Regular readers of this blog, for better or worse, know one thing that makes “Men’s Human Rights Activist” Paul Elam’s penis happy: The prospect of harassing feminists. He is, after all, the man who wrote of one feminist that “that the idea of fucking your shit up gives me an erection.”
Now Mr. Elam has given us a rather more complete account of what it is that pleases his penis. I’m not sure there was any great demand for this information, but he has chosen to release it, and so here we are.
In a post with the tasteful title “on tits, ass and fucktards,” Elam informs the world that he is in fact a fan of the first two items in this list – that is, tits and ass. He is also, he goes on to explain, a lover of
Sorry, I have to stop for a moment to remind you that you are about to read about things that give Paul Elam — yes THAT Paul Elam — a boner.
I will not think any less of you if you stop reading right here.
If you are ready and willing to continue, here we go:
I like well-formed thighs that lead up to the promise land, and smooth knees above shapely calves. Of course, all that combined with a woman’s pretty face is a crowning glory; full lips that promise supple kisses and great blow jobs, clear eyes and unblemished skin. All this combines to make a woman utterly fuckable, and visually that is what I like most of all. I like to look at women that are little fuckmuffins.
Yes, he actually wrote all that, attached his name to it, and posted it for other people to see.
But as much as Elam likes to look at “little fuckmuffins” he does not actually seem to like most of them very much.
After roughly 150 words devoted mostly to cataloguing his favorite female body parts, Elam evidently runs out of nice things to say about women, and so he returns again to his favorite pastime, devoting the bulk of the post to a rant explaining how much he hates “feminist fucktards,” traditionalist women, and women with Facebook accounts.
While happy enough with “fuckmuffins [who] are sexually liberated and adventurous” and who “like to please and be pleased,” Elam informs the world that he feels no such love for all those awful “fuckmuffins” who “liv[e] life with prudish sticks up their asses made from the same wood that forms the chips on their shoulders.”
He’s also mighty pissed at all those who aren’t interested in hearing him expound at length on what his penis likes.
Of the now almost endless list of things that have grown annoyingly stupid and sanctimonious about feminism is the Victorianesque shaming of my sexual programming as a man. Even with the so called “sex positive” feminists, the most hypocritical assholes of them all, the only positive sexuality they embrace is that of women. To them, male sexuality, in all its glory, is something to be buried, controlled and allowed to surface only when it serves the sexual needs of some narcissistic, horny, self-absorbed little “sex positive” princess.
Unfortunately, more traditional-minded women aren’t much interested in hearing about his penis either. And for some reason they, like feminists, think that there might be some sort of connection between men and rape.
Who are those traditionalists? You will know them by their obsequious silence while feminists shame men for committing the scurrilous act of looking at women sexually. Or better yet, as they join in with their “men can stop rape” bedfellows to twist and distort the natural inclinations of young men with Puritan sexual guilt that marches in lockstep with the feminist hatred of male sexuality.
Elam stops for a moment to reassure his readers that despite all that stuff about “well-formed thighs” and blow-job lips he prefers Good Women to mere “fuckmuffins.”
Now, all that being said, is woman-as-fuckmuffin all I care about? Hardly. As a matter of fact, I would throw fuckmuffin to the curb faster than you can say “patriarchy” to spend time with a woman of good character and intelligence. I have learned in life that my dick has a healthy agenda for humanity, but not necessarily for me. So as my values have matured, so has my taste in women.
Heck, it turns out he actually sort of hates “fuckmuffin.” After all, he tells us,
fuckmuffin … is prone to act indignant when she feels sexualized (by the wrong guy). She can become so angry at being “objectified” that you can see her tits shake right through that tight sweater with the neckline that plunges to the vicinity of her toes.
And then he compares her to a bug:
Time and experience will lead [men] to understand that fuckmuffin should be regarded with same respect as you would afford a stinging insect.
Basically, he explains, the only problem with lustful young men who ogle women is that they haven’t learned to hate women enough quite yet. And so women shouldn’t complain when young guys stare at them. Or when they don’t. As far as I can figure it, he thinks women shouldn’t ever complain about anything.
Leave [young men] the fuck alone. There is nothing wrong with them. Nothing needs to be fixed. If you want to help a young man like that, just start encouraging him to connect the dots between fuckmuffin’s propensity to take her own picture and post it to Facebook four times a day and her ultimate tendency to make him miserable. Eventually he will get the connection. And if he doesn’t, maybe that makes him happy. Either way, it is none of your fucking business.
