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Angry gamer dude: Men need sexy video game babes, because real-world women are fatties

Male gamers suffer terribly when they can't look at game gals like these, from Gotham City Impostors
Male gamers suffer terribly when they can’t look at game gals like these, from Gotham City Impostors

The gaming enthusiast known as seanmalstrom seems to be on a personal crusade to challenge the stereotype of men as the “logical sex.” He does this mostly by 1) being a dude and 2) writing things that make no sense at all.

In a recent post on his blog Malstrom’s Articles News – no, that’s really what it’s called – Mr. Malstrom attempts to rebut a piece by John Walker of the gaming site Rock Paper Shotgun that challenged misogyny in the gaming world.

It’s not much of a rebuttal, but Mr. Malstrom makes a couple of, er, “arguments” that grabbed my attention. At one point he suggests that if game developers stop populating their games with sexy lady characters with giant boobs and long legs, American men will have no way to exercise their God-given right to ogle sexy ladies with giant boobs and long legs.

There is a great question I have yet to hear anyone in the Game Industry answer. If women cannot be depicted fantastical (big boobs, long legs, slaughters armies single-handedly) in fantasy entertainment, where can men go to see fantasy women? Women have their fantasy men from endless soap-operas, romance novels, chick flicks, and such. Are men not allowed to have fantasies in entertainment?

True, that is a question I’ve yet to see anyone in the game industry answer, largely because most of the people in the game industry, whatever their flaws, live in the real world, and in the real world images of sexy ladies with big boobs are not exactly difficult to come by.

Mr. Malstrom goes on to argue that men in the English-speaking world have the greatest need for sexy lady video game characters, because the women they run into on a regular basis in the real world are all fatties. In the Cold War era, politicians warned about a “Missile Gap” with the Russians. Today, apparently, we and the Russians have a Fatty Gap.

In Russia, it is stunning to see alcoholic bums of Russian men with model quality looks Russian women. In the same way, in the United States it is stunning to see wealthy, hardworking, handsome American men with an American woman who looks like a Troglodyte. Of course, this is just a generalization. The point is that the typical American male has a better worldwide value if they stop thinking the local obese women around them are ‘the normal’. They aren’t the normal worldwide.

If anyone needs fantasy depictions, it would be English speaking men who don’t have access to the worldwide standard.

Mr. Malstrom is also bothered by the suggestion that video game makers should try to make female characters more interesting. You know, with personalities and motivations of their own, and stuff like that. To Mr. Malstrom, there’s nothing more interesting about a women than her body.

What makes a woman interesting to men?

The truth is that interesting women needs youth, big boobs, long legs, long hair, and an hourglass figure to be interesting to men. The more women go away from this, the less interesting they become to men. This is why women when inevitably age, they become more and more invisible to men. It is just Nature at work. Ironically, for men the older they get, the more interesting they can become to women as their earning potential goes up. This balances out how most young men are invisible to women when they are younger. After the age of 25, men tend to become the more interesting ones compared to a woman of equal age. This is why mothers always advised their daughters to ‘snag him when he and she are both young’.

Indeed, Mr. Malstrom argues, men who insist that women be depicted as sex objects are doing women a giant favor.

And we should only hope that women wish to be depicted as sex objects for that is how they become love objects as well. No man wants to marry a women they aren’t attracted to. Last I checked, marriage rates were plummeting in the West. Perhaps journalists should strive for ‘positive change’ by suggesting to women to be depicted more as sex objects so they can attract a man for marriage before they get too old. That would truly help women and make men happier as well.

Mr. Malstrom concludes with a stirring call for women to stop being such fat fatties.

It IS tasteless for using women as sex objects to sell games. Why? It is because real life women should be sex objects to begin with. If that were the case, putting them on a game cover wouldn’t be selling the game. This used to be the case decades ago. Since obesity in women have skyrocketed and attractive women have diminished, putting attractive women on game covers definitely attracts men more than it should.

It IS sad that women can’t find themselves sensibly portrayed in the games they play. It is not because the women in the games are ‘too attractive’, it is because the women playing them tend to be ‘too fat’. It is sad for women that they are fat. It is also sad for men. What John Walker should do is to advise women to get in shape and try to look like the depictions of women that men are attracted to. This would be ‘positive change’ we could all get behind.

I hate to burst your bubble, Mr. Malstrom, but I don’t think there was any era of history in which women looked like this.

600full-tomb-raider-iii -the-adventures-of-lara-croft-artwork

It’s probably just as well, as Lara here doesn’t seem to have eyelids and her head isn’t properly connected to her neck.

Note: Thanks to Tatjna for pointing me to Mr. Malstrom’s post!

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BigMomma
BigMomma
11 years ago
alharron
11 years ago

“I hate to burst your bubble, Mr. Malstrom, but I don’t think there was any era of history in which women looked like this.”

