Here’s a suprisingly candid comment from an MRA in the Men’s Rights subreddit, challenging the misogyny within the movement:
Oh, wait, that’s not from the Men’s Rights subreddit. HalfysReddit did originally post this to the Men’s Rights subreddit, but the mods deleted it, and so now the only reason it’s still available is that there’s a bot that automatically reposts all self-posts to the Men’s Rights subreddit.
Before it was deleted, HalfysReddit’s post did inspire some discussion amongst the Men’s Rightsers. Well, it was “discussion” only insofar as a bunch of comments telling HalfysReddit to stuff it counts as discussion. Here’s one thoughtful comment:
Sorry, did I say “thoughtful?” I meant “delusional.”
Though I’m pretty sure he’s right that feminists aren’t going to fight for anonymity for rape defendents or the “right of paternal surrender.”
Oh, and here’s a guy comparing Men’s Rightsers to the Black Panthers.
The Men’s Rights subreddit, where the notion that MRAs should tone down the misogyny a bit is too radical to even debate.
@Historophilia
I didn’t mean to imply they had just that having a history of migration and immigration (as opposed to the US’s “nation of immigrants” idea) might have influenced the way people identified/identify.
Fade – “*this might seem hard to explain… it’s like, I get angry b/c I’m in pain and feel in a general bad mood, which is enough to make things worse when I’m already in a bad place”
Makes total sense. I’ve never had anything to compare with fibromyalgia – the only time I’ve had knock-me-off-my-feet pain was when I passed kidney stones – but even relatively minor, passing things like menstrual cramps or this (&^%$#@! knee and back trouble is distracting at best and depressing (in the broad colloquial sense of lowering the mood and optimism and ability to concentrate) at worst. If you’re already in a bad place emotionally/mentally it escalates it and the two feed on each other.
The thing that really comes out of this conversation for me is how important it is, and (?) how little recognised generally, to know how a condition is seen by the person who has it. An illness/disability they’d love to get rid of, or an integral part of themselves, or a price to be paid for other things – there’s as many variations as there are people.
/glib novice summary
I’m just getting my head round the fact that I do have an anxiety disorder. I don’t mean in the sense of “Oh noes, I am not one of those sick people!” but just the opposite: I didn’t feel it was anywhere near serious enough to qualify as a disorder. But that’s what it is: the fight-flight response reacting to things that are not threats at all, generalised anxiety/stress that underlies things, the physical reaction that comes with it all … yup, it’s a disorder. Recognising that’s an improvement, for me: it takes the focus off the triggers and puts it back in my head. 😛
I don’t know if it’s tied to the sensitivity (argh that sounds self-aggrandising) that lets me be in contact with Sir, but oy, I’d love to be rid of it. I hate having tension tying up my muscles and stuffing my body around generally; it is literally a pain, and I would like to be happy without stupid meaningless apprehension over nuttin’ dragging it down!
@The Kittehs’
If you are interested (and just ignore me if you aren’t), there are lots of positions you can just lay in, not moving that might help. The one I like is you put one or two pillows down on the bed, and lay on your side with your hips at one end/the lower end of the pillow(s). Then you swivel your upper body so your chest/breasts and head are against the pillows. I used to do 30 minutes on each side (with my head turned in the same direction as my hips/legs) while listening to music or an audiobook. I stick a pillow between my knews as well. It really helped me get rid of the tightness in my back (I tense up because I hurt and then I’m hurt because I’m tense).
You are laying facedown on the pillows (although you turn your head to the side) and your lower half is laying on your side. I should see if I can find a picture.
@Kitteh’s Unpaid Help.
Yeah, things that often bug me are when non-mentally ill or physically ill* write mentally ill or physically ill characters and… mess it up really horribly. Though I don’t know if that’s what you’re referring to here. It just strikes me as another way for people who don’t have something defining the thing for people who do have it…
/ambiguity.
*some people with fibromyalgia classify themselves as physically disabled, but I have no clue how the hell how I classify myself as yet, since while I’ve been experiencing symptoms for 2+ years, I was just diagnosed like… two months ago, and haven’t had much time to think about it.
*has to look up self-aggrandising*
Well, it didn’t seem that way to me. 😛
I’ll wish you good luck in managing your anxiety, cuz that’s generally what I want (except for depression/fibromyalgia not anxiety)* but if I overstepped any bounds, just tell me.
*managing, not curing I mean. Because I don’t know if any of those things can be cured and it just seems pointless to hope.
