So there’s an old school type of Pickup Artistry called Speed Seduction in which, instead of simply trying to manipulate the ladies into bed, our would-be seducers try to literally hypnotize their prey by repeating prefabricated “patterns” that supposedly work on people’s subconscious minds without them realizing it. The whole thing is based on something called Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), which most scientists seem to think is quackery. Most of the pickup techniques inspired by NLP are beyond ridiculous.
One NLP-inspired PUA “pattern,” for example, involves using the phrase “below me” when talking to the Hot Babes. Since “below me” sounds vaguely like “blow me,” you see, the Hot Babe you’re talking to will be subconsciously primed to want to give you a blow job. And no, I’m not making this up.
The creepiest PUA “pattern” I’ve run across so far is something called the “Door Pattern,” invented by some dude named Alex Domnikov, and recently brought to my attention by Mike Booth, the guy behind the hilarious Some Grey Bloke videos on Youtube.
One PUA has described the Door Pattern as “the “bad boy” of all patterns. … evil and cruel, playing on the fears and deep insecurities of women.”
Essentially, the idea behind this little routine is to manipulate any Hot Babe you’ve somehow convinced to sleep with you into desperately worrying that you’ll abandon her. Why she would consider this a bad thing, I’m not sure, as PUAs are not known for being especially sensitive lovers. But we’ll just suspend our disbelief and continue.
[TRIGGER WARNING for emotional abuse in what follows]
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So how does this dastardly Door Pattern work? Well, after you’ve had sex with a woman, and she’s feeling all glowy, you point to the door and ask her “sweetheart, what’s that over there?”
And she’ll say, “well you know, that’s a door, silly.” And you say, “yeah, you know.. I’m a real positive person, but.. I mean, can you imagine.. I mean, you don’t know what can happen from day to day, when you think about it in your mind. I mean, what would happen if I walked out that door and the door closed and as the door closed, it slammed shut, and no matter what you did, you could not open the door and you knew that you would never be able to look into my eyes again and you’d never be able to hear my voice again and you’d never be able to feel my touch again.” Ok, right here is where she starts going, “I don’t like this door business at all.”
So you reassure her a little, and then it’s back to the “door business” again:
Have some more fun with her, bring her to another orgasm or whatever and say, “you know, a terrible thing happened the other day. My friend was hit by a truck. I mean, it was awful, by the time they got him to hospital he was dead. I can’t believe it, you know? It’s almost as if, it would be a horrible thing you know when you think about..” (point towards the door) “..that no matter even if you were to get that door opened and you were to search, that you could never find me again..” Then she starts freaking out. You calibrate more on that part of, “you will never be able to see me again, you’ll never be able to hear my voice again.”
Repeat as necessary, and pretty soon any time she starts to get uppity, all you have to do is point to a door, and – ta da! – no more “bullshit” from her!
Having anchored that sense of loss and pain to the door, you can trigger it whenever needed. Whatever negative behavior may come up that you want to stop, the first time you just get up and slam the door. Whether you walk out the door depends on the level of bullshit. On later occasions you can just indicate tbe door in some manner. The example Alex gives: If he’s talking on the phone and getting any crap from her, and he knows the relation of where the door is to her desk, he says, “sweetheart, could you please turn right and take a look at what’s over there..” and that was the end of the bullshit.”
Assuming the Hot Babe doesn’t either laugh in your face and/or throw you out the first time you pull this creepy shit with her, what we’ve got here is a template for ongoing emotional abuse.
Happily, one enterprising soul has turned the Door Pattern into an ExtraNormal video. I find that the robot voice in the video meshes well with the psychopathic creepiness of the content.
The Door Pattern is not to be confused with the Doors Pattern, in which you get drunk and babble on about Nietzsche and everyone around you tells you you’re a genius.
There’s a video for that one too:
Oh, and here’s a cat singing the theme song to Game of Thrones. For some reason this popped up on YouTube when I was looking for drunk Jim Morrison videos.
@Argenti: eeeeeeeeeee!! I’ve been avoiding looking up the date because I was scared it was going to be months and months from now!!
Yeah, it’s funny how it works- we think we’re too good or smart or strong to let something happen, and often that same attitude directly contributes to that thing happening. Of the couple incredibly awesome women I’ve known who’ve ended up in abusive relationships recently (and by recently i literally mean in the past six months- it’s been a crazy time here in the Bay Area) were really strong, fiercely independent women. They never thought they could ever be taken in by this sort of thing… Until one day something hit the tipping point. For one friend, it was her fiancée exploding at her when she was sad about her sister dying. For the other, it was when her boyfriend exploded at her when she thought it was odd that he wanted to sneak out the backyard rather than say goodbye to her roommates. Suddenly they both looked around and realized that their self-esteem and expectations had been ground into dust.
