Regular readers of this blog, for better or worse, know one thing that makes “Men’s Human Rights Activist” Paul Elam’s penis happy: The prospect of harassing feminists. He is, after all, the man who wrote of one feminist that “that the idea of fucking your shit up gives me an erection.”
Now Mr. Elam has given us a rather more complete account of what it is that pleases his penis. I’m not sure there was any great demand for this information, but he has chosen to release it, and so here we are.
In a post with the tasteful title “on tits, ass and fucktards,” Elam informs the world that he is in fact a fan of the first two items in this list – that is, tits and ass. He is also, he goes on to explain, a lover of
Sorry, I have to stop for a moment to remind you that you are about to read about things that give Paul Elam — yes THAT Paul Elam — a boner.
I will not think any less of you if you stop reading right here.
If you are ready and willing to continue, here we go:
I like well-formed thighs that lead up to the promise land, and smooth knees above shapely calves. Of course, all that combined with a woman’s pretty face is a crowning glory; full lips that promise supple kisses and great blow jobs, clear eyes and unblemished skin. All this combines to make a woman utterly fuckable, and visually that is what I like most of all. I like to look at women that are little fuckmuffins.
Yes, he actually wrote all that, attached his name to it, and posted it for other people to see.
But as much as Elam likes to look at “little fuckmuffins” he does not actually seem to like most of them very much.
After roughly 150 words devoted mostly to cataloguing his favorite female body parts, Elam evidently runs out of nice things to say about women, and so he returns again to his favorite pastime, devoting the bulk of the post to a rant explaining how much he hates “feminist fucktards,” traditionalist women, and women with Facebook accounts.
While happy enough with “fuckmuffins [who] are sexually liberated and adventurous” and who “like to please and be pleased,” Elam informs the world that he feels no such love for all those awful “fuckmuffins” who “liv[e] life with prudish sticks up their asses made from the same wood that forms the chips on their shoulders.”
He’s also mighty pissed at all those who aren’t interested in hearing him expound at length on what his penis likes.
Of the now almost endless list of things that have grown annoyingly stupid and sanctimonious about feminism is the Victorianesque shaming of my sexual programming as a man. Even with the so called “sex positive” feminists, the most hypocritical assholes of them all, the only positive sexuality they embrace is that of women. To them, male sexuality, in all its glory, is something to be buried, controlled and allowed to surface only when it serves the sexual needs of some narcissistic, horny, self-absorbed little “sex positive” princess.
Unfortunately, more traditional-minded women aren’t much interested in hearing about his penis either. And for some reason they, like feminists, think that there might be some sort of connection between men and rape.
Who are those traditionalists? You will know them by their obsequious silence while feminists shame men for committing the scurrilous act of looking at women sexually. Or better yet, as they join in with their “men can stop rape” bedfellows to twist and distort the natural inclinations of young men with Puritan sexual guilt that marches in lockstep with the feminist hatred of male sexuality.
Elam stops for a moment to reassure his readers that despite all that stuff about “well-formed thighs” and blow-job lips he prefers Good Women to mere “fuckmuffins.”
Now, all that being said, is woman-as-fuckmuffin all I care about? Hardly. As a matter of fact, I would throw fuckmuffin to the curb faster than you can say “patriarchy” to spend time with a woman of good character and intelligence. I have learned in life that my dick has a healthy agenda for humanity, but not necessarily for me. So as my values have matured, so has my taste in women.
Heck, it turns out he actually sort of hates “fuckmuffin.” After all, he tells us,
fuckmuffin … is prone to act indignant when she feels sexualized (by the wrong guy). She can become so angry at being “objectified” that you can see her tits shake right through that tight sweater with the neckline that plunges to the vicinity of her toes.
And then he compares her to a bug:
Time and experience will lead [men] to understand that fuckmuffin should be regarded with same respect as you would afford a stinging insect.
Basically, he explains, the only problem with lustful young men who ogle women is that they haven’t learned to hate women enough quite yet. And so women shouldn’t complain when young guys stare at them. Or when they don’t. As far as I can figure it, he thinks women shouldn’t ever complain about anything.
Leave [young men] the fuck alone. There is nothing wrong with them. Nothing needs to be fixed. If you want to help a young man like that, just start encouraging him to connect the dots between fuckmuffin’s propensity to take her own picture and post it to Facebook four times a day and her ultimate tendency to make him miserable. Eventually he will get the connection. And if he doesn’t, maybe that makes him happy. Either way, it is none of your fucking business.
And so ends what’s probably the strangest work of erotica I think I’ve ever read.
@Aliyah
So very true. The feminists I know (web and rl) are even very careful in ever telling anyone how to feel or even act, even if it is something that is very personal to themselves. It(feminism) taught me a lot about respecting other peoples decision, especially the demands I made because I was used to the idea I was entitled to something, and about the decisions I was allowed to make for myself, even if others would tell me differently.
(f.e. the typical ‘If you really love me, you will do xyz’)
Too true. Rage and hate = happy for him.
And just for you (I can’t remember if you’ve seen this one or not, though I have posted it before) is a Double Dose of Cute.
@Kitteh
boring old Paint.
Obviously he stole the earrings and had nowhere else to put them XD I think the eyeshadow just looks dark because it’s a low-quality copy that’s lost most of the midtones.
@Kittehs’ Argle. That is all.
“Argenti, let me know if there are any paywalled articles you want me to check for you. I am the queen of super duper access. At least one in the link dump was from Murray Straus, who I think we’ve talked about here before.”