Some Gal – I’m interested but confused, lol. Do you start with your legs up on the pillows, then your torso on them? Is the idea to have yourself tilted up first one way, then the other?
@SomeGal, oh I see what you mean.
The fact that our immigrant communities are a mix of those who were born here and those who have immigrated much more recently makes a difference as well.
Plus more generally the fact that as a whole immigrants make up a very small amount of the population.
Fade – ta on the not-self-aggrandising! 😀
Don’t worry you’re overstepping boundaries, I don’t feel that way at all. I’m more concerned not to overstep others’! Dang, I could troll if I had it in me. ME ME TALK ABOUT ME lol. Only time I’ve had boundaries overstepped wasn’t on this site (trolls don’t count coz troll) when dipwads tried to dictate to me about Mr K. Ha! Didn’t get ’em far.
::memo to self: shut up!::
I hadn’t even thought about fiction’s stuff-ups, actually. It was more how people here are talking, and things I hadn’t considered much. Big salute to LBT on that one, too.
@The Kittehs’
My legs are like this, but with a smaller pillow and from the waist up, I am on top of the pillow(s), facedown. So the top half is elevated and you sort of stretch your back by resting your arms on the bed.
@The Kittehs’
So, first I have my left leg on the bottom and my head turned to the left and then I swap and have my right leg on the bottom and my head turned to the right.
@Kitteh’s. well, I always like to check just in case. 🙂
And I don’t normally think you talk too much about yourself.
And Re: dipwads: Dang those dipwads! *raises hand in curse you motion to the sky*
Actually, I didn’t actually do that last part because I’m eating dinner and don’t want it to spill off my lap. 😛
@Some Gal
Hi
Sorry about the delay, I was making lunch (it’s 12 o’clock, thus lunch, even if it’s 12 o’clock in the middle of the night 😛 )
I’d say the Asperger’s was more a mental condition or something? I dunno, it’s not an illness or disability because it doesn’t directly cause me problems (“her autism is the least of her difficulties at present” – from my BPD evaluation report, seriously that thing is hilarious in the most morbid way possible) and my main problem seems to be other people not realising that ‘harmless, non-disruptive freak’ is harmless and non-disruptive.
BPD? Yup, illness. It’s actually preventing me from doing shit and being happy. 🙁
Fun fact: diabetes is apparently classified as a ‘disability’ which I don’t see for my stage of it (I have feet, and functioning eyes!). Maybe it’s growing up with a quadruplegic father* which kind of sets my disability default as super-mega-severe or maybe its just that not being able to stuff oneself with delicious delicious carbohydrates doesn’t seem like that much of a disability?
* he doesn’t have an opinion on this, or has never expressed one.
Some Gal – ta! I’ll give that a try. I’ve seen it in maternity advice from years’n’years ago but never thought to apply it. (Can’t think why, lol.)
Fade – “normally” LOL LOL 😉
@Historophilia
I am sure there are lots of factors, it just seems like that would be one. I would be interested in whether or not the terminology has shifted since the beginning of the 20th century. I know the hyphenated nationality has been a controversial thing here (mostly an assimilation argument plus racism) and it would be interesting to contrast it with Britain.
I wonder if it is, in part, a reaction to or protest of colonialism or if racism and anti-(im)migrant sentiment was more responsible. (That might be a chicken or the egg thing, though.) In the US, the hyphenated nationality thing has been shaped by both racism and anti-immigrant sentiment as well as being a compromise position, of sorts, on the issue of assimilation. I assume that just as complicated a web of factors influenced identification/identity in Britain.
I’m going to watch for that in everything I read now. Cool. 🙂
CWS – my mum’s got type 2 diabetes (is it type 2 or type 1 that’s classified as a disability, or both?). She’d be very surprised if anyone told her she was disabled. I don’t think “taking pills and giving up Black Forest cake” qualifies as a disability, and I know damn well she’d take the diabetes over having her sense of balance stuffed after a stroke, if it came to a choice.
@Creative Writing Student
Thanks for answering.
I only leave my apartment for doctor’s appointments, I have trouble doing pretty much everything (showering is a challenge every single time), and I’ve been this bad for years now. It is only in the past six months that I’ve decided that it is a disability, that I am disabled and that I should identify as such. And it still sometimes feels like I’m cheating or just not bad enough to take the label.
This language/identification shit is hard.
Fibromyalgia, or any kind of chronic pain, sucks. My mother has terrible chronic back pain, and nothing we’ve tried has relieved it. And then that makes her depressed. It’s like a cascade of bad stuff.
