One reason so-called Nice Guys ™ seem so creepy to so many people is that it’s easy to see the rage and the bitterness and the weird sort of self-hating entitlement that is so often lurking underneath – and sometimes not that far underneath – the “nice guy” exterior.
Consider the gutwrenching case of Jill Meagher, an Irish woman who was raped and murdered in a suburb of Melbourne Australia last September by a man who accosted her on the street as she was walking home from a bar. A man who later told police that he had only approached her in the first place because he was “trying to be nice.”
In a lengthy interview with police, in which he confessed to raping and strangling Meagher, Adrian Ernest Bayley explained that he had only approached Meagher because she “looked distraught” and he thought he could “help.” And he only became angry at her when she rebuffed his kind offers.
“It wasn’t really my intention to hurt her, you know that?” he told police.
I spoke to her, you know and said, look, I’ll just – I’ll – I’ll help you, you know. … She flipped me off and that made me angry, because I was trying to do a nice thing. You know that? …
I was just – I was trying to be nice and – she kept going from being nice to nasty, to nice, to – you know what I mean?
Earlier in the evening, Bayley had reportedly argued with his girlfriend about his “jealousy and possessiveness issues.” The girlfriend returned home, where she reportedly told her landlady that she was “hiding from Adrian.”
The newspaper The Australian paints a picture of a man with rage issues and very little self-awareness.
Mr Bayley was working for a drainage company until his arrest six days after Meagher went missing. The workmate he had been drinking with that night told police Mr Bayley would become “angry and aggressive” after fighting with his girlfriend.
“He had a very short fuse and didn’t like to be told he was in the wrong,” he said. “In the times that I worked with Adrian, he was often talking about women. He would say he couldn’t understand how men could hurt women or be abusive towards women.”
None of this is to say that all Nice Guys ™ are harboring killers inside of them, or anything even remotely like that. But those who most loudly proclaim their “niceness” often turn out to be pretty awful, in part because they think that women owe them something for being so insistently “nice.”
(By which I mean ‘looks like I was probably wrong.’)
@drst
That makes sense :/ I just don’t know much about the campus security stuff, so I was kind of confused.
Anyway, sorry for jumping on you like that Orange Curtain. Should’ve tried to figure out more first. :/
@everybody…
Since you guys loved me sooo much yesterday. I figured I’d chime in once again! The troll as some you called me is back!
Hope you didn’t miss me too much! Glad I could be the topic of such a blogging storm!
This behavior from men (and they don’t have to be nice guys or bad boys) is largely due to the resentment they hold towards women which numerous scientific studies show and have proven beyond doubt start festering at a very early age typically around 3-7yrs old due to a negative example their parents were showing them of how male/female relationships are to be conducted , how they were perceived by the opposite sex in school and the outcomes of various relationships they had with females.
Once a man starts to resent a woman at an early age, it becomes increasingly stronger as he grows especially if he doesn’t achieve a healthy outlook on relationships or gets the attention from women he so desperately seeks. To make matters worse, these guys blame women for their own inability to attract them into their lives and the resentment grows. It becomes a passive aggressive habit that at some point has to explode and this is usually through beating a woman or rape.
As time goes on, women become increasingly tired of being hit on by creepy Beta men, develop harsh ways to deal with men just to get them to leave them alone and these men in-turn develop a more negative view of women. It becomes a pernicious circle for both.
The chick will say… Ewwwww, that guy was such a creep!
The guy will say… What a fucking bitch!
I’ve always said that there should be some classes in school which teach men and women how to deal with anger and how to have successful relationships! Stop it early on in development and we won’t have to deal with it later when risks become greater.
You guys here think that being a PUA is something bad but that’s because of the lack of understanding that there is a group of SUPER manipulative guys out there that have the self given title of PUA and then guys like me who teach guys how to develop an attractive life, attitude and outlook so that they can then be more attractive to women. Bug difference there!!
A man who understands himself and women better is typically a happier person at least in his dating life. Men with many options in the dating market don’t harbor resentment towards women when they are rejected or turned down. Instead they say… “hey… This chick just isn’t into me. Oh well.” and then moves on. We typically adore the feminine spirit, we just are strong against women with entitlement issues!
On a completely different topic which some of you commented on about having an escort on and around campuses, I would have to agree with most colleges are starting to do right now and that’s allowing women and men to Conceal Carry.
We live in a dangerous society and by the looks of it, it isn’t about to change! The RAPE that happened in this post could have been prevented if the woman was allowed to properly defend herself. She was denied this right! Too many crimes happen because the bad guy which are usually stronger than the good guys know that the person they are going to attack or mug won’t be able to defend themselves properly! Give people the ability to defend themselves and hate crimes will drop dramatically.
