Today, a fascinating – and infuriating – case study in how Men’s Rights Activists twist reality around in order to fit their peculiar ideology. Obviously, they do this all the time, but it’s hard to find a clearer example of the MRA Reality Distortion field in action than the video I’ve pasted in below from A Voice for Men.
The video features a recording of one of AVFM’s regular commenters calling a domestic violence hotline, pretending to be a man named “Reno” who has been abused by his wife. In reality, Reno is Ian Williams, a puckish Australian who has made himself AVFM’s go-to guy for prank calls; you can find several other prank calls from him on his AVFM contributor page.
Here’s what Williams, who also goes by the pseudonym Dr. F, has to say about the call:
If you’re a man and you are a victim of violence from your partner you may face difficulties finding help. Don’t listen to me, here’s the guy himself who called. His name is Reno.
Reno calls a battered women’s shelter and is denied help.
He is denied help, even though he tells the person on the other end of the phone that he is worried his wife will return with a cricket bat.
That sounds pretty damning, and, in the comments, the regulars at AVFM responded with predictable outrage.
“No concern for a beaten man or a boy that could also be a victim and, only able to help(willing) women,” wrote Raven01. “It makes the hate filled ideology apparent to all.”
“[Go] feminism- the humanitarian justice movement brought to you by the modern KKK!” Perseus added. “Sieg Heil, cunts!”
Not one of them seemed to care that everything Williams says about the phone call is false. “Reno” was offered help many times. He was the one who refused it.
If you listen to the call, here’s what you’ll find:
Williams, pretending to be “Reno,” called a Domestic Violence counseling line, not a battered women’s shelter. He told the counselor he’d been attacked by his wife and that he needed a place to go. The counselor explained to him that he’d called a counseling line and that she personally couldn’t arrange for shelter, but that if he called the men’s help line, they could arrange for him and his 6-year-old son to get free hotel accommodations at a location unknown to his wife. The counselor offered several times to connect him directly to the men’s help line.
Williams also told the counselor that he was thinking of calling the police. She told him she could connect him directly to the police, and would be happy to explain his situation to them and to make sure he reached an officer who specializes in domestic violence.
Ignoring all her offers to assist him in getting shelter and further help, Williams insisted that he wanted to be housed in a battered woman’s shelter instead. The counselor, naturally, was puzzled by this strange insistence on his part, and explained to him again that he could get free shelter at a local hotel for as long as he needed. She again offered to connect him directly to someone who could get him immediate help.
Having refused all of her offers of assistance, Reno abruptly ended the call — to the obvious distress of the counselor, who despite the patent weirdness of his behavior on the call had been patiently trying her best to get “Reno” the help he claimed he needed. (I suspect she sensed that his story was phony, but tried to help anyway in case it was true.)
Listen to the call yourself. It’s utterly surreal. What’s even more surreal is that Williams would make the bald claim that he had been “denied help” — and then put up a recording that clearly reveals that this claim is complete and utter bullshit. And I can’t tell if he’s lying or delusional.
That’s always the question with MRAs, isn’t it?
EDITED TO ADD: A commenter here has prepared a rough transcript of the call. There are a few moments where it was impossible to figure out a word or two, but otherwise this seems to pretty accurately match my memory of the call, which I’ve listened to several times. Let me know if I need to make any corrections.
Recorded message:
Family Violence Counseling Line. Please note for training and quality improvement purposes only, your call may be monitored. If you do not want your call to be monitored, please let the counselor know. If you wish to listen to ? regarding our privacy policy if you are already speaking to a counselor press one now, otherwise hold on the line for next available counselor.
[Ringing sound]
Counselor: Hello, this is *redacted* speaking, how can I help you?
“Reno”: Oh, hello. I um, was speaking to someone a short while ago called Maria,
Counselor: Uh huh…
“Reno”: And, and my name is Reno. And, um…
Counselor: Uh huh…
“Reno”: I was explaining, I was explaining to her that my, my wife, uh, is violent towards me with a cricket bat and other things.
