Regular readers of this blog, for better or worse, know one thing that makes “Men’s Human Rights Activist” Paul Elam’s penis happy: The prospect of harassing feminists. He is, after all, the man who wrote of one feminist that “that the idea of fucking your shit up gives me an erection.”
Now Mr. Elam has given us a rather more complete account of what it is that pleases his penis. I’m not sure there was any great demand for this information, but he has chosen to release it, and so here we are.
In a post with the tasteful title “on tits, ass and fucktards,” Elam informs the world that he is in fact a fan of the first two items in this list – that is, tits and ass. He is also, he goes on to explain, a lover of
Sorry, I have to stop for a moment to remind you that you are about to read about things that give Paul Elam — yes THAT Paul Elam — a boner.
I will not think any less of you if you stop reading right here.
If you are ready and willing to continue, here we go:
I like well-formed thighs that lead up to the promise land, and smooth knees above shapely calves. Of course, all that combined with a woman’s pretty face is a crowning glory; full lips that promise supple kisses and great blow jobs, clear eyes and unblemished skin. All this combines to make a woman utterly fuckable, and visually that is what I like most of all. I like to look at women that are little fuckmuffins.
Yes, he actually wrote all that, attached his name to it, and posted it for other people to see.
But as much as Elam likes to look at “little fuckmuffins” he does not actually seem to like most of them very much.
After roughly 150 words devoted mostly to cataloguing his favorite female body parts, Elam evidently runs out of nice things to say about women, and so he returns again to his favorite pastime, devoting the bulk of the post to a rant explaining how much he hates “feminist fucktards,” traditionalist women, and women with Facebook accounts.
While happy enough with “fuckmuffins [who] are sexually liberated and adventurous” and who “like to please and be pleased,” Elam informs the world that he feels no such love for all those awful “fuckmuffins” who “liv[e] life with prudish sticks up their asses made from the same wood that forms the chips on their shoulders.”
He’s also mighty pissed at all those who aren’t interested in hearing him expound at length on what his penis likes.
Of the now almost endless list of things that have grown annoyingly stupid and sanctimonious about feminism is the Victorianesque shaming of my sexual programming as a man. Even with the so called “sex positive” feminists, the most hypocritical assholes of them all, the only positive sexuality they embrace is that of women. To them, male sexuality, in all its glory, is something to be buried, controlled and allowed to surface only when it serves the sexual needs of some narcissistic, horny, self-absorbed little “sex positive” princess.
Unfortunately, more traditional-minded women aren’t much interested in hearing about his penis either. And for some reason they, like feminists, think that there might be some sort of connection between men and rape.
Who are those traditionalists? You will know them by their obsequious silence while feminists shame men for committing the scurrilous act of looking at women sexually. Or better yet, as they join in with their “men can stop rape” bedfellows to twist and distort the natural inclinations of young men with Puritan sexual guilt that marches in lockstep with the feminist hatred of male sexuality.
Elam stops for a moment to reassure his readers that despite all that stuff about “well-formed thighs” and blow-job lips he prefers Good Women to mere “fuckmuffins.”
Now, all that being said, is woman-as-fuckmuffin all I care about? Hardly. As a matter of fact, I would throw fuckmuffin to the curb faster than you can say “patriarchy” to spend time with a woman of good character and intelligence. I have learned in life that my dick has a healthy agenda for humanity, but not necessarily for me. So as my values have matured, so has my taste in women.
Heck, it turns out he actually sort of hates “fuckmuffin.” After all, he tells us,
fuckmuffin … is prone to act indignant when she feels sexualized (by the wrong guy). She can become so angry at being “objectified” that you can see her tits shake right through that tight sweater with the neckline that plunges to the vicinity of her toes.
And then he compares her to a bug:
Time and experience will lead [men] to understand that fuckmuffin should be regarded with same respect as you would afford a stinging insect.
Basically, he explains, the only problem with lustful young men who ogle women is that they haven’t learned to hate women enough quite yet. And so women shouldn’t complain when young guys stare at them. Or when they don’t. As far as I can figure it, he thinks women shouldn’t ever complain about anything.
Leave [young men] the fuck alone. There is nothing wrong with them. Nothing needs to be fixed. If you want to help a young man like that, just start encouraging him to connect the dots between fuckmuffin’s propensity to take her own picture and post it to Facebook four times a day and her ultimate tendency to make him miserable. Eventually he will get the connection. And if he doesn’t, maybe that makes him happy. Either way, it is none of your fucking business.
And so ends what’s probably the strangest work of erotica I think I’ve ever read.
@Carleyblue – Seriously? Oh wow. I’ll have to take your word for it…I can’t go on the Christian manosphere sites. Seriously triggering for me.
