Today, a fascinating โ and infuriating โ case study in how Menโs Rights Activists twist reality around in order to fit their peculiar ideology. Obviously, they do this all the time, but it’s hard to find a clearer example of the MRA Reality Distortion field in action than the video Iโve pasted in below from A Voice for Men.
The video features a recording of one of AVFMโs regular commenters calling a domestic violence hotline, pretending to be a man named โRenoโ who has been abused by his wife. In reality, Reno is Ian Williams, a puckish Australian who has made himself AVFMโs go-to guy for prank calls; you can find several other prank calls from him on his AVFM contributor page.
Hereโs what Williams, who also goes by the pseudonym Dr. F,ย has to say about the call:
If youโre a man and you are a victim of violence from your partner you may face difficulties finding help. Donโt listen to me, hereโs the guy himself who called. His name is Reno.
Reno calls a battered womenโs shelter and is denied help.
He is denied help, even though he tells the person on the other end of the phone that he is worried his wife will return with a cricket bat.
That sounds pretty damning, and, in the comments, the regulars at AVFM responded with predictable outrage.
“No concern for a beaten man or a boy that could also be a victim and, only able to help(willing) women,” wrote Raven01. “It makes the hate filled ideology apparent to all.”
“[Go] feminism- the humanitarian justice movement brought to you by the modern KKK!” Perseus added. “Sieg Heil, cunts!”
Not one of them seemed to care that everything Williams says about the phone call is false. “Reno” was offered help many times. He was the one who refused it.
If you listen to the call, here’s what you’ll find:
Williams, pretending to be โReno,โ called a Domestic Violence counseling line, not a battered womenโs shelter. He told the counselor heโd been attacked by his wife and that he needed a place to go. The counselor explained to him that heโd called a counseling line and that she personally couldn’t arrange for shelter, but that if he called the menโs help line, they could arrange for him and his 6-year-old son to get free hotel accommodations at a location unknown to his wife. The counselor offered several times to connect him directly to the menโs help line.
Williams also told the counselor that he was thinking of calling the police. She told him she could connect him directly to the police, and would be happy to explain his situation to them and to make sure he reached an officer who specializes in domestic violence.
Ignoringย all her offers to assist him in getting shelter and further help, Williams insisted that he wanted to be housed in a battered womanโs shelter instead. The counselor, naturally, was puzzled by this strange insistence on his part, and explained to him again that he could get free shelter at a local hotel for as long as he needed. She again offered to connect him directly to someone who could get him immediate help.
Having refused all of her offers of assistance, Reno abruptly ended the call — to the obvious distress of the counselor, who despite the patent weirdness ofย his behavior on the call had been patiently trying her best to get “Reno” the help he claimed he needed. (I suspect she sensed that his story was phony, but tried to help anyway in case it was true.)
Listen to the call yourself. Itโs utterly surreal. What’s even more surreal is that Williams would make the bald claim that he had been “denied help” — and then put up a recording that clearly reveals that this claim is complete and utter bullshit. And I can’t tell if he’s lying or delusional.
That’s always the question with MRAs, isn’t it?
EDITED TO ADD: A commenter here has prepared a rough transcript of the call. There are a few moments where it was impossible to figure out a word or two, but otherwise this seems to pretty accurately match my memory of the call, which I’ve listened to several times. Let me know if I need to make any corrections.
Recorded message:
Family Violence Counseling Line. Please note for training and quality improvement purposes only, your call may be monitored. If you do not want your call to be monitored, please let the counselor know. If you wish to listen to ? regarding our privacy policy if you are already speaking to a counselor press one now, otherwise hold on the line for next available counselor.
[Ringing sound]
Counselor: Hello, this is *redacted* speaking, how can I help you?
โRenoโ: Oh, hello. I um, was speaking to someone a short while ago called Maria,
Counselor: Uh huhโฆ
โRenoโ: And, and my name is Reno. And, umโฆ
Counselor: Uh huhโฆ
โRenoโ: I was explaining, I was explaining to her that my, my wife, uh, is violent towards me with a cricket bat and other things.
Counselor: Mmhmmโฆ
โRenoโ: And, uh, she gave me a phone number to call, and uhโฆ
Counselor: Mmhmmโฆ
โRenoโ: I called them and umโฆ
Counselor: A phone number for what?
โRenoโ: Uhโฆ Uh, it was to help, it was a, umโฆ Pardon me, it was 1-800-015-188. It was aโฆ
Counselor: I donโt know what that number is, so what is it for?
โRenoโ: Uh, itโs a helpli-, itโs a possible, itโs a place where they might be able to tell me where I can get some shelter for the night. But thereโs none of theโฆ DV places ? are gonna help me, because Iโm a man, you see.