Counselor: Mmhmm…
“Reno”: And, uh, she gave me a phone number to call, and uh…
Counselor: Mmhmm…
“Reno”: I called them and um…
Counselor: A phone number for what?
“Reno”: Uh… Uh, it was to help, it was a, um… Pardon me, it was 1-800-015-188. It was a…
Counselor: I don’t know what that number is, so what is it for?
“Reno”: Uh, it’s a helpli-, it’s a possible, it’s a place where they might be able to tell me where I can get some shelter for the night. But there’s none of the… DV places ? are gonna help me, because I’m a man, you see.
Counselor: Have you called the men’s line? ‘Cause they’re the ones who specialize in, because in Australia unfortunately most of the, um… Services. Well not unfortunately, fortunately though, most of the services are for women, because 95% of domestic violence is perpetrated by men. So that’s why they don’t really have um… They don’t really have… So many refuges for wom-, for men. They do have places where men can go, but they’re normally um, like overnight men’s, um, places, like… Which state are you in?
“Reno”: Victoria.
Counselor: Victoria. I don’t know the ones in Victoria but there’s quite a few, for example, in Sydney um, that provide um, overnight accommodation but they don’t call them refuges as such because um… It’s the different situation only for women ’cause often they’re, well normally they’re fleeing with children. So um, normally the men’s ones aren’t, they’re not called refuges, they’re called like, a men’s hostel or an overnight, um, men’s overnight um, shelter, or they’ll call them different names but they don’t call them refuges. So, um, if you’re looking for men’s refuge that’s probably not in existence, but there are a lot of men’s shelters.
“Reno”: Will they take me and my boy?
Counselor: If you’ve got a child, um, they’ll probably prioritize you, I would say. Um, have you rung men’s line? Because they’re the ones who really have this type of information, um because they specialize in helping men. While general lines, like, we’re a counseling line, so we don’t actually have access to phone numbers for, um, directly for refuges. We can connect you to the refuge line. How old’s your, how old’s your son?
“Reno”: Six.
Counselor: How old?
“Reno”: He’s six.
Counselor: He’s six. And where is he right now?
“Reno”: He’s with me. My wife’s gonna be coming home in about three hours, and she’s gonna, she’s gonna beat me.
Counselor: And he, and your son’s not asleep now?
“Reno”: No, he’s with me now.
Counselor: Why isn’t he in bed at 8.40, 8.48 in the-… Sorry Reno, but why is he awake at this time of night?
“Reno”: Because we’re about to just go somewhere, anywhere, out of the house because we just… We’re terrifed. He, we’re ready to go, so. We, we’re ready to go.
Counselor: Reno, this is really concerning me. Is he listening to you as you’re speaking on the phone?
“Reno”: No.
Counselor: Where is he right now?
“Reno”: He’s got some headphones on. He’s watching…
Counselor: What’s he doing?
“Reno”: He’s watching television now, he can’t hear any talk. I made sure of that.
Counselor: Yeah, I’m really concerned that he’s um, awake at this time of night. Um, the other organization that could most likely help you find accommodation and probably would be your best option would be ? Community Services, because they deal especially with children and families in crisis, and so they would definitely keep you together, they would probably actually put you in, normally they pay for a hotel or motel. A men’s shelter wouldn’t be the appropriate place to go with a child, definitely not. So, um, ? they give you, they have a lot of motels and hotels that they deal with, and put they in those instead of accommodation until they can find you permanent accommodation.
“Reno”: Okay.
Counselor: Like, normally they’d pay for a flat or something instead, they wouldnt, they don’t continue to keep you in a, you know, holding pattern in a hotel. Sometimes they make you stay for, like, two weeks in a hotel.
“Reno”: Mm.
Counselor: That would be a good option for you, wouldn’t it?
“Reno”: Yeah. And they wouldn’t let my wife know that, where I’m living? Staying?
Counselor: No, they wouldn’t do that.
