Here’s your Quote of the Day from the Men’s Rights subreddit. Well, not so much of THIS day as of a day four months ago, but, hey, I only discovered it today with the assistance of the AgainstMensRights subreddit. Bonus points if you can tell me what the hell a “public organ-orifice” is and/or how an AVALANCHE can “blare.”
Quite and excellent comment indeed!
And onward marches the World’s Greatest Guaranteed Top Quality Human Man Rights Man-Movement of the Twenty-First Century!
I’m so sure. What could possibly be more fun than a boyfriend who’s not 100% sure you’re not human and deserving of rights?
Hmmph, too many nots. Either way, my bullshit detectors have redlined.
Not a fun boyfriend, but when he was he wasn’t MRA but had some weird tendencies I ignored because I was young and stupid and thought he was always right. Afterwards we didn’t have contact for years in which he became very extreme in his opinions. I met him again, we did fun friend stuff and then one day he pulled out some study about the different ways people are holding hands which he thought was proof for male dominance. And yeah, that seemed pretty funny to me.
You don’t say.
ok, so I guess I said something wrong, but I don’t know what it is.
@tomBcat
my best guess is hellkell didn’t like you saying it was fun. *shrugs*
Tom, you shouldn’t have to put up with a guy who will not be respectful of your wishes. Other people can give you better advice than me, but it’s probably safest just not to spend any time around him, because if he thinks he can push you around, he will keep doing it.
It’s also probably not a good idea to be around your MRA ex unless you’re REALLY sure you’ve got it in hand. You know how fast these guys can get scary and it’s often directed at exes.
TomBcat — I feel like I’m just echoing a chorus here, but dude was so far out of line he probably couldn’t have found the line in his rear view mirror. He sounds a great deal like my gaslighting narcissist ex — leaving you questioning whether you can trust your perception of things, or are maybe just overreacting, says he didn’t mean it like that so he must not’ve. To steal a Doctor Who line “run, just run”. He won’t change, he’ll just keep pushing your boundaries and if he’s anything like my ex sooner or later he’ll push them so far you forget where they are. You don’t owe him shit, and honestly, hard as it is, you may just want to cut contact with him, period.
Good luck, he sounds like the sort of asshole who’s best dealt with via scorched earth methods. And working up the nerve to do that can be quite hard.
In any case, he’s totally and utterly out of line, and if he thinks he can wake you up by touching you inappropriately…well, I wouldn’t be surprised if he were capable of worse.
I can haz reading skills!
“Other people can give you better advice than me, but it’s probably safest just not to spend any time around him, because if he thinks he can push you around, he will keep doing it.”
Yeah, that.
Maybe I gave away the wrong impression.
We broke up years ago, and he isn’t big on that fucked up revenge stuff either. I don’t know when he got sucked into all this MRA ideology, he still thinks women are people who have the right to not sleep with other people, including him, he doesn’t make creepy threats, but he believes all the alpha male, women-stealing-sperm and making up false accusations stuff and became impossible to argue with and since he had very different views five years ago, I won’t wait around to see him change for the worse.
I just don’t want you to think he’s dangerous.
I just wrote that to basically explain how I’m a stupid person who doesn’t see the flashing warning signs because I want to be nice to everyone and have a habit of thinking that whatever is wrong must be my fault.
I just shouldn’t have said anything, I feel like everything came out wrong and I’ve talked far too much already.
So I’m going to stop this, come back some other time and post something on topic.
I’m really sorry for talking about this stuff, I shouldn’t have done it.
Bye and compliments to your comfy couch that is this blog.
@Argenti
Thanks, that sounds awfully familiar and I’m sorry you had to put up with this.
Here I thought it would be different if I stayed single, but now you’re telling me about you there’s not that much difference.
Again, sorry, maybe I’m just really dysfunctional today, I don’t know why I’m so frightened of doing the wrong thing here, I constantly feel like the most annoying non-troll around.
Thank you everyone who tried to help, I’m gonna go, feel stupid for a while and return as a normal person.
“I constantly feel like the most annoying non-troll around.”
Don’t worry, I think we all have a phase like that when we’re new, you’ll settle in fine. And you’re welcome to stay if you want, or go do something else, or whatever, but no need to feel stupid!
But yeah, actual official dating status means little to creeps, and I’m sorry you have one creeping on you (creep is totally a verb!)
That ex was years ago, but thank you all the same.
@tombcat You don’t need to feel self conscious of being the center of attention. Also, words are hard, that’s why good communication requires an acknowledgement of the message received.
So far the only things about you in yourself have revealed have been vulnerabilities which others have exploited. These are signs of inexperience and sometimes youth, so people naturally fall into advice giving. Just to be clear though, I do not see anyone as attacking you here. They just want to save you pain they have had. You seem cool and worthy of the confidence you place in others. Sorry, if the advice comes off poorly. None of your choices seem out of line.
