Here’s your Quote of the Day from the Men’s Rights subreddit. Well, not so much of THIS day as of a day four months ago, but, hey, I only discovered it today with the assistance of the AgainstMensRights subreddit. Bonus points if you can tell me what the hell a “public organ-orifice” is and/or how an AVALANCHE can “blare.”
Quite and excellent comment indeed!
And onward marches the World’s Greatest Guaranteed Top Quality Human Man Rights Man-Movement of the Twenty-First Century!
Catching up, so forgive the jumping around and please be nice if I miss an answer already posted.
@Freemage
[blockquote]My understanding is that kinksters can also face a lot of difficulty when there’s a violation of consent–the usual victim-blaming gets turned up to “11″ with strains of, “Well, you’re into pain, right?”[/blockquote]
Maybe, but that’s not limited to the people outside. You also get a lot of covering for violations of consent by kinksters. Tops and Doms who throw that exact line at subs, and a lot of “if we admit we have abuses in the community, it is an excuse for the Vanilla brigade to close down the community, so let’s just pretend we don’t have any abuses and slut shame the hell out of the victim”. So in a way, fear of “lack of vanilla privilege” becomes a mechanism driving a “circle the wagons” mentality that gives abusive doms (in particular) lots of room to operate.
That’s my experience, anyway.
@kittehs
I would raise you on the rambling contest, if I hadn’t already let out my big rant 😉 But I agree, a lot of it (from what I’ve seen in media) does seem hateful. Not all maledom, but imo what gets projected as normal.
For people who’re familiar with the silencing that’s happened within other communities around the issue that the community is under threat and so we mustn’t make things look bad in front of outsiders what happens in the kink community is depressingly familiar. As always, guess who tends to end up on the shit end of that equation?
Also, to finish that sorta embarrassing ramble, “Ethiopian friends” sounded really stupid, but they are the only ones who would notice how bad my Amharic sounds, so, idiocy with a reason…
But calling vanilla the basics too sounds like it’s the boring version. That one without all the neat features.
Also, for many people it isn’t what they are basing their sex life on at all!
I wouldn’t call it anything unless the distinction is necessary for conversation, and then it is probably easiest to stick to a term everyone gets…
Depressing is right. Community turns to hierarchy or power structure – through personalities if not formal arrangements – and the benefits accrue to those with the power. All too easy to happen.
QFT
HAHAHA BLOCKQUOTE MONSTER YOU CANNOT GET ME WHEN I QUOTE THE FGETC!
(Fucking Godlike Egyptican Tomb Cat)
I have failed blockquotes again.
I used to make kinksters mad with my insistence that anything I tried and liked was clearly vanilla, since I wasn’t a kinkster. (Yes, it was mostly button-pushing on the snobby “We are so much more amazing than you” stuff.)
You can’t define kink other than relatively to norms, and norms change. Unless you define it as “everything outside of missionary PIV”, in which case a huge proportion of the population is kinky.
@CassandraSays
Good example.
@Marie
It wouldn’t shock me. The whole Dom is better than sub, and Dom is coded male is something that has always skeeved me a bit.
@kitteh
A lot of porn is also very artificial, and it’s easy to notice if the people aren’t into it, it’s very off putting. It doesn’t really matter what exactly they are doing if it is obvious that they are not enjoying it in the least. And when the guy is very dominant and the woman is just playing along listlessly, it seems disturbing ind kinda rapey.
Oh, I so want to change my nick now 😀
@lightcastle – “You can’t define kink other than relatively to norms, and norms change. Unless you define it as “everything outside of missionary PIV”, in which case a huge proportion of the population is kinky.”
Sometimes I wonder if that’s what people are thinking when they use the term. There is SO MUCH that can happen with sexytimes, but which would probably not be counted as kink (exploring the body’s sensitivities, different touches, and so on). They sure as hell aren’t bland or boring or people-on-copulation-autopilot or automatically less exciting/thrilling/different/satisfying than kink.
@TomBcat – yes, that’s the impression I get from it. They look like they’re doing it to make a quid, not because they’re enjoying it. Too many of the shots I’ve seen are all “look at the guy(s) hurt the slut, she deserves it” type of stuff. It’s like her discomfort or pain are the entire point of it – rapey indeed.
And I mean, of course they are doing it for the money, that’s their job.
But there is nothing nice about watching unhappy people doing their hated jobs, and the undertone in porn is even worse.
The men often seem like they are forcing themselves too. The way they try to look, move and sound….It looks cheap and sad, I find it comforting that there’s also a lot of happy-people-porn out there and that it also seems to be the more popular kind…
This is what greeted me when I woke up yesterday.
I do wonder to what extent early exposure to the nastier kind of porn might influence the development of people’s sexual preferences. For people who were adults before streaming porn on the internet became a thing I’m not convinced that it makes any difference to their fundamental preferences no matter how much of it they watch, but for people who start watching it at 12-16 I’m more concerned. Some of my younger friends have encountered guys who’ve pulled some pretty hardcore dom stuff and been confused/shut down when confronted with the fact that the woman wasn’t into it at all or wouldn’t go along with it. Apparently they jut assumed that since that’s what they were seeing in porn the women they actually had sex with would follow the script, and the didn’t know what to do when that didn’t happen.
@hellkell
D’awww! cute kitty.
I is damp kitten. Not like hairdryer, drip dry instead.
I’ve heard that from younger friends as well. I also noticed it in my single days and dating younger men.
If you look at that pic from the right angle, you can see his halo. I swear he knows when to look angelic, this was after a Super Fun Kitten Rampage.
I’m probably going to regret asking this, but are the guys just whipping it out with no warning? because if so, extra blah.
@Kittehs’UnpaidHelp
But lots of people really like believing that what they do is super awesome and special, and anyone who does different just isn’t as cool as they are. 🙂
I’ve heard that from younger friends as well. As someone wiser than me said, “I’m not against the existence of porn, but I really don’t think it should be used as the primary sex-ed curriculum.”
And then there’s the stuff that’s just confusing, like smacking your cock on things. I’m told this is a porn thing? No idea how or why it started, but someone did it to a friend of mine and she stopped and went “why are you doing that?”.
Not so much that, just a general lack of respect and trying to take control without talking.
You want a scene? Great, let’s talk about it first. If that wilts your boner, GTFO.
Yeah, the dickslap. I that’s a porn thing. It’s one of those unfunny yet hilarious things that shuts down sexy times for me.
I really do want to know why that’s a thing. I’m just not seeing how it could be sexy from any perspective. My friend said it was like he was trying to play whack-a-mole with his cock – so hot!