So the high school freshman who calls himself Bostonian42 is thinking ahead to college. And he’s got questions. Well, actually just one question, which he’s asking people about every college he’s interested in: is this college full of sluts? Because if it is, he wants none of it.
Here he is, inquiring about Dartmouth:
He’s posted similar comments for eight other colleges.
Sounds like he may want to avoid whatever college it is that Amanda here is going to. (See here for more from this inadvertantly hilarious comic book.)
(Thanks to @MaraWritesStuff on Twitter for alerting the world to Boston42’s noble quest.)
(Oh, and I guess I’m back to posting again, though my posts may be a little light for awhile.)
Austin is also a slutty, slutty hellhole. Stay faaaar away from here, Bostonian42.
Seriously though, we are full up on conservative jagoffs. No need for one more.
Welcome, Rise of Slimer!
Sideliner – that’s … weird. His fixation on women’s sex lives sounds like standard religious/conservative nonsense. I wonder if he’s just OTT insecure about his own inexperience and has some notion that people can SEE if you’re a virgin or not? It sounds like it, given his schtick about being unable to ignore all these promiscuous women on campus. OH NOES I MUST FIND ANOTHER INEXPERIENCED PERSON WHO WILL NOT SHAME ME AND THEN THE SLUTTY SLUTS WON’T SHAME ME EITHER
@The Kittehs’ – Yeah, the people trying to answer him seem confused too. I think the response from someone at Colby wins:
That about sums it up: if you want to know that much about others sex lives, you’re going to have to do the homework yourself. They don’t actually put those numbers in the brochure for you.
Caifornia? Full of slutty sluts in slutty clothes. The whole state. Also we have legal pot dispensaries. You’d hate it here, kid – maybe stay all the way on the other coast? The residents of California thank you for this decision.
Los Angeles is the sluttiest of all slutty places.
And kid, don’t, just don’t, think of being an international student in Australia. The universities here are full of slutty sluts who wander around in short shorts and you won’t find anyone dressing like a Mennonite.
@Jayem Griffin @CassandraSays @hellkell
I have discussed it with the Royal Order of Bostonians, and we are willing to offer any of your fine states the following items in exchange for your acceptance of Bostonian42:
10 lbs of baked beans
2 dozen Boston cream donuts
1 Mark Wahlberg movie
2 complementary passes to Plimouth Plantation
Assorted Patriot, Red Sox, Celtics and Bruins gear in a variety of colors and sizes
Think about it.
Offer stands for all international locations as well.
The Sluttiness OIympics will begin when the ISOC committee has decided on the host city. Have your bribes ready, contestants!
Sideliner – LOL!
Can you make it something other than baked beans? Our trains smell bad enough as it is.
Canada? More like Slutlandia! STAY AWAY! SO MANY SLUTS! Also Calgary has more sluts per capita than any other city on earth. YOU WILL CATCH SLUTOTOXICITY AND DIE FROM IT.
Hey, I’m just helpful like that. I thought you all should know.
@Sideliner: With all due respect, no fucking way.
@ Sideliner
We will give you all the fresh produce you could ever need if you promise to keep him. If you insist on sending him anyway we may have to send you all the conservatives who live in Orange County in retaliation.
I am now imagining a map of the world with little pinup girls doodled in the countries/states of residence of all the Manboobz commenters, with “Here Be Sluts” written underneath them.
@The Kitteh’s – my first thought was I could substitute clam chowder, but I don’t think that would help with your trains. Drat.
*heads back to drawing board*
@CassandraSays – you don’t play fair.
@Jayem Griffin – I’d be mad you won’t take him, but your map idea is a fantastic visual!
Jayem – you could use pics from the old Jane cartoon, with relative states of undress relating to greater or lesser sluticity of the area.
Seconding katz on the OVERWHELMING SLUTTINESS of the Los Angeles area. UCLA, USC, CSUN…total slut factories.
Sideliner: gonna have to pass on your Boston bribery. I’ll send you some brisket and pralines if you take him.
Of course if we wanted to be really evil we’d send him to Germany. Imagine his reaction to random people sunbathing naked on whatever spots of grass are available in the summer.
oh noes, I haz woken the Blockquote Monster!
No, no Biscuit sending! He may be pure tiny orange evil, but he’s my pure tiny orange evil.
I will point out at this time that Milwaukee is close to Chicago and is rife with sluts. And beer. In fact, I think the beer to slut ratio is almost even, which means there’s a lot of both. I hope this guy would find this information helpful.
*gnashes teeth*
Foiled again!