For clarification: I never felt attacked. None of the advice bothered me! On the contrary, it’s been helpful and consoling.
But I’m not that young and inexperienced, so I should write posts that don’t read like a drunk barging in on a party where he sort of knows this one guy, then starts to cry and yell at strangers 🙂
Just a weird day, all the more reason to take a few steps back, my posts are already getting somewhat …panicky and defensive.
I’m sorry you’re feeling like a troll, TomBcat. Howsabout some babies?
TomBcat – it doesn’t matter if one isn’t young and inexperienced; if one hasn’t been subjected to that sort of gaslighting shit before it’s a whole different story. Abusers are very good at that sort of thing, and it is NO reflection on the person they’re doing it to.
Yes, I said abusers. Because in my view, what this guy did was abusive. He tried to push you into things you didn’t want to do, things he already knew, the second time, you didn’t want to do. He saw how uncomfortable you were and played on that, he blamed you and acted like the diarrhoea turd he is. Seriously, I would say drop him from your life completely. A man with MRA attitudes is no friend in any sense to a woman. He’s already tried to force you into sex. He’s blamed you for not wanting to take part. He’s got all this bullshit about men being dominant and sperm-stealing (funny how Teh Dominant Menz are so easily fooled about that, isn’t it? Wearing a condom is too much for their mighty intellects to think of) and he’s making it pretty bloody obvious he does not like women.
I think hellkell meant “that’s fun?” when she said “you don’t say” earlier. You’re not doing anything wrong and nobody’s ticking you off. If anything, it’s concern for your happiness and maybe safety. I know you said the guy’s not dangerous but he’s not exactly doing your self esteem any good, is he?
I’d also be there with the newspaper wrapped around a mace. Actually I’d probably want to pinch some weaponry from the Tower of London, they have some awesome stuff.
(that didn’t mean men sperm stealing, it was supposed to read as one of his bullshit ideas)
Okay, I really need to step back, but this got confusing, so to clarify again:
Those are two different people:
First One guy who didn’t respect my boundaries and then decided to be an asshole about it,
Second one Ex from years ago who is somehow getting himself sucked into MRA bullshit. It was funny in a sense that I usually find it hard to imagine the sort of people who take the stuff seriously that’s getting mocked here, and I apologize for that statement. It was thoughtless here and I don’t know what kind of people you have encountered in your life, so that probably was hurtful to some. I didn’t mean to treat his twisted views like some cutesy character flaw, I just didn’t want to get even more attention for this guy, too.
So, sincere apologies to anyone who felt hurt by that. I’d have been hurt, too, because there’s nothing funny about people who want to threaten not only equality, but basic human rights. I just chose to not take this particular person seriously, because I did for a long time and it destroyed a lot for me.
I already felt like tiny, weak, victimized yesterday, because No-Boundaries-Guy is not the first I encountered, and I was mad with me for still being unable deal with those assholes.
I didn’t want to feel like my ex’s victim, too. I hope that explanation makes sense. I didn’t feel attacked, not by hellkell or anyone, I just noticed that I started sounding more and more confusing and contradicting, and hellkells comment was just a nod in the direction of “okay, I’m getting stupid.”
And yes, none of these guys will have any part in my life again.
Also, Falconer, your babies make me go squeeee!
Thanks for the clarification, TomBcat!
So, two arseholes instead of one? Blech.
“I just chose to not take this particular person seriously, because I did for a long time and it destroyed a lot for me.”
That sounds like a really good idea, actually. Diminish him, replace the feeling of him as having power with him as ridiculous. I like it.
Both these blokes sound like they should be relegated to the Lumber Room of People You Don’t Need. They really should have the equivalent of hard rubbish collections for these guys.
Internet hugs if you want them!
Aaaand you ninjaed me! 😀
“And yes, none of these guys will have any part in my life again.”
w00t!
“I didn’t want to feel like my ex’s victim, too. I hope that explanation makes sense.”
Perfect sense to me, but I have a string of terrible ex’s that require compartmentalizing or I get all “arg I fail at life” (with a side dish of how I just prove the MRAs right that some people just “play” victim)
Also, I’m half drunk and falling asleep, so blame the whiskey for any misunderstandings or confusion, anything that doesn’t make sense is probably Jameson’s fault 🙂
Just don’t go sewing that cover to your pants …
Oh, really? I don’t know whether you picked up on this, but this is a real tell.
No one else? Ever? I don’t believe this. Don’t believe it if you hear it from anyone ever again – or any version of the same concept. What this means when you put it through the translated-into-non-self-serving-words machine is that he. has. never. listened. to any hints, suggestions, polite or otherwise refusals he’s ever heard before.
(People like this want to convince themselves that they’re persuasive or seductive or irresistible. Too bad. It might work inside their heads sometimes, but don’t let it work on you. Ever.)
Kitteh — I’m calling it a night in the cover, and going to bed soon. But thanks!