Regular readers of this blog, for better or worse, know one thing that makes “Men’s Human Rights Activist” Paul Elam’s penis happy: The prospect of harassing feminists. He is, after all, the man who wrote of one feminist that “that the idea of fucking your shit up gives me an erection.”
Now Mr. Elam has given us a rather more complete account of what it is that pleases his penis. I’m not sure there was any great demand for this information, but he has chosen to release it, and so here we are.
In a post with the tasteful title “on tits, ass and fucktards,” Elam informs the world that he is in fact a fan of the first two items in this list – that is, tits and ass. He is also, he goes on to explain, a lover of
Sorry, I have to stop for a moment to remind you that you are about to read about things that give Paul Elam — yes THAT Paul Elam — a boner.
I will not think any less of you if you stop reading right here.
If you are ready and willing to continue, here we go:
I like well-formed thighs that lead up to the promise land, and smooth knees above shapely calves. Of course, all that combined with a woman’s pretty face is a crowning glory; full lips that promise supple kisses and great blow jobs, clear eyes and unblemished skin. All this combines to make a woman utterly fuckable, and visually that is what I like most of all. I like to look at women that are little fuckmuffins.
Yes, he actually wrote all that, attached his name to it, and posted it for other people to see.
But as much as Elam likes to look at “little fuckmuffins” he does not actually seem to like most of them very much.
After roughly 150 words devoted mostly to cataloguing his favorite female body parts, Elam evidently runs out of nice things to say about women, and so he returns again to his favorite pastime, devoting the bulk of the post to a rant explaining how much he hates “feminist fucktards,” traditionalist women, and women with Facebook accounts.
While happy enough with “fuckmuffins [who] are sexually liberated and adventurous” and who “like to please and be pleased,” Elam informs the world that he feels no such love for all those awful “fuckmuffins” who “liv[e] life with prudish sticks up their asses made from the same wood that forms the chips on their shoulders.”
He’s also mighty pissed at all those who aren’t interested in hearing him expound at length on what his penis likes.
Of the now almost endless list of things that have grown annoyingly stupid and sanctimonious about feminism is the Victorianesque shaming of my sexual programming as a man. Even with the so called “sex positive” feminists, the most hypocritical assholes of them all, the only positive sexuality they embrace is that of women. To them, male sexuality, in all its glory, is something to be buried, controlled and allowed to surface only when it serves the sexual needs of some narcissistic, horny, self-absorbed little “sex positive” princess.
Unfortunately, more traditional-minded women aren’t much interested in hearing about his penis either. And for some reason they, like feminists, think that there might be some sort of connection between men and rape.
Who are those traditionalists? You will know them by their obsequious silence while feminists shame men for committing the scurrilous act of looking at women sexually. Or better yet, as they join in with their “men can stop rape” bedfellows to twist and distort the natural inclinations of young men with Puritan sexual guilt that marches in lockstep with the feminist hatred of male sexuality.
Elam stops for a moment to reassure his readers that despite all that stuff about “well-formed thighs” and blow-job lips he prefers Good Women to mere “fuckmuffins.”
Now, all that being said, is woman-as-fuckmuffin all I care about? Hardly. As a matter of fact, I would throw fuckmuffin to the curb faster than you can say “patriarchy” to spend time with a woman of good character and intelligence. I have learned in life that my dick has a healthy agenda for humanity, but not necessarily for me. So as my values have matured, so has my taste in women.
Heck, it turns out he actually sort of hates “fuckmuffin.” After all, he tells us,
fuckmuffin … is prone to act indignant when she feels sexualized (by the wrong guy). She can become so angry at being “objectified” that you can see her tits shake right through that tight sweater with the neckline that plunges to the vicinity of her toes.
And then he compares her to a bug:
Time and experience will lead [men] to understand that fuckmuffin should be regarded with same respect as you would afford a stinging insect.
Basically, he explains, the only problem with lustful young men who ogle women is that they haven’t learned to hate women enough quite yet. And so women shouldn’t complain when young guys stare at them. Or when they don’t. As far as I can figure it, he thinks women shouldn’t ever complain about anything.
