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An Unsolicited Update from Paul Elam’s P*nis

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Regular readers of this blog, for better or worse, know one thing that makes “Men’s Human Rights Activist” Paul Elam’s penis happy: The prospect of harassing feminists. He is, after all, the man who wrote of one feminist that “that the idea of fucking your shit up gives me an erection.”

Now Mr. Elam has given us a rather more complete account of what it is that pleases his penis. I’m not sure there was any great demand for this information, but he has chosen to release it, and so here we are.

In a post with the tasteful title “on tits, ass and fucktards,” Elam informs the world that he is in fact a fan of the first two items in this list – that is, tits and ass. He is also, he goes on to explain, a lover of

Sorry, I have to stop for a moment to remind you that you are about to read about things that give Paul Elam — yes THAT Paul Elam — a boner.

I will not think any less of you if you stop reading right here.

If you are ready and willing to continue, here we go:

I like well-formed thighs that lead up to the promise land, and smooth knees above shapely calves. Of course, all that combined with a woman’s pretty face is a crowning glory; full lips that promise supple kisses and great blow jobs, clear eyes and unblemished skin. All this combines to make a woman utterly fuckable, and visually that is what I like most of all. I like to look at women that are little fuckmuffins.

Yes, he actually wrote all that, attached his name to it, and posted it for other people to see.

But as much as Elam likes to look at “little fuckmuffins” he does not actually seem to like most of them very much.

After roughly 150  words devoted mostly to cataloguing his favorite female body parts, Elam evidently runs out of nice things to say about women, and so he returns again to his favorite pastime, devoting the bulk of the post to a rant explaining how much he hates “feminist fucktards,” traditionalist women, and women with Facebook accounts.

While happy enough with “fuckmuffins [who] are sexually liberated and adventurous” and who “like to please and be pleased,” Elam informs the world that he feels no such love for all those awful “fuckmuffins” who “liv[e] life with prudish sticks up their asses made from the same wood that forms the chips on their shoulders.”

He’s also mighty pissed at all those who aren’t interested in hearing him expound at length on what his penis likes.

Of the now almost endless list of things that have grown annoyingly stupid and sanctimonious about feminism is the Victorianesque shaming of my sexual programming as a man. Even with the so called “sex positive” feminists, the most hypocritical assholes of them all, the only positive sexuality they embrace is that of women. To them, male sexuality, in all its glory, is something to be buried, controlled and allowed to surface only when it serves the sexual needs of some narcissistic, horny, self-absorbed little “sex positive” princess.

Unfortunately, more traditional-minded women aren’t much interested in hearing about his penis either. And for some reason they, like feminists, think that there might be some sort of connection between men and rape.

Who are those traditionalists? You will know them by their obsequious silence while feminists shame men for committing the scurrilous act of looking at women sexually. Or better yet, as they join in with their “men can stop rape” bedfellows to twist and distort the natural inclinations of young men with Puritan sexual guilt that marches in lockstep with the feminist hatred of male sexuality.

Elam stops for a moment to reassure his readers that despite all that stuff about “well-formed thighs” and blow-job lips he prefers Good Women to mere “fuckmuffins.”

Now, all that being said, is woman-as-fuckmuffin all I care about? Hardly. As a matter of fact, I would throw fuckmuffin to the curb faster than you can say “patriarchy” to spend time with a woman of good character and intelligence. I have learned in life that my dick has a healthy agenda for humanity, but not necessarily for me. So as my values have matured, so has my taste in women.

Heck, it turns out he actually sort of hates “fuckmuffin.” After all, he tells us,

fuckmuffin … is prone to act indignant when she feels sexualized (by the wrong guy). She can become so angry at being “objectified” that you can see her tits shake right through that tight sweater with the neckline that plunges to the vicinity of her toes.

And then he compares her to a bug:

Time and experience will lead [men] to understand that fuckmuffin should be regarded with same respect as you would afford a stinging insect.

Basically, he explains, the only problem with lustful young men who ogle women is that they haven’t learned to hate women enough quite yet. And so women shouldn’t complain when young guys stare at them. Or when they don’t. As far as I can figure it, he thinks women shouldn’t ever complain about anything.

