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The “Nice Guy” Who Raped and Strangled a Young Irish Woman

Adrian Ernest Bayley: Rapist, Strangler, Self-proclaimed Nice Guy
Adrian Ernest Bayley: Rapist, Strangler, Self-proclaimed Nice Guy

One reason so-called Nice Guys ™ seem so creepy to so many people is that it’s easy to see the rage and the bitterness and the weird sort of self-hating entitlement that is so often lurking underneath – and sometimes not that far underneath – the “nice guy” exterior.

Consider the gutwrenching case of Jill Meagher, an Irish woman who was raped and murdered in a suburb of Melbourne Australia last September by a man who accosted her on the street as she was walking home from a bar. A man who later told police that he had only approached her in the first place because he was “trying to be nice.”

In a lengthy interview with police, in which he confessed to raping and strangling Meagher, Adrian Ernest Bayley explained that he had only approached Meagher because she “looked distraught” and he thought he could “help.” And he only became angry at her when she rebuffed his kind offers.

“It wasn’t really my intention to hurt her, you know that?” he told police.

I spoke to her, you know and said, look, I’ll just – I’ll – I’ll help you, you know. … She flipped me off and that made me angry, because I was trying to do a nice thing. You know that? …

I was just – I was trying to be nice and – she kept going from being nice to nasty, to nice, to – you know what I mean?

Earlier in the evening, Bayley had reportedly argued with his girlfriend about his “jealousy and possessiveness issues.” The girlfriend returned home, where she reportedly told her landlady that she was “hiding from Adrian.”

The newspaper The Australian paints a picture of a man with rage issues and very little self-awareness.

Mr Bayley was working for a drainage company until his arrest six days after Meagher went missing. The workmate he had been drinking with that night told police Mr Bayley would become “angry and aggressive” after fighting with his girlfriend.

“He had a very short fuse and didn’t like to be told he was in the wrong,” he said. “In the times that I worked with Adrian, he was often talking about women. He would say he couldn’t understand how men could hurt women or be abusive towards women.”

None of this is to say that all Nice Guys ™ are harboring killers inside of them, or anything even remotely like that. But those who most loudly proclaim their “niceness” often turn out to be pretty awful, in part because they think that women owe them something for being so insistently “nice.”

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The Kittehs' Unpaid Help

Seconding the banhammer for slimypeewee, and yes, apologies too for letting him derail, especially on this thread.

cloudiah – Bayley is charged with Ms Meagher’s rape and murder. He’s pleaded guilty to rape.

hellkell
hellkell
7 years ago

I’ll stop after this:

then guys like me who teach guys how to develop an attractive life, attitude and outlook so that they can then be more attractive to women. Bug difference there!!

Uh-huh. What you do is lower than bill collectors hassling cancer patients. But nice reveal with “bug,” because that is all you do to people. Bravo, chump.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
7 years ago

Again, I’m guessing that he’s aiming for a manslaughter charge rather than murder.

hellkell
hellkell
7 years ago

David: your house and all, but is he adding value in other threads or just shitting on the throw rugs?

cloudiah
7 years ago

Kittehs’, So he has not (yet) been charged with the other rapes you mentioned?

Kim
Kim
7 years ago

But yeah – all that, leading the police to where he buried Ms Meagher (a long way out of town), having her phone, hiding her bag … but oh noes, he never murdered her.

I haven’t read anything about this case other than this post and the link I posted the other day, but I would assume that he’s admitting he killed her, or caused her to die or something, but claiming that it wasn’t technically murder, i.e. premediated. I’m not a lawyer though and I get all my lawyer knowledge from American tv shows so I don’t know what our standard is for when it counts as murder.

Some Gal Not Bored at All

I figured we’d get someone defending nice guys (don’t we always?). Glenn P is so much worse.

To go back to the topic:

@MorkaisChosen

I still think you are right about him seeing himself as the good guy and I don’t think it contradicts the “oops and I’m sorry” stance that he (and his lawyers) will take in court. I think that he is the star of his own hero/Nice Guy fantasy story and it doesn’t seem like a “little” thing like raping and killing a woman would change that fucked up entitled worldview.

@The Kittehs’

Do you think that he sees himself as a predator? (I’m sorry, I’m just not sure from your comment.) I agree he is one, but I personally don’t think he sees himself that way. He talks about how “not nice” and “not fair” what happened to* Jill Meagher was. He said he apologized after he killed her and cried for her. It could all be an act, but I really think he sees himself as a good guy in unfortunate circumstances. He isn’t, of course.

