Regular readers of this blog, for better or worse, know one thing that makes “Men’s Human Rights Activist” Paul Elam’s penis happy: The prospect of harassing feminists. He is, after all, the man who wrote of one feminist that “that the idea of fucking your shit up gives me an erection.”
Now Mr. Elam has given us a rather more complete account of what it is that pleases his penis. I’m not sure there was any great demand for this information, but he has chosen to release it, and so here we are.
In a post with the tasteful title “on tits, ass and fucktards,” Elam informs the world that he is in fact a fan of the first two items in this list – that is, tits and ass. He is also, he goes on to explain, a lover of
Sorry, I have to stop for a moment to remind you that you are about to read about things that give Paul Elam — yes THAT Paul Elam — a boner.
I will not think any less of you if you stop reading right here.
If you are ready and willing to continue, here we go:
I like well-formed thighs that lead up to the promise land, and smooth knees above shapely calves. Of course, all that combined with a woman’s pretty face is a crowning glory; full lips that promise supple kisses and great blow jobs, clear eyes and unblemished skin. All this combines to make a woman utterly fuckable, and visually that is what I like most of all. I like to look at women that are little fuckmuffins.
Yes, he actually wrote all that, attached his name to it, and posted it for other people to see.
But as much as Elam likes to look at “little fuckmuffins” he does not actually seem to like most of them very much.
After roughly 150 words devoted mostly to cataloguing his favorite female body parts, Elam evidently runs out of nice things to say about women, and so he returns again to his favorite pastime, devoting the bulk of the post to a rant explaining how much he hates “feminist fucktards,” traditionalist women, and women with Facebook accounts.
While happy enough with “fuckmuffins [who] are sexually liberated and adventurous” and who “like to please and be pleased,” Elam informs the world that he feels no such love for all those awful “fuckmuffins” who “liv[e] life with prudish sticks up their asses made from the same wood that forms the chips on their shoulders.”
He’s also mighty pissed at all those who aren’t interested in hearing him expound at length on what his penis likes.
Of the now almost endless list of things that have grown annoyingly stupid and sanctimonious about feminism is the Victorianesque shaming of my sexual programming as a man. Even with the so called “sex positive” feminists, the most hypocritical assholes of them all, the only positive sexuality they embrace is that of women. To them, male sexuality, in all its glory, is something to be buried, controlled and allowed to surface only when it serves the sexual needs of some narcissistic, horny, self-absorbed little “sex positive” princess.
Unfortunately, more traditional-minded women aren’t much interested in hearing about his penis either. And for some reason they, like feminists, think that there might be some sort of connection between men and rape.
Who are those traditionalists? You will know them by their obsequious silence while feminists shame men for committing the scurrilous act of looking at women sexually. Or better yet, as they join in with their “men can stop rape” bedfellows to twist and distort the natural inclinations of young men with Puritan sexual guilt that marches in lockstep with the feminist hatred of male sexuality.
Elam stops for a moment to reassure his readers that despite all that stuff about “well-formed thighs” and blow-job lips he prefers Good Women to mere “fuckmuffins.”
Now, all that being said, is woman-as-fuckmuffin all I care about? Hardly. As a matter of fact, I would throw fuckmuffin to the curb faster than you can say “patriarchy” to spend time with a woman of good character and intelligence. I have learned in life that my dick has a healthy agenda for humanity, but not necessarily for me. So as my values have matured, so has my taste in women.
Heck, it turns out he actually sort of hates “fuckmuffin.” After all, he tells us,
fuckmuffin … is prone to act indignant when she feels sexualized (by the wrong guy). She can become so angry at being “objectified” that you can see her tits shake right through that tight sweater with the neckline that plunges to the vicinity of her toes.
And then he compares her to a bug:
Time and experience will lead [men] to understand that fuckmuffin should be regarded with same respect as you would afford a stinging insect.
Basically, he explains, the only problem with lustful young men who ogle women is that they haven’t learned to hate women enough quite yet. And so women shouldn’t complain when young guys stare at them. Or when they don’t. As far as I can figure it, he thinks women shouldn’t ever complain about anything.
Leave [young men] the fuck alone. There is nothing wrong with them. Nothing needs to be fixed. If you want to help a young man like that, just start encouraging him to connect the dots between fuckmuffin’s propensity to take her own picture and post it to Facebook four times a day and her ultimate tendency to make him miserable. Eventually he will get the connection. And if he doesn’t, maybe that makes him happy. Either way, it is none of your fucking business.