Thanks but I’m not really in the mood to figure out how they massaged statistics to say that 35% of DV is a woman assaulting a man who does not reciprocate (50% non-reciprocal, 70% of that perpetrated by women = 35%, assuming I can do math off the top of my head)
Maybe I’ll give the abstract a closer look once I catch up, right now I’m just being pissy about how nice it is out (yeah, seriously, it was barely above freezing over the weekend, and 80 today, pick something!)
TomBcat – boring maybe, but highly effective! ::admires results::
katz – don’t spoil my illusions! 😀
Theda Bara – Ha! Revenge for making me sporfle!
A surprise Mr K picture is not fighting fair!
Obviously there’s a huge amount of missing information and what we have is widely open to interpretation, but I think, from what she said, it doesn’t sound like they did anything terribly bad. He told them about the problems he was facing and they explained how they stem from cultural ideas about gender, which is a perfectly normal thing for feminists to talk about. And he also insisted that he had it worse than gender-nonconforming women do, hardly a comment calculated to garner a good reaction.
Now, there’s a time for discussing the sociocultural causes of oppression and there’s a time for just being sympathetic, and if the feminists did the former in a situation that clearly called for the latter, then yes, they were being bad friends and he had the right to be upset. (I suppose he has the right in any case.) But we don’t know what sort of situation it was. And anyway, he was dismissive of butch women’s problems, so if they were unsympathetic to his, they’re even.
That was just my read.
“A surprise Mr K picture is not fighting fair!”
All’s fair in cute and war!
@katz
You’re right if he talked about it with feminism in mind. Then it would be his his own decision to make it about politics, I guess. I probably overlooked that, Ravens’ comments were a little exhausting to read.
Or maybe my own experience makes me a little biased here.
*shakes fist* I admit defeat in the face of impossibly cute jumpers.
Happily, “silent film guys wear a ton of eye makeup” is anything but an illusion.
“*shakes fist* I admit defeat in the face of impossibly cute jumpers.”
You call that an impossibly cute jumper? Now this is an impossibly cute jumper.
Tom, I’m very sorry that you’ve had those sorts of experiences and I certainly wouldn’t want to diminish them if they did happen to Raven’s brother.
Oh, who could forget Conrad Veidt’s massive makeup there? 🙂
I’ve never realised before that Caligari looks just like an Evil Mick Aston.
@Katz This was a really interesting post to me. My natural reaction when it comes gender arguments and all that entails,is very hard to explain. I can’t really. I’m so used to defending my girlfriends identity, I sort of forget about my own. I’m awarded so much privilege in my own little community, I completely forget how everyone else sees me and how many noses are sniffed when it comes to my choices. This isn’t what you set out to say in your post but thanks. Sincerely. For making me think.
@katz, sorry, I didn’t mean it that way, so, no reason to feel sorry. 🙂
I phrased that really badly. Sorry. (I feel really bad when I get sympathy for nothing, I feel like I manipulated someone into it)
I just meant constantly being lectured when I mention personal problems because people want to push their own agenda. I mentioned the MRA ex before. It just can be exhausting and make one feel very alone, especially if it goes like that for years.
So when she talked about her brothers problems like that, I instantly had that kind of image in my head, a conversation like:
“I’m getting bullied for my gender identity!”
“Well of course you are, because kyriarchy! Here, let me tell you about society(which won’t help with your problem, but my opinion is what really matters here!”
But I guess Raven tried to get some sympathy there and accomplished that with me.
It’s unfortunate if Raven’s brother-story is real, because she started off pushing MRM nonsense and those endless links first, so her chances of being believed disappeared for most people. It sounded like Shit That Never Happened stuff, though I’d be a little surprised if an MRA troll had the imagination to make up a tale about a man who’s not a Manly Man Man being put upon, since they generally disapprove of such men or don’t think they even exist.
STILL a better love story than Twilight.
(sorry guys, I forgot how to quote)
@brz: in the instances I’ve seen here where a guy is said to be acting whiny and entitled, it’s because the guy IS acting whiny and entitled.
First off, this isn’t a site to discuss men’s issues. It’s a site dedicated to mocking misogyny. Certain men’s issues may come up in the course of discussion, but it’s not what this site is FOR. So someone who comes here and demands that people discuss men’s issues will likely be seen as derailing/trolling/not here in good faith. And in any case, it is a pretty entitled attitude to show up on someone else’s website and insist that everyone talk about what YOU want to talk about.
Also, men expressing their emotions is fine, but that doesn’t mean everyone has to agree with what they say, or that their statements are immune to criticism.
brz said: “It’s not the patriarchy which tells men that they need to adopt healthy masculinity”
Patriarchy and traditional gender roles tell men and women how they’re “supposed to” behave. These “supposed to’s” cause problems for both men and women. These problems include many of the same issues that mra’s claim to care about, when they’re not busy bashing western women, threatening violence if they don’t get their way, and calling feminists nazis for the ten billionth time.
Ship Stability For Deck Watchkeepers is a better love story than Twilight.
becausescience – oh, brzzzzzsnortyawn knows this isn’t that sort of site; he’s just a bog-standard misogynist attention troll.
My dog’s snoring is a better love story than Twilight.
Unoriginal joke is unoriginal. And I’m inclinded to disagree, given Paul Elam is a hateful fuck. (twilight’s bad and sexist, but nowhere near elam levels of bad and sexist).
@because science
[blockquote](sorry guys, I forgot how to quote)[/blockquote]
But with < instead of [