And so ends what’s probably the strangest work of erotica I think I’ve ever read.
@Argenti Aertheri
Yay for no worries 😀 Just figured better safe than sorry, (…lol?) I always feel slightly guilty when I get mixing people’s posts around.
Cthluhu’s Intern – that’s foul, that poor man. Kudos to him for reporting it. And ditto what Marie said.
My guess is the MRAs would choose one of their usual talking points, or both (never mind that they’re contradictory):
Male rape victims are ignored/as common as female rape victims/look at all the ebil feminists laughing at this poor man/the women who raped him were probably fat ugly feminists
OR
Men can’t be raped/the unlucky ones are those who don’t get chosen (assuming the rapist is some sort of supermodel type) – they use this one when talking about boys raped by their female teachers.
Honestly, there’s at least one post on AVfM right now that I like, but the “f-tards” one is keeping me away… making me stay on Manboobz, where it’s safe.
Actually, they have been writing about the Toronto man who was raped on both r/mr and on AVfM. I didn’t actually read what they wrote, but they aren’t ignoring it. And they shouldn’t. Both police and public attitudes towards the idea of women sexually assaulting men are horrendous — somehow I can’t see AVfM running an effective educational campaign around this though.
Interestingly, Jezebel is OBVIOUSLY a feminist mouthpiece because it publishes pieces by feminists. But this womenspost.ca article is obviously NOT feminist because:
The “cool Christian” churches give me that just-walked-in-on-your-parents-having-sex kind of skin-crawling vicarious embarrassment. At least the ones we have in the UK don’t preach fundie values, though.
Watching Driscoll’s wife sit there giving him the adoring Stepford stare is so creepy.
Stepford Wives pretty much sums up what they want women to be, doesn’t it?
Points for consistency, though: At least two r/mr comments on the young man raped in Toronto blame him for getting in the car with four women:
http://www.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/1bxw9b/xpost_from_rtoronto_50_most_disgusting_responses/
Also watching cult stuff is extra creepy if you’ve ever had sales training.
“Many of you would now leave…and I would say without any biblical grounds”
Cult alert!! Can’t leave without a reason approved by Mr. Man In Charge? Cult alert!
Holy fuck…if they want to safeguard their home from divorce she has to be a stay at home mom with him as sole provider. Yeah, being financially unable to leave sure as shit will impede divorce. Most of us have abuse alerts ringing though.
*is watching the second video while watching for Criminal Minds to buffer*
I actually prefer Criminal Mind’s serial killers after that, at least they’re fictional (also, Reid)
kittehs – really does suggest he believes the small brain/large brain joke is real
they definitely believe there is a brain/gangula inside of their penises. then i started thinking about the biodiversity of penises. there are some WEIRD penises out there.
i just read a heartrending (if problematic) article about the Horace Mann sex abuse scandals (a private school in NYC) in the new yorker. i wonder what the MRA would have to say about this — it was an all boy’s school, and all the abusers were male authority figures. i know they’d blame women somehow (probably for not having sex with all those involved) but i wonder how else they could respond.
I know not everyone likes lindy west, but i usually do. people all probably saw this, but i thought it was nice and succinct and to the point…’men’s rights issues’ feminists are already working on:
http://notes.husk.org/post/46533757979/mens-rights-issues-feminism
gotta run, my dog just decided to drink out of my wine glass…i think that means it’s been a long day for both of us?
Hey David, Not sure where to send this but thought you might like to check it out:
http://seanmalstrom.wordpress.com/2013/04/06/john-walker-the-nature-denier/
In which Sean Maelstrom rants against Rock, Paper, Shotgun’s statement that they will not shut up about sexism in video games.
Includes such gems as “If women cannot be depicted fantastical (big boobs, long legs, slaughters armies single-handedly) in fantasy entertainment, where can men go to see fantasy women? Women have their fantasy men from endless soap-operas, romance novels, chick flicks, and such. Are men not allowed to have fantasies in entertainment?”
and
“And we should only hope that women wish to be depicted as sex objects for that is how they become love objects as well. No man wants to marry a women they aren’t attracted to. Last I checked, marriage rates were plummeting in the West. Perhaps journalists should strive for ‘positive change’ by suggesting to women to be depicted more as sex objects so they can attract a man for marriage before they get too old.”
