One reason so-called Nice Guys ā¢ seem so creepy to so many people is that it’s easy to see the rage and the bitterness and the weird sort of self-hating entitlement that is so often lurking underneath ā and sometimes not that far underneath ā the ānice guyā exterior.
Consider the gutwrenching case of Jill Meagher, an Irish woman who was raped and murdered in a suburb of Melbourne Australia last September by a man who accosted her on the street as she was walking home from a bar. A man who later told police that he had only approached her in the first place because he was ātrying to be nice.ā
In a lengthy interview with police, in which he confessed to raping and strangling Meagher, Adrian Ernest Bayley explained that he had only approached Meagher because she ālooked distraughtā and he thought he could āhelp.ā And he only became angry at her when she rebuffed his kind offers.
āIt wasnāt really my intention to hurt her, you know that?ā he told police.
I spoke to her, you know and said, look, Iāll just ā Iāll ā Iāll help you, you know. ā¦ She flipped me off and that made me angry, because I was trying to do a nice thing. You know that? ā¦
I was just ā I was trying to be nice and ā she kept going from being nice to nasty, to nice, to ā you know what I mean?
Earlier in the evening, Bayley had reportedly argued with his girlfriend about his ājealousy and possessiveness issues.ā The girlfriend returned home, where she reportedly told her landlady that she was “hiding from Adrian.”
The newspaper The Australian paints a picture of a man with rage issues and very little self-awareness.
Mr Bayley was working for a drainage company until his arrest six days after Meagher went missing. The workmate he had been drinking with that night told police Mr Bayley would become “angry and aggressive” after fighting with his girlfriend.
“He had a very short fuse and didn’t like to be told he was in the wrong,” he said. “In the times that I worked with Adrian, he was often talking about women. He would say he couldn’t understand how men could hurt women or be abusive towards women.”
None of this is to say that all Nice Guys ā¢ are harboring killers inside of them, or anything even remotely like that. But those who most loudly proclaim their “niceness” often turn out to be pretty awful, in part because they think that women owe them something for being so insistently ānice.ā
Anonymous Lurker, hugs if you need them, I am terribly sorry you went through that.
Here is a kitten meeting a hedgehog:
@The Kittehs’
Okay. I misunderstood you about which charges. It seems like he hasn’t been charged yet on the others, but we Americans apparently have strange terms for everything and so I can’t understand your far more sensible ones at all. š
Some Gal – lol! I can’t even get my head around our system, yours baffles me completely.
@anonymous lurker, i’m so so sorry for what you went through, and the horrible things they did to you.
@melody, i’m so sorry for you and your family. I wish all the best to all of you.
@ An anonymous lurker
That’s horrible š Internet hugs if you want them.
@ anonymous lurker
<3 sending all my love
@ Anonymous
That is awful. I feel for you. When I was part of my student board in college we used student fees to pay for extra counseling for individuals who has been raped. I don’t think anyone should be denied access to therapy for that kind of stuff.
My point with that story (aunt and cousin) is that it easy enough to play your crime off with tears in a hope to sway the jury. Thank you for the positive energy though.
And people are so defensive of romantic comedies in regards to the behavior that is portrayed in them. I enjoy a good romance too, but I’d prefer it if the guy didn’t display abusive/controlling behavior to the woman.
Another horrible aspect of the case was the public discussion about it after it happened. So much rape apologism! Before Bayley was caught, one guy wrote online that Jill had probably lead some poor slob on at the bar and got her comeuppance. On the other hand, it started a dialogue about rape culture which is still going strong.
David, how do you find the strength to maintain a blog like this? Even when there’s so many against stuff like this… do people gang up on you? Especially when you first started? I try to point out some of the things you post in your blogs, and I always get a lot of backlash…. what do I do?
An anonymous lurker, I am so sorry that happened to you. Thanks for telling your story, though, it will help someone to read that, I’m sure.
Here is a cat that will give you an internet hug:
There was a huge reaction to Ms Meagher’s rape and murder here. This was a peace march down Sydney Road (where Bayley attacked her) last year.
@Anonymous lurker, Just adding to the chorus — so sorry that happened, and hope you’re doing better.
@boopsies, What kind of backlash do you get?
And OMG but that kitten with the hedgie video should be able to cure any problem with its cuteness. I’d seen it before but forgotten about it.
To clarify the legal situaiton, Adrian Bayley has been charged with three counts of rape and one of murder regarding Jill Meagher. In his committal (pretrial) hearing in court, he has pleaded guilty to one count of rape, not guilty to the other two counts of rape (of Meagher) and not guilty to murder. It looks like the defence is pushing the idea that Jill could have died after he strangled and left her but we won’t know the details until the actual trial. Seeing Bayley went back for Jill’s body hours later, I don’t see how this will be a convincing defence.
Bayley has also been charged with the rape of three other women (two of whom he lured into his car with the “someone is following you” story) but the media isn’t supposed to report on these cases during his trial for the rape and murder of Jill Meagher as it would prejudice the case (principle of sub judice, risking contempt of court).
