So the high school freshman who calls himself Bostonian42 is thinking ahead to college. And he’s got questions. Well, actually just one question, which he’s asking people about every college he’s interested in: is this college full of sluts? Because if it is, he wants none of it.
Here he is, inquiring about Dartmouth:
He’s posted similar comments for eight other colleges.
Sounds like he may want to avoid whatever college it is that Amanda here is going to. (See here for more from this inadvertantly hilarious comic book.)
(Thanks to @MaraWritesStuff on Twitter for alerting the world to Boston42’s noble quest.)
(Oh, and I guess I’m back to posting again, though my posts may be a little light for awhile.)
My uni had only tea. Now, I love tea, but really, what help is tea to a student who’s just arrived for a 9 am lecture after 2 hours of sleep?
Let me think… 3 Timmie’s, 2 Good Earths, a Starbucks, a couple of Chartwells locations, and then a number of coffee vending machines. Evidently my school likes to keep their students alert.
I dunno that I’m comfortable snarking a freshman in high school. Hell, back in the Pre-Rape life, I was hoping to wait for marriage. (And honestly, if there was some atheist version of the priesthood, it sounds like a lifestyle I actually might really like.)
Please also stay away from Newcastle upon Tyne, UK. Mega-slutty place. Men & women alike hitting the town in next to nothing. Even in the depths of winter.
Sunderland should be ok though.
Actually I guess we could approach this from another directions.
Go to Glasgow, it’s great! Approach some scantily clad young women and ask them if they’re sluts. Remember to duck immediately.
@LBT
I planned on waiting until marriage until I realized I didn’t want to get married and thus rethought a lot of things. It still never would have occurred to me to check if a college had similarly “sexually conservative” (and attractive!) men. I can understand finding it more important than I did (I did end up at a really ill-fitting women’s college), but bothering the poor admissions staff with my boyfriend-selection criteria? Never in a million years.
The most I remember is people remarking on the gender-ratios of various schools. I think the assumption was that you could find whatever you were looking for if the ratio was balanced enough or skewed toward the “opposite” sex. And, if you couldn’t find it, it was not the fault or business of the college’s staff.
I’m imagining a conversation like…
So, what’s your recruiting policy in regard to sluts?
Excuse me?
Sluts. Do you admit them to this university?
Um, well, that’s not the kind of thing we usually ask during the interview…
But isn’t there a space for it on the form?
No, there is no space for it on the form.
Why not?
(Hangs up)
I was rather thinking of writing an entire admissions essay, you know, “The reason I would like to attend Dartmouth College is because I have heard that it does not admit sluts. Ever since I was a small child, I have hoped to attend a college without sluts. A slut-free educational environment is important to me because it allows me to pour my full attention into my studies and not be constantly distracted by girls being promiscuous in public.” Etc, etc.
Then the comic would just be one panel of him writing the essay, a big one of the essay itself, and then one of Pierre wadding it up and throwing it away.
@katz
That sounds fantastic! Can you please add a part about the not!sluts must be attractive because that is the part that, for me, takes it from clueless and possible forgivable into the truly entitled. The mentioning of his own attractiveness is like the icing on the cake.
Then there are the follow-up letters of complaint.
“It has come to my attention that none of the educational institutions that I applied to are willing to offer me a slut-free environment. This is detrimental to my learning process, and is thus a form of discrimination against me. What are you willing to offer me in terms of compensation?
PS A really hot virgin who has been trained to love only me forever would be acceptable.”
Which he doesn’t do. (I finally clicked through to read the rest of them). I think I misread someone else’s comment about him. Sorry.
Yes, that will be in the second paragraph.
I’ll have to do Cthulhu’s comic as well, because it’s a terribly good script, but the great thing about this one is that it will be extremely easy to draw, so I might do it first.
But right now I have the unenviable task of drawing mutant spiders. What have I gotten myself into?
@katz
You are making it increasingly hard to have a favorite! Thanks! 🙂
(I am trying not to imagine drawing mutant spiders. I can’t even touch pictures of non-mutant ones! Good luck!)
