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creepy emotional abuse men who should not ever be with women ever misogyny MRA PUA

The Door Pattern: Creepiest bit of Pickup Artist BS ever?

The Only Pua you want near your door. Seriously, "Pua" is the name of the anteater.
The Only Pua you want near your door. Seriously, “Pua” is the name of the anteater. Google it if you don’t believe me.

So there’s an old school type of Pickup Artistry called Speed Seduction in which, instead of simply trying to manipulate the ladies into bed, our would-be seducers try to literally hypnotize their prey by repeating prefabricated “patterns” that supposedly work on people’s subconscious minds without them realizing it. The whole thing is based on something called Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), which most scientists seem to think is quackery. Most of the pickup techniques inspired by NLP are beyond ridiculous.

One NLP-inspired PUA “pattern,” for example, involves using the phrase “below me” when talking to the Hot Babes. Since “below me” sounds vaguely like “blow me,” you see, the Hot Babe you’re talking to will be subconsciously primed to want to give you a blow job. And no, I’m not making this up.

The creepiest PUA “pattern” I’ve run across so far is something called the “Door Pattern,” invented by some dude named Alex Domnikov, and recently brought to my attention by Mike Booth, the guy behind the hilarious Some Grey Bloke videos on Youtube.

One PUA has described the Door Pattern as “the “bad boy” of all patterns. … evil and cruel, playing on the fears and deep insecurities of women.”

Essentially, the idea behind this little routine is to manipulate any Hot Babe you’ve somehow convinced to sleep with you into desperately worrying that you’ll abandon her. Why she would consider this a bad thing, I’m not sure, as PUAs are not known for being especially sensitive lovers. But we’ll just suspend our disbelief and continue.

[TRIGGER WARNING for emotional abuse in what follows]

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So how does this dastardly Door Pattern work? Well, after you’ve had sex with a woman, and she’s feeling all glowy, you point to the door and ask her “sweetheart, what’s that over there?”

And she’ll say, “well you know, that’s a door, silly.” And you say, “yeah, you know.. I’m a real positive person, but.. I mean, can you imagine.. I mean, you don’t know what can happen from day to day, when you think about it in your mind. I mean, what would happen if I walked out that door and the door closed and as the door closed, it slammed shut, and no matter what you did, you could not open the door and you knew that you would never be able to look into my eyes again and you’d never be able to hear my voice again and you’d never be able to feel my touch again.” Ok, right here is where she starts going, “I don’t like this door business at all.”

So you reassure her a little, and then it’s back to the “door business” again:

Have some more fun with her, bring her to another orgasm or whatever and say, “you know, a terrible thing happened the other day. My friend was hit by a truck. I mean, it was awful, by the time they got him to hospital he was dead. I can’t believe it, you know? It’s almost as if, it would be a horrible thing you know when you think about..” (point towards the door) “..that no matter even if you were to get that door opened and you were to search, that you could never find me again..” Then she starts freaking out. You calibrate more on that part of, “you will never be able to see me again, you’ll never be able to hear my voice again.”

Repeat as necessary, and pretty soon any time she starts to get uppity, all you have to do is point to a door, and – ta da! – no more “bullshit” from her!

Having anchored that sense of loss and pain to the door, you can trigger it whenever needed. Whatever negative behavior may come up that you want to stop, the first time you just get up and slam the door. Whether you walk out the door depends on the level of bullshit. On later occasions you can just indicate tbe door in some manner. The example Alex gives: If he’s talking on the phone and getting any crap from her, and he knows the relation of where the door is to her desk, he says, “sweetheart, could you please turn right and take a look at what’s over there..” and that was the end of the bullshit.”

Assuming the Hot Babe doesn’t either laugh in your face and/or throw you out the first time you pull this creepy shit with her, what we’ve got here is a template for ongoing emotional abuse.

