided to let all of those through. jonatma420 felt so strongly about that first comment that when it got held in moderation, as all comments from first time posters are, he felt the need to repost it twice before moving on to his highly original comment about cats.
I for one always enjoy my cats. they are an almost continual source of delight, except perhaps when pooping (but sometimes even then).
jonatma: the fourteen year old who can’t comprehend anyone being happy about anything ever.
I enjoy my cats too. They’re furry, and affectionate, and they purr and knock things off of other things endlessly for fun and profit. What’s not to enjoy?
I
I suspect “enjoy” is the word jonnyboy gets stuck at. He doesn’t come across as Mr Happy, does he – like all the other trolls.
I’m kind of annoyed at one of our cats right now, since he made the decision to bite a chunk out of the couch earlier. But I appreciate the thought, J.
The strange thing is that the sentence “Enjoy your cats” isn’t really an insult. I left someone’s home a few days ago saying that exact thing. Because, well, she had a lot of cats. And they were enjoyable.
This incredibly fuzzy, long tailed thing that liked trying to jump out the window (Which was bad, on the 4th floor).
So, thanks? I guess? We will enjoy our cats.
The cat-sneers are so typical of sexist morons. Cats are labelled feminine, so any man liking or loving cats = bad. Then there’s the whole notion that the only reason someone has a pet, or rather, feels affection for it, is to make up for a lack of human company. (Not affection or a relationship, not really: it’s all about fucking or being fucked with these losers. Affection is weak.) Further than that, there’s the idea far too many people have that you can’t love humans and animals, it has to be one or the other; or that animals are just things.
Whether it’s any of that or just the usual schoolyard level of insult, it says far more about the tosser saying it than anyone it’s aimed at. Correction: it says bad things about the sayer and good things about the sayee.
I also enjoy cats!
and I enjoy this thread. well, not all this thread, though I will never understand why some people, in blind hatred, immediately go to, “Cats! I should say something about cats! That’ll show ’em!”
mostly I just like that this thread gives me a lovely hit of nostalgia for the Elephant Show and, as a result, most of the CBC’s original programming. (seriously, have y’all watched “What It’s Like Being Alone”? it’s this dark-comedy claymation series about an orphanage that houses monster children. it will bring your life so much happiness)
also, I can’t imagine anyone saying “Enjoy your puppy” or “Enjoy your boa constrictor” with the same venom they do with cats. If I were to go by my very extensive education, of the finest quality, from a variety of teen movies, I would think that “weird” pets would be more “lonely-person-ish”. like, the lonely people have snakes, or iguanas, or tarantulas… friendly old ladies who serve cookies and surprise you with their “worldly” language and sex lives are the ones with cats.
the only “cat person” who fits the MRA trolls’ bill to a tee that I can think of is Harrison Withers from “Harriet The Spy”! he has like 50 cats who he loves and who all have names.
also TS Eliot.
and Andrew Lloyd Webber.
I kind of kid about the last two, but you know what I mean.
DUDES!
who write lovely things about CATS!
EVERYTHING IS TURNING TO SHAMBLES.
Is it acceptable if I enjoy my catfish instead? The cat just ends up biting my feet…
I enjoy my cats too! Charlie, the kitty on my avatar, was seriously ill in the past few months, and he is now completely cured!
I just wanted to announce that to jonatma, since he wishes us well in our love for cats (I love otters too – except from otter Hembling).
And also to all the manboobzers, because they understand the superiority of cats in the feminist hivemind. The fight ain’t over until cats earn equal pay!
No, seriously, Charlie is great. And he’s not vomiting blood anymore, which makes me incredibly happy.
Idk, I’ve gotten something like “enjoy your fish” meant as “because who keeps fish?!” (Note, I do not have a small tank with some cute fish, well I do, but it’s 29g downstairs and there’s a 55g, -0g planter breeder tank, and 2.5g hospital tank in here)
When nearly a quarter of your living space is aquariums, I guess the fish insults almost made sense. Except yeah, I wouldn’t have nearly 70 gallons of water in my bedroom if I didn’t enjoy my fish!
Wow! This:
“What goes around comes around skanks! Where are all your loser bad boys now?”
You’re a cliche, dudebro. Especially because you think “bad boys” are an actual social disease in the real world that makes the lives of “Nice Guys” ™ hell. That’s only in the movies, you simp. Go outside…just go outside and put down the remote.
in my head it always translates as “Enjoy those living creatures you like to be around and who bring you joy in life!”
http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m6r9g8X88q1r9etf5o1_500.gif
I fail at embed.
My cat is licking me. I guess our impolite guest got his wish!
@KittySnide
Pictures cannot be embedded onto this blog cause of trolls.
We don’t need visuals of how sad their boners really are.
Seriously, what would life be without all the cats? By all means, wish cats on me.
@neuroticbeagle
thanks! I am still learning!
well I promise I did not try to link any sad-boner visuals. just Emma Stone being sassy.
Maude, so pleased to hear Charlie’s recovered! He looks a sweetie.
Hmm, cats earning equal pay … doesn’t that imply they’d have to work? ::shudders::
Hembling is otterly ridiculous. Hembling itself sounds like a verb. It needs a definition.
The pay gap is yet another felinist myth. Wake up!
hem·bling
adj.
1. Often or habitually speaking at length and opaquely about idiotic subjects; bloviating.
2. Using inappropriately complicated & irrelevant words to play at being intelligent: “How dare you make imputations of malice at me?”
3. Lengthy and digressive: a hembling speech.