Here’s a suprisingly candid comment from an MRA in the Men’s Rights subreddit, challenging the misogyny within the movement:
Oh, wait, that’s not from the Men’s Rights subreddit. HalfysReddit did originally post this to the Men’s Rights subreddit, but the mods deleted it, and so now the only reason it’s still available is that there’s a bot that automatically reposts all self-posts to the Men’s Rights subreddit.
Before it was deleted, HalfysReddit’s post did inspire some discussion amongst the Men’s Rightsers. Well, it was “discussion” only insofar as a bunch of comments telling HalfysReddit to stuff it counts as discussion. Here’s one thoughtful comment:
Sorry, did I say “thoughtful?” I meant “delusional.”
Though I’m pretty sure he’s right that feminists aren’t going to fight for anonymity for rape defendents or the “right of paternal surrender.”
Oh, and here’s a guy comparing Men’s Rightsers to the Black Panthers.
The Men’s Rights subreddit, where the notion that MRAs should tone down the misogyny a bit is too radical to even debate.
@Argenti
Holy fuck.
If you can’t tell her and don’t want an argument, write her a letter firing her for whatever reasons you want to give including why you felt you couldn’t tell her in person, hand it to her and leave. If you really can’t deal with the confrontation, put up with her one last time and mail the letter (with the extra money for delivery confirmation so you can be sure she got it).
@argenti artheri
Sorry about your horrible psych 🙁 Internet hugs if you want them. I can’t give much advice, since I’ve had horrible luck with the couple psychs I try, but I wish you good luck finding a new one. (I’ve been in the stage of finding one for the past 2 years, though I didn’t spend a terrible amount of time looking :P) Anyway, rant/vent away, I don’t think many people here mind (I know I don’t) and you did put a little skip for the agenti artheri show at the top. 😉
Um, dang. I mean, she just sounds like a really crappy psych, especially if you have to give her a reason to stop seeing her, and all the other crap you said. The last psych I had I just walked out of the room when I realized it wasn’t working, but I’d only seen him for 2 and a half visits, so I’m guessing it wouldn’t work so well w/ however long you’ve been with her.
The med-psych people still will give you your meds, right? Or do you have to be w/ that shrink to get them?
Just joining the chorus — it’s just like breaking up with any other person you have a relationship with. It’s not working, it’s over.
Internet hugs, and all the fishes you can dream of.
You don’t have to tell her anything, btw. (Seconding everyone else) But you might feel better if you do and she can’t argue. If not, then just tell her you won’t be seeing her anymore.
I like Some Gal’s idea of a letter too. Particularly if the thought of having “the conversation” is making you more anxious, but you do want to explain. (You don’t have to, but if you do.)
I’m glad you’re getting away from her at last, Argenti. Not thirty minutes before you posted this, I was reading a thread from January where we talked about our psychs, and holy Ceiling Cat, yours should really get a different job!
“She’s bloody oversimplifying if she’s thinking you can just live with the flight-fight response levels of adrenaline all the time (I’m guessing that’s what her “your body gets used to it” nonsense was about?).”
Yep, and it’s clearly bullshit (to the point my ex-fiancée’s brother said it sounded like something their emotional abusive mother would pull)
And I can just walk out and leave, my mother’s taken to waiting for me so she can read the lobby magazines! So yeah, some variation on “this isn’t working, I’d like to see someone else here if possible, and a recommendation if not” — we’ll see what she starts with.
“The med-psych people still will give you your meds, right? Or do you have to be w/ that shrink to get them?”
Idk, guess I’ll find out tomorrow…
I’ll figure out if I need to write a letter after I see how “this isn’t working, no really, this isn’t working, period” goes. I’m still worried she’ll pull another “you must be frustrated, come up with something you think will help” and not listen when I say “seeing someone else” (fuck, I walked out last session, got into the car, and told my mother how it went, he suggestion as to what to say I think will help? “Seeing someone else”)
And thanks for the hugs guys. My not-an-ex (and coworkers) are no longer allowed to have phones, and to text, at work…it’s seriously cutting into any time we have anymore, because grad school >.<
I put on Garbage a bit ago and had the lightbulb moment that I’m more upset about dealing with her tomorrow than the too personal aspects of the Steubenville case (“what did she expect getting that drunk at that sort of party?” Yeah, what did I expect…) and that’s bothering me less than the psych who’s frustrated because wtf are we supposed to be working on if I can’t talk about that?
Thanks guys, I don’t care what she says about online socialization not being as good as in person, particularly considering the above issues, but particularly considering I’m more comfortable talking to y’all even with the risk of trolls than with her. Oh gods was that a run on sentence!
And this answers if I’m pulling an all nighter. I’ll be far less forgiving if I’m tired, time to take advantage of tired = crispy!