Happily, one enterprising soul has turned the Door Pattern into an ExtraNormal video. I find that the robot voice in the video meshes well with the psychopathic creepiness of the content.

The Door Pattern is not to be confused with the Doors Pattern, in which you get drunk and babble on about Nietzsche and everyone around you tells you you’re a genius.

There’s a video for that one too:

Oh, and here’s a cat singing the theme song to Game of Thrones. For some reason this popped up on YouTube when I was looking for drunk Jim Morrison videos.

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The Kittehs' Unpaid Help

You definitely dodged a bullet with that one, BlackBloc. What a creep.

Seconding the “not all the way out” thought. He sounds like he wants to fuck guys without giving up one jot of his homophobia.

hellkell
hellkell
7 years ago

Yeah, Gen-X is different, here the Boomers are mostly conservatives with pretensions to ex-hippiedom.

Viscaria
Viscaria
7 years ago

You kinda were being laid back, really. It’s not like you were obligated to be, but you were. You calmly laid out what you didn’t like about what he was saying and made it clear you weren’t interested. What he means by “cool and laid back” is actually “willing to take whatever I dish out,” which is a different thing altogether.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
7 years ago

It’s basically the same approach that women who’re bi get from older men, except for women you can add on the presence of a wife/girlfriend who’s being pressured into “experimenting” and who is just not into things at all. And it’s so obvious that you can tell without even meeting her.

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help

OT but I don’t want it lost in a dead thread and I’m so happy to have done some writng together for the first time in ages: Louis’s blog entry about tails and other things.

Some Gal Not Bored at All

Also, this is probably gonna be me (purposefully) misunderstanding some Canadian thing, but I am not PC just because I grew up near (and going all the time to) Disneyland! 🙂

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
7 years ago

Considering how homophobic Disney was I’m a little confused about that part.

Some Gal Not Bored at All

And it isn’t like Disney is known as some PC corporation. Just look at their films ffs.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
7 years ago

Not to mention how prone to gender role enforcement their rules for employees are. (And I don’t just mean the staff who’re in costume.)

BlackBloc (@XBlackBlocX)

I think it’s a class thing, a reference to living in some sort of magic kingdom. I was more confused about his oddly specific talk of rich parents from Ontario, which I assumed was an attempt at cold reading something that would make me feel self-conscious about not being ‘street’ enough.

(Dude, my parents both were the president of their respective union locals. There were nights we kids had to make our own supper because they were both at union meetings. I’m not lumpen, so maybe i’m not ‘street’, but I’m pretty fucking working class.)

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help

I think he’s trying to make some dig that PC = living in a fantasy land. Nice to know that being a Big Real Man in a Real Man’s World = dissing everyone more vulnerable or less privileged than you. Fuckwit.

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help

Ninjaed!

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
7 years ago

You also run across the occasional reactionary who finds the fact that some modern Disney heroines aren’t 100% helpless deeply offensive.

Some Gal Not Bored at All

Disneyland = fantasyland makes some sense. It is the image they try to cultivate. (The reality doesn’t really stack up, but reality in general doesn’t really match up to his view of it so that works out.)

@CassandraSays

That is some serious reactionary-ism. Disney princesses still get massively screwed over, what more do they want? 🙁 The modern films also have more male villains so there are even fewer women doing things in total.

katz
7 years ago

Cassandra: I don’t think it’s possible to be “too harsh” by immediately ending a conversation with someone you know you’re not interested in.

There might be wordings that are too harsh if the guy seemed to approach you in good faith (but that would really depend on the specifics), but I don’t think a plain statement that you’re not interested, or no reply, is at all unreasonable.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
7 years ago

I’ve just noticed that a lot of other people seem to either offer explanations of why they’re not interested, or get into arguments about why the behavior wasn’t appropriate. Whereas if someone’s opening gambit is impolite I tend to think, why would I bother to even respond to this rude person? If people just feel like telling the rude person off then that makes sense, I’m more curious about whether other people think it’s standard to offer an explanation as to why you’re telling the person to get lost.

cloudiah
7 years ago

Do androphile androids dream of heards of queer sheep?