*what HE DID to Meagher, but he doesn’t talk about it like that.

Marie
Marie
7 years ago

I haven’t read anything about this case other than this post and the link I posted the other day, but I would assume that he’s admitting he killed her, or caused her to die or something, but claiming that it wasn’t technically murder, i.e. premediated.

uggh. the more I hear about this guy (even if it’s just speculating) the more I hate him.

Kim
Kim
7 years ago

We live in a dangerous society and by the looks of it, it isn’t about to change! The RAPE that happened in this post could have been prevented if the woman was allowed to properly defend herself. She was denied this right! Too many crimes happen because the bad guy which are usually stronger than the good guys know that the person they are going to attack or mug won’t be able to defend themselves properly! Give people the ability to defend themselves and hate crimes will drop dramatically.

Australia is a whole fuck-load safer than the USA you know, and no-one who isn’t a criminal or police carries a hand gun. Your logic, it is non-existant.

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help

cloudiah, I’m not sure. They’ve said “facing charges” so I don’t know if he’s been formally charged or not.

Marie
Marie
7 years ago

He talks about how “not nice” and “not fair” what happened to* Jill Meagher was. He said he apologized after he killed her and cried for her

O_o Still manage to like him less/ hate him more the more I hear about him.

An anonymous lurker
An anonymous lurker
7 years ago

This brought back a lot of stuff for me…

[Massive Trigger Warning!]

I was approached at a bus stop by a Nice Guy who asked me out, and I said yes because I was put on the spot. I wanted so much to cancel, but… I felt guilty about doing that to a Nice Guy and because I know what it’s like to be lonely.

We went to a bar and had a few drinks, which he insisted on paying for and insisted that I drink, like seriously picking up my drink and putting it back in my hand if I put it down. I know that should have been a huge red flag but I was really naive. Eventually I told him that it wasn’t working out, that I had no interest in dating him, but he guilted me into staying for one last drink (that I found out later had three shots in it that I didn’t know about, even after – or perhaps because – I had told him I don’t really drink), but only after I made him swear on his mother’s immortal soul that he would make sure I got home safely and that he didn’t touch me, try to kiss me, or ANYTHING. At that point it was only pity for a lonely Nice Guy that made me stay.

Unfortunately he lied; I woke up in his house (I’ve never passed out from drinking before, so I was frightened and confused) and he immediately pressed a drink to my face and tried to force it down my throat. I started crying and begging and he started going on and on about some girl in high school that wouldn’t have sex with him. I pretended to pass out, hoping he’d lose interest, but that only encouraged him. Later, when he was, well, raping me, he kept bragging to me about how I was just like “the other girls who tried to say ‘no'” to him and I just did everything I could to stop him hurting and killing me.

Needless to say, the police blamed me and refused to believe a word I said about it – not even about which HIGH SCHOOL I went to, because my rapist told them that I went to high school with him IN A CITY I NEVER LIVED IN and the officer didn’t care enough to even check. Being raped was something I could live with, but I struggle everyday to live with how the police and the university this happened at treated me after the fact. I went from being an A student with a bright future to being that lying whore making trouble for “that nice young man”. They wouldn’t even let me use the counselling services.

This is how people like Adrian Bayley go free and ruin multiple lives.

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help

Some Gal – I can’t see him as having an I’m a Hero fantasy going when he’s actually made up a story about a nonexistent “man following you” to persuade another woman and rape her, and when he said after that rape he wouldn’t take her back to her flat because she’d call the cops. He’s well aware what he’s doing is criminal.

melody
7 years ago

He probably cried because he knew that he wasn’t going to get away with it.

I don’t know, but I’m not super sympathetic to murderers that cry on the stand. The folks who broke into my aunts house robbed her and killed her and her daughter cried. I didn’t feel sympathetic to them either.

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help

*persuade another woman to get into his car

Argenti Aertheri
7 years ago

“TL;DR. Even skimming that made me feel like taking a nap.”

You and me both!

As for wtf that mess from Glenn said, does he get that America =/= the world and that plenty of commenters here are in countries with less, or even no, guns? Australia, for example, isn’t about to allow concealed carry on campuses.

Which is ignoring the discussion we had last week-ish about how shooting and killing a would be rapist would just leave he shooter defending against murder charges (assuming ze even shot, considering the percent of rapes that are committed by someone the victim knows)

On topic — what a fucking waste of humanity, y’all do have life sentences right? I hope he gets one, he’s clearly a predator.