@CassandraSays
I am imagining Lily Tomlin or Bob Newhart doing your phone routine. LMAO
<3 Bob Newhart
Or the GGG version
So, what’s your recruiting policy in regard to sluts?
Excuse me?
Sluts. Do you admit them to this university?
Um, well, that’s not the kind of thing we usually ask during the interview…
Look, I need to know how likely it is that the female students will have sex with me. This is a matter of life or death.
(Pause) Sir, if you are contemplating self-harm we have a hotline that can help you. Just hang on for one second and I’ll forward you.
Wait! Will you have sex with me?
What?
Will you or will you not have sex with me? Life or death situation right here.
Like I said, the hotline…
I don’t need a hotline! I need you to blow me right now?
Over the phone?
No, when I get there!
Look, I really think that the staff over at the hotline would be more able to help you and…
WHY ARE YOU KILLING ME YOU MONSTER, YOU’RE JUST LIKE MY PARENTS, IF YOU DON’T HAVE SEX WITH I WILL NOT BE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE CONSEQUENCES, YOU WILL. AND ALSO MY PARENTS, THOSE FIENDS.
Just one moment while I transfer you.
(Transfers to campus security)
RE: Some Gal
Yeah, I never would’ve considered asking about people at my college sharing my sexual predilections. (I mean, Jesus, that wasn’t what I was going to college FOR.)
Also… wow, I was supposed to be an upright kid, and I NEVER would’ve considered asking colleges anything when I was a damn FRESHMAN. Fake?
Though let’s be honest, most people’s initial reaction to their first encounter would be a few moments of stunned silence and then “…the fuck just happened?”
@LBT
Even if it is fake, it shows an appalling level of entitlement and misogyny. I can imagine some men I’ve known doing something like this as a joke and all of them were more misogynistic than I was comfortable with.
Some guys at one if my schools at an ongoing “joke” ideal society that involved teaching women from youth that semen was a necessary life force so that they would all be eager to gimasturbation and only get sexual pleasure from men. When faced with objections (like lesbianism and female masturbation), they implied their “life force” plan would functionally eliminate lesbianism and made plans to “restrain” women so they couldn’t masturbate. I could see those guys trolling colleges like that. I think that means whoever did it isn’t substantially better.
Thinking about it, I actually wouldn’t be surprised if the main guy was attracted to MRA teachings. Although, he was a “feminist.”
Eh. Sorry about all the typos. I’m cutting back my smoking today and it is making me a bit impatient for good proof-reading. I’m trying to proof-read, I just suck at it. (And I’m nit great at noticing mistakes before I post when I’m not this rushed feeling.) Sorry. If anything was unclear, please ask.
It should say “eager to give blow jobs” not the weird duplicate masturbation thing that my browser did. (That is another reason I suck at proofreading. Sometimes my browser sticks in the last word I typed and makes things worse.) I normally catch the really major ones though. *30 more minutes, I can do it*
RE: Some Gal
Some guys at one if my schools at an ongoing “joke” ideal society that involved teaching women from youth that semen was a necessary life force so that they would all be eager to gimasturbation and only get sexual pleasure from men. When faced with objections (like lesbianism and female masturbation), they implied their “life force” plan would functionally eliminate lesbianism and made plans to “restrain” women so they couldn’t masturbate.
D:
Just… D: (God, where’s that macro of Kratos scowling when I need it)
@LBT
My best friend was dating the “ringleader.” I have never been more joyous at a breakup. (Although I felt bad for my friend, I was so thankful.)
If he were looking for a secular uni where *all* the students were sexually conservative or where it wasn’t too blatant, then I’d have sympathy for him. The fact he’s only concerned with how slutty the women are shows that his problem is not sex, it’s women.
RE: Some Gal
Yeah, see, with ‘jokes’ like that, I want to know… WHY is it funny? I mean, no matter what, th answer just seems creepy.
RE: Kim
Seeing how PECULIAR it is for a freshman to be scoping a college that way, I suspect troll.