Both of them said the same thing: that believing that they were better than getting pulled into a destructive relationship helped keep them from noticing it when it happened, *and* made the realization that they were even more shaking and horrifying, because they had to face up to a fact that went against the very core of who they thought they were. Cognitive dissonance plus creeping normalcy leads us down scary, scary roads.
I’ve seen something similar happen with drug addiction. A friend of mine thought he was better than cocaine… *sigh* That lasted all of three months, by then he’d lost his girlfriend, his job, and his home.
@Binjabreel
Best wishes for your friends and for you.
@some gal
I had potatos in my breakfast burrito too.
I used to live with a roommate who would make super yummy things. He would make fresh baked bread every week.
I’m mostly a dessert maker: lemon cake, orange zest scones, marmalade, fudge, pies ect
I just listen to stuff mom never told you while cooking.
I’m trying to decide if I should go back to bed. I’m still a little sick, but I have people coming over and need to do laundry and vacuum.
@Binjabreel drugs are rough. I hope your friend finds himself again.
So, after some reflection, I came back to this thread to specifically state that my above comment (also on the front page) might be taken as victim-blaming, because I worded it so poorly, and thus wanted to retract/apologize for it. I meant it to mean, “PUAs are consciously looking for women who are vulnerable to abusive manipulation, and that makes PUAs horrible people,” but it could easily be read as actually saying those women are somehow complicit in falling for it.
And then I saw that “the only ones more pathetic” crack by one of the new arrivals, and I physically cringed, because it’s WAY too easy to equate what I said to something like that. I scanned the response threads, and was relieved to see no one specifically calling me out for it, if only because that meant I had hopefully not actually caused offense (I adore the fact that the more-regulars here have no toleration for bullshit).
Sincere apologies for the screw-up, and sincere gratitude for everyone who read it in a more generous light. In the future, I’ll try to think twice before posting something that might fall into that category.
@Some Gal – absolutely. We’re mocking because this is awful and the people who would do this to another person are awful. We’re not mocking people who’ve been subjected to it.
Even if you can spot manipulation, that doesn’t mean that you won’t still be affected by it.
Yep. I know a lot about consumer culture and the commodification of women and I
*still* get that sick knot in my gut sometimes when I see photos of actresses and such and get that jerk!brain voice nagging me about not exercising, etc. Logic isn’t enough to make anyone immune no matter their age.
I’m kind of grateful that I never dated when I was younger in that it meant I never ran into one of these dudes. I thankfully came from a family whose biggest problem is repressing, so I don’t have a history of experiencing abusive behavior to deal with, but I have no idea how I would’ve reacted to the kind of self-esteem crippling abusers use. Probably badly.
Also I would be fine being a housespouse as long as breakfast wasn’t involved. I can pack lunches and cook supper and even clean and do laundry and all that, just don’t expect me to get up and make breakfast. Pour your own cereal, honey, I’m sleeping! 😉
@Freemage – I got your point, FWIW. The crack was aimed at PUAs for being so miserable they would deliberately target vulnerable women, not at the women for being vulnerable (we’re all vulnerable to something, but if someone is only dating you for that, that’s fucked up).
We-just-met ex-boyfriend couldn’t have pulled this off, and we-just-had-sex-for-the-first-time ex-boyfriend couldn’t either. In both cases it would have seemed jarring and awkward and weird. Already-established-pattern-of-emotional-abuse ex-boyfriend probably could have, though.
We talked about PUAs at some point. He said he was only a fan of those PUAs who were trying to help men gain the confidence to talk to beautiful women, not the creepy ones. After all, pretty women can be stuck-up bitches obsessed with looks*. PUA gave deserving, “normal”-looking guys a chance.
I was also informed that of course he didn’t think Tucker Max was a good person, it’s just that he was funny, and I couldn’t really get it because it was a “guy thing.” Also, yeah, it’s not nice to make fun of people, but these particular people were women willing to sleep with Tucker Max, and therefore fair game. I’m not that kind of woman, so what am I getting upset about?
*Excuse me while I go vomit now.