And so ends what’s probably the strangest work of erotica I think I’ve ever read.
Oh, ok it also turns out that the guy who played Dustin Hoffman’s dad was only ten years older than him. But six is less than ten!
We’re using Family Guy as a judge of anything? Because my brother watched a repeat earlier and yes Peter, lying on a teen girl who’s been knocked out, who’s boobs you keep commenting on, is improper, breaking the fourth wall about how it’s a cartoon does not excuse it (fuck, makes it worse, means MacFarlane knew it was objectionable)
MacFarlane’s audience leans heavily dudebro, so if there are people out there who find the sight of a woman hitting or raping her husband funny, guess who those people are?
Gross facts, 10 is old enough to procreate/reproduce — there’s that 13 year old father who was all over the news not long ago, and this girl (put down food and beverages, if you think 13 is young, you’re about to be disgusted) — http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lina_Medina
/tangent on the realism of Mrs. Robinson
Oh, NSFW photo on that wiki
Interesting suggestion, but I would hate to shorten or get rid of my bangs, so I can’t really follow your advice. The sweatband idea is appealing, although I’d probably only wear my headband when he’s not around, so I think just a normal headband will do.
That’s a good idea, but I don’t want to burden anyone. The only person willing to do that for me is my older brother, but he has a lot shit going in his life as well, and perhaps being an intermediary on top of all of that will be too much for him.
By the way, people have been saying that many people in the tech industry are not as my dad says. Do you think there’s a way I can convince my dad he’s wrong? For the record, he tells me that long hair is unprofessional because of his own experience in the tech industry, apparently.
I’ve actually seen Islam apologists excuse Muhammad’s marriage to Aisha by bringing that up. I wish I was joking.
Does the company in question have the sort of website that has employee photos? Maybe you’d get lucky and find long hair among the current staff?
If he’s cool with “times change” just ask how long ago that was? Could try showing him pics of google HQ but they actually are an exception (most places do not let you turn your cube into whatever structure suits you)
Idk if it’d help but — http://technology.pitt.edu/software.html — makes me go “dude, you’re at my desk” (seriously, that was either in the few months between when I left and them moving, or I was off at the time, that’s my former boss at my former desk)…and gods I loved that job. Was years ago, so I’m not really worried about posting it publicly.
Excusing it by bringing up the girl too young to explain who the father might be, and so young her tiny pelvis required a c-section? When Muhammad’s marriage took place long before c-sections? Like, all morals aside here, she’d have probably died in childbirth, that along must be immoral, right?
I’m actually pretty sure that I could have given birth at 10 – I’d been menstruating for a year, and I had breasts. It’s not the lack of physical development that makes adults having sex with children so horrifying.
(It always bugs me when I see arguments going down that path, because my body at 10 didn’t look all that different to my body now, but I was like any other 10 year old mentally/emotionally. The idea that physical development = ready for sex does a lot of harm to kids who develop early, and is used to justify a lot of child abuse.)
Aaliyah, was your dad ever the CEO of Sun Microsystems? Because a guy with a ponytail was. How about Kickstarter? Has he bought the top half of the Woolworth Building anytime recently? Because if not, then it looks like long-haired tech dudes are doing better than him.
Oh, and has he ever landed a probe on Mars or been the First Lady’s guest at the State of the Union? Because a guy with a mohawk did both.
Cassandra — sorry if my comment made it sound like it might be justifiable if the child in question where physically capable of giving birth. I was trying to short circuit any “but the culture was different” with “it plain isn’t safe”…but yeah, it’s also plain repugnant for a grown adult to be “having sex with” (raping) a child. Disagreement on 16 vs 18 and how old is too old (eg 17 & 19?) aside, adult + child = rape.
Sorry if I came off sounding like ABNOY, or upset you (or others).
These two (models or real employees) were deemed suitable for the corporate job opportunities page at Apple. Short back and sides? Nope. More the geeky look.
http://www.apple.com/jobs/au/
On the subject of Ayesha, isn’t it true that the hadith are full of contradictions about when she was born, and her age can be taken as anything from seven to 28 at the time of her marriage?
Actually, hearing how he hates women like us is music to my ears. It spares me a lot of creepy-feels to know that the power of my feminism repels him! 😀
Despite you saying how he says he prefers Good Women, I don’t think such a thing exists even in his mind.
Breaking Bad is really good, though it’s not going to appeal to everyone. The show itself doesn’t treat Skylar as the villain, it’s just some fans.
