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An Unsolicited Update from Paul Elam’s P*nis

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Regular readers of this blog, for better or worse, know one thing that makes “Men’s Human Rights Activist” Paul Elam’s penis happy: The prospect of harassing feminists. He is, after all, the man who wrote of one feminist that “that the idea of fucking your shit up gives me an erection.”

Now Mr. Elam has given us a rather more complete account of what it is that pleases his penis. I’m not sure there was any great demand for this information, but he has chosen to release it, and so here we are.

In a post with the tasteful title “on tits, ass and fucktards,” Elam informs the world that he is in fact a fan of the first two items in this list – that is, tits and ass. He is also, he goes on to explain, a lover of

Sorry, I have to stop for a moment to remind you that you are about to read about things that give Paul Elam — yes THAT Paul Elam — a boner.

I will not think any less of you if you stop reading right here.

If you are ready and willing to continue, here we go:

I like well-formed thighs that lead up to the promise land, and smooth knees above shapely calves. Of course, all that combined with a woman’s pretty face is a crowning glory; full lips that promise supple kisses and great blow jobs, clear eyes and unblemished skin. All this combines to make a woman utterly fuckable, and visually that is what I like most of all. I like to look at women that are little fuckmuffins.

Yes, he actually wrote all that, attached his name to it, and posted it for other people to see.

But as much as Elam likes to look at “little fuckmuffins” he does not actually seem to like most of them very much.

After roughly 150  words devoted mostly to cataloguing his favorite female body parts, Elam evidently runs out of nice things to say about women, and so he returns again to his favorite pastime, devoting the bulk of the post to a rant explaining how much he hates “feminist fucktards,” traditionalist women, and women with Facebook accounts.

While happy enough with “fuckmuffins [who] are sexually liberated and adventurous” and who “like to please and be pleased,” Elam informs the world that he feels no such love for all those awful “fuckmuffins” who “liv[e] life with prudish sticks up their asses made from the same wood that forms the chips on their shoulders.”

He’s also mighty pissed at all those who aren’t interested in hearing him expound at length on what his penis likes.

Of the now almost endless list of things that have grown annoyingly stupid and sanctimonious about feminism is the Victorianesque shaming of my sexual programming as a man. Even with the so called “sex positive” feminists, the most hypocritical assholes of them all, the only positive sexuality they embrace is that of women. To them, male sexuality, in all its glory, is something to be buried, controlled and allowed to surface only when it serves the sexual needs of some narcissistic, horny, self-absorbed little “sex positive” princess.

Unfortunately, more traditional-minded women aren’t much interested in hearing about his penis either. And for some reason they, like feminists, think that there might be some sort of connection between men and rape.

Who are those traditionalists? You will know them by their obsequious silence while feminists shame men for committing the scurrilous act of looking at women sexually. Or better yet, as they join in with their “men can stop rape” bedfellows to twist and distort the natural inclinations of young men with Puritan sexual guilt that marches in lockstep with the feminist hatred of male sexuality.

Elam stops for a moment to reassure his readers that despite all that stuff about “well-formed thighs” and blow-job lips he prefers Good Women to mere “fuckmuffins.”

Now, all that being said, is woman-as-fuckmuffin all I care about? Hardly. As a matter of fact, I would throw fuckmuffin to the curb faster than you can say “patriarchy” to spend time with a woman of good character and intelligence. I have learned in life that my dick has a healthy agenda for humanity, but not necessarily for me. So as my values have matured, so has my taste in women.

Heck, it turns out he actually sort of hates “fuckmuffin.” After all, he tells us,

fuckmuffin … is prone to act indignant when she feels sexualized (by the wrong guy). She can become so angry at being “objectified” that you can see her tits shake right through that tight sweater with the neckline that plunges to the vicinity of her toes.

And then he compares her to a bug:

Time and experience will lead [men] to understand that fuckmuffin should be regarded with same respect as you would afford a stinging insect.

Basically, he explains, the only problem with lustful young men who ogle women is that they haven’t learned to hate women enough quite yet. And so women shouldn’t complain when young guys stare at them. Or when they don’t. As far as I can figure it, he thinks women shouldn’t ever complain about anything.

