Here’s your Quote of the Day from the Men’s Rights subreddit. Well, not so much of THIS day as of a day four months ago, but, hey, I only discovered it today with the assistance of the AgainstMensRights subreddit. Bonus points if you can tell me what the hell a “public organ-orifice” is and/or how an AVALANCHE can “blare.”
Quite and excellent comment indeed!
And onward marches the World’s Greatest Guaranteed Top Quality Human Man Rights Man-Movement of the Twenty-First Century!
I should’ve never ever agreed to the stupid talk with that guy!
I’m gonna post it here because I don’t want to derail a new thread, and I already feel like I must be very annoying to you because I want to contribute but then start posting too much and talking out of my ass. I usually don’t vent but I guess it was bad timing and internet hugs are easier than facing other people. So…sorry for being so egocentric.
TomBcat, don’t apologise, please! You are not talking out of your arse, your’re very welcome here (how could we not want a FGETC?), you’re not posting too much and you are Not Annoying. Venting’s fine, we all do it, and anyway, the more people to do Troll Smackdowns the better. Hell, I know this is the only place I can vent about some stuff, and I’m sure not alone in that. There’s lots of support and sympathy for people here.
‘Sides, we all hijack threads from time to time. And derails are half the fun!
Thank you. But I’ll rather post what this is about on this thread anyway, this will be a long one.
So, about the pushy guy who apologized and offered to talk…
It was cold and wet so we ended up at his place but didn’t talk, we just watched movies.
I was on edge but couldn’t start the conversation, but couldn’t go either(For no reason, I just thought he might get mad at me).
Then I accidentaly put my cigarette out in a cup instead of the ashtray so he yelled at me, which made it worse.
We just fell asleep, and I woke up to him touching me. I jumped up at sat on the other end of the couch, he seemed annoyed and then he finally offered to talk.
It was so difficult, I almost cried, and when I told him how hard it was for me to say what I want, and that I’m used to people being angry and screaming when I speak my mind. he just said: “You’re making things complicated, it’s your own fault.” (right after telling me that he is what he is and I should just accept him)
I wanted to answer something good,like:”No, this is how I am and if you can’t deal with it that’s your problem”,but I just sat there like a stupid deer in the headlight.
Then he told me how no one had ever complained before, and as soon I relaxed a little he started touching me AGAIN!
I tried to say no, which was hard for me. He ignored it. When I finally managed more than mumbling and tried to get a little space between us he told me that he wasn’t alright with me saying no just anytime I wanted. He’d be alright with it if I told him right away, but not when he was already into it…so, I have to always know what I want?And if not, then what?
So I got up and went home and used the door this time(because I have some pride left). And now I feel like now he’s going to tell his friends what a crazy bitch I am and that it’s true and I am just exaggerating and making a big drama.
I’m so stupid.I feel like I’m still 15.
I thought he was the nicest guy ever, but maybe he just sounds nice. Telling me how he totally gets me doesn’t mean he really does.
And I’m telling you people because I’m too ashamed, everyone thinks I’m so strong and outspoken,so they either don’t take me seriously or tell my what exactly I did wrong as if I didn’t know already.
but I promise I won’t vent everytime and contribute some on topic comments that aren’t about myself.
Anyway, if I don’t let him talk me into something again, there won’t be anything to vent about.
At least this fits in a little with the domly dom stuff(I won’t give those people any capital letters. There. 😛 )
Maybe, but I haven’t been here long and already had so many problems to talk about. I mostly just want to mock the misogynists, it makes it easier to deal with them in rl.
I really hope the blockquotes will never fail me, it would ruin the magic of being a FGETC…
What Cassandry did with the dom sounded so bad-ass, I wish I could do that.
But I smile and say nothing and give the impression of being easily manipulated.
I think that’s one reason why the domly doms can even exist.
What they think is their charisma collapsing someone into their submissive state is often just people like me staring at them in amused but scared bewilderment not able to call bullshit. And then they say something like: “See?! I can do that to you and anyone else!”
Creepy.
@tomBcat
You’re fine. 🙂 You aren’t annoying anyone, feel free to keep talking 🙂
Internet hugs if you want them. That whole talk sounds…icky. Idk. Just offering hugs. It’s morning, and my brain isn’t turned on all the way, so I hope this made sense.
Though also one thing.
I’m guessing you’ve already been told this before, but it’s not your fault if he’s trying to push you to do something you don’t want to. He’s the one who’s being pushy and refusing to take no for an answer. Internet hugs offered again. I’m just going to post this before I spend 1,000 words repeating myself.