I did just recently convince her to try pot cookies, which have helped several of my friends. She became aware of marijuana through things like “Reefer Madness” so convincing her that she isn’t going to morph into Mr. Hyde was something of an uphill battle. Someone here suggested hemp oil too, so I got her some of that.
So, since it got brought up, how do you guys deal with chronic pain? Right now I’m at the “if only there was something stronger than ibuprophen my doctor would prescribe” stage.
Has your mum tried the hemp oil yet, cloudiah? I’m interested in trying that for my back/legs.
.@Fade
How many ibuprofen do you take? You should ask your doctor about meloxicam if you are taking a lot (I was taking 12 extra strength a day). It is basically prescription strength ibuprofen and a little safer for your liver. I have tramadol, which is addictive and causes horrible nausea and can cause seizures, but lets me sit up in bed in the morning so yay!
I also take gabapentin/neurotin. In the US, it isn’t considered a drug that can be abused (even though it got me really high in the beginning and is recognized as such in other countries) so you might be able to get that. It helped a tiny bit with the pain and got rid of almost all the weird painful, unpleasant sensations I used to have. It is also generic so cheap and insurance companies almost always cover it.
You should ask about all the fibro drugs like Lyrica and Cymbalta, but they are not generic and insurance companies are stingy/they cost a fucking fortune. They didn’t work for me, but I am weird like that.
I have a muscle relaxer. It takes the edge off the pain. You can ask about that. My doctors treat them as no big deal, but YMMV.
Can you go to a physical therapist? That helped me a lot.
Can you go to a pain clinic? I love mine but many are shady. Don’t go to a shady one.
Have you tried ice massage? Take an ice cube with a popsicle stick (or one you made in a popsicle mold) and rub in a tiny circle (less than 6 inches across) where it hurts. It should take 5-10 minutes to get numb. You can do it every two hours. If you see white spots in the red your skin will turn, STOP. You don’t want frostbite, just numbness.
Ask your doctor about a TENS machine. It is a little device that attaches to your skin with electrodes and sends shocks to your nerves. It doesn’t hurt, but it does feel weird. The idea is to confuse your nerves/block out the pain signals. I love mine. You can put it anywhere but over your heart, on your head or on the front of your neck.
Try heat and ice everywhere (separately). My ankles, hands, knees, back and feet love cold, my legs do better with heat. It is weird. So, try both everywhere.
You should try the relaxation position I described (if it makes sense lol). You might need to add extra pillows under your hips or arms (I do) if they are really tender, but that is okay.
@cloudiah
Pot helped, but not as much as the tramadol and it is one or the other (urine testing…sometimes I hate my country). I have to ask if MA approving medical marijuane has changed the hospital’s policies at all. It would be nice to try them together.
I hope your mother feels better and they help. Pot is certainly more fun than tramadol (barely got me high in the beginning, but the nausea was almost as bad as when I had mono).
Shall ask my doctor about TENs machine and meloxicam next time I see her.
She did give me gabopentim at first, though it made me sick to my stomach so much I couldn’t really get anything done, and it didn’t help with the fibromyalgia pain anyway. Right now I’m trying Lyrica, and we’ll see how that goes. :Shrugs:
I shall go back and re-read the position.. in fact, I may just have to bookmark this conversation for future reference. 😛
I take.. idk, like 1 prescription ibuprofen 3 times a day. I think it’s worth 3 normal ones.
Anyway, thanks for hte advice.
Oh, and re: physical therapist… I do not go to one for fibromyalgia, but I did go to one when I hurt my knee* God, that guy was annoying. I could rant about him all day. :0
*which my doctor thinks may have helped cause my fibromyalgia b/c it’s evidently normally assoociated with depression and a traumatic (medical traumatic, not emotional) injury.
My sister used to use a muscle relaxer for her painy back (it didn’t work) but maybe I’ll ask her about what she was using and if it was prescription and see if it can take anything off.
Anyway, second thanks, since I really needed this!
Weed’s the only thing that works for me. I like it because it’s safer (seeming) than high doses of other painkillers and because there are a variety of ways to take it.
@katz
I am almost positive it is safer. The way the doctors looked at me when I told them how many ibuprofen I was taking… and then there is the addiction and seizure risk of the tramadol… painkillers are scary.
now I’m really curious about weed. I take a butt load of ibprofen, and the only thing I’ve heard about weed was in the dare program, which was basically ‘don’t do drugs they will kill you’ 😛