Leave [young men] the fuck alone. There is nothing wrong with them. Nothing needs to be fixed. If you want to help a young man like that, just start encouraging him to connect the dots between fuckmuffin’s propensity to take her own picture and post it to Facebook four times a day and her ultimate tendency to make him miserable. Eventually he will get the connection. And if he doesn’t, maybe that makes him happy. Either way, it is none of your fucking business.

And so ends what’s probably the strangest work of erotica I think I’ve ever read.

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thebewilderness
thebewilderness
11 years ago

Sentencing is all over the place. Women frequently get very harsh sentences for killing their spouse while men do not. One judge decides to “teach her a lesson” and another one gives her a lighter sentence. There is a woman doing 20 years for firing a warning shot when her abuser was coming after her. Another woman would never have charges filed against her in the first place.
The Letorneau thing is weird because traditionally when a man impregnates a girl he marries her and is never charged. Unless he is already married like in the Letourneau case.

thebewilderness
thebewilderness
11 years ago

The woman doing 20 years is, of course, a black woman.

katz
11 years ago

But, in this context, the biggest reason why sentencing disparities are not relevant is because we weren’t talking about them until trolly changed the subject because she was losing the sitcom-dads argument.

LaightTempest
LaightTempest
11 years ago

Firstly, I wasn’t moving the goalposts around. If you’d just read my comment last page, you’ll see that I mentioned it to illustrate the real-world application of “women are always innocent” and cloudiah asked for citations, which I merely supplied.
Secondly, I’m not seeing how, in this scenario, men whittling their lives away in jail longer than they should is disadvantageous to women. Not rubbing my hands together and evil-laughing over the Just not sa idea of women rotting there longer, either. Just not seeing it.

Argenti Aertheri
11 years ago

Closest I can find to the study about sentencing disparity being based on judge’s gender was this news article which led me to JSTOR — they’re offering an interesting little “register for access to 3 articles every two weeks” thing, so it’s only sorta behind a paywall.

In short, black and Hispanic women are sentenced less harshly than black or Hispanic men, but there’s no statistical difference between white women and white men. Which is, um, interesting. Really weirdly, white women go to prison more than black of Hispanic women, it’s a weird race/gender interaction and worth a read if registering for JSTOR doesn’t bother you. And it’s not that mathy so I’m not going to frisk it.

Argenti Aertheri
11 years ago

Of course, how we got from Elam boner updates to differing views on cheating men vs women to DV to sentencing disparity, ’tis a mystery to me.

Kittehserf
11 years ago

“And @Kittehs you’re really not getting it? When all of you switch handles it doesn’t matter because you all know each other anyway. But I had meant to set a dichotomy between this handle and Raven.”

This has already been addressed by a few people, but let me say it slowly and clearly anyway:

Using different names, pretending to be different people, is dishonest.

That is what’s wrong with it.

It Is Dishonest.

Seriously, is that so hard to understand?

And yeah, answering comments to Raven as Laight – dead giveaway, seriously stupid, and completely self-defeating if you had this notion of pretending to be two people or address different subjects under different names (itself a strange and rather stupid idea).

‘Fraid you used up the probationers’ store of goodwill with that, even without the MRA poor-menz nonsense and goal-shifting.

katz
11 years ago

In short, black and Hispanic women are sentenced less harshly than black or Hispanic men, but there’s no statistical difference between white women and white men. Which is, um, interesting.

I’d been wondering how much the sentencing disparity was due to laws and policies specifically aimed at minority men.

katz
11 years ago

And sites like YT and TVTropes – although TVT acts as a wiki-like page, they still list all the abundant examples where that trope has been notably used. They’re not filled with wishy-washy references that could be interpreted loosely (each page already has a Your Mileage May Vary page for that, anyway).

Dear god, have you ever been on TVT? It’s practically made of wishy-washy examples!

Lest anyone think I’m coming down too hard on TVT: It can be a lot of fun and there’s tons of great stuff on there. But pages are also extremely easy to create, extremely easy to edit, and extremely difficult to delete; it’s extremely easy to join and fairly difficult to get banned*; and the whole thing is extremely loosely moderated and goes through no review process at all. So there’s a small but significant amount of total junk there that nobody can get rid of, which severely undermines the credibility of the whole thing.