Wow, lots of wonderful responses and points.
Ya, the new thing replacing wolf as the go-to spirit animal is sheepdog. They protect all the poor little sheeple from those terrible predators. It is like they heard the complaints and ridicule of the wolf, predator, prey thing and decided to double down as the predator predator. I know one of these guys who bought this line to use who is a great guy. I just have to avoid rolling my eyes. He doesnt do the stupid shit and he is respectful of people and space. (he has also taught me just about all I know with fireplay and firecupping). Holy shit, when he sells this schtick at munches I cannot talk to him for a few.
@tombcat that sounds a lot like the victim blaming guilt we inflict on ourselves all the time. He did something which you felt violated your space. His apology involved violating your space again. You are not at fault. He doesn’t know the meaning of rape and is trying to guilt you into finishing what he started. I have done boneheaded and line crossing things and been called on it. I thank the people who called me on it for helping me grow. I apologize. AND I DON’T REPEAT THE BEHAVIOR. You have nothing to feel guilty about. If he realizes how much of a dumbass he has been, you will be one of the people who helped him change. You have gone above and beyond.
“I am too a dangerous, imposing canine! I’m a sheepdog, just like the one my granny used to have!”
(OK, maybe the whole sheepdog thing sounds less ridiculous if you didn’t grow up with your granny’s border collie herding you around.)
I’d be so tempted to reply to all the wolf crap with “my spirit animal is a great white shark” and a toothy grin.
TomBcat: 1: Personal derails by reasonable people are not merely acceptable, they are expected.
2: “I am fine with no; but only at the very beginning,” is bullshit.
3: Expressing one’s emotional feelings is hard.
4: None of us started out as strong as we are now.
5: It’s Not Your Fault.
6: Hugs.
Sheepdog? How precious. Me, I’m a sheepherd, “Fetch boy! Fetch!”
Actually, you’re the first to tell me. I guess many think that people know this anyway, but it’s still nice to hear. Especially since he was guilt tripping me for being so difficult and I was already starting to believe that this was true.
@opium4themasses
Thank you. Though seeing how he reacted I don’t think he’ll give much thought to his behavior. Like he said, no one else ever complained.
It’s far too easy to feel guilty. Maybe it’s a misunderstanding, language barrier and stuff…
And as soon as I think that, people like him can talk me into meeting them again.
So I’d rather believe he’ll stay an asshole, for my own safety’s sake.
My inner toddler says “nice doggie!”, offers my slightly chewed-on biscuit, and demands a ride around the park.
@tomBcat
I guess I just assumed it was something you’d either heard or knew intellectually but were having a hard time feeling. I’m just afraid of coming off as condescending. Anyway, internet hugs again if wanted.
That makes sense. If he changes, yay, but he already completely blew it.
I’m rambling, so I hope this made sense, but if anything I said is rubbing you the wrong way, feel free to tell me.
awesome.
At that point it’ll start to sound like a children’s make believe game. Or like Pokemon.
“Oh yeah? Well I’m a tank, I can kill your shepherd anytime I want!”
“So? Then I’m gonna be a nuclear bomb!”
” Then I’ll just be a black hole and suck you all in! I win! I’m the domliest dom!”
@Wolfspirits:
“Wolf spirits? Sheep dogs? Oh, so like a stealthy, intelligent predator known mythically for it’s dominant traits and cherished as a symbol of strength, virility and dominance but in actuality often just an overused metaphor for controlling behaviour, often misunderstood science and make-do explanations involving alpha-beta group traits? The kind of predator that relies on a pack to bring down prey because it is incapable of sufficiently subduing things alone, and like most predators, does not actually win by sheer strength but cunning and targeting, isolating and wearing down vulnerable prey?
That’s cool, man. Respect.
My totem-animal is a mimic octopus. Ink squirt, ink squirt Fibi away!”
Of course, this only applies if people are being obnoxious about it. Feeling connected to a certain animal is actually pretty, well, understandable. Human, even. And wolves are awesome. So are sheepdogs. But feeling you are either doesn’t mean you get a free pass. Every totem-swearing or otherkin or spiritually connected person I know (and why is that surprisingly many when I think about?) knows that.
@TomBcat:
Jedi-hugs if you want them. I’m not too sure what the etiquette is on offering commentary on venting in this community (and in general, really), so if you’re comfortable reading the following, please do, and if not, just ignore everything after the break, but…
—
Why in all the names of Earths various animal species does he get to decide when you can say no to things? Following on from that, if you need his permission to say no to things, then you’re not saying no to things, you’re being allowed to disengage, but that permission can be revoked at any time following any amount of displeasure.