HAHAHAHA oh wow. I didn’t know that some Christian preachers do that, too. =S
Sometimes when I go to Friday prayers at my local mosque (I’m not a Muslim, but I’m pressured to go by some family members because they think I’m still a Muslim), I notice that the sermons are very sexually explicit. One imam kept referring to sexuality with terms like “animalistic desires” and talking in a rather blunt fashion (in a way that made him sound like he had his mind in the gutter). That was when I was still a Muslim, and I was turned on by it as well, so I wonder if that preacher had the same idea in mind.
I’ve definitely heard of women being blamed for not “satisfying” a cheating man enough, but somehow I never hear the reverse…
@sideliner
🙁 Internet hugs if you want them.
Have I told you guys that I actually attended Driscoll’s church in the callow days of my youth? Even then, at the most conservative point in my life, I was inclined to write off a lot of his opinions as bullshit, but there are some incredibly insidious aspects to his approach that allow him to get away with saying absurd and harmful stuff, especially to his target audience.
In media, it actually always seemed the other way round to me.Men are forgiven, women usually are dumped.
some examples(I can only think of movies and tv right now for some reason):
50/50
Roseanne
Wanted
It’s kind of a funny Story
Secret Window
High Fidelity
I think there was something in Mullholland Drive…
Jarhead
Not sure that counts, but Love and other Drugs
Forgetting Sarah Marshall
The Boat that Rocked
Scott Pilgrim vs. The World
I don’t know if that’s even necessary, just wanted to back up my claim a little…
@Marie
I think we can all agree that in media, any object of affection is considered attractive. And I’m assuming you don’t watch sitcoms, where the cheating double standard runs rampant. To name a few:
“Friends:” Ross and Rachel’s on-and-off UST and romantic angsting. Whenever Rachel would obsess jealously over him moving, she is often met with sympathy from the rest of the friends. When Ross did the same, everyone else would tell him to STFU and move on.
“Family Guy:” Lois pulls this shit on Peter all the time. From one episode when Lois justified her cheating with their daughter’s boyfriend with Peter’s mistreatment of her, to her raping him and saying she had “needs.”
“Everyone Loves Raymond:” Hoo, boy … you know, this is just so much easier, so have at it http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/TheUnfairSex
And compare Dirty Old Woman and Mrs. Robinson (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/DirtyOldWoman, http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/MrsRobinson) to Dirty Old Man (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/DirtyOldMan)
@hellkell
Hmm. That’s the first I’ve heard of that. Would you mind elaborating?
@Fade and Aaliyah I was talking about how the media handles these subjects. Reality is much more complex, of course.
From what I can tell, they don’t like Driscoll (and other pastors like him) because he tells men to ‘man up’ all the time and get jobs, whereas the lovely Christian manospherians believe men should not have to ‘man up’ in any way, at least not until all women stop being disobedient harlots. There are lots of writings detailing how men are terrible victims and their wives won’t obey them and then they have to beat them, etc. etc.
For me, these Christians are the worst kind of bigot, because they actually seem to believe they are doing women (and everyone else) good. They believe it is good for women to suffer, because they are naturally sinful, and the only way they can be made holy is by being treated very badly.
By the way, I fully intend to call someone a ‘fuckmuffin’ in future (with their consent, of course).
Sideliner: Yes, and I know some people I used to work with who got sucked into MHC in a big way. He’s a dangerous charlatan, IMO.
Aahliyah – there’s a scuzzbucket imam here (in Sydney, I think) who was going on once about how men can no more be blamed for attacking “immodestly” dressed women than cats can for eating meat left lying around. That was in a public statement, so I hate to think what his sermons would be like.
Men who cheat on their gfs are low-life bastards no matter what, but women who cheat on their bfs are justified for doing so because the guy must’ve ticked her off in some way.
Because Kristen Stewart was treated so well when she saw that other guy.
And It was the leaving his wife for a younger woman that ended Mel Gibson, and Tom Cruise careers.
Raven: look around. The main portrayals of young women are slut, Manic Pixie Dream Girl, and bitch. Their sexuality is completely a commodity for men, rarely is it depicted in the culture as theirs and theirs alone. Then you hit 35 or so, and it’s cougar, and older women’s sexual peak is treated like a joke.
I’m giving you really broad brush strokes, because I’m not sure your here in good faith.
^you’re
Pecunium – Harrison Ford’s, too.
One pop culture example of vilification of a ‘cheating woman’ is Breaking Bad. She left him because he was a murdering drug dealer and then had an affair with her boss, and she’s been eviscerated by fans of the show.
wow…. 🙁 Bloop.
@kittehs
Holy fuck he sounds like a horrible human being who’s steps can never be filled with enough legos.