Leave [young men] the fuck alone. There is nothing wrong with them. Nothing needs to be fixed. If you want to help a young man like that, just start encouraging him to connect the dots between fuckmuffin’s propensity to take her own picture and post it to Facebook four times a day and her ultimate tendency to make him miserable. Eventually he will get the connection. And if he doesn’t, maybe that makes him happy. Either way, it is none of your fucking business.
And so ends what’s probably the strangest work of erotica I think I’ve ever read.
The Mars Hill cult! Creepy! They enjoy talking about sex so much that if you confess to anything sexual out of wedlock the elders will bring you in for interrogation in excruciating detail over and over and over.
http://robertcargill.com/2012/01/24/how-much-more-evidence-do-you-need-mark-driscolls-mars-hill-church-is-a-cult/
@hellkell – Yeah, a few folks I know got involved too. I’m with you 100%
@Carleyblue – that sounds about right. From my fundy days, there were some people who were good people who seemed to really earnestly be trying to be good and were only being sexist because they truly believed the Bible said certain things. Then there were people who actually appeared to take great pleasure from cruelty, and seemed to gleefully see the Bible as a tool to justify their hate. Ugh.
@Aaliyah – Glad to know Christians haven’t cornered the market on this… /sarcasm
@katz – Yeah, I was raised by the old guard “don’t mention sex even to your spouse type. The first time I heard the new wave stuff, I thought a real change was coming. Then I realized it was even more obnoxious than the “we don’t talk about it” stuff (at least to me…)
“I have learned in life that my dick has a healthy agenda for humanity, but not necessarily for me”
I cannot parse this. That his penis wants to impregnate young, fertile women, but then they trigger his misogyny? I guess that’s it.
If his dick really had a health agenda for humanity, it would ensure he never manages to penetrate or impregnate anyone. (No shame towards anyone experiencing erectile dysfunction, low-t, or the like, my partner has these issues from corticosteroids, it happens.) It would also speak, and warn us fuckbunnies about his hateful perspective, and….eliminate the need for my How to Spot an MRA pamphlet. Now I’m just dreaming.
So, what’s the new wave christian stuff like? If you guys don’t mind answering. I’ve (luckily?) not heard much about it before.
This piece by Elam: 50 shades of puke.
@hellkell Unless the cougar in question is attractive. And even then, if this is treated as a joke, part of the punchline is who’s rejecting them. Often it’s considered funny for a guy to struggle with an older admirer because men are usually depicted to want sex all the time.
@Marie
Actually, you said that you didn’t recall a lot of TV/film situations that dealt w/ cheating, so that was what those links were for. Forget the ‘object of affection” comment, that was misinterpretation on my part.
Nope. See link to Dirty Old Man. The reason why I left the TVTropes links was because they’ve listed a myriad of examples where these double standards are used and/or played with. And while I understand that the older guy-younger girl trend has long been the status quo, I don’t know what you’re trying to prove with Ugly Guy, Hot Wife, as most of the wives are usually complete bitches to their husbands.
katz – that’s interesting. I’ve never heard of the New Calvinists (my Wars of Religion/War of the Three Kingdoms knee-jerk: shit, the old Calvinists were bad enough, do we need new ones?)
They sound like they’ve found a way to bring all the skeevy, sex-obsessed attitude of the standard Calvinist-derived fundy pastor into the open. Eww, eww, ewww. And then mixing it with a take on the folk-rock Jesus types? Ewww ewww ewww again!
“They have an organ.”
Okay, I snickered at this. /fourteen year old
bahumbugi – The whole “dick has an agenda” really does suggest he believes the small brain/large brain joke is real, doesn’t it? I mean, wow, dicks with agendas for humanity! That’s quite impressive. I must ask my ladybits if they have an agenda. I’d always thought they were fairly apolitical, but that shows how much I know.
@Marie – Katz’s video up there actually captures a lot of it. The one’s I’ve gone to have been very pop-psychology/hipsterish, really targeted to get people to think of it as “cool”. At least in my experience, they demand a lot out of you and can really skirt the lines of cultish…activities every night of the week, totally taking up all your time, etc
I found it harder to deal with because it was super emotion driven, and thus everything the pastor felt was taken as gospel. At least in the fundy school I went to you had to have some sort of basis for stuff you said, this stuff gets far more emotional.