This article was published last week, before the committal hearing:
http://www.smh.com.au/national/meagher-suspect-on-more-rape-counts-20130305-2fj3r.html
@ Marie
I should have phrased it better, it’s a good policy, we also help people carrying a lot of stuff as well
@ drat
We don’t have a rape path thankfully, we have a lot affectionately referred to as the ankle breaker because a combination of rain and wet gates lead to injuries. Our only rule on the escorts is that it has to be a person, we won’t just move boxes
Thanks for the info, aim33.
I really, really hope this filth never gets out of jail, but it takes a Peter Dupas level of crime before our courts will do the consecutive sentences/never to be released sentences.
Yes thanks, aim33.
I feel like a lot of the time we end up skipping over the really obvious aspects of situations like this because we assume everyone here already gets the 101 stuff, but for people lurking/new to this kind of conversation?
Someone who is genuinely trying to be nice and/or help another person does not go from
“trying to help” to rape to murder just because the recipient of their attempts to help doesn’t respond in a positive enough way. There is no overlap between “I would like to help because I am a nice person” and “if you are not nice enough to me in return I might have to rape you”. What you are seeing from this man is an attempt to deflect blame and avoid a long sentence, as well as an inability to acknowledge his own flaws.
TL;DR – nice people, when told that their help is not wanted, back off. They do not fly into a rage and take revenge. If someone does so, they are not a nice person and their intentions were not good in the first place.
@Anonymous
I’m sorry that happened to you, no one should have to go through that.
Long-time lurker, infrequent commenter.
As a lawyer and resident of Melbourne, Australia, I can hopefully add some local comment to this horrible story.
Aim33’s summary is generally correct. Bayley has been charged with three (3) counts of rape (of Ms Meagher) and one of murder. He is presently pleading not guilty to all charges except one charge of rape.
Bayley’s previous illegal acts (alleged) will almost definitely not be admitted during his Trial. Under the doctrine of ‘similiar fact evidence’, the Court is generally extremely reluctant to allow evidence of previous ‘bad acts’ into Trials, as it is considered that it will unduly influence the jury into convicting on the current charge(s) (The idea of ‘if he did it once, its more likely that he’ll do it again). There are exceptions to this, but I won’t get into the weeds on the technical arguments.
Pleas can almost always be changed from not guilty to guilty, but not the other way around. I would venture a guess that what is almost definitely happening ‘behind the scenes’ is that Bayley’s defence lawyer will be negotiating with the prosecution regarding the possibility of a guilty plea. This will, in all likelihood, be finalised well prior to the listing of the trial (which wouldn’t occur till late this year or early 2014
A few people have talked about automatic life sentences and so forth. Except in the most heinous cases, a guilty plea will usually have a non-parole period of some kind, to serve as an incentive for the accused to plead guilty and remove the need for a Trial. ‘Life’ is almost always the default sentence for murder, particularly a murder of this kind. The setting of a ‘non-parole’ period happens in almost all cases. This means that the sentencing Judge states a period of time before parole can even be considered. The expiry of this period does NOT mean automatic release, but merely that parole can be considered.
This story has received massive media coverage in Melbourne, and some people have commented on this given that similiar disappearances have occurred where the victim was not a white, attractive, ‘blameless’ woman. This is not to say that the coverage of Ms Meagher’s tragic death should be reduced, but rather that such terrible stories should ALL be given prominence, even if the victim had a funny name, dark skin and a less-respectable profession,
Gillian, I’m sorry but the second quote you used wasn’t mine. In no way would I suggest your comments were a rape apologist. I also missed yr reference to campus security so apols that we appear to be talking at cross purposes.
My only point was that is often hard to estimate danger accurately, especially when drunk and especially when the person is known to you ( which he wasn’t in this case of course).
People who have read me here over the past weeks and months I hope would note that I’m very slow to impugn motives to other people, particularly since I find almost all people here people of good faith. Hat tip to kitteh and cloudiah amongst others. š
Okay, I went down to make dinner and saw Glennie had ‘graced’ us with his presence, so I’m skipping down to avoid allotting him any brain space.
@aim33, thanks for posting the info. As with the situation in Delhi, I really didn’t want to go wading through the details to get answers, so I appreciate the direct news link.
@Orange Curtain Yeah, one of the two times I was seriously grateful for having my walkalong was because as I was crossing a street, I stepped on a wrapper for something, some piece of waxed paper, and went down hard. The CSO I was walking with reached out to grab me before I fell and that’s the only reason I didn’t smack my head hard on the curb because I had my hands full of books that I reacted by trying to hold onto (it was finals week and I had grading as well as my own research). If I’d have landed, the spot was isolated enough that I could have laid there for hours before anyone noticed.
Great summary aussiesmurf, if I could add to your list of groups that don’t seem to get the coverage, it would include poor women and wives/ partners of the perpetrator .
That’s one of the saddest things about this, knowing that if the victim had gone on even one date with the killer the media would be falling all over themselves to blame her right now, and so would a good chunk of the public.
Absolutely Cassandra, and that’s part of makes me feel so sorry for the bastards girlfriend. Imagine all the innuendo and scorn she will face along with the fear that it could have been her. In Melbourne just after Jill’s murder another young women was raped and murdered by a repeat offender and much of the commentary was ” how could she go out with a man like that?!”