Secondarily, why does it matter if he’s into it? If you’re not, and you’re saying no, you’re saying no for yourself – not for him.
Thirdly, consent is mutual, but mutable. It’s consenting to, not contractually obliged to. You’re allowed to say no, at any time, you feel uncomfortable.
Fourth, why does his desire overrule your discomfort?
Fifth, if you have trouble stating your desires, that’s not a problem – pecuniums 4th point there is sort of eternally valid – and it’s certainly not an issue someone else gets to mediate (“You’re over-complicating things, stop it, and don’t say no” = … Ink squirt, Ink squirt, awaaaay)
Terribly sorry to hear that happened and I hope you recover, and end up knowing that, well, push come shove you write you walked home. How’s that for “scared bewilderment”? Jedi high fives.
@domly doms:
“Enjoy yourselfs. I’m now going to mimic the air and dissipate”
I dream of electric sheep (dogs)
TomBcat, something that felt very, very weird, but helped immensely was to recruit my friends to make outrageous demands of me, so that I could practice saying no (in a safe environment). It was awkward, humiliating, painful, and hysterically funny, and it helped me so much.
@Marie
Your so called rambling is nice and helpful and not at all condescending, and while I may know these things on an intellectual level, it is always good to be reminded of them.
anyway, this has been going on for weeks, so maybe he feels like I mislead him. I tried to be very sensitive about it and take full responsibility and that was stupid, he used it against me. I told him from the start that I was shy and couldn’t handle being pushed into things, so he could’ve known what his actions were doing to me. He instead chose to do how he pleased without asking.
I’m not sure if I’m telling you this or just reassuring myself that it wasn’t as new to him as he made it look.
I should really break my habit of giving people who disrespect me one chance after another. I didn’t manage to to break off contact with my MRA ex until last month, and I probably wouldn’t have if I hadn’t recognized him in every other Manboobz post.
Am MRA ex? How awful.
@tomBcat
Feel free to think out loud here. Not sure what else to say, besides all the internet hugs if you want them. And blah at an mra ex. Always sounds icky to meet those people in meatspace.
@Fibinachi
Not sure about the policy either, but take downs via logic are are very welcome to me.
didn’t quite get that, but high fiving anyway.
As for the being able to say no, weirdly enough, it is very easy for when I’m with people who accept it. I usually avoid people who I feel have too much power over me, but in this case being around such a person made me feel stronger.
I thought he had an impressive character but now suspect that he’s actually just scary and hides that behind a chilled out, worldy wise attitude. A Michael Franti song on the outside, but an intolerant demanding prick underneath.
TomBcat: You are not misleading him. He might be, but I doubt it. When I was confused about where things were going, I dithered. I hestitated. I assumed she wasn’t interested.
It doesn’t sound like that. It sounds like he’s deciding what he wants, and it’s up to you to persuade him not. And he gets to set the terms of “not”.
That’s wrong. Consent is just that. It’s mutual. A reciprocal understanding; only valid when both parties agree. He’s making fiat declarations.
That wrong. It’s immoral. Depending on his motives it may be amoral. If he can’t take no as an answer (no matter when it comes) he shouldn’t be allowed the chance to hear you say yes.
@TomBcat, other people have responded more constructively but can I say that this guy sounds like the arseweasel to end all arseweasels and super-gross and I want to fly to wherever he is and hit him with a rolled newspaper.
It’s a lot of fun actually, until he gets personal. His logical fallacies, inability to accept differing opinions mixed with an easily upset nature would make him an awesome rage troll. I find those who go from fake eloquence to exploding red head exceptionally amusing.
I kept him around because he is a good friend otherwise and watching his bitterness ruin his life made me feel sorry(as it does basically all his friends). He also involuntarily taught me a lot about when and how to (or not to) argue.
QFT and I’ll keep that in mind.
@Historophilia
And now you forever branded my memory of him with the picture of him opening the door to a random person hitting him on the nose with a newspaper yelling: “bad arseweasel, very bad!” who then goes away without any explanation whatsoever.
–
After that, he may step on as many legos as got ever mentioned on this website.
It’s basically been dealt with, TomBcat, but ENTHUSIASTIC CONSENT. If it stops being consensual, or even stops being enthusiastic, I stop doing it. If you’re not consenting enthusiastically to something he should be absolutely walking-on-glass careful if he’s trying to move forward with it; the default is that it doesn’t happen, not that you have to just shut up about it.
*hands you some rolled up newspaper …rolled around a mace*
Just in case. ^^ <3