The regulars at PUAhate.com – we’ve met them before — are a strange and bitter bunch. Most seem to be self-loathing so-called “incels” who blame their lack of romantic and sexual success on their average or below-average looks. Rejecting the basic premise of the pickup artist crowd – that average guys can transform themselves into suave lotharios by mastering manipulative pickup formulas – the PUAhate regulars tend to be true believers in what they somewhat pretentiously call “looks theory,” the odd and obviously untrue notion that women only date men with “male model” looks.
As one PUAhater put it recently:
PUA makes you think that all your problems are because of your personality/behaviour – i.e. things you can control. So when you keep failing, it means that YOU are fucking up and doing things wrong
the reality is that many of us just lost the genetic lottery. we are ugly, the wrong race, the wrong height etc, and that fucked us up. there is NOTHING we can do about it
So, naturally, the PUAhaters spend a lot of their time jealous of tall, good-looking men for their supposed monopoly on the women of the world — whom they also hate.
But the strange thing is that the PUAhaters pretty much hate everyone else as well. They get angry when guys they consider ugly score “hot chicks.” They get angry when guys who are good-looking but not male models get attention from “really hot girls.” And so on, and so on, and so on.
Indeed, many of the regulars seem to walk around in a perpetual state of rage, angry at each and every man who’s managed to pair up with a woman, not to mention the women as well.
One regular recently described his “day from hell” to his comrades:
To start the day I saw a couple where it was an average White guy with an OBESE Asian girl. They were walking around acting like they were trying to prove shit. LMAO. I wanted to kick the guy in the fucking nuts for dating that landwhale. If you’re going to use the racial advantage, at least date a girl who is under 300lbs. Later I go to the gym and see the same tall guys I usually do. Even if I had a good face, how the fuck do you compete with guys who are fucking 6’4”?
Then at the gym there’s this good looking White guy there talking to this Asian dude about how Asian girls are easy and how they approach him. To make things worse after that these fucking frat douchebags come in with their girlfriends to show off . Then to cap off the day a girl I used to know from freshman year walks right past me without even saying anything. I used to fucking live next door to this bitch and now she doesn’t even say anything and acts like a pretentious cunt. She’s an Indian girl dating a White dude lmao. Days like today make you wonder why you even still try in the first place.
Of course, as I’ve mentioned before, most of those posting on PUAhate don’t actually seem to be ugly by anyone’s standards but their own, at least judging from the pictures of themselves they sometimes post to the site, which reveal them to be mostly average-looking guys, with some of the regulars even quite conventionally handsome.
But evidently they would rather believe that they have “lost the genetic lottery” rather than face a more obvious explanation for why the girls don’t like them: because they’re shallow, self-obsessed assholes who hate themselves and hate women and radiate their bitterness from every pore. (And some are even creepier than this, like this pedophile – sorry, ephebophile – who’s angry at me personally because unlike him I don’t chase after 15-year-olds. Link NSFW.)
The PUAhaters often talk about getting surgeries to “correct” their supposed genetic flaws. They would do far better to spend that money on therapy.
And hypergamous! Don’t forget hypergamous.
::adjusts crown::
@melody
If you go to the wordpress site and hover over your little gravatar pic in the upper right-hand corner, you’ll get a link to “Settings.” Go there and choose “Public Profile” and you can change your how your name displays. Make sure it says “melody” in the Public Display Name field.
(You can also get to the settings by hovering over the little gravatar pic in the upper right-hand corner of this site assuming you are logged in. Click on your name and it will take you right to the “Settings” page. Then do the “Public Profile” stuff above.)
I just realised (duh!) that melody’s kitteh and augochlorella’s kitteh look similar.
TEH BLACK AND WHITE SUSPICIOUS KITTEHS ARE TAKING OVER
@Fibinachi OMG, the gaming talk is altogether too real and too apropos. Now, I was a gaming chick (had my own dice and my own set of books and everything… I even designed campaign maps for my brother to run for his friends) and I would never want to hate on all gamers, but oh, hayle can I picture clearly in my head the guys who thought exactly like that…
@GT I’ve had long, dry stretches myself (I had a messy breakup not too long ago, and I’m slowly coming out of one right now). I’m sure most, if not all, of us have. I am sure that most of us can empathize fairly directly with what you’re going through.
But think about what these guys are peddling.
They think the most important thing about their lives is how much sex they are having (and since they aren’t having any right now, even though they want to, they are enraged at the world).
They think that if they are not having sex with the people (women) they want to, those people (women) are empty, shallow, nasty, fill-in-the-blanks-with-worse bitches.