Both BlackBloc and CassandraSays behaved in completely reasonable ways, IMO.

katz
7 years ago

If people think you’re beholden to offer a response in order to be polite, I can’t that just suggests to me that some people can’t take rejection and want to make you give an explanation so that a) the burden is on you to explain why you shouldn’t go out with them, rather than on them to explain why you should, and b) they have a chance to try to talk you into it and explain why they should be the exception to your rule.

Of course there are social situations where it’s hard to be polite without being a pushover, but I don’t see why we should care about politeness in those cases.

Kim
Kim
7 years ago

IMO it’s always more polite to ignore someone than to reject them outright, and that only people who want a chance to argue with you and explain why you’re wrong and/or are way too invested in you would want a response. And they are the kinds of people who you are best not engaging with.

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help

Do androphile androids dream of heards of queer sheep?

Aaaaand cloudiah wins the thread. If not the entire internets.

BlackBloc (@XBlackBlocX)

@CassandraSays : Nah, I’m just a smartass in general and I need to do a running commentary on the Game. It’s for my own benefit.

Bagelsan
Bagelsan
7 years ago

When you respond to someone, they get their conversational foot in the door. If you just have to slam that door later, on account of them being creepy doucheweasels, then it’s cruel to wait until their foot is there! So blow people off quickly, imho. :p

Marie
Marie
7 years ago

@cloudiah

cutest queer sheep ever!

@bagelsan

why would xie’ve* need to blow him off quickly. Xie gave him a chance, and even told him what he was doing that was offensive. I don’t see why anyone should feel like they have to reject someone in a time limit.

*sorry, blackbloc, don’t know you’re preferred gender pronouns 🙁

I may have just misunderstood you, but it seemed like a ‘don’t be leading people on thing’ which is also often paired with ‘why don’t you give him a chance.’ So um….tell me if I read that wrong…I’m kind of rambly today.

Some Gal Not Bored at All

@Marie

I think Bagelsan was being hyperbolic. Basically, if you see that the conversation will need to be ended with “door-slamming,” there is no need to wait. BlackBloc hoped the conversation would go better than it did (which there is no requirement to do, but no problem doing), and only later need to “slam the door.”

It isn’t as though guys who stick their feet in doors aren’t able to see the slamming coming (and don’t deserve it). They just seek to take advantage of cultural norms that make women refrain from slamming the door in the first place.

Some Gal Not Bored at All

And now I have said the word door so much that it seems like nonsense. If I watch the OP’s video again now, I may never be able to use the word again. 🙂

Marie
Marie
7 years ago

@some gal

I guess that makes sense. I guess I was just a little confused by the analogy.

BlackBloc (@XBlackBlocX)

*sorry, blackbloc, don’t know you’re preferred gender pronouns

Heh. I’m the cis-est man that ever cissed. But it’s cool you asked. 🙂

Bagelsan
Bagelsan
7 years ago

Sorry, I didn’t mean to come across as telling BlackBloc what he should have done; I was more weighing in on the general conversation of “how quickly should you blow off someone you have no interest in?” and opting for immediately. I maaay have had too much fun with my metaphor to actually make my point clear. >_> <_<

Bagelsan
Bagelsan
7 years ago

I certainly wasn’t intending to imply any kind of leading on, or judgment of such. If you’re enjoying the interaction by all means, continue it! Even if it ends in no blow jobs*! :p

*this might violate the Geneva Convention

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help

That sheep is the cutest ever!