Eh, well, this post brought up something of whose origins I had direct experience, including acquiring one of the first recordings ever of the pattern. And I was able to explain that Jeffries himself trashed it and tried to withdraw it from circulation and encouraged everyone to desist from using it.
That’s nice, creep. Now shoo.
Re: Page 1: Shaken soda and popping zits are both actual fetishes with porn sites and everything. The practice of pulling on your dick until it gets bruised and swells up is called jelqing. I’ve never had penile anxieties, but I’ve had other anxiety disorders. I can all too easily imagine being distraught enough to be unable to comprehend the real medical information.
Look, door patterns:
http://wiskha.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/2-Stainless-Steel-Door-with-a-Modern-Artistic-Pattern-2.jpg
http://image.shutterstock.com/display_pic_with_logo/223324/98334332/stock-photo-the-chinese-temple-door-pattern-98334332.jpg
http://us.123rf.com/400wm/400/400/cjphoto/cjphoto0610/cjphoto061000004/566665-moroccan-entrance-3–door-way-entry-exit-pattern.jpg
(I can’t be the only person who thought this, at first?)
So after reading this post I had horrible horrible nightmares that I lost someone I loved very much and the idea that people would intentionally manipulate that fear just makes me…. sick.
I don’t even have words.
@whataboutthemoonz
I feel you. I don’t think folks should trivialize loss.
I have RAD so I feel ya.
@whataboutthemoonz – that sucks. 🙁
Re: Cassandrasays from Page 2
“There’s also the fact that “what’s that over there” and pointing at a door sounds like you think the person you’re talking to is incredibly stupid. I guess that’s meant to turn us on too? It reminds me of how people talk to their dogs. Is this your leash? Yes it is! Do you want to go for a walk? Yes you do!”
I got the opposite impression, actually. To me it implies that it’s the speaker, the PUA, who doesn’t know what a door is. Which is weird, but I think I know the reason for it. They’re trying to be manic pixie dream girls. When PUA advice isn’t just a straight re-affirmation of male gender roles, it’s often based on this weird idea of “turning the tables.” Since they think of women as advantaged, they seek an advantage by trying to act like women, or rather, their stereotypical movie-script version of women. Peacocking and negging are their attempt to copy what they think of as standard feminine behavior–that is, being vain and “catty.” So I think they look at stuff like the Fifth Element, Garden State, Firefly, and the like, conclude that attractive women talk in purple prose and act unfamiliar with basic objects and concepts, and convinced that they’d found another Secret of Women, set out to try to be mysterious and alluring, by saying poetic stuff that doesn’t make sense.
It’s easy to forget when mocking the stupidly incompetent PUA predator, that there are also very competently evil predators as well. We are easier to manipulate or “con” when we are vulnerable and believe or not, when we think we are immune to the con. The latter is an old truism for a reason. The blame is always on the predator and I am sorry I thoughtlessly implied otherwise in my posts.
whataboutthemoonz – internet hugs, donuts and hot chocolate if you want them. 🙁
@ Orion That’s what I was thinking! Talking to the dog. Plus if someone started going on about how they could walk out & never come back, I’d say “please do. Now. And don’t ever speak to me again.”
Glenn has demonstrated the final irony of PUA – the more you subscribe to it, the more sexually unappealing you become.
Oops, wrong thread
I may regret asking this/finding this out but who is Tucker Max?
@Pear_tree, Tucker Max is a guy who likes to go to bars and meet women to have sex with, treat them horribly, and then write about it for the amusement of others. He also does other, less directly harmful (but still generally harmful) frat boy stuff.
If you google him you can find some of his writings. They’re generally pretty gross so read at your own risk. 🙂
I dunno if he considers himself a PUA — I don’t think so? I’m not familiar enough to be sure — but he has a lot of PUA-like attitudes.
That smiley was supposed to be kind of sympathetic and disarming but it looks like I’m delighted at the idea that you would be disturbed -_- totally not my intention, sorry.
Re NLP: It’s semi-quackery. The ideas it espouses are useful, and with some care some interesting things can be done, but most of it is basically responsive listening, steering a conversation, and picking up on cues the subject has interests.
It’s not able to “hypnotise”, but it is really good at making it possible to find about people; which can then be used secondarily to manipulate them.
@pecunium
I looked up NLP in Wikipedia, the reliable and not at all apocryphal source of all human knowledge, and the technique part of the theory looked like “cold reading”. Eeek!
@joanimal – just what I thought from reading Pecunium’s comment.