Counselor: Have you called the menโs line? โCause theyโre the ones who specialize in, because in Australia unfortunately most of the, umโฆ Services. Well not unfortunately, fortunately though, most of the services are for women, because 95% of domestic violence is perpetrated by men. So thatโs why they donโt really have umโฆ They donโt really haveโฆ So many refuges for wom-, for men. They do have places where men can go, but theyโre normally um, like overnight menโs, um, places, likeโฆ Which state are you in?
โRenoโ: Victoria.
Counselor: Victoria. I donโt know the ones in Victoria but thereโs quite a few, for example, in Sydney um, that provide um, overnight accommodation but they donโt call them refuges as such because umโฆ Itโs the different situation only for women โcause often theyโre, well normally theyโre fleeing with children. So um, normally the menโs ones arenโt, theyโre not called refuges, theyโre called like, a menโs hostel or an overnight, um, menโs overnight um, shelter, or theyโll call them different names but they donโt call them refuges. So, um, if youโre looking for menโs refuge thatโs probably not in existence, but there are a lot of menโs shelters.
โRenoโ: Will they take me and my boy?
Counselor: If youโve got a child, um, theyโll probably prioritize you, I would say. Um, have you rung menโs line? Because theyโre the ones who really have this type of information, um because they specialize in helping men. While general lines, like, weโre a counseling line, so we donโt actually have access to phone numbers for, um, directly for refuges. We can connect you to the refuge line. How oldโs your, how oldโs your son?
โRenoโ: Six.
Counselor: How old?
โRenoโ: Heโs six.
Counselor: Heโs six. And where is he right now?
โRenoโ: Heโs with me. My wifeโs gonna be coming home in about three hours, and sheโs gonna, sheโs gonna beat me.
Counselor: And he, and your sonโs not asleep now?
โRenoโ: No, heโs with me now.
Counselor: Why isnโt he in bed at 8.40, 8.48 in the-โฆ Sorry Reno, but why is he awake at this time of night?
โRenoโ: Because weโre about to just go somewhere, anywhere, out of the house because we justโฆ Weโre terrifed. He, weโre ready to go, so. We, weโre ready to go.
Counselor: Reno, this is really concerning me. Is he listening to you as youโre speaking on the phone?
โRenoโ: No.
Counselor: Where is he right now?
โRenoโ: Heโs got some headphones on. Heโs watchingโฆ
Counselor: Whatโs he doing?
โRenoโ: Heโs watching television now, he canโt hear any talk. I made sure of that.
Counselor: Yeah, Iโm really concerned that heโs um, awake at this time of night. Um, the other organization that could most likely help you find accommodation and probably would be your best option would be ? Community Services, because they deal especially with children and families in crisis, and so they would definitely keep you together, they would probably actually put you in, normally they pay for a hotel or motel. A menโs shelter wouldnโt be the appropriate place to go with a child, definitely not. So, um, ? they give you, they have a lot of motels and hotels that they deal with, and put they in those instead of accommodation until they can find you permanent accommodation.
โRenoโ: Okay.
Counselor: Like, normally theyโd pay for a flat or something instead, they wouldnt, they donโt continue to keep you in a, you know, holding pattern in a hotel. Sometimes they make you stay for, like, two weeks in a hotel.
โRenoโ: Mm.
Counselor: That would be a good option for you, wouldnโt it?
โRenoโ: Yeah. And they wouldnโt let my wife know that, where Iโm living? Staying?
Counselor: No, they wouldnโt do that.
โRenoโ: โCause sheโs really violent. Really violent.
Counselor: They definitely wouldnโt. Um, they definitely wouldnโt let your wife know where youโre staying. I can help you with the phone call. I can introduce you, explain the situation, and see what they can do for you, if youโd like.
โRenoโ: Hmmโฆ Possibly, tha-, thank you. I think I might, actually what I might do is call the police now and then see how it goes in there.
Counselor: But your best option is calling the police and then asking to speak to a domestic violence officer.
โRenoโ: Okay.
Counselor: Theyโre the ones that are the most specialized in this, so they deal with this day in and day out, and thatโs probably stationedโฆ Are you in area, in an open area? Are you in Melbourne, or are you in a town, orโฆ?
โRenoโ: Uh, Iโm in Melbourne.
Counselor: Well, if youโre in Melbourne, most Melbourne police stations will have a domestic violence officer, and they specialize in domestic violence, and um, what you can get is to get a detective to come over, or a domestic violence officer, and say that youโd like to um, that you have um, fear of, um, harm of your wife whoโs been abusing you. And what theyโll do is, they might um, even try and get an AVO so that she has to move out of the house and you guys can stay in the house.
โRenoโ: Mm.
Counselor: Theyโll try probably to do that so that you and the child can stay there. Or um, if you move, theyโll um, it would be, that she canโt actually have legal contact with you.