Kitteh — part of my final straw here is that I’ve been making excuses for her for since Christmas — I gave her more than a fair go just in case my initial discomfort was that I actually like the woman filling in while she was on maternity leave. But we’re way past “I liked the one who I don’t get to see anymore *grumble*”
Hell, if she does like last week…I get there 10 min early, receptionist says she’ll let psych know I’m there, psych walks into receptionist little office thing, acknowledges me, starts chatting, okay, she’s got ten minutes until our session starts…is still chatting 20 min later. She does that again I’ll just interrupt with how she can keep right on chatting, I don’t want to see her anymore anyways. (Wait, anymore is a real word?)
@Argenti
It really sounds like you are doing the right thing. I would assume that, even if you need to be seeing/talking to someone to get the meds, you’ll get a decent amount of time to find someone else. Hugs if you want them and good luck! If she argues with you, then you’ll know she’s even worse at her job than she’s shown so far.
And I’m still shaking my head at that anxiety thing. That is some of the stupidest psych-related shit I’ve ever heard. I hope none of her other patients have any anxiety, I mean, that’s likely, right? /so much sarcasm
Anymore is one of those words like himself or herself that some spell and grammar check programs pretend doesn’t exist.
She’s more than used up her goodwill / trial period quota, Argenti.
Probably-belated-TW-for-stress-related-stuff
Fuck, it’s hard enough to change one’s thinking with mild anxiety, to deal with adrenaline and tension and all at that level, how does she think forcing this sort of shit on you is going to help? She’s not even saying “Ignore it and it’ll go away” (which is more or less what my psych says) she’s saying “get used to it” – which apart from being dumb and callous, suggests she knows fuckall about how the body works or what can make it get really sick. It’s like she learned one template for How To Treat Problem X and is totally blinkered about the whole thing – let alone the whole person.
Oy.
Have some Maru.
http://youtu.be/cRLYod7ARY0
Thanks guys, and thanks for Maru. I think I need to get out one of my good gel pens and right that “this isn’t working” line on my hand (ball point pens are not for writing on skin, gel pens are)
@Argenti
And Sharpies! 😉
Lol, yep, that is one thing I’ll admit sharpies are good for!
That’s the only thing I use weed for (not that I have any bone to pick with recreational users). I have tendonitis and various joint pain; it’s not usually severe and I only need treatment every week or two. But it completely gets rid of the pain for several hours. It’s also great at getting rid of anxiety, nausea, and general bad mojo. For me, there’s a dosage that does all that and doesn’t get me high. With the amount I use, I’ve never suffered any dependency or any other side effects, like panic attacks. (I did once totally trip and see a parade of origami animals. But only after I’d done a lot!) But different people experience extremely different effects, so there’s only one way to find out if it will work for you.
Yay, go for it! Just make sure they know the kittens won’t be available for 6 weeks. I can only adopt to people in the LA area (duh). I definitely intend to write a proper non-sarcastic blog post about them, but I’m waiting until I get some better pictures.
Cool, I will tell people the kitties are in the LA-area, and adoptable in about 6 weeks. Do me a favor and if you take more/better pictures, email me at my ‘nym at gmail? In case I miss a posting here…
Good night all!
Good night, cloudiah!
G’night cloudiah!
Delurking again (I read manboobz everyday for the sake of my mental health, but I feel like I have to read all 200-700 comments before I’m ‘allowed’ to comment).
I’ve got a bioethics lecture on mental illness on Wednesday that I’m NOT looking forward too because the last class was hijacked by a self-important douche who tried to argue that the poor don’t deserve healthcare for ‘reasons’. Also because the last time mental illness came up someone claimed that rapists must be mentally ill because normal people wouldn’t do that and the lecturer agreed that mentally ill people are ‘funny’.
I’ve been depressed my entire life, in that I am in my 20s and experiencing happiness for literally the first time in my life (age 5 is the earliest I can remember wanting to commit suicide), and my diagnosis now is complex PTSD and co-morbid depression brought on by child abuse, for which I take a reasonable high dose of a SSRI and a sleeping pill for the insomnia and night terrors.
Having been this way my entire life, I honestly have no comparison for what ‘normal’ is like, but the closest I’ve gotten is which SSRIs, sleeping pills, two years of CBT, and marijuana. i was extremely skeptical about marijuana (drugs are bad, don’t you know?) but the first time I tried it I had an epiphany in the sense that I suddenly realized what it’s like to live without constant crippling anxiety and hyper-vigilance. The absence of that anxiety and constant self-doubt and self-deprecation makes me feel like I have control over my emotions for the first time in my life.
I think the “mentally ill” vs “person with mental illness” thing is interesting; we say people HAVE cancer, not that they are cancerous people, and I think that referring to people BEING mentally ill instead of saying they HAVE an illness feeds into the stereotype that mental illness is part of a person’s character rather than something that happens to them. I also agree that other people’s discrimination against me is far more troubling to me than the actual symptoms of my conditions. I also have a physical problem that is mildly disabling, and I regard them to have a similar effect on my life, but one is met with sympathy and understanding while the other frequently causes me to be treated badly, especially by doctors and nurses.
For me, in the absence of the stigma, my mental illness would be just a medical condition that I’ve had a lot of practice at dealing with.