There are women out there with comparable BWH to Ms Croft, albeit uncommon. Putting aside for a moment the idea that female characters obviously should have more dimensions than their appearance: the problem isn’t that video-game characters which look like Lara exist, it’s that they’re considered the default, and so highly disproportionate to the broad spectrum of female body types. The irony is that sexual appeal is so highly subjective there’s no reason for it to be dominated by the Hustler/Playboy standard: where are the Christina Hendrickses, the Kate Mosses, the Dawn Frenches? Not only are female characters restricted for arbitrary reasons (their appearance), but they’re restricted to an arbitrary limitation, compounding the issue.

Seranvali
Seranvali
11 years ago

Quite apart from the stupid aregument, those 3D models are an embarrassment.

Bagelsan
Bagelsan
11 years ago

Those game models aren’t the worst I’ve seen, but Joker girl gets a little uncanny valley with her spine, there. Can’t a woman be attractive and physically possible?*

*Answer: No. She can’t, because then real women might get uppity.

Orion
Orion
11 years ago

Thank you, bigmomma! I saw that video a year ago, and since then I keep looking for it but not being able to find it. Good to see it again.

Buntzums
Buntzums
11 years ago

Hahaha Laura Croft’s eye is wider than her knee!

Creative Writing Student
Creative Writing Student
11 years ago

@BigMomma

Don’t blink. Blink and you’re d’awwed.

lightcastle
lightcastle
11 years ago

Actually, let’s start a comic and base each heroine on a female stereotype, like — The Cougar, The Silver Fox, Crazy Cat Lady — yep, she’s magical and has a gang of cats with super powers that only obey her!

I kind of love this idea.

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help
The Kittehs' Unpaid Help
11 years ago

On the kitty video – I find it by searching “ninja kitty” or “ninja cat” on youtube. 🙂

TomBcat
11 years ago

@AK
I think it’s natural to become more fearful as an adult.
Teenager just take risks more easily and can’t calculate risks realistically, has something to do with the brain chemistry.
I’m trying to say, not more fearful, less stupid.
GS are awesome. statistically they are also more dangerous than Rottweilers. Walking with a dog always makes me feel more confident, but not only because I feel safer, but because it makes me think along the lines of ‘this is the mighty wolf beast and I have it on a leash! I am man, king of beast! Look at me!Muhahaha…’
Also, your story was fascinating and sad(because wow those guys) and also cool(rock throwing punk girl!). I’m glad you shared it

cloudiah
11 years ago

I used to be terrified of German Shepherds, but I’ve mellowed. Or rather, I’ve met some that were more mellow than the next door neighbor’s GS who was rather terrifying. It used to escape their backyard and attack other dogs from the neighborhood.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
11 years ago

@ cloudiah

Me too, except in my case it was the neighborhood children that the dog would try to attack. It would chase me into my yard and right up to the door.

Briznecko
Briznecko
11 years ago

One of my childhood friends had a HUGE great dane. While I’m sure Zeus (the dog) didn’t meant to terrify me, he was taller than me and got very excited whenever company came over. It didn’t help the owner never corrected his behavior.

Even after I grew up I was for the longest time terrified of great danes – it wasn’t until my twin got a great dane mix (who is super sweet) did I get over my fear.

gelar
gelar
11 years ago

Can’t a woman be attractive and physically possible?

It’s been a while, but that reminds me of this guy: http://www.jimchines.com/2012/12/cover-posing-for-a-good-cause/

katz
11 years ago

My best friend’s neighbor had a dog that I think was a golden/setter mix. Super friendly, but when it saw you it would just come barreling towards you and that thing was probably a good 80 lbs. I remember bracing for impact like a tsunami was about to hit me.

freemage
11 years ago

Yeah, the images up above just barely manage to earn the faint praise of, “Not as bad as Liefeld.” But archer-girl totally has a hinge implanted in her spine.

And yeah, outfit dye-job = character change is… lazy. I’d even go so far as to call it slothful.

On Louis CK: He generally manages, despite being PWM, to punch up, not down, which is kind of key, and why he usually gets more slack from social-justice folks than, say, Tosh or that idiot with the puppets.

Moona
Moona
11 years ago

Speaking of anatomical question marks, I vaguely remember reading an article once that discussed how some artists would depict a woman from behind while she was twisting around to face the viewer, so that both breasts and ass would be visible– and went on to say how this was PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE. The only explanation here being that anatomy is misandrist. /sarc

It’s interesting that Lara Croft is used as an example given the reboot where she actually looks human and is treated pretty realistically, and is a far cry from her past exaggerated sex doll incarnation. And how about that– the latest Tomb Raider was actually damn good and successful, and was good without necessitating an over-the-top sexualization of its female lead. Neither did the game feel the need to handle her delicately like she’s a flower– she gets impaled through the face (or whatever) if you fuck up. Granted, you could argue that she’s more realistic because graphical technology has improved, but there’s little arguing that the gaming audience and developers at-large have expanded and diversified since the days of the 1997 Laras and Tifa Lockharts. And thank goodness.

cloudiah
11 years ago

My god. Bees. (Or is it, “Bees. My god.”)