I used to be very much of the “it’s a wiki; if there’s stuff that you don’t like on there, just change it!” attitude, but a wiki needs to be structured a certain way to keep everything from filling right back up with junk, and it isn’t.

*It’s easy to get banned for, say, using a slur against someone in the fora–which is good–but something like “being a wacky conspiracy theorist with a bizarre view of the world that has no basis in reality” is not a bannable offense, even though that could have a detrimental effect on your article quality.

thebewilderness
thebewilderness
11 years ago

Actually, wearing a sock as support hose for your other ID is the most common sock purpose on the entire interwebs, right up until the sock gets the banhammer. Then they put on their stealth socks.

Kittehserf
11 years ago

I’m having knitwear visions now!

support sock

stealth sock

Not sure which type these are – cuteness socks, maybe?

Kittehserf
11 years ago

Perils of an html-dependent post! 😛

stealth sock

pecunium
11 years ago

Of course, how we got from Elam boner updates to differing views on cheating men vs women to DV to sentencing disparity, ’tis a mystery to me.

The same way we always do, challenging the evidence of the first argument; and then having the goalposts moved to the walls of a different castle made of sand.

pecunium
11 years ago

RavenLaight: Finally, the news articles on crime – those are the manifestations of my point. They clearly show how much women serve compared to men, for the same deed done. This prejudice is undeniable.

No, they don’t. You say it is, but these articles don’t prove shit. They don’t prove shit because they are standalone data. Each of them is in isolation. You need concantation, and analysis to extract societal meaning from them. You have yet to show any basis for that.

I’m sorry; is there an issue w/ accessing those PDFs and simply reading what they had to say?

No. It’s just that when we read them, they don’t say what you think they do, and then you whine that we didn’t read them; which is why we say the things you cite are useless. Your skill as an interpreter of refined data (saying 70 percent, when the real value is 35 percent) is weak, and that without you not seeing the structural flaws in the methodology of the larger report.

When all of you switch handles it doesn’t matter because you all know each other anyway. But I had meant to set a dichotomy between this handle and Raven.”

No, when one of us switches handles there are two differences; both are important.

1: We tell people we did it.
2: We don’t attempt to make a dichotomy between them.

So, go ahead, answer the question I asked above, why did you feel the need to have to, distinct, and secretly so, handles?

katz
11 years ago

Well, sometimes we set up silly alternate-personality handles (remember AMiRa?), but when we do that, we make it really damn obvious.

Also, WTF was supposed to be different between her two MRA-talking-point-spouting, Cosmo-quoting, data-misinterpreting handles?

Argenti Aertheri
11 years ago

Tiny correction to pecunium’s last point:

2.b: or it’s a joke

Katz I miss your joke Poes, so transparent, but so funny! (Don’t try it Raven, no way can you pull it off)

But hey, Raven isn’t Mr. 90% — he’s apparently capable of maintaining multiple socks at once. (Pecunium idk if you saw but I’ve dubbed Mr. Al as Mr. 90% because we had one ranting about how 90% of everything is shit and, week, dude is damned near 90% of our trolls)

Also, wtf weather? What. The. Serious. Fuck?! I bought cactī yesterday and damn near froze them last night, not cool dude, not fucking cool (“is the temperature relevant?” Yes Mx. Sontarian, it is)

…so, TV tropes eh? Alien birth? Cuz we just watched that Torchwood… (my mother is breezing through Torchwood!)

