The regulars at PUAhate.com – we’ve met them before — are a strange and bitter bunch. Most seem to be self-loathing so-called “incels” who blame their lack of romantic and sexual success on their average or below-average looks. Rejecting the basic premise of the pickup artist crowd – that average guys can transform themselves into suave lotharios by mastering manipulative pickup formulas – the PUAhate regulars tend to be true believers in what they somewhat pretentiously call “looks theory,” the odd and obviously untrue notion that women only date men with “male model” looks.
As one PUAhater put it recently:
PUA makes you think that all your problems are because of your personality/behaviour – i.e. things you can control. So when you keep failing, it means that YOU are fucking up and doing things wrong
the reality is that many of us just lost the genetic lottery. we are ugly, the wrong race, the wrong height etc, and that fucked us up. there is NOTHING we can do about it
So, naturally, the PUAhaters spend a lot of their time jealous of tall, good-looking men for their supposed monopoly on the women of the world — whom they also hate.
But the strange thing is that the PUAhaters pretty much hate everyone else as well. They get angry when guys they consider ugly score “hot chicks.” They get angry when guys who are good-looking but not male models get attention from “really hot girls.” And so on, and so on, and so on.
Indeed, many of the regulars seem to walk around in a perpetual state of rage, angry at each and every man who’s managed to pair up with a woman, not to mention the women as well.
One regular recently described his “day from hell” to his comrades:
To start the day I saw a couple where it was an average White guy with an OBESE Asian girl. They were walking around acting like they were trying to prove shit. LMAO. I wanted to kick the guy in the fucking nuts for dating that landwhale. If you’re going to use the racial advantage, at least date a girl who is under 300lbs. Later I go to the gym and see the same tall guys I usually do. Even if I had a good face, how the fuck do you compete with guys who are fucking 6’4”?
Then at the gym there’s this good looking White guy there talking to this Asian dude about how Asian girls are easy and how they approach him. To make things worse after that these fucking frat douchebags come in with their girlfriends to show off . Then to cap off the day a girl I used to know from freshman year walks right past me without even saying anything. I used to fucking live next door to this bitch and now she doesn’t even say anything and acts like a pretentious cunt. She’s an Indian girl dating a White dude lmao. Days like today make you wonder why you even still try in the first place.
Of course, as I’ve mentioned before, most of those posting on PUAhate don’t actually seem to be ugly by anyone’s standards but their own, at least judging from the pictures of themselves they sometimes post to the site, which reveal them to be mostly average-looking guys, with some of the regulars even quite conventionally handsome.
But evidently they would rather believe that they have “lost the genetic lottery” rather than face a more obvious explanation for why the girls don’t like them: because they’re shallow, self-obsessed assholes who hate themselves and hate women and radiate their bitterness from every pore. (And some are even creepier than this, like this pedophile – sorry, ephebophile – who’s angry at me personally because unlike him I don’t chase after 15-year-olds. Link NSFW.)
The PUAhaters often talk about getting surgeries to “correct” their supposed genetic flaws. They would do far better to spend that money on therapy.
“Oops, my husband just caught me watching porn (that video)”
That’s porn? Sorry, didn’t even occur to me that that kiss might be more than “there’s a kiss here” level NSFW. Sorry!
Rollie eggs look nasty to me…
I’m not into the whole numbers thing either. It’s more like an on-off switch. Mr K – on; everyone else, however beautiful, gorgeous, witty, charming and hot – off. Pretty simple, really.
Hey, I just realised a HUGE INJUSTICE!!!!1!!elebenty! If bonerwhiners can talk about “incel” like it’s a thing and clog up Wiki with their nonsense, why can’t I find any references to single target sexuality outside TV Tropes? It’s not FAAAAAIRRR! ::kicks heels against wall::
“Don’t blame makeup for your shortcomings.”
I didn’t. I actually blamed society for saying men shouldn’t wear make up.
“That’s a shame- if only there was some kind of movement fighting against the stereotyping of men and women and against putting them into fixed gender roles and dictating what kinds of behaviour and dress were appropriate for them both…”
Might be interested in this if it was a movement which didn’t solely blame me for it in the first place. 🙂
@kittehs
It isn’t fair 😛 I contribute nothing atm cuz my brain is died…I should go to sleep. :/
re:banana slicer
does anyone cut bananas? I always eat mine in the peel.
Well if I made the prize something good, a person might actually want it if they win, and I am way too lazy to send a person a prize. 😀
@itallabout…
…blame you…for what? Cuz I don’t recall anyone blaming you. If we’re talking about feminism vs patriarchy, men benefit more from the patriarchy, doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt them too, just less. :/
rambling. Sleepy now.
I slice bananas for a sammich, or to go in a bowl, but not to eat on their own.
Marie — I thought the same, but I guess if you eat your cereal with milk a sliced banana might be nice?
Who wants to explain the ItsAll… that “the patriarchy” does not mean “each and every man”? Cuz Criminal Minds is starting and I have a date with my favorite male model…I mean geek-tastic former model Dr. Reid.
@kittehs
That makes sense. I guess I just don’t eat them much w/ anything else.