At least that’s my experience with it, though I never went to Driscoll’s church in particular.
Marie, it’s the conservative fringe of Christianity repackaged to appeal to young people and be current and relevant. Very image conscious, very big on being fun and cool and not having all those stupid rules about not drinking and stuff, yet extremely dogmatic and strict about its own things–gender roles foremost. Very big on going against culture, yet absolutely bound by cultural ideas of masculinity and femininity.
Unlike fundamentalists, who tend towards anti-intellectualism, the New Calvinists are really, really big on theology. Some of them are incredibly smart (I know this from experience). Yet it’s also a very narrow movement that expects its members to toe the line theologically and doesn’t allow for differences of opinion.
Here’s a typical bit of Driscoll with his wife. When they’re doing sex/gendery sermons, which is practically always, he’ll sometimes bring her up to talk about womany stuff (as seen here) and I remember being struck by the dynamic between the two of them, how she always waits to be asked to speak, looks to him for guidance, repeats his own talking points and never ever disagrees, and how he often interrupts her to make his own point.
@Ravensong
Kinda biased list then, since I think Argenti Aertheri (was it you, Aregnit Aertheri?) provided a list of examples in the other direction :/ (though zirs weren’t trying to be just regular examples, like you said your were). I hope that paragraph made sense.
Dirty Old Man seemed rather irrelevant, since we were talking about older men/ younger woman and older woman/ younger man, and dirty old man was just seemed to be about (from skimming the page) older men who hit on/ creep on women younger than them. :/
My sexist dectector is flying high by this point. The wives being ‘bitches’ to their husbands in those shows is usually nagging them to do, wait, let me think for a moment, things that fucking need to be done or they said they’d do but have forgotten. It’s like ‘kids need to be fed’ OMG TEH BITCH! or w/e. God. Don’t fucking pull the card, because you act like shows (or life!) where the women try to get the men to take responsibility its…because they’re bitches. Ugh. Just redundant. And I’m waiting for you to say that the men being slobs is sexist against men somehow (hint: it’s not, but this comment’s already getting kinda long).
@katz and sideliner
Thanks for info. Just hadn’t heard about it before.
It wouldn’t surprise me if people were setting up little cults all over inside of larger religions; for the person running the cults, it can feel very good and natural.
Hey katz, pompous trolly is back on the other thread and is *this* close to fulfilling your prediction.
The question about whether RavenSongXia is here in good faith? I’m asking that one too.
Oh yeah, I remember him – I forgot his name, though. Quite a few imams are like that, in my experience – they’re just less vocal about it. I know that many Muslims are decent people, but that doesn’t change the fact that “Muslim culture” (for lack of a better term) is really fucking problematic. I could go on and on about all the misogyny and rapey-ness I’ve noticed in the Islamic communities I’ve hung around.
No, you idiot. Way to willfully misread what I wrote and wave it away. This is not about the menz being played for laughs, it’s the joke of an older woman having a sexuality in the first place.
I call shenanigans with this one.
@kittehs
I initially assumed so, but amn’t so sure anymore. Though I may be biased XD
Marie – I thought so too, initially, but the cover’s slipped.
And this one’s not nearly as funny as pompous raymond on the other thread.
@kittehs
I know. I have the feeling I’m going to end up pulled in anyway ^_^ Why can’t I resist trolls? I mean, I don’t feel miserable doing it, so it’s not terrible, but Raven’s just not fun like Raymond.
Save that Troll Energy for the creative ones that are more fun to poke! 😀
@kittehs
I will try XD
“was it you, Aregnit Aertheri?”
‘Twas not.
On an unrelated note, this happened.
http://www.womenspost.ca/articles/socialnetworking/50-most-disgusting-responses-torontos-male-rape-victim
Jesus Christ.
Also, does anyone have an MRA response to this? See how much they really care about men.
@Argenti Aetheri
Whoopsy Daisy. Guess I mis remembered. Sorry.
@cthulhu’s intern
Against my better judgment, I opened that link. Get the feeling I’ll regret it though.
Fuck okay, people suck too much, gave up. >:( Gah. Rant. Bloop. grrrrrrr. Incoherent. Angry faces. 🙁
Marie — oh no worries, just wanted to answer whether it was me 🙂