This is right outside my office door. Actually, now they have settled down into a much more orderly formation, about the size of a hair bun. Soon someone from facilities will come by and move them to a safer (for us) location.

Briznecko
Briznecko
11 years ago

I like Louis CK’s ability to (most of the time) punch up instead of down. What I HATE is having people appropriate his jokes uncritically – they assume that since Louis CK can pull it off they can too.

Case in point: I got in a huge argument with my brother-in-law on FB over calling himself a fat f*g who will get into shape. Yes, I know the origin of the joke, but no, serioulsy, don’t say that word.

Historophilia
Historophilia
11 years ago

Regrading street harassment, the thing that has always freaked me out somewhat is that as soon as I stopped wearing school uniform the amount of harassment I got dropped hugely.

Honestly, I was creeped on and harassed so much more during my journey to and from school on the public bus than I am now, it’s weird, like creeps are looking for clearly younger and more vulnerable girls to harass.

Admittedly not I travel mostly by tube and apart from when I was groped recently I’ve had very, very few scary or creepy moments on the tube, the bus is far, far worse.

I think the bus is partly because you get a broader range of people on it and the tube is mostly commuters half asleep or party goers whenever I’m on it.

Also, London buses have seats like this: http://a1.ec-images.myspacecdn.com/images02/18/f61ab4b1537f4d4c95f4c00f5e1eb6d0/l.jpg

It’s much easier to get trapped physically while sitting down (ie. they can sit in the seat next to you or in front or behind you when you have someone else sitting next to you) and because the seats mostly face the same way it’s harder for other passengers to see exactly what is happening or for you to catch another commuters eye and try and get some help.

On most tubes the seats are like this: http://farm6.staticflickr.com/5122/5234158261_dfa7217ee9_z.jpg

As you can see, the lay out makes it much harder to be physically trapped or hemmed in, it’s easy to stand up and move away because there’s nothing in front of you and you don’t have to get past your neighbor. Also, since you’re directly opposite a row of seats, tat whole row can see exactly what’s happening and it’s easy to catch someones eye.

So yes, this is the Historophilia theory as to why you get creeped on more on buses than on tubes.

freemage
11 years ago

Historophilia: Oddly, there was some concern about creeping increasing on Chicago’s Green Line when we went from seats like your buses to seats like your tubes–partly because it was feared it would make it easier for a guy to ‘force’ eye-contact, or to pretend he wasn’t leering at you–he just was sitting right across from you. That said, many of the women on the older cars would insist on the aisle seats, for pretty much the reason you mention, going so far as to turn on the seat 90 degrees (feet in the middle of the aisle) to let a guy sit next to the window, rather than slide in themselves.

historophilia
historophilia
11 years ago

Freemage, that seems weird to me, because that is pretty much not at all what happens on London tubes.

Maybe it’s a London thing, but no-one, and I mean no-one makes eye contact on the tube without there being a very good reason. If you catch someones eye by accident you look the hell away quickly and then look in another direction for the rest of your journey. Catching the same persons eye more than a couple of times would be social-faux pas extraordinaire so a creeper couldn’t try and make excuses that it was an accident rather than them staring or whatever.

Everyone in a carriage either reads or stares at the tube map which is above the carriage windows and a good couple of feet above everyone’s heads so accidental eye contact is rare.

As to women insisting on getting the aisle seat, that’s not something I’ve ever seen happen. It’s be hard to do it in London without holding everything up because public transport is just so, so crowded. I would do that but it doesn’t appear to be the done thing.

Kim
Kim
11 years ago

@Moona
And separate from her appearance, Lara has a fully fleshed out personality, with a history and personal motivations.

Kim
Kim
11 years ago

I’ve found street harassment to be heavily correlated with geography. I lived in Sydney for quite a few years, and I used to skate on the street a lot, something that really motivates harassers. In some suburbs I’d get no harassment at all, and others it’d be guaranteed at least once every few minutes. My impression was that it was less likely in wealthier suburbs, queer and/or funky suburbs, and the CBD. I am sure that confirmation bias is affecting that though.

I wonder how that would go as a marketing tactic for small towns that are dying to attract new people – advertising their low rate of street harassment, or having a zero tolerance for it.

Kittehserf
11 years ago

That’s interesting about the skating, Kim. I’m trying to remember when I last saw a woman skating (be that inline skates or skateboard) here and the only occasion that comes to mind is ages ago on the St Kilda boardwalk. All the skaters I see on the streets are young guys, and it feels more like harassment coming from them – not in the sexual harassment sense, just in the feeling that they’ll mow down any pedestrian who doesn’t respect their God-given right to take over the whole path and go at 50kmh.

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