“…blame you…for what? Cuz I don’t recall anyone blaming you. If we’re talking about feminism vs patriarchy, men benefit more from the patriarchy, doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt them too, just less. :/”
I don’t think I do benefit much from it at all. Neither do the other men who aren’t what they are told they should be. You think the incels whining on PUAhate are really living it up?
I’m sure a minority of men benefit from the way society is structured, many don’t. Men are over represented in prisons as well as in the suicide rates, I don’t think they are benefiting from the system as it is.
@argenti aertheri
I’ve tried to explain. I’m sleepy though (which I’ve mentioned like, 5 times by now) so I may be harder to understand. oh wwellss.
Now I feel strange. I feel like a banana hater….gah, so rambly today :/
Yeah, I don’t think I’d use it to make eggs either, but it could be interesting for very small meatloaves. I’ve never figured out how to prepare gyros meat with a spit.
Oh and as for the blame part you might not have but certain members of your movement definitely would. Just look at the instant response I got here.
@Marie
BANANAS FOSTER!!! Best thing ever and it seems like it wouldn’t be right to just dump whole bananas in there. 😉
Unknown poster with sarcastic username shows up in a thread that is populated with whining trolls; commences whining; later reveals self to be anti-feminist. Is shocked, shocked I tell you, when users here don’t fawn all over hir.
Why isn’t feminism nicer to me when I am so mean to women? WAHHHHH!!
@itsallabout
Not all that much, far as I can tell. But you don’t have to be viewed as a sex object, so I’m still saying it’s better for men. You’re right though. Not all men. But what it does:
-rape culture: when we tell women* that they are responsible to protect themselves from their own rape, instead focusing on the rapists, we blame the victim instead of the rapist. Rape is treated as a less serious crime, and rapists aren’t given a serious sentence. Not to mention constantly questioning what the victim did to ‘deserve’ it. Not all men are rapists, but it is part of patriarchy, and a way that affects men less.
*rape culture has negative affects on men who are rape victims too, but in different ways. Not super knowledgeable on it, so someone else can explain if they want.
-Ways you don’t notice if you benefit from it: when a man is promoted/hired over a woman while assuming to be more qualified. This also has more to do w/ than just patriarchy, like when employers hire white people over people of color.
I don’t think they are ‘living it up.’ I just think they don’t have to deal w/ as much crap as women do. Not the same thing.
On men over represented in prisons, in the US (where I live) a lot of them are in there because they’re black men, not just men. So that’s not so much as patriarchy but racism. :/
I don’t think the patriarchy benefits men all that much. I just think it’s a heck a lot nicer on straight, cis, men than women.
/gah I don’t even know if I’m coherent at this hour.
You know what I don’t think helps, all these celebrity interviews where guys or women go “oh yeah I didn’t have sex until late, you know 16”. Knowing people, it isn’t all that common to have had sex by 16, I don’t mean it is abnormal, just it isn’t late. Most people I know didn’t have sex until at least 21. I kind of wish our culture would be more honest and admit a lot of people aren’t having super sexy times at 18. I don’t think it is good that perfectly average guys think they are some kind of freak of nature. I mean their attitude kind of stinks but I do wonder if realising they were normal (for both men and women) might help. I was rejected (rightfully so) so much when I was young, I’m still learning this complex world and hopefully getting better.
@itsallabout
Maybe certain members would, but it’s a big movement. The instant response though was probably due to your user name and the content of your comments, this isn’t a feminist 101 site, though I’m trying to explain cuz I’m bored and don’t see a reason not to. It’s a blog to mock misogyny, so if you’re being misogynistic, even unintentionally, you’re probably going to be mocked.
@some gal
…what’s a banana foster? I haven’t heard of one before 😛
It’s a dessert. Basically, you take a banana, drown it in rum, and set it on fire.
@baroncognito
hmm. That sounds interesting. I should try it some time.
You are more than welcome! I am flattered. 🙂
I find having to explain to men that feminism isn’t anti-men so tiring. And that your benefit as a man in patriarchy may be more along the line of “all else being equal, being a woman in your situation would probably be worse”, which doesn’t make anyone feel better about the shit they do have to deal with.
But that’s the thing. These people never come in here with sympathy for woman, never want to engage with the topic at hand. They’re usually aggressive, failing that passive-aggressive, and rather than just not being actively feminist they’re actively anti-feminist and that means supporting a culture that silences women. I’m so fucking over it, even though I can empathise.
I think for young dudes, they hear a lot about women’s issues, so they feel like the topic is dominated by women. But it’s not! It is dominated by LIP SERVICE toward equality, a conception of equality that completely misunderstands the entire point, and a reality that constantly, consistently, treats men as default and women as an afterthought.
And there ARE feminists and feminist spaces that are hostile to men. I don’t like it either! But that doesn’t mean feminists don’t care about men, and it sure as fuck doesn’t justify misogyny because people aren’t nice enough to you. You should foster empathy because it’s a good trait, not because you get immediate reward.
Yes. good phrasing.
You don’t know much about anything, do you? Go do some reading on feminism.
As to your reception here and your semi-sore ass over it, allow me to quote Livia Soprano: “Poor you.”