They feel that the most important thing about other people’s relationships is whether or not those pairings are up to their standards, and they will heap sexist, racist, ableist, etc., verbal abuse on those people… as if it were not only their business but their right to do so.
They feel that they should be able to have sex as often as they want with whomever they want, and those people really shouldn’t be able to say no. And if the people they want to have sex with *do* say no, even if they suspect that no is the answer they would get (even if they NEVER ASK) they will heap sexist, racist, ableist, etc., verbal abuse on those people, and on everyone around them.
They think that anyone of the opposite sex they meet who isn’t willing to have sex with them has unfairly forced them into the horrible, terrible condition they call the “friendzone”, where they are subjected to being expected to act decently to people who aren’t then required to have sex with them.
And above all they think that all of their troubles must be due to some unfair attitude on the part of all women everywhere, and could never possibly have anything to do with their own attitudes, or the regular abuse they heap on others.
Is that really something you want to identify with?
If you are not with someone and you’d like to be, that is hard, and I feel empathy for you (I’m close to being over my breakup and have been making the tentative steps toward dating again, and I know how hard it is especially after you’ve been out of the dance for a while). But it’s not the end of the world, and it doesn’t have to be the end of your life.
I know it can be depressing, and when you feel depressed it can easily feel as if there is never any hope that you’ll ever be happy again. It can feel as if all happiness is in the past, and as if you took a wrong step somewhere and now it’s all over, because you will never find the way back.
But you know what? Depression lies.
If you listen to the depression, it has a tendency to become a self-fulfilling prophecy, because like the PUAhaters, you become so unpleasant to be around that few people are going to bother, and it will be especially hard to meet new people and make new friends. Get help, get treatment; no one deserves to suffer. And be as patient as you can, because it might take a little while (took me three different courses of meds before I managed to find the right one and a bit longer to settle on the right dose, but I’m closer now and you can get there too). Reach out to people, even if it’s just a bunch of random folks who share your interest in feminism (hi there!).
Above all, avoid like the plague anyone who is going to sing the siren song of rage at you, because there are sharp rocks and hidden shoals there, and you can run aground in those waters and never get free.
I <3 Gillian 🙂
@somegal
Hopefully that worked?
@The Kitteh
Sort of yes.
All of the above. I’d write a longer comment… but now I don’t have to! Because Gillian has said everything perfectly. Awesome.
Right, I’m off for another osteo session. Wish me luck with less painful legs!
🙂
:”>
@melody
Looks like it to me. 🙂
@Gillian
+1 *applauds*
Shorter OP: “I can’t get women to have sex with me! Waily, waily!” (yes, I did just finish the Tiffany Aching books, why do you ask?)
Yeesh… Okay, that was me completely flubbing my blushyface, so now I’m blushing even harder…
@Kittehs Good luck and NO PAIN!!!
@The Kittehs’
Good Luck!
@melody It worked!
Seconding ‘depression lies.’ I’ve gotten pretty good at ‘spot the depression lies,’ but it gets much harder when I’m stressed out or in a lot of pain. Since the weather has been turning on a dime of late, the ‘lot of pain’ has been pretty much constant – like an ice pick in my bad hip.
Kittehs: fingers crossed for less pain! I get prednisone tomorrow, should help with the hip.
@Kathleen All my sympathies. We’re having some of the same weather here, and right now I’m just waiting for the pain meds to kick in so that I have a hope of getting to sleep.
Maybe we both need hypnotism? Try staring at this for a while and see if it helps?
@Gillian: The doc was making noises about trying a cortisone injections into the hip, but that got shot down right quick. I’ve had injections into my ankle, and it was a week of hell – the shot itself hurt like fire, and the steroid didn’t do any damn good. The oral dose has helped a LOT, and I’m just gonna go with a what works.
My sympathies to everyone else with pain. I’m at the point where my back pain is starting to come back and I am counting the days until my injections. (One of the happiest, if exhausting, days in the month imo. Bring on the numbness!)
@Kathleen Yeah, my doc makes noises about shots to my hands every so often, but since I am a writer by trade (and because I can’t seem to manage to keep myself stuck to doing anything else for any length of time) my hands are my instrument, and I’ve always had terrible nightmares and phobias about anything happening to them.
Getting muzzywoozy now, so I think sleep is on its way. Nighty night y’all!
Night, Gillian!
Did someone say something about hypnotism?
(I have been looking for an excuse to post this for a while.)
Dammit.
Trying again.
@cloudiah
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@cloudiah
Raverkitty is so cute!