I can’t wait to hear the bashing that’s gonna happen… Let it roll!!!
Glenn what do you think is an entitlement issue?
Glenn instead of putting the prevention on the women we could education men not to rape.
So you admit you’re just here for the trolling, then. Trolling + boring = I’m leaning towards ban.
TL;DR. Even skimming that made me feel like taking a nap.
Surely if you want to persuade people to have an attractive, positive lifestyle, the first thing to do would be to persuade them that they shouldn’t centre their self-worth around the actions of others?
Is it not counterproductive, therefore, to talk about “pick-up” as the goal, when it’d be better just to refocus people’s priorities so they can be fulfilled without sex – and are therefore more happy, relaxed, and likely to be able to have the friendly interactions with people that would lead to healthy relationships?
@Glenn I’m gonna skip over all the bullshit you just dumped up there and get right to the part where you decided that this thread, on this topic, was the right place for your pathetic and self-admitted plea for attention.
@Everyone else can we please not let Glenn be the center of attention on this thread? I mean, he’s flat-out stated it’s what he wants and as such I don’t think he deserves to be engaged anywhere, but if you want to chew on the new toy, can it please be on one of the other threads he’s stinking up?
One grammar snark, though, since the last bit was in my field of view when I scrolled up to read the other comments. A rape did not happen in this post, because it is not possible to rape a blog post, and also wow did you sleep through all your English classes?
Seriously. I just read the first and last lines.
@Melody, I just saw your question. Yeah, the “silence” (of a nearly comatose kid) = consent thing, it’s just really depressing.
My uni had a ‘student patrol’ who could be called like a taxi and they’d drive you home. While they did say it wasn’t for groups of young men who just couldn’t be bothered walking home, they gave anyone on their own a lift and were great about getting me and my queer friends home.
Whooooo. Missed the fun part.
This rape wouldn’t’ve happened if the man who raped the women hadn’t decided to rape people.
‘K, and apologies.
Sorry if someone has already mentioned this — but what is Bayley charged with exactly, and which are the charge he plead guilty to? I don’t want to read the news stories, after all the other terrible stories I’ve read today.
I think he saw that, although he confessed to strangling Meagher, he’s not pleading guilty to that. Is that because he’s saying it was an accident?
Looking at his picture Glenn appears to have arrived pre-chewed, and I prefer my chew toys to arrive in a pristine condition.
Is he trying to bargain the charge down to manslaughter, maybe?
So, word of Glenn, men (boys here) start festering resentment towards women at the ages 3-7. Due to? :
is like everyone’s parent’s in unhealthy relationships? My parents seemed normal. *shrug*
Also, I should ask my brother if he resents women. He’s 15, so it should’ve all piled up by now XD
Also, since I seemed to skim the gross part of your comment:
1) it is not on women* to defend themselves from rape
2) not all women can afford or use guns
3) not all women actually want to shoot someone. I don’t know if (assuming I had the ability to kill someone that attacked me) I’d feel able to do it.
*and people of other genders, but Glenn seems to think rape is a women only thing.
care to give an example of an entitlement issue, Glenn? Cant’ tell what you’re thinking of.
@emilygoddess
Sorry! I didn’t refresh before posting *blushes* I won’t engage him here anymore.
When I went to Berkeley, they had a great student escorting service, which I used a lot when I studied late at the library. They have one at the University I’m working at too.
Anyone else imagining the “I love a woman with spirit” bit from Lords and Ladies?
This post concerns someone who was raped and murdered. You don’t see any problem trying to fuck with people for shits and giggles on it. I sincerely hope David bans your ass.
Having said that, I will follow emilygoddess’ good suggestion that we not engage/reference you on this thread from now on.
@Cassandra, I haven’t gotten to that part yet, but I was reading Lords and Ladies on the campus shuttle today and snorted with laughter on several occasions. Bitterly and with great anger, of course, since I’m a feminist.
Aw. I wanted to snark at his hilariously dated look some more. The sacrifices I make for you guys!
(I’ll stop now, I promise.)
PeeWee: there are no such things as Alpha or Beta men. The terms applied to a study of wolves. The researcher who did the study has long since refuted it because animals behave very differently in captivity from in the wild. He’s tried to get the book withdrawn from publication. The only meaning “alpha” has in the wild is “father.” The other males in wolf pack are simply the offspring of one pair: they go off to form their own packs, and of course don’t mate with each other. So you’re subscribing to one more piece of bullshit that has no basis in reality even for the species it was about.
No man who calls women “chicks” can convince me he has the slightest respect for us, even if your previous slimy posts didn’t make that abundantly clear.
Fuck off, loser.
Glen, I don’t resent women. Even the ‘nice guys’ I play rugby with, while they have some horrible attitudes don’t resent them. Perhaps you should speak for yourself.