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Angry gamer dude: Men need sexy video game babes, because real-world women are fatties

Male gamers suffer terribly when they can't look at game gals like these, from Gotham City Impostors
Male gamers suffer terribly when they can’t look at game gals like these, from Gotham City Impostors

The gaming enthusiast known as seanmalstrom seems to be on a personal crusade to challenge the stereotype of men as the “logical sex.” He does this mostly by 1) being a dude and 2) writing things that make no sense at all.

In a recent post on his blog Malstrom’s Articles News – no, that’s really what it’s called – Mr. Malstrom attempts to rebut a piece by John Walker of the gaming site Rock Paper Shotgun that challenged misogyny in the gaming world.

It’s not much of a rebuttal, but Mr. Malstrom makes a couple of, er, “arguments” that grabbed my attention. At one point he suggests that if game developers stop populating their games with sexy lady characters with giant boobs and long legs, American men will have no way to exercise their God-given right to ogle sexy ladies with giant boobs and long legs.

There is a great question I have yet to hear anyone in the Game Industry answer. If women cannot be depicted fantastical (big boobs, long legs, slaughters armies single-handedly) in fantasy entertainment, where can men go to see fantasy women? Women have their fantasy men from endless soap-operas, romance novels, chick flicks, and such. Are men not allowed to have fantasies in entertainment?

True, that is a question I’ve yet to see anyone in the game industry answer, largely because most of the people in the game industry, whatever their flaws, live in the real world, and in the real world images of sexy ladies with big boobs are not exactly difficult to come by.

Mr. Malstrom goes on to argue that men in the English-speaking world have the greatest need for sexy lady video game characters, because the women they run into on a regular basis in the real world are all fatties. In the Cold War era, politicians warned about a “Missile Gap” with the Russians. Today, apparently, we and the Russians have a Fatty Gap.

In Russia, it is stunning to see alcoholic bums of Russian men with model quality looks Russian women. In the same way, in the United States it is stunning to see wealthy, hardworking, handsome American men with an American woman who looks like a Troglodyte. Of course, this is just a generalization. The point is that the typical American male has a better worldwide value if they stop thinking the local obese women around them are ‘the normal’. They aren’t the normal worldwide.

If anyone needs fantasy depictions, it would be English speaking men who don’t have access to the worldwide standard.

Mr. Malstrom is also bothered by the suggestion that video game makers should try to make female characters more interesting. You know, with personalities and motivations of their own, and stuff like that. To Mr. Malstrom, there’s nothing more interesting about a women than her body.

What makes a woman interesting to men?

The truth is that interesting women needs youth, big boobs, long legs, long hair, and an hourglass figure to be interesting to men. The more women go away from this, the less interesting they become to men. This is why women when inevitably age, they become more and more invisible to men. It is just Nature at work. Ironically, for men the older they get, the more interesting they can become to women as their earning potential goes up. This balances out how most young men are invisible to women when they are younger. After the age of 25, men tend to become the more interesting ones compared to a woman of equal age. This is why mothers always advised their daughters to ‘snag him when he and she are both young’.

Indeed, Mr. Malstrom argues, men who insist that women be depicted as sex objects are doing women a giant favor.

And we should only hope that women wish to be depicted as sex objects for that is how they become love objects as well. No man wants to marry a women they aren’t attracted to. Last I checked, marriage rates were plummeting in the West. Perhaps journalists should strive for ‘positive change’ by suggesting to women to be depicted more as sex objects so they can attract a man for marriage before they get too old. That would truly help women and make men happier as well.

Mr. Malstrom concludes with a stirring call for women to stop being such fat fatties.

It IS tasteless for using women as sex objects to sell games. Why? It is because real life women should be sex objects to begin with. If that were the case, putting them on a game cover wouldn’t be selling the game. This used to be the case decades ago. Since obesity in women have skyrocketed and attractive women have diminished, putting attractive women on game covers definitely attracts men more than it should.

It IS sad that women can’t find themselves sensibly portrayed in the games they play. It is not because the women in the games are ‘too attractive’, it is because the women playing them tend to be ‘too fat’. It is sad for women that they are fat. It is also sad for men. What John Walker should do is to advise women to get in shape and try to look like the depictions of women that men are attracted to. This would be ‘positive change’ we could all get behind.

I hate to burst your bubble, Mr. Malstrom, but I don’t think there was any era of history in which women looked like this.

600full-tomb-raider-iii -the-adventures-of-lara-croft-artwork

It’s probably just as well, as Lara here doesn’t seem to have eyelids and her head isn’t properly connected to her neck.

Note: Thanks to Tatjna for pointing me to Mr. Malstrom’s post!

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Kristine
Kristine
11 years ago

This has to be a troll article. If you read the last two paragraphs, it seems impossible that this article is serious:

“I AGREE WITH JOHN WALKER HERE. That’s right. I agree completely. However, it is for different reasons.