“Reno”: ‘Cause she’s really violent. Really violent.
Counselor: They definitely wouldn’t. Um, they definitely wouldn’t let your wife know where you’re staying. I can help you with the phone call. I can introduce you, explain the situation, and see what they can do for you, if you’d like.
“Reno”: Hmm… Possibly, tha-, thank you. I think I might, actually what I might do is call the police now and then see how it goes in there.
Counselor: But your best option is calling the police and then asking to speak to a domestic violence officer.
“Reno”: Okay.
Counselor: They’re the ones that are the most specialized in this, so they deal with this day in and day out, and that’s probably stationed… Are you in area, in an open area? Are you in Melbourne, or are you in a town, or…?
“Reno”: Uh, I’m in Melbourne.
Counselor: Well, if you’re in Melbourne, most Melbourne police stations will have a domestic violence officer, and they specialize in domestic violence, and um, what you can get is to get a detective to come over, or a domestic violence officer, and say that you’d like to um, that you have um, fear of, um, harm of your wife who’s been abusing you. And what they’ll do is, they might um, even try and get an AVO so that she has to move out of the house and you guys can stay in the house.
“Reno”: Mm.
Counselor: They’ll try probably to do that so that you and the child can stay there. Or um, if you move, they’ll um, it would be, that she can’t actually have legal contact with you.
“Reno”: Yeah… No, we have to actually get away from her, we can’t stay here. So there’s nowh-, there’s no um, women’s shelter I could stay in, we could stay in tonight?
Counselor: Well, women’s, women’s shelter’s don’t take men.
“Reno”: They don’t take men.
Counselor: Why don’t you ring men’s lines? They would be able to tell you where you can go. Why don’t you ring the men’s line? Do you want me to connect you through to the men’s line? They deal with men. Men and women’s shelters are two totally different issues. Why do you want to go [to] a women’s shelter?
“Reno”: I just need somewhere where I can just get away from her, somewhere whe-
Counselor: Yeah, but why wouldn’t you, why wouldn’t you wanna go? Why aren’t you accepting this offer that ? will pay for hotel accommodations for you and your son?
“Reno”: Oh, because I…
Counselor: Why do you…
“Reno: Because I need to get out now.
Counselor: Yeah, but they would organize it now, they’ll probably organize someone to come and get you now. People work 24/7.
“Reno”: Oh, okay. I didn’t know what. Okay.
Counselor: ? Services work 24/7, or do you want me to put you through to your local um, police station and explain it to the domestic violence officer so that I can introduce you and explain your situation and see how they can help you?
“Reno”: No, I’ll, I’ll give them a call myself. Okay, thanks.
Counselor: Are you sure?
“Reno”: Absolutely.
Counselor: I’m happy to do it, Reno. I’m very concerned about your son.
“Reno”: No, that, that’s okay. I, I’ll go now.
Well, there’s this whole thing (not just in America, but probably more so here) where nobody wants to be religiously persecuted, but in a lot of people’s paradigms, the only way to not be persecuted is to be the persecutor. So any instance of ever not being allowed to do anything religion-related (like, say, praying an explicitly sectarian prayer at a government function) gets taken as persecution against them–even if the thing they want to do is coming directly at the expense of someone else’s religious freedom.
@Marie: Super-caffeinated and rambly, eh? I remember when I found out about Mudslides at the coffee shop… a chocolate syrup, steamed chocolate milk, whipped cream… and four shots of espresso.
Much rambling was had. And eventually much shaking, maybe some cold sweats.
Good times.
Marie: It’s cool. I’m quite fluent in ramble, side-track, tangent AND out-of-the-blue. ~_@
So, yeah, the real defining trait of Atheist vs. atheist is whether or not you tell other people about it, and support secularism as a social justice movement. As with all social justice movements, the best practitioners are the ones who understand intersectionality.
@katz:
So much overlap there with the MRA way of looking at things. “Feminists don’t want women to be oppressed? That means they’ll be oppressing us!”