Pear_tree
Pear_tree
7 years ago

We don’t have security escorts on the campus I work. We have a bus service but it won’t take you off campus. I live just off campus but the nearest drop off point is about as far from my apartment as where I work. It isn’t safe on campus. I try not to stay in work after 10pm. My colleagues get angry at me for staying that late, as does my neighbour. They feel I shouldn’t walk after dark.

Sid
Sid
7 years ago

But, if she’d gotten away safely, (which she didn’t ) and later was all, ‘OMG, scary man scared me last night’ some people would be all, WHY are you so SCARED of RANDOM DUDES WHO ARE JUST TRYING TO BE NICE.

I think that’s what stuck out to me immediately. Everything he did right up until the attack was textbook Nice Guy behaviour. It was exactly the crap women get called bitches for feeling uncomfortable around and refusing to tolerate. Right up until that “event horizon”, as such, she was horrible and stuck-up and he was just an innocent guy trying to talk to a woman. And you know what? I can almost guarantee that there are people right now saying that because she wasn’t *more* “mean” and *more* “coldhearted” and didn’t mace him on sight, she’s at least partially to blame for what he did to her.

If you don’t tolerate harassment from men, you’re damned. If you do and something terrible happens, even though you had no way of knowing it would happen until the second it did and were just trying to not be damned, you’re damned. And that’s not even -touching- the fact that the behaviour so many supposedly nice, sweet, romantic guys exhibit is indistinguishable from the behaviour of a fucking predator, or what exactly that says about them.

This shit right here? This is why my pan self doesn’t date men anymore. Because I cannot deal with this bullshit. There are not enough kittens in the world to make it worth it to deal with this bullshit.

Some Gal Not Bored at All

@Marie

He is truly a horrible human being.

@The Kittehs’

Wouldn’t he have to be formally charged in order to enter a plea? (What is a directions hearing? In the US we have a pretrial hearing after the arraignment where the charges are entered. So, if a directions hearing is like a pretrial hearing, then it seems like he’d already be charged.)
/ignorant on Australian legal terms

Argenti Aertheri
7 years ago

Argh, sorry, I hadn’t yet seen he request to ignore Glenn, nor David throwing him off the thread. Sorry!

An anonymous lurker — fuck, that’s horrible…and exactly why I never filed a report myself…I’m so sorry. Hugs, tea and kittens are available if welcome, and if Falconer drops by he might be willing to let you snuggle a baby.

Melody — goddamn, and I thought our OP douche was a waste of humanity! I’m sorry for your loss (losses? How’s grammar work here?)

Some Gal Not Bored at All

@An anonymous lurker

I am so sorry.

@The Kittehs’

He definitely knows it is illegal, but I think he believes he deserves to do it anyway because he is a “nice guy”. It is possible that he thinks he deserves to do it anyway just because he can and he wants to.

I just think the narratives we tell don’t only influence the way rapists/predators act (they pick victims who are seen as “deserving” it because it is easier to get away with it) and what they say, I think it also influences the way they see themselves.

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help

Some Gal – he’s been formally charged with Ms Meagher’s rape and murder; it’s the other two charges of rape against other women I’m not sure about. He may have been, given the details are in the papers. On legal details, terminology, etc, I haven’t the foggiest.

Re: shooting an attacker – yeah, not going to happen here even if it were a feasible form of defence. I’m pretty sure it’s illegal to carry mace or anything else that can be construed as weapon, too.

melody – that is so horrible, I am so sorry. Hugs and kitties and cakes if you want them.

starskita
7 years ago

@ anonymous lurker

I’m so sorry that all of that happened to you. I send jedi internet hugs if you would like them.

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help

an anonymous lurker – welcome, and I am so, so sorry for what he did (no, what they did) to you. That is beyond foul.

princessbonbon
7 years ago

Anonymous Lurker, hugs if you need them, I am terribly sorry you went through that.

Here is a kitten meeting a hedgehog:

Some Gal Not Bored at All

@The Kittehs’

Okay. I misunderstood you about which charges. It seems like he hasn’t been charged yet on the others, but we Americans apparently have strange terms for everything and so I can’t understand your far more sensible ones at all. 🙂

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help

Some Gal – lol! I can’t even get my head around our system, yours baffles me completely.

heidihai
heidihai
7 years ago

@anonymous lurker, i’m so so sorry for what you went through, and the horrible things they did to you.