It IS tasteless for using women as sex objects to sell games. Why? It is because real life women should be sex objects to begin with. If that were the case, putting them on a game cover wouldn’t be selling the game. This used to be the case decades ago. Since obesity in women have skyrocketed and attractive women have diminished, putting attractive women on game covers definitely attracts men more than it should.

It IS sad that women can’t find themselves sensibly portrayed in the games they play. It is not because the women in the games are ‘too attractive’, it is because the women playing them tend to be ‘too fat’. It is sad for women that they are fat. It is also sad for men. What John Walker should do is to advise women to get in shape and try to look like the depictions of women that men are attracted to. This would be ‘positive change’ we could all get behind.”

See what I mean? Either he is the stupidest man in the world, or obvious troll is obvious. If he’s not a troll, I will weep for humanity.

TomBcat
11 years ago

cloudiah, lol.
Now I just have to write a short story in which bees aren’t a thing, they’re actually tiny robots built by feminists and have tiny antennas that constantly send out the feminist/man hating message into the brains of young, impressionable people.
That’s why the bees are dying, see, the MRM is getting stronger…
yay hivemind!

bahumbugi
bahumbugi
11 years ago

@Eli —

Sorry if I wasn’t clear…didn’t mean to seem alarming/alarmist. Thanks for your concern. Yes, I’ve had a lot, a lot, a lot of harassment from men, but most women have. It’s getting somewhat better — the really bad stuff I’m referring to happened well over a decade ago, when I was more appealing to MRA/pedos/etc. i also live in an urban metropolis, which just increases contact with men — i see so many random dudes in a day, some of them are guaranteed to be repulsive. particularly on public transit. i carry mace and a taser often, just to be sure. although perpetuating the ‘stranger danger’ myth is a problem, most harassment is from strangers (more serious crimes, rape, abuse, from non-strangers).

If I had access to manboobz, the feminist interwebs, I think I would have been way, way better off, of course.

I’m too slow for RSS.

Argenti Aertheri
11 years ago

Eli — ick, I’m sorry.

Bahumbugi — a fellow New Englander? *waves* that storm was awesome

And yes, lots of refreshing. Hopefully your brother will get less dumb once a bit older, high schoolers are dumb, it’s nearly a universal problem.

50 lb bow is hard? I figured it was just that I was trying to shoot with a right handed bow (I shoot leftie, I’m weird, okay?). Twhacked the string under the wrist guard and gave up… Guess I should try a lower draw weight and a goddamned left handed bow if I ever give it another go (dear gods does sliding the string under the wrist guard hurt, that thing is never getting touched again)

bahumbugi
bahumbugi
11 years ago

TRUE, cloudiah, i forgot that my brother is going to be crippled for life by feminazi influences, given that he was raised by four women, a swarm of unmarried hags, independent at that (one is even…dare I say it…a veteran!)… what would the MRAs say about his future?!!?!

bahumbugi
bahumbugi
11 years ago

does anyone else have to be redirected and hit login every single time they post? it’s a dummy email, but i even have it open and logged in in addition to my normal email in order to try to remedy this.

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help
The Kittehs' Unpaid Help
11 years ago

It creeps me out that what I’ve taken as normal all my life – ie. I can count the number of times I’ve been harassed on one hand – is anything but. I don’t mean just the sexual harassment that hits women who are considered good looking, but the harassment we get for not being instant boner-pleasers. I can’t believe men in Melbourne are somehow magically better people than men in so many other places, or that my Not Interested So Fuck Off vibes are magically more effective than other women’s. I just thank Ceiling Cat for whatever it is. (If Sir still carried a sword I’d think maybe he was waving it under a few noses … )

Sir Bodsworth Rugglesby III
Sir Bodsworth Rugglesby III
11 years ago

It’s funny, I was just thinking about the Russian women thing, and as I remember it, during my youth the Western stereotype of Russian/East European women was that they were all fat and dumpy looking, or else squarely-built steroid-case athletes.

Of course, this was during the tail-end of the Cold War, so that might have had something to do with it…

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help
The Kittehs' Unpaid Help
11 years ago

bahumbugi – do you get a message in a pink box saying you’re not currently logged in? I get that if I’m logged in to my blog page under a different user name (guess who forgot they already had a WordPress identity, duh). Otherwise, no, it just happens if I’ve closed the Net and opened it again. “Stay logged in on this computer” is a LIE.

pecunium
11 years ago

katz: Indeed. Doad thought he was doing pretty well when he could draw our friend’s 37-lb bow;

45 is about where I topped out. It’s not linear. 35 was easy. 40 was hard. 45 took work to make something I could practice at, not just fire one or two repetitions.

pecunium
11 years ago

I refresh. If I’ve been away awhile I click the bottom comment and then refresh.

I also use notepad to make comments. Then I paste them in when I get to the bottom of a page; and hit the “back” button to keep on track.