Good for a laugh, if nothing else.
and by weird penises, i mean across species. it gets weird.
i’m also adding to my summer list of things to do inspired by my lurking on manboobz for a year — make a feminist argument pretending to be about teh SCIENCE based on things like hyenas, gay penguins, and so forth.
…i hope posting while wining isn’t discouraged…
I know this is a derail, but derails are pretty much accepted here (when they aren’t terrible at least).
So recently my dad forced me to get a haircut (http://mellowness.dreamwidth.org/15455.html). Since writing entry, my hair has grown very quickly and is now getting long in the back like it was before. Does anyone have any suggestions for safeguarding my hair once more and avoiding the next haircut? I really, really don’t want to be forced to get a haircut again. I’m asking here because you folks have been very helpful in the past.
I feel so respected. Thanks!
“…i hope posting while wining isn’t discouraged…”
Nope! 😀
The brains-in-penis thing reminds me of the old idea that Stegosaurus must have had a second brain in its pelvis, ‘cos they thought it could never have coordinated that big body with such a tiny brain.
Now I’m seeing Homo MRAssis as an evolutionary dead-end, a strange and ultimately self-defeating mutation in which the brain, being so small, was located in the penis, while the skull cavity developed so much cartilage as to be solid. They were much given to beating their heads against walls as part of a mating ritual, but this proved unattractive and so the species died out.
I think posting while wining is actively encouraged. 😀
@Marie No, TomBCat provided the list. Just because there are movies/shows that go against the trope, doesn’t mean the trope isn’t already prominent in the media. Also, Dirty Old Woman also features older women creeping on younger men, but they’re still pardoned compared to DOM. Much like how female teachers taking advantage of their students aren’t punished as severely as male teachers. I’m sorry about the “bitches” comments, though. That was very sexist, but some of the “hot wife” character do have that notable character twist (not because of the husband’s slobbishness, BTW).
@hellkell I didn’t wave it away. I understand that women’s sexuality isn’t taken as seriously, but that doesn’t mean that men being constantly being portrayed as sex-depraved doesn’t contribute, either.
And I don’t really understand what you mean by me coming “in good faith”? Are you suggesting that I’m a troll with nothing to do, and not just some random commentator with a point to prove?
Aaliyah – given how short your hair was before cutting (short in my view), I can’t see how you’ll be able to grow it any longer than that and get away with it while you’re stuck living with your father. I know you really don’t want it short, but would getting something like a pixie cut, a feminine short cut, work? Or would that be a double lose, being too short for you and too feminine to keep your dad from harassing you about it? It’s all I can think of at the moment.
Even more fucked up, one of those quoted tweets is a friend of my best friend’s lil cousin *shudders*
@Aaliyah: I don’t have any helpful advice, but lots of sympathy! You looked totally cute with the longer hair, not unprofessional at all, and you’re right that it wasn’t even really “long” at all. (You still look good with the shorter hair, obvs, but longer hair looks more “you.”)
@ Aaliyah
So, you probably already know this, but I used to work in the tech industry and your dad is full of shit. There are a lot of rather odd looking people in tech. It’s an industry where you can wear flip-flops to the office, especially in California – unless you want to work for Oracle your hair isn’t going to be an issue.
I second Kitteh’s; a girly pixie might be the best you can do. Maybe you can style it nicely when you leave the house/your dad isn’t around — stick in a little cream, a barrette or headband, something feminine. As for when you’re able to actually grow your hair out, tying it back is always a professional-looking option (for anybody with long hair, imho.)
Aalilyah, Also (sadly) no advice, but do want to confirm that I work with lots of IT folks and your longer cut wouldn’t be at all out of place. Several of the IT dudes I work with regularly have hair long enough that they wear it in a ponytail.
I hope you’re soon in a place where you can make all your own choices about your hair, your clothes, etc.
Hugs, if they’re welcome!
Seconding Cassandra, too, with a caveat; if you look trans* that is “odder” than many techies might accept off the bat, despite their otherwise low-key approach to appearances. My dad was interviewing someone recently for a tech job and mentioned that her appearance did throw him off, albeit not enough for her to be told she “wasn’t a good fit”, at least. (She didn’t get the job, but when I asked why he told me that there were legitimate technical gaps in her work ability.)
In summary, I offer mixed reviews on the tech industry. Nowhere’s perfect for women. :/