Leave [young men] the fuck alone. There is nothing wrong with them. Nothing needs to be fixed. If you want to help a young man like that, just start encouraging him to connect the dots between fuckmuffin’s propensity to take her own picture and post it to Facebook four times a day and her ultimate tendency to make him miserable. Eventually he will get the connection. And if he doesn’t, maybe that makes him happy. Either way, it is none of your fucking business.

And so ends what’s probably the strangest work of erotica I think I’ve ever read.

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MordsithJ
11 years ago

Here’s a non-comedy TB film on amazon instant:
http://www.amazon.com/A-Fool-There-Was/dp/B004NJ4WBM

Aaliyah
11 years ago
Briznecko
Briznecko
11 years ago

Bah! That’s right, A Feel There Was isn’t a comedy.

Theda Bara
Theda Bara
11 years ago

Yay! That’s for the Theda links. I’m a butch woman in a relationship with a trans woman and I can without doubt say that I am afforded a depressingly large amount of privilege in our community compared to my partner. Being femme means being less than at times.

Briznecko
Briznecko
11 years ago

*Fool

My coffee just isn’t kicking in today!

Although, it does sound like a title for a bad rom-com

pillowinhell
11 years ago

Raven, why are women with prized masculine traits and abilities vilified?

Speaking from personal eperience, because having those “male” traits means I don’t have to immediately find a husband just to get basic shit done. Like fixing a leaking tap, shoveling six foot high snow, mowing the lawn etc etc. For women, that can be threatening because it means that the men around might start expecting the women in their lives to take on this work as well. For men, its threatening because if all women do this, what would we NEED them for? Men who think this way can’t wrap their minds around the idea that I might choose them because I WANT THEM for who they are as opposed to what they can do for me. Also, just because I can do a task doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t be happy to let my partner do it if it turns out that my partner is better skilled at it or enjoys it more.

Beloved likes mowing the lawn. Which is good because soon we will have a lot of lawn and for me its just another task to do. So, he’ll be mowing the lawn even though I’m perfectly capable of it. Beloved is my partner because I want him, not because I need him to deal with day to day life.

Briznecko
Briznecko
11 years ago

It seems women who tend to be more butch/andogrynus are completely ignored – after all if ladies arn’t visually pleasing to teh bonerz they don’t exist.

Whereas there is so much harsh gender policing against men who don’t conform to the very narrow form of proper masculinity.

Aaliyah
11 years ago

@Theda Bara

I’m a butch woman in a relationship with a trans woman and I can without doubt say that I am afforded a depressingly large amount of privilege in our community compared to my partner. Being femme means being less than at times.

And as a trans* girl myself, one of the main reasons I find myself feeling depressed and anxious is that I want to be more femme, but at the back of my mind, I’m afraid of being seen as someone seeing me as “frivolous” or someone who doesn’t deserve any respect simply because of being femme.

Theda Bara
Theda Bara
11 years ago

Misogyny, Misogyny,Misogyny for everyone. An equal opportunity offender.

Aaliyah
11 years ago

I honestly find it insulting for someone to label my fears and experiences as things that result only from the stigma against non-conformity and not from actual misogyny that affects me in painful ways.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
11 years ago

I’ve been close to a number of femmey men throughout my life, but notice that I’m not trying to appropriate their experiences to make a point.

Theda Bara
Theda Bara
11 years ago

@Aaliyah I really hope I didn’t come across as appropriating your experiences. I’m sorry if I did, just a bit of trigger for me. Sorry if I did again.

Aaliyah
11 years ago

Here are some exerpts from the study:

“Transgender women were more likely to experience the end of a relationship, compared to transgender men, except for those transitioned under the age of 18. This gender difference increased as the age of transition for respondents increased.”

“Transgender women were almost twice as likely to have been physically assaulted in a shelter (29%) than transgender men (15%)…”

In some cases, trans women fare better, but these two figures indicate that there is a stronger attitudinal bias against trans* women than trans* men.

Aaliyah
11 years ago

@Aaliyah I really hope I didn’t come across as appropriating your experiences. I’m sorry if I did, just a bit of trigger for me. Sorry if I did again.