Argenti Aertheri
11 years ago

Ninja’ed by the Poe master 🙂

LaightTempest
LaightTempest
11 years ago

http://heraldnews.suntimes.com/news/19442887-418/man-indicted-for-moms-murder.html
http://www.foxnews.com/us/2013/03/19/jury-convicts-woman-murder-in-deaths-newborn-twins-life-in-prison/

Just compare the portrayal of these two. The article on the woman includes details of her being emotional in court, her great remorse to what she did, the fact that she was going through a divorce – humanizing details. And look at the article of the man. Cold, clinical, didn’t include any background on him or any assumptions on what could’ve made him do such a thing.
I wasnt shifting the goalposts; in a comment I made a couple of pages ago I mentioned the sentencing differences b/c it was a real-life application of the “women are always good” stereotype. I was asked for citations, and I merely answered. Also, @cloudiah, I fail to see how men spending their lives in jail longer than they have to disadvantages women
@pecunium I didnt misunderstand. not the anon: there’s reciprocal and non-reciprocal DV, with a 50/50 (+/-10) split, and 35% is half of 70%.
And finally, what I did was dishonest, and I know it’s long overdue, but I truly am sorry.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
11 years ago

So, wait, we’re supposed to go read a bunch of random PDFs every time socky decides to shift the goalposts because zie is losing an argument?

LOL.

pecunium
11 years ago

Guys… Mr. Al is as nothing to serious sockpuppetry (and yes, I do know about the “90 percent… I think it does him too much credit).

This is sockpuppetry raised to an art. It’s Socking as a Way of Life. It’s getting your little pecadilloes into serious scholarship, and thumbing your nose at Oxford and Cambridge for snubbing you.

And, yes, I forgot C: It’s an obvious joke. (though not that link… that is a thing of beauty. But have coffee, and perhaps a pencil and paper handy to keep notes/make a flowchart.. that dude used all the missing socks from lots of dryers).

AnotherFrustratedChump
AnotherFrustratedChump
11 years ago

Are you going to address the “male sexuality is worthless” meme anytime soon? I know that something like that isn’t inherently misogynistic, but this part of the rant you quoted reminded me of it:

“To them, male sexuality, in all its glory, is something to be buried, controlled and allowed to surface only when it serves the sexual needs of some narcissistic, horny, self-absorbed little “sex positive” princess.”

This made me recall the work of a certain Catherine Hakim, the author of a book called Honey Money: The Power of Erotic Capital where she talks about concepts like the “male sex deficit” (or how men in general get less sex than they would like), and how “male sexuality is worthless, because of excess supply at zero cost.”

This ties into the common meme that “women hold all the power in sex” due to the principle of least interest (“they’re not being tormented by testosterone like men are, so why would they be craving it like us?”), since men offering their sexuality are in fact offering something worthless to them. From that springs the common conception that heterosexual marriages often devolve into sexless house-sharing arrangements where the woman, due to lack of interest, can withhold sex from the man without any ill effects to herself, or give it out to the poolboy/milkman/cable guy as though it were nothing more precious or bothersome to sacrifice as a cup of sugar. Women don’t enjoy sex in this worldview; they put up with it and/or hold it hostage whenever something doesn’t go their way in a relationship.

Any chance you’ll be doing a post on this?

Argenti Aertheri
11 years ago

Sorry, I can’t flowchart, I have a misandrist lace curtain to make (totally seriously, my plants keep getting sunburn!)

pecunium
11 years ago

I managed to keep track without the flowchart. At some level you just have to accept that everyone is the same person.

LaightTempest
LaightTempest
11 years ago

http://heraldnews.suntimes.com/news/19442887-418/man-indicted-for-moms-murder.html
http://www.foxnews.com/us/2013/03/19/jury-convicts-woman-murder-in-deaths-newborn-twins-life-in-prison/
Compare the two. The article includes humanizing details about her going through a divorce, her getting really emotional in court, her deep remorse. Whereas the article on the man was cold clinical, didn’t include any background or motivation on him.
@pecunium I didn’t misunderstand. there’s reciprocal and non-reciprocal DV, with a 50/50 (+/-10) split, and 35% is half of 70%. And finally, what I did was dishonest, and I know it’s long overdue, but I truly am sorry.

Argenti Aertheri
11 years ago

Lol, and my lace curtain basically made it self, turns out my scrap was nearly a triangle already and my cactī were already all on one side and for fucking once I just had to wedge something up there, no hassle! (Plants look like they have a veil on though, I draped another layer behind it all to attempt to further shield my African violet)

Katz you suggested MOAR WATER for my transplant shock victim right? It seems to be perking up, so thank you!