@RavenSong
…I wasn’t even talking about the cheating, so I’m going to ignore the long list of stuff you put there, but ‘object of affection’ O_o What? And you kinda…ignored the whole older guy younger woman thing. Here, since you seem to like tv tropes so much (got that’s not intened to be mean, I read them too, I was just kinda befuddled they were being used as sources):
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/UglyGuyHotWife
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/MayDecemberRomance
And the actual relevant part from that last one:
@kim
O_o That either sounds like a bad show, or a show with (some) bad fans, or both. 🙁
Everything I’ve seen (in passing, because the shows I watch are very different) about “cougars” is almost laughing at the idea of any young man having sex with an older woman, or a pathetic nudge-nudge-wink-wink at the very idea of a woman being sexually experienced and still interested at the advanced age of 35 or so. It’s like a variation on the “she’ll do anything, man!” trope – yeah, the guys who want women to do “anything” are also often the ones who despise them for it, and are deathly scared of having their own inexperience or ineptness exposed.
It’s actual a great show, but not without it’s problems. As she’s written, I’m not a Skyler fan.
@pillow re: being called a ‘good woman,’ funnily enough, I was never called a good woman by a man I was romantically involved with until I met Mr. AK, who does describe me that way from time to time. However, I don’t worry about it because I’m a fucking terrible woman by MRA standards…my 5 unruly dogs that take over any house I live in (with my encouragement…I love terrible dogs), complete lack of cooking or cleaning ability but great skill at tinkering and home improvement, tendency to disappear completely out of contact for weeks on end (when I’m dating) and days on end (now that I’m married, I rein it in a bit) and often in the company of other men (I don’t cheat, but it’s difficult to find women who like to camp/backpack), etc. make me really not the type of women misogynists like, despite my conventionally feminine presentation. I actually love it when Mr. AK describes me that way because it is such a novel thing for me. 😉
Re: Mark Driscoll, oh my. I follow Jesus (I’ve had enough Christians take issue with my views–and the feeling is mutual–that I don’t necessarily identify as one anymore) and I’ve actually seen him preach. It was…interesting. And horrifying. And misogynistic. The one I saw honestly struck me as sexual harassment. I felt like he was getting off on telling his sexual fantasies to a captive audience. Incredibly creepy. I nearly walked out, and probably should have. Only reason I didn’t was that I was there as the guest of a family that was very kind to me and very active in that congregation, and I didn’t want to embarrass them.
Marie – oh yeah, he’s a piece of human-shaped shit, that one. This is a link to his comments. He said this in 2006, after a series of gang-rapes in Sydney. Be warned, this is triggery stuff and totally disgusting.
http://www.theaustralian.com.au/news/nation/muslim-leader-blames-women-for-sex-attacks/story-e6frg6nf-1111112419114
@kittehs
…I think I’ll just…pass on that for the moment. I’m already feeling germ-induced tummy hurt and don’t want humans-suck induced tummy hurt as well.
Wise move!
Plus it’s not like it’s anything new to see some turd blaming women for being attacked by men. Same old, same old.
This is a topic of interest to me, so apologies if I bore anyone.
See, there’s two sides to the conservative Christian landscape. Both are extremely reactionary and dogmatic and both will fall in line on the classic topics (gay rights, evolution, abortion, etc), but there are some key differences.
On the one had, you have the fundamentalists. You know them: They tend to be older, very traditional, from fundamentalist families, centered in the Bible belt. They’re likely to oppose the things traditionally classified as vices: Drinking, popular music, all the way down to cards and dancing, depending on the sect. They have an organ. They wear suits to church. And of course they’re very, very sexually repressed. As a population, they’re biggish but tend to be stagnant or diminishing.
On the other hand, you have the New Calvinists. This is a very new movement (21st century), but it’s growing explosively. It’s mostly young adults, many of them new converts or people who have left more traditional denominations. They’re everywhere, but especially mainly-liberal areas (like Mars Hill Church in Seattle). They embrace all the “vices:” Their pastors wear T-shirts and have tattoos, there’s a rock band instead of an organ, everyone drinks microbrews. And they’re big on getting married young so you can have lots of sex and talk/preach about it a lot.
It’s exactly like this.
If you come from a background where nobody ever talked about sex, think how liberating it feels to have a pastor who not only talks about it, but says that it’s good and you should do it! Not just for procreation, but for fun! And all kinds of sex, too (I know for a fact Driscoll has talked about cunnilingus)! And talking about sex proves that he’s edgy and relevant and doesn’t care what people think about him!
In the right context, it’s all very disarming. The very fact that he’s talking about sex (and not saying it’s bad) leaves his audience inclined to go along with whatever he does say, the result being that a totally sex-obsessed guy gets a platform to talk about his obsessions and fantasies in great detail.
@kittehs
Yeah. That guy sounds like a real piece of work though :/ Haven’t even read it and I already hate him.
OT-ish, I had a quasi-bad day, not one thing, just still semi sick + needy kid. :/ Anyway, rambling or w/e.