That was directed at people who actually do that (e.g. Raven), not you. Sorry for making it sound like I was talking about you!

Briznecko
Briznecko
11 years ago

I’m off! I leave you with the most epic pie fight ever!

Jedi hugs Aaliyah!

Theda Bara
Theda Bara
11 years ago

Oh don’t worry! Just making sure. But yes, that study should be sobering to those who just spout buzzwords.

becausescience
becausescience
11 years ago

Most of the problems MRA’s complain about men facing stem from societies’ adherence to traditional male gender roles. Our society holds certain rules about how men are supposed to be, such as:

Men are strong and independent.
Men are tough.
Men are virile.
Men are physically aggressive.

The flip side of these societal expectations of how men are “supposed” to be is that:

A man who seeks help is weak. (because men are supposed to be independent)

A man who gets physically assaulted by a woman is weak. (because a man should always be able to defend himself, especially from a woman)

A man cannot be raped. (because men are supposed to always want sex)

Men are natural fighters/warriors. (and thus are better suited for violent conflicts/war)

Men who don’t measure up as “macho/masculine” enough are derided as effeminate and therefore weak, because society sees femininity as weak, because society sees women as weak.

If a guy is “not manly enough”, he’s a pussy, a little bitch. Mra’s themselves reinforce this by calling men who disagree with them “mangina’s”. The worst insult that mra’s/mgtow’s can come up with for men they don’t like is to say those men are like women.

Rather than accept that many of the problems they claim to care about have their roots in patriarchy and our society’s ideas about gender roles (as well as in other issues like poverty, racism, etc.), they blame feminism, or blame women in general.

In fact, one of their main beefs with feminism is that they claim it’s “feminizing” men and making them weak. Because they think femininity is weak. Because they think women are weak.

If mra’s really do want to help men and not just bash women and feminism, then they should be criticizing patriarchy and associated ideas of masculinity, and working to dismantle traditional gender roles (something feminists have been adressing for years). If not, those same limiting/damaging gender roles and expectations will continue to harm countless men and women going into the future.

Theda Bara
Theda Bara
11 years ago

But that would make sense. Not something they actually trade in.

MordsithJ
11 years ago

Besides, it would involve doing some work.

Theda Bara
Theda Bara
11 years ago

Critical thinking is the evil feminists work.

Marie
Marie
11 years ago

@Aaliyah

So recently my dad forced me to get a haircut (http://mellowness.dreamwidth.org/15455.html). Since writing entry, my hair has grown very quickly and is now getting long in the back like it was before. Does anyone have any suggestions for safeguarding my hair once more and avoiding the next haircut? I really, really don’t want to be forced to get a haircut again. I’m asking here because you folks have been very helpful in the past.

Internet hugs if wanted. Sadly I don’t have any suggestions though 🙁

@ravensong

That was very sexist, but some of the “hot wife” character do have that notable character twist (not because of the husband’s slobbishness, BTW).

Fascinating. Tell me more of your truly wonderful unique opinions.

And I don’t really understand what you mean by me coming “in good faith”? Are you suggesting that I’m a troll with nothing to do, and not just some random commentator with a point to prove?

You’re a troll because you came with a point to prove. You can come and say contradictory opinions, but you also have to be willing to engage, atm you’re just talking to yourself and ignoring everyone else’s responses.

Oh wait, he’s not. He’s portrayed as a stud. The girls he sleeps with are objects who often get fridged with not a second thought. (Especially in GoldFinger

I think when we got to goldfinger I kinda just tuned out of the bonds a little more (james bond marathon happening at our dads, kind old by now). I want to see casino royal again (daniel craig, don’t know if there’s more than one) to remind myself that bond movies can actually be good ^_^

@David

On the “Mrs. Robinson” example that came up earlier, an interesting fact that suggests a lot about how Hollywood treats actors and actresses of various ages: Dustin Hoffman is only 6 years younger than Anne Bancroft.

well, that’s a little weird. I guess I just assumed he’d be more younger. Since, you know, that’s how it happened it the movie. (apologies for weird tone again, energy crash.)

Breaking Bad is really good, though it’s not going to appeal to everyone. The show itself doesn’t treat Skylar as the villain, it’s just some fans.