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help
The Kittehs' Unpaid Help
11 years ago

Sir Bodsworth, that reminds me of a cartoon in The Big Issue a few months back. It was from the Orstraylian Kulture column, this one about how We Was Robbed at the Montreal Olympics. The pic showed three women athletes: a skinny little Oz one between Russian and East German ones, both of whom were huge, square, muscular, masculine, and spaced out (complete with spiral eyes and twitchy fingers). It was … weirdly funny.

Fade
11 years ago

does anyone else have to be redirected and hit login every single time they post? it’s a dummy email, but i even have it open and logged in in addition to my normal email in order to try to remedy this.

I am, unless I temporarily allow the page (I have noscript).

Marie
Marie
11 years ago

@kittehs

It creeps me out that what I’ve taken as normal all my life – ie. I can count the number of times I’ve been harassed on one hand – is anything but.

Same here, luckily, though I think part of that for me (just speculating) is either hanging out in groups or not going out much. *shrugs* Only one in memory was ‘just’ creepy old guys in restaurants hitting on customs who’s mom’s were younger than he was :/ (and yes he worked there). Kinda disappointed I didn’t do anything about it then, and just kinda stood there awkwardly.

bahumbugi
bahumbugi
11 years ago

this week people in the northeast have gotten a lot of warm weather, and so today was…

that day when girls show their bare legs in public for the first time in months

and it was a barf-fest in my mouth. my outfit was super cute, but i realized knee socks and oxfords lead to epic leering. again, this is mainly because i pass by hundreds of people on public transit a day.

@kitteh (kittehserf, i like that!) – I MAY HAVE JUST FIGURED IT OUT.

eli
eli
11 years ago

bahumbugi,

have here a beagle getting acupuncture (my gods, I swear I am a skeptic and don’t believe in this nonsense, but there was no sleep from the kreeling/keening and I didn’t want to kill him because I kind of love him
and I’ll shut up now)

http://i.imgur.com/k6j2JOTs.jpg

I think I’m over my badly behaved 17-yr-olds. Thanks for all your support.

eli
eli
11 years ago

@bahumbugi

this week people in the northeast have gotten a lot of warm weather, and so today was…

that day when girls show their bare legs in public for the first time in months

I was in the midwest in a car in a suit.

Marie
Marie
11 years ago

@bahumbugi

internet hugs if wanted again 🙁 Bloop on harassing jerks.

bahumbugi
bahumbugi
11 years ago

i literally could never count the number of times i’m harassed. i’ve moved into a super safe (insanely out of my budget) neighborhood full of old ladies that is in a place that i can always get a cab, and now i don’t get harassed while walking the dog. i work in an office that is literally 100% women. even my dog is a woman. bahaha. i like dudes though. most dudes are nice. i’m usually terrified to let men into my apartment (regardless who they are) as i live alone in a tiny space, but the guy who came to fix my apartment brought his little son to help, and we all sang bob marley together. there is hope!

i’m always taking clever retorts, i’m sure you guys have better ones than i do. i’m down with public shaming. if they have a wedding ring on, i make sure to ask if they kiss their wife with that mouth.

Carleyblue
Carleyblue
11 years ago

@The Kitteh’s Unpaid Help

Yeah, I often consider myself lucky too. Maybe the people where I lived just didn’t do that as much. I never got that kind of thing while living in Switzerland (not saying it doesn’t happen), and where I live now, it’s rare. Or maybe I’m just really oblivious. I remember the first time I got seriously harassed. I had just moved to the U.S. and we were living in a university town. I had to pass the fraternity houses every day to get to school. Once all these guys were on the roof and they started screaming obscenities at me. I didn’t realise it was sexual, I just thought they were angry with me for me some reason.

As far as the ‘certain nationalities are better’ thing, it’s really stupid. I think a lot of these girls had bad experiences with American men, then went to another country, thinking it would be so much better. But then of course the guys there didn’t live up to their expectations…

Sir Bodsworth Rugglesby III
Sir Bodsworth Rugglesby III
11 years ago

@Kittehs – Yeah, that’s the sort of thing I remember.

bahumbugi
bahumbugi
11 years ago

@eli –

yes, sorry, i didn’t mean to directly connect that comment to your comment. i’m bad at linear thinking. today was just all MALE GAZE MALE GAZE, more than in many months.

it’s horrible you were targeted while trying to be in your safe little metal pod. dicks will be dicks all over the place.

eli
eli
11 years ago

Wow, that picture is tiny. Any imgur people tell me what I did wrong?

bahumbugi
bahumbugi
11 years ago

I always receive hugs! unless they are from dudes i don’t know well, then i say “side hug!” because i’m not trying to mush myself up against them.

@eli – i’m sorry about your beagle!! does he make awesome beagle sounds? my friend’s beagle bays when you say , where’s the squirrel?!

eli
eli
11 years ago

I’m not meaning to put myself in a perfect position, I suppose your comment about the nice weather….

Patriarchy sucks.

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