โRenoโ: Yeahโฆ No, we have to actually get away from her, we canโt stay here. So thereโs nowh-, thereโs no um, womenโs shelter I could stay in, we could stay in tonight?
Counselor: Well, womenโs, womenโs shelterโs donโt take men.
โRenoโ: They donโt take men.
Counselor: Why donโt you ring menโs lines? They would be able to tell you where you can go. Why donโt you ring the menโs line? Do you want me to connect you through to the menโs line? They deal with men. Men and womenโs shelters are two totally different issues. Why do you want to go [to] a womenโs shelter?
โRenoโ: I just need somewhere where I can just get away from her, somewhere whe-
Counselor: Yeah, but why wouldnโt you, why wouldnโt you wanna go? Why arenโt you accepting this offer that ? will pay for hotel accommodations for you and your son?
โRenoโ: Oh, because Iโฆ
Counselor: Why do youโฆ
โReno: Because I need to get out now.
Counselor: Yeah, but they would organize it now, theyโll probably organize someone to come and get you now. People work 24/7.
โRenoโ: Oh, okay. I didnโt know what. Okay.
Counselor: ? Services work 24/7, or do you want me to put you through to your local um, police station and explain it to the domestic violence officer so that I can introduce you and explain your situation and see how they can help you?
โRenoโ: No, Iโll, Iโll give them a call myself. Okay, thanks.
Counselor: Are you sure?
โRenoโ: Absolutely.
Counselor: Iโm happy to do it, Reno. Iโm very concerned about your son.
โRenoโ: No, that, thatโs okay. I, Iโll go now.
I never got my head around photoshop at all. I don’t like Adobe’s programs. I tried learning Gimp, which seems the free equivalent of photoshop (which is SO expensive!) but couldn’t figure it at all. I use a very basic one called PhotoStudio. It came as the software for my first scanner, and I only started playing with it when the scanner conked out and I couldn’t upload drawings any more. I wouldn’t go back to drawing now, I like doing pics this way MUCH better. Apart from anything else, I couldn’t colour for shit. ๐
Don’t I wish I had a camera that could take real pictures of Mr K, though! XD
I have to admit, I have never really tried that many drawing programs, just photoshop elements and sketchbook which I mentioned hating. They were the ones that came with the tablet. XD
::use-the-freebies high five::
๐
Freebies!
Speaking of which, if you do feel like trying other programs any time, there’s a freebie called Paint.Net that’s not bad. It has a nice layering function where you can get different sorts of blends (not sure if that’s the word). I use it for things like tee-shirt pics. Like, if I want a pic of Louis wearing one of my tees (which he does a lot, he is a shameless tee-shirt thief) I can take a pic of mine and put it over a pic of a guy in a tee shirt, and the layers can blend so it looks like the colour/pattern of mine is curving around the guy’s torso.
Not very well explained, here’s a sample! ๐
My tee: mauve with pattern
Original photo tee: white.
http://i.imgur.com/02HPa6i.png
That does sound handy. I might check it out if I ever photoshop a photo as opposed to a drawing or think when I’m drawing ‘If only I had that program that let you use the layering function that kitteh’s was talking about in… dang… I can’t remember the thread… Oh no! I can’t remember the program! AAAAAAAAH”
/my prophecies are weird. But it would totally happen.
On the bright side, I just psyched myself into bookmarking it, to avoid that very specific situation
LOL you are not alone in having that happen!
@kittehs
My weekend was fine, but rather slow. Relaxing though. Got makeup though, and that was fun, my dad’s fiance taught me how to put on eyeshadow.
And nice hat! ๐
This call may have been completely fabricated bullshit, but this sort of thing does happen. There are diffidently lines you can call for counseling, but when it comes to calling shelters and getting help, it becomes very difficult. For example, none of the shelters in my area will offer help to men, and most will refer men to batterers programs.
Anon: Your description matches what Denise Hines reported in this 2011 paper:The Helpseeking Experiences of Men Who Sustain Intimate Partner Violence: An Overlooked Population and
Implications for Practice published in Journal of Family Violence
And MRAs do nothing to change that, Anon.
If I was in place of the counsellor I would have called bullshit on this guy the moment he starts bargaining for a women’s shelter. Because think about it logically. What kind of an abused person, especially someone whose spouse is going to be back in a while and be violent to them has the time to bargain for a service not available to them? Especially when there is a child involved?
What do you think is the most appropriate thing an abused person Will do- get away from their spouse to save their life, or stay put and bring up MRA talking points, subsequently putting their life and their child’s life in danger?
@freemage part of me thinks that is the reason why he stuttered when she offered him to connect to authorities. Because he knew deep inside what he was doing was wrong. He knew If he was caught in the act, he could face repercussions for his actions, which includes getting arrested for wasting people’s time and resources.