Because in zero-sum domination games, you oppress or submit. Egalatarian? Gesundheit!!!!
“Egalatarian? Gesundheit!!!!”
Gesundheit? Sounds a little furrin to me! *suspicious Amurkin glare*
@howard bannister
That reminds me, once I had this really good coffee at an otherwise mediocre restaurant, it had whip cream and caramel and chocolate syrup and it was so yummy and sugary and perfect I loved it! <3
“And I said to his interpreter, could you tell him, here in American, when somebody sneezes, we say to them, Gesundheit! And he looked at me, and in this thick German accent he said, in Germany when somebody sneezes we say Bless You.”
Sometimes it seems like the Republicans are a 14-year-old child going YER NOT THE BOSS OF ME I DO WHAT I WANT BECAUSE FUCK YOU THAT’S WHY
Exactly. And in fairness, this can be hard to get your head around. If the only social structure you’ve ever experienced is everything catering to you, then when people talk about changing it, of course you’re going to imagine a system that’s the same but catering to someone else.
COMMUNISS
@falconer
Wow. That sounds very…strange. Though also kind of typical of (usian) republicans.
“So homosexuals, fundamentalist Muslims, moderate Muslims, secularists, yoga instructors, reiki practitioners, capital-A Atheists, feminists and evolutionists are secretly on the same team.”
Yay, I get two strikes!
Hmmm … prolly three, since hanging out with an ex-king who’s a lapsed Catholic sounds pretty Satanic.
I WIN!
@marie: A lot of liberals on the Internets get the impression that a lot of what many conservatives do is based on what will piss liberals off.
Also, I think there’s a strong impulse in humans to do things because you’ve been told not to do them.
Oh, god, my good friend who heard there was an ‘Earth Hour’ where everybody was being asked to dim or turn their lights off for an hour… AND RAN AROUND HER HOUSE TURNING EVERY LIGHT ON WITH GLEE.
She’s a fifty-year-old woman acting like a child. It was probably the most uncomfortable I have ever been with her. This is a woman who is stately and calm and has helped push bills through the legislature, has run for office.
Boosting her own electric bill just so she could stick it to the liberals.
@howard bannister
That sounds ….weird.
I have homosexual and feminist. I need a third one to be satanic!!!!!eleven!!!!!
All you need to be an evolutionist is a belief in science! And all you need to be a secularist is a belief that people of religion shouldn’t be able to impose their beliefs on others! You can pull this off–you can do it!!
Marie – I can’t remember who it was, but someone here came up with a better name for the sort of internet-tosser-atheists you’re talking about: Asshole Atheists. I like it. 🙂
Yeah, the whole Puritans-came-to-escape-persecution bit makes me laugh. Commercial exploitation was a big part of it, too. And you did not want to live under the Puritans when they were in control in bits of America, any more than when they had too much influence in England during the Commonwealth. Though it could get worse still: living under the Covenanters in Scotland at the same time ::shudder::.
@howard bannister
Sweet! then I can check of evolutionist and secularist, cuz I’m all ‘believy in sciencey’ and I also think people shouldn’t impose their beliefs on others! I have reached my satanic feminist award!!!!!
@kittehs
That would clear it up a little 😉 difference between asshole atheist and capital a atheist.
Since I’m already satanic, can’t we add socialist/former communist so I can be satanic cubed?
@cassandrasays
I see no reason why not XD I’m agnostic, does this count as satanic, or do I have to be an atheist or a muslim? (Kinda weird, but what was on the list…)
Plus I grew up partly in the Middle East so I guess if Obama is a secret Muslim I must be too.
[cloudiah exchanges super sekret satanic hand gestures with fellow manboobzers]
Hey, isn’t that first one the Vulcan greeting?
… I always knew those pointy ears had to be evil.
I tried to do the satanic hand greetings, but it hurted my hands. 🙁
@kittehs
I don’t think so. I thought the vulcan greeting had all fingers up and seperated between the ring and middle or w/e.