I don’t know if that was badly phrased, because
1. I thought in your opinion female cheaters are favored over male ones, and
2. My list all contained examples of how either the man is forgiven for cheating or the woman is demonized.
My favourite example is 50/50, in which a normal woman is confronted with her boyfriend possibly dying, freaks out and eventually cheats on him.
Then his best friend destroys every moment she has to talk with him.
The movie is about the guy, not her, so in the end she is just a plot device.
But on message boards like imdb people talked a lot about what a bitch she was and how could she,
A counter example is It’s kind of a funny Story, in which a boy who’s not really mentally ill(compared to the people around him) gets checked in a psych ward voluntarily, falls in love with a girl who is very ill, then cheats on her and she forgives him.
In both cases an unstable person is cheated on. The boy is forgiven, the woman is demonized.
And those are only a few examples, but those were just off the top of my head. I could find a lot more.
There are of course other examples, like Extract, where he forgives her for cheating because he tried to cheat on her as well. No one is demonized here.
TV shows like Family guy and American Dad are really bad examples.
I’ve seen every episode so far (and no, I am not a dudebro) and the characters(including the children) get constantly sexualized, brutalized, raped, beaten, cheated on, so in the context of the shows, there is actually a lot equality going on there (*cringe*).
Hi Aaliyah,
I’ve been around techy people in the bay area my whole life and it’s nearly standard as far as I can tell for the guys to at least go through a phase of long hair-past the shoulders and ponytail length.
So that excuse of your father’s seems to be just an excuse.
I don’t post a lot but I read this site almost every day. I’m going to be in the bay area in a few weeks. You had mentioned earlier you don’t know a lot of people outside your family. If you wanted to meet up, I could see what I could do with helping out with introducing you to more accepting people. For example, my brother works at google (and has waist length hair).
Only thing is I’m not sure how to get in personal contact through the website, and I don’t know if you would like to or if it would just be weird since you don’t know me.
And since that behavior is possible in both genders, there is no reason to use a gendered term for it.
And
So… I also remember Stan taking away 24 years of Francine’s memory when she realized he forgot their anniversary, and framing her for a murder his boss committed to avoid having her say “I told you so”.
You examples just seem to be characters who treat each other horribly, not 1-way.
Raven is using Seth MacFarlane to prove a point, that means I don’t have to take them seriously.
With the older man/younger woman dynamic in Hollywood, I think it’s important to note that it is so normalized that oftentimes it isn’t even commented upon in the film. The couple is presented as peers, but the male actor is visibly older than the actress. So watching it without an awareness of that, you might not even realize it consciously, but it still shapes how we view couples in real life.
OTOH, I can’t think of an example of an older woman/younger man romance where the age difference *wasn’t* addressed in the script. It’s just not something that happens.
And then of course even when the actors are approximately the same age, the woman is often made up to look younger (dyed hair, makeup to cover any wrinkles, etc.). That happens to male actors as well of course, but they’re usually able to get away with more visible signs of ageing (salt-and-pepper hair, for example) than female actors are, so it still kind of normalizes the older man/younger woman pairing.
Oh and Aaliyah, I don’t have any real advice to give, but I just wanted to say your long hair was really cute and honestly looked pretty gender-neutral to me. I’ve seen plenty of young men with similar haircuts, as well as young women.
And my father is a web designer and has had a long tech career, and had a ponytail for most of it (including now, in his 60s). Hasn’t held him back at all.
@TomBCat
Sorry if you didn’t understand, English isn’t my first language. But yes, that is the case.
Seriously … http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/TheUnfairSex
It’s all there in the link. It clearly refers to examples in the media where women who cheated, or plainly mistreated their male partners were taken less seriously than if men were to do so to their female partners. I’m not just pointing out horrible wives, and I’m certainly not saying there aren’t examples of men who are pardoned unfairly over women, either. I’m saying that this trope happens so damn often that it’s commonplace.
I’m aware of that, but the reason I used them was in response to Faze’s inquiry about horrible, abusive behavior.
I will not use that term anymore. I know that the abhorrent behavior between the two isn’t one-way. What is one-way is the reaction and treatment the two receive. Whenever Francine acts this way, it’s more often played for laughs. When Stan does this, it’s taken seriously and he ends up being rebuked harshly.
@hellkell
Fine. I don’t take MacFarlane seriously, either – as a comedian or a human being. But whether we like it or not, his shows are extremely popular and contribute a lot of weight to this trope.
Raven, got anything besides “what about the menz?”