Sorry for the epic.
Emmy, welcome, and feel free to comment any time! 🙂
Bad enough the douchecanoe of doucheyness in your class, but that lecturer … Great Ceiling Cat, it’s like Dave’s tag here about “men who should not ever be with women ever” today; we’ve the Psychs Who Should Not Be With Patients* Ever and Lecturers Who Should Never Be Lecturing Ever.
Yeesh.
*Anyone here have a preference between being a patient or a client with psychs and so on? My own is that medical care = patient, ‘cos client is too close to customer and that makes it all commercial; but I see that client suggests a different balance of power.
I hate the term customers instead of passengers for public transport for ever.
/nitpicking derail
You happen to be a psych major? If so, tell your advisor that one about “mentally ill people are funny” because damn is that inappropriate.
As for dealing with douche, if straight up saying that he’s full of it is too stressful/confrontational/whatever, maybe go for how other people might have thoughts on the topic if he’d let anyone else speak?
Idk, I had a philosophy lecture end up discussing Descartes “in light of how we have souls”, and by all the gods does dualism make my brain ache. (Sorry Kitteh, then again, it’s one thing if you believe in souls, and quite another to sidetrack a lecture hall of 50+ from the nature of consciousness to how only humans have souls!)
As for mental illness, maybe it’s something about the (hypo)manic side of bipolar that makes Some Gal and I treat our um, illness, as part of us? Don’t quite remember what Dvärghundspossen said, but I got a similar gist — that for the three of us it’s just a part of who we are. Not that you have to agree with us or anything, just pondering the difference!
Also, hugs, kittens, other comforting things if welcome. Falconer’s been posting pics of his tiny twins, I think I bookmarked one if you haven’t seen the babies yet (cuz one baby is adorable, two is ded of cute)
And I failed to finish a thought!
Re: that philosophy class — I just sat there trying to ignore him, but I used my laptop to take notes so it was quite easy to find something else to do. You may have to just ignore douche, can you distract yourself if he starts again?
@Emmy
We also have diabetic people and arthritic people and blind people (not people with blindness), etc. One of my friends described his condition as “I am HIV positive” not ” I have HIV.” The language around both physical and mental conditions isn’t quite that straight-forward. That is not to take away from how you feel about and choose to describe your conditions/illnesses. You get to do that regardless of how much or little we can stretch the language.
And, while it is possible that, say, “bipolar person” feeds the idea that mental illness is part of a person’s character, I find the idea that my bipolar is something that happened to me instead of an intrinsic part of me to be inaccurate. I don’t think that I should have to pretend it is or talk about it as if it is just because how I am bipolar and how I experience being bipolar have superficial similarities to a common inaccurate stereotype. It would be like asking me to like (or pretend to like) sports because my not liking sports feeds into the stereotype that women don’t like sports. I am not okay doing it and I think it is wrong to ask someone to do.
I appreciate your thoughts, particularly on how you experience your conditions, though and I do not want to dissuade you from commenting more! We love lurkers de-lurking. Your fellow student and the lecturer are assholes. I hope Wednesday’s lecture goes better.
I had another thought on the terms, because I’m bipolar with a side-dish of PTSD (and a really twisted sense of humor sometimes)
I’ve always been bipolar, I mean, when I was really young I was “just depressed” (that’s in quotes because I had my first terrible psych say exactly that) — but it’s always been a part of who I am. PTSD though is very distinctly something done to me (8 years ago yesterday, well two days ago in my time zone cuz 5 am…small wonder I’m crispy eh?)
Point here is that, for me anyways, there’s a clear line between genetics and external forces. Probably just me there, but seemed relevant…
And yes, we like delurkers, I failed to offer the complementary welcome package!
Welcome, a misandrist hard chair, matching bath towels and SCENTED MOTHERFUCKING TOWELS will be delivered shortly by female (whore) penguins, in spanx.
Guys, help me with the spanx part, it was too funny not to include, but spanx isn’t a remotely feminist gift, I don’t want to imply anyone needs spanx the way everyone needs bath towels.
@Argenti
I like the penguins in spanx. 🙂
Yes on the genetics thing, I think. Saying bipolar was something that happened to me is like saying my blue eyes happened to me. But then, there’s the fibro. That feels done to me, but might be connected to the bipolar (bipolar people/people with bipolar show up as a much higher percentage of the fibromyalgia group than they do as a percentage of the general population) and might be something I was born with. So that wouldn’t fit the genetics vs. external forces thing. However, one of the major theories is that I’ve always had fibro and it just got switched “on” by physical trauma (like the mononucleosis I had about 1 year before the fibro pain symptoms started), in which case it does work because the turning it on (so to speak) is an external force. So…rambly thought process says probably.
Also, I’ve wondered about (hypo)mania playing a part, but I have a love-hate relationship with my depression. So, if I still felt that way if I were “just” depressed, then I think I would feel the same way about the depression as I do about bipolar. That might be a big if though.