Marie
Marie
7 years ago

@bagelsan

That makes sense. I think I just got a little confused by the analogy XD

BigMomma
BigMomma
7 years ago

I think there are 2 scenarios here…

The first is the one I tend to picture PUAs in, where it’s been a one night stand. In my head, and in my experience, consensual sex with some guy I barely know, is not the basis for being overly worried about doors and who might close them. Hence, when I picture this random dude start that patter, it seems utterly disjointed. I mean, the,whole door pattern bullshit seems to buy into the notion that women don’t do casual sex or that our ladybrains can be overwhelmed by the orgasms that these studly studs will bring about with their Dong of Magic.

The other one, is the one where it’s a relationship where self esteem has been eroded and the PUA has encouraged dependency and isolation. That’s where this shitty stuff works. The relationship may not have been sexual prior to this point but the PUA may well have been abusing the other person anyway.

I want to be really clear that I don’t think that ‘stupid’ people fall for this BS. I’m trying to figure out in my head why it seems so ludicrous on one level.

Either way, they either have delusions of grandeur or are abusers. Probably both.

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help

Dong of Magic would be the best anti-pillow-talk phrase ever. I can just see it having a wilting effect. 😛

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
7 years ago

Trying to restrain the urge to make rock/paper/scissors jokes about how the Dong of Magic automatically loses to the __________ of Concealment.

Argenti Aertheri
7 years ago

Cassandra — Sheath of Concealment, vagina is, more or less, Latin for sheath.

Also, Dong of Magic wouldn’t wilt RP gamers.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
7 years ago

Given the way our trolls like to wave it around I’d say Wand might be the more appropriate word choice.

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help

“Also, Dong of Magic wouldn’t wilt RP gamers.”

Sounds like they’ve a bad case of not knowing when they’re being laughed at!

anadiomene122
anadiomene122
7 years ago

This is the stupidest shit I’ve… oh why bother…

jimbeamredneckdrunkdrvrwith4wd
jimbeamredneckdrunkdrvrwith4wd
6 years ago

nlp is creepy in itself. most things of natural behavior consciously described start sounding creepy, even if they’re perfectly normal. I believe women naturally love hypnotic language. men too, but women are more sensitive, and SS or whatever works (to the extent it actually does) not because it bypasses a woman’s conscious mind. I believe women are fully conscious and aware when these things are happening, and also during sex. Its men’s minds that go blank. I see women light up when you say these things. They show signs of greater consciousness- and relief- like finally a man knows how to express his feelings! haha. Talking about a door in this way triggers a womans anxiety and abandonment anxiety- and why not! If you’re not planning to leave her, good way to keep her, but why not? surely us men have felt it. But I think lot of pua crap is just that. You gotta earn your love, thru hard work but you also need means. Anyway can be very creepy, esp when it’s learned or talked about versus happening instinctively. migogyny manboobs mocks. haha a real live don quixote, saving the world from the evil misogynists. phh poop, I mock it. it’s so stinky. ugly stinky poop, floating in the toilet, why can’t you smell nice! haha. best to just leave what you dislike alone haha. I don’t mock communists or feminists or idealistist or christists or muhammedists or democratists or pacifists. leave these dreamers alone. But just be what ya are. everybody needs hobbies. ever listen to david allen coe, manboobz?

Xanthë
6 years ago

Word salad, jimbeamredneckdrunkdrvrwith4wd dear, you write it!

Kim
Kim
6 years ago

What is it with MRA/PUAs and their hatred of paragraph breaks?

titianblue
titianblue
6 years ago

very creepy

Yes. You are. Now run along, trollie.

contrapangloss
6 years ago

ever listen to david allen coe, manboobz?

Nope, but I did read some David B. Coe long, long ago, which is why I know about proper capitalization and paragraph breaks. Since David B. Coe might be above your level, I suggest Dr. Seuss’s “Oh, the Places You’ll Go!”

stansclansvan
stansclansvan
3 years ago

on an unrelated note, I googled PUA and got “Potentially Unwanted Applications”. To me this conjures up an image of pick up artist throwing their job applications around and companies sorting their files into the “potentially unwanted applications” pile. Why is this hilarious to me

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