@melody, i’m so sorry for you and your family. I wish all the best to all of you.

Marie
Marie
7 years ago

@ An anonymous lurker

That’s horrible 🙁 Internet hugs if you want them.

lolbeast
7 years ago

@ anonymous lurker

<3 sending all my love

melody
7 years ago

@ Anonymous
That is awful. I feel for you. When I was part of my student board in college we used student fees to pay for extra counseling for individuals who has been raped. I don’t think anyone should be denied access to therapy for that kind of stuff.

My point with that story (aunt and cousin) is that it easy enough to play your crime off with tears in a hope to sway the jury. Thank you for the positive energy though.

And that’s not even -touching- the fact that the behaviour so many supposedly nice, sweet, romantic guys exhibit is indistinguishable from the behaviour of a fucking predator, or what exactly that says about them.

And people are so defensive of romantic comedies in regards to the behavior that is portrayed in them. I enjoy a good romance too, but I’d prefer it if the guy didn’t display abusive/controlling behavior to the woman.

ArchaeoHolmes
ArchaeoHolmes
7 years ago

Another horrible aspect of the case was the public discussion about it after it happened. So much rape apologism! Before Bayley was caught, one guy wrote online that Jill had probably lead some poor slob on at the bar and got her comeuppance. On the other hand, it started a dialogue about rape culture which is still going strong.

boopsies
boopsies
7 years ago

David, how do you find the strength to maintain a blog like this? Even when there’s so many against stuff like this… do people gang up on you? Especially when you first started? I try to point out some of the things you post in your blogs, and I always get a lot of backlash…. what do I do?

clairedammit
clairedammit
7 years ago

An anonymous lurker, I am so sorry that happened to you. Thanks for telling your story, though, it will help someone to read that, I’m sure.

Here is a cat that will give you an internet hug:

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help

There was a huge reaction to Ms Meagher’s rape and murder here. This was a peace march down Sydney Road (where Bayley attacked her) last year.

cloudiah
7 years ago

@Anonymous lurker, Just adding to the chorus — so sorry that happened, and hope you’re doing better.

@boopsies, What kind of backlash do you get?

cloudiah
7 years ago

And OMG but that kitten with the hedgie video should be able to cure any problem with its cuteness. I’d seen it before but forgotten about it.

aim33
7 years ago

To clarify the legal situaiton, Adrian Bayley has been charged with three counts of rape and one of murder regarding Jill Meagher. In his committal (pretrial) hearing in court, he has pleaded guilty to one count of rape, not guilty to the other two counts of rape (of Meagher) and not guilty to murder. It looks like the defence is pushing the idea that Jill could have died after he strangled and left her but we won’t know the details until the actual trial. Seeing Bayley went back for Jill’s body hours later, I don’t see how this will be a convincing defence.

Bayley has also been charged with the rape of three other women (two of whom he lured into his car with the “someone is following you” story) but the media isn’t supposed to report on these cases during his trial for the rape and murder of Jill Meagher as it would prejudice the case (principle of sub judice, risking contempt of court).

This article was published last week, before the committal hearing:

http://www.smh.com.au/national/meagher-suspect-on-more-rape-counts-20130305-2fj3r.html

Behind the Orange Curtain
Behind the Orange Curtain
7 years ago

@ Marie

I should have phrased it better, it’s a good policy, we also help people carrying a lot of stuff as well

@ drat
We don’t have a rape path thankfully, we have a lot affectionately referred to as the ankle breaker because a combination of rain and wet gates lead to injuries. Our only rule on the escorts is that it has to be a person, we won’t just move boxes

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help

Thanks for the info, aim33.

I really, really hope this filth never gets out of jail, but it takes a Peter Dupas level of crime before our courts will do the consecutive sentences/never to be released sentences.

cloudiah
7 years ago

Yes thanks, aim33.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
7 years ago

I feel like a lot of the time we end up skipping over the really obvious aspects of situations like this because we assume everyone here already gets the 101 stuff, but for people lurking/new to this kind of conversation?

Someone who is genuinely trying to be nice and/or help another person does not go from
“trying to help” to rape to murder just because the recipient of their attempts to help doesn’t respond in a positive enough way. There is no overlap between “I would like to help because I am a nice person” and “if you are not nice enough to me in return I might have to rape you”. What you are seeing from this man is an attempt to deflect blame and avoid a long sentence, as well as an inability to acknowledge his own flaws.