That’s nice. The show thing, not the fan thing.

The inversion IS what’s key here, but like I said, it is sexist on both sides: no woman is supposedly strong enough to harm a man, so any man weak enough to be harmed by a woman isn’t a real man.

It slowly dawns upon RavenSong that patriarchy hurts men too. But will it last? Fade has already told me no.

One flaw in your argument there; in reality female-on-male domestic violence happens just as often as male-on-female. HUGE LINK DUMP AHEAD

Sure. Just as often. In…alternate universe land? Can’t wait to see the citations :/

Aside from the “feministsaresexist” link (which I get that the name is repelling, but the person of this tumblr just discusses the shortcomings of feminism instead of pushing all the blame for everything on it

Actually, I’m pretty sure most of the failures of feminism comes from not being inclusive enough (more middle class white women in some parts) not from being sexist against men. Just so you know, RAven.

TomBcat

Also, being male is still the default. Being female is a characteristic on it’s own.

You think Raven would’ve noticed, given zir links to tvtropes. (smurfette principal, anyone?)

@Raven

My main is that men experience sexism (and not just “via patriarchy”)

Wrong again.

And although I’m a critic of feminism, it doesn’t mean I don’t believe that misogynists are worthy of ridicule. Are the two always mutually exclusive?

No, but in your case, they are.

So because this person dares to explore the kinks behind this situation and admits that rape in all its possible forms is more than just a black-and-white issue, they advocate rape?

Yes. They aren’t a brave person exploring it like you put them up to be, they are a rape apologist, and they are not unique, there are plenty of them.

You JUST demonstrated that restrictive gender roles are heteronormative, not just misogynist.

They aren’t both? Wait, I think they are both.

Well, hello all non-troll peoples. I have sadly committed myself to reading raven’s comments (and all of yours! :D) and am stuck behind in this thread. :/ Why can’t I resist responding to trolls, even when they are really boring?

Theda Bara
Theda Bara
11 years ago

@Marie I can only assume you have a stronger constitution than most!

Marie
Marie
11 years ago

Re: Raven

even in the face of evidence that men are as disadvantaged as women

Where is the evidence? Besides your ass, and the sites of other bigots? like, maybe an actual study or something. More than one.

@cloudiah

Which, if you actually look at the original post, means that women who don’t respond well to being approached by complete strangers on the street, or when they’re alone in an elevator with a stranger, are irrational lady bigots.

🙁 Guessing they missed the point of the post.

@Raven

My younger brother is gay and identifies as genderqueer, and he gets bullied, threatened, and beaten up b/c of that.

And that really sucks for your brother, I hope he’s doing fine, but that is homophobia not sexism.

He confided in one of them about his problem and they talked over him, saying the sexism he faced was actually sexism toward women.

um, but it’s not sexism. It’s homophobia. Words have meanings, you know, you can’t just apply sexism to all discrimination.

If that’s the case, why aren’t traditionally feminine women villified?

….they…are. Have you never seen shows/ movies or read books where the more femmy girl, the one who’s not like the boys, who dresses slutty or wears make up is the villian? Because I have. A lot.

Androgynous fashion/clothing is accepted for women and has been for quite a while, whilst there is no alternative for men who are wishing to dress more like this.

um yeah, because woman stuff is considered inferior.

@cassandrasays

Please remember not to put your straw feminists in the dryer. Do not expose straw feminists to bright lights. Be especially careful not to feed them after midnight.

Why? What happens when the feed them after midnight?

my brother’s bullies didn’t go up to him make a long, drawn-out speech about “why you’re embarrassing us and all men right now.” They just shoved him around and called him a fag, plain and simpl

Bolded the part where you can help tell its from homophobia for you.

And posting cuz I need to take a break from boring troll. Sorry for spamming you guys.

TomBcat
11 years ago

I’m gonna have to take notes here in the future.
I’m always struggling to express what I mean, and then an hour later three or more people do it again, only much more eloquently and understanable.
Hi Marie!

Marie
Marie
11 years ago

@Theda Bara

And I finally finished too! 😀 I should win a fake prize, or something XD

@tomBcat

Hi! 😀

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