TL;DR – nice people, when told that their help is not wanted, back off. They do not fly into a rage and take revenge. If someone does so, they are not a nice person and their intentions were not good in the first place.

Myoo
Myoo
7 years ago

@Anonymous
I’m sorry that happened to you, no one should have to go through that.

aussiesmurf
7 years ago

Long-time lurker, infrequent commenter.

As a lawyer and resident of Melbourne, Australia, I can hopefully add some local comment to this horrible story.

Aim33’s summary is generally correct. Bayley has been charged with three (3) counts of rape (of Ms Meagher) and one of murder. He is presently pleading not guilty to all charges except one charge of rape.

Bayley’s previous illegal acts (alleged) will almost definitely not be admitted during his Trial. Under the doctrine of ‘similiar fact evidence’, the Court is generally extremely reluctant to allow evidence of previous ‘bad acts’ into Trials, as it is considered that it will unduly influence the jury into convicting on the current charge(s) (The idea of ‘if he did it once, its more likely that he’ll do it again). There are exceptions to this, but I won’t get into the weeds on the technical arguments.

Pleas can almost always be changed from not guilty to guilty, but not the other way around. I would venture a guess that what is almost definitely happening ‘behind the scenes’ is that Bayley’s defence lawyer will be negotiating with the prosecution regarding the possibility of a guilty plea. This will, in all likelihood, be finalised well prior to the listing of the trial (which wouldn’t occur till late this year or early 2014

A few people have talked about automatic life sentences and so forth. Except in the most heinous cases, a guilty plea will usually have a non-parole period of some kind, to serve as an incentive for the accused to plead guilty and remove the need for a Trial. ‘Life’ is almost always the default sentence for murder, particularly a murder of this kind. The setting of a ‘non-parole’ period happens in almost all cases. This means that the sentencing Judge states a period of time before parole can even be considered. The expiry of this period does NOT mean automatic release, but merely that parole can be considered.

This story has received massive media coverage in Melbourne, and some people have commented on this given that similiar disappearances have occurred where the victim was not a white, attractive, ‘blameless’ woman. This is not to say that the coverage of Ms Meagher’s tragic death should be reduced, but rather that such terrible stories should ALL be given prominence, even if the victim had a funny name, dark skin and a less-respectable profession,

Yoyo
Yoyo
7 years ago

Gillian, I’m sorry but the second quote you used wasn’t mine. In no way would I suggest your comments were a rape apologist. I also missed yr reference to campus security so apols that we appear to be talking at cross purposes.

My only point was that is often hard to estimate danger accurately, especially when drunk and especially when the person is known to you ( which he wasn’t in this case of course).

People who have read me here over the past weeks and months I hope would note that I’m very slow to impugn motives to other people, particularly since I find almost all people here people of good faith. Hat tip to kitteh and cloudiah amongst others. 😉

Gillian
Gillian
7 years ago

Okay, I went down to make dinner and saw Glennie had ‘graced’ us with his presence, so I’m skipping down to avoid allotting him any brain space.

@aim33, thanks for posting the info. As with the situation in Delhi, I really didn’t want to go wading through the details to get answers, so I appreciate the direct news link.

@Orange Curtain Yeah, one of the two times I was seriously grateful for having my walkalong was because as I was crossing a street, I stepped on a wrapper for something, some piece of waxed paper, and went down hard. The CSO I was walking with reached out to grab me before I fell and that’s the only reason I didn’t smack my head hard on the curb because I had my hands full of books that I reacted by trying to hold onto (it was finals week and I had grading as well as my own research). If I’d have landed, the spot was isolated enough that I could have laid there for hours before anyone noticed.

Yoyo
Yoyo
7 years ago

Great summary aussiesmurf, if I could add to your list of groups that don’t seem to get the coverage, it would include poor women and wives/ partners of the perpetrator .

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
7 years ago

That’s one of the saddest things about this, knowing that if the victim had gone on even one date with the killer the media would be falling all over themselves to blame her right now, and so would a good chunk of the public.

Yoyo
Yoyo
7 years ago

Absolutely Cassandra, and that’s part of makes me feel so sorry for the bastards girlfriend. Imagine all the innuendo and scorn she will face along with the fear that it could have been her. In Melbourne just after Jill’s murder another young women was raped and murdered by a repeat offender and much of the commentary was ” how could she go out with a man like that?!”