So @catches_stars on Twitter is pretty hilarious. She’s also got an OkCupid account, and regularly posts snippets of her conversations with some of the more problematic dudes who contact her, some on her main Twitter account and some on @okcupid_TXT. With her permission, and because I’m too lazy to actually write a post today, I’m passing along a few of my favorites.
This overeager fellow has a rather sudden change of heart when his stated plan runs into an obstacle, that obstacle being that @catches_stars finds him completely repulsive.
This guy is either totally high or trying some weird and misguided PUA wizardry on her. (It does not succeed.)
This foot-obsessed fellow spammed her with the same message from several different accounts.
This guy, who seems to be shirtless in his profile pic, gets what I assume is, to him, a very disappointing answer.
As does this fellow.
Romance is hard.
Or groping, or sexual assault, because that’s how I’d read it (YMMV of course). Maybe it’s not in the legal sense, but I feel a visceral disgust at the thought of anyone other than Himself touching me like that. “This is a possible rapist” is what would be going through my mind.
So, Martyn, with your comments, out of date or not – I don’t care what you say about the “theory”. Even if you weren’t WRONG with your benign description (and why did you put it that way when you say you already know Game is bullshit?), the point is what is being done to women by PUAs. “Oh, but the theory isn’t like that!” is not something to say to someone who’s been insulted and possibly assaulted. Hello, real world calling here.
Why, hello there, mansplaination with a shitty tone, how you been?
Martyn, fuck off.
Could you be nay more clueles and privileged? See, kid, the problem with schmucks like you and theory is that while you’re busy what-iffing, people are actually living out lives affected by these “theories.” You wouldn’t know that, because you knwo jack shit about the world around you, as made abundantly clear by your comments since your arrival.
I can’t tell you to fuck off enough.
Cavemanning – those actions sound like the prelude to sexual assault. That’s all I can say.
Martyn, you know the other day when we were talking about how you come across like you think you know everything? This thread is a good example. You pop in and immediately say, with absolutely no qualifiers, how Androids are better than iPhones and how great Game is.
And then, when people disagreed with you, you doubled down on both of them. (Yes, you claimed you were joking about the phone part, but then you followed that up by saying that Androids really are way better than iPhones. Can’t have it both ways, boy.) People here can be very patient, but you have to be teachable. We can’t possibly have a conversation if your every statement is insisting how right you are!
Here’s my theory about Martyn’s tenure here: it will be nasty, brutish, and short.
Give him the Hobbes treatment, eh?
Better that than nasty, tedious and long, a la our other mansplainers.
Kitteh’s – what is the program you use instead of GIMP? (if I may ask)
The Hobbes treatment always looks like so much fun to me, though. Who wouldn’t want to be given the the Hobbes treatment?
@hellkell
If I’ve said to offend you, please state it. That seems just a little too personal.
Just because you know something, doesn’t mean everyone who ever visits this page will. You have the privilege of knowing, not everyone does. Also, if you have a problem with the text, then criticise it with authoritative sources and literary critique, not personal attacks.
I’ve done a lot of reading on PUA materials, I’m not clueless on the subject. Privileged I can’t deny, relative to the benefits of my particular genetic roll of the dice.
Maybe I’m misinterpreting your intentions with what you’re saying here, please clarify if I am:
This raises a few questions:
Should people stop criticising theories on the merits of the theories themselves because of the actions of abusive arseholes?
Should discussion of all potentially abusive theories halt because abusive people claim them as inspiration?
Why should anyone allow arseholes to have this effect?
PhotoStudio, and sometimes Paint.net for effects it doesn’t have, like screens for layers. It’s pretty basic, but much easier to self-teach than anything using Adobe-type language (I loathe Adobe stuff).
@Martyn
Everyone who signs up knows that there will be a set of selected people they will be interacting with. They WANT that if that is what they sign up for. They don’t owe their attention or membership in their group to anyone. They can refuse it for any reason, shallow or not, or no reason at all. That is part of the right to be shallow and the right to choose your friends.
It sucks to be excluded, but anyone doing the excluding has every right to do that.
We all understood how it worked and thought you were wrong. Please stop assuming we are stupid and just don’t fully understand your complaint/position. We understood. We disagree. We tried to explain how and why we disagreed and, rather than ask for clarification, you assumed we were just not understanding.
Don’t assume. Ask more questions.
Don’t ask those questions. Shit.
If you tone troll (look it up) or insist someone engage with you on your terms again, like you did with hellkell just now, I will be done trying to help you.
If I may say so myself, if that happens, you should pretty much leave. This is not a 101 site. You might do better at one of those.
Frankly, Martyn, your entire attitude offends me.
Who are you again? This is a site mocking misogyny, and you are a little misogynist.
Look, kid. You have missed my point about your cluelessness re: theories (of any kind, really) to the point where there is no hope for you, and I don’t think you really want to learn, you want to wank, because you think you’re really fucking smart.
Now you’re just JAQing off with al your questions.
Keep assuming, and keep on fucking that chicken.
1. You’re on a misogyny-mocking site. Your “research” doesn’t seem to have extended to what we do here, and the sort of PUA shit included in our mockery. See that tag cloud up there? See where it says PUA? Try reading that before you come pontificating. You’re talking to regulars on this site, people who’ve read this shit for years. Don’t come pretending you’re the teacher leaving little notes for new students.
2. This isn’t a fucking literary site. PUA isn’t some academic text. It’s an abuser’s pattern for getting sex, for ignoring and overriding the lack of consent. IT’S ABOUT RAPE. You’re talking as if its theory (which, as I said before YOU ARE WRONG ABOUT) is important, when its effect is to harm women. Strike that: its aim is to harm women.
If you didn’t grasp this in all your supposed study, then you’re even more clueless and privileged than we thought.
3. When men come telling women they know more about any given subject than we do, when they have the gall to tell us they know more about our experiences than we do, when they tell us what we should be thinking about things that hit us, not them … then it is personal.
And as hellkell said, fuck off.
This ad just says all that needs to be said about PUAs. It’s from that PUA Lingo site linked earlier in the thread:
Attraction is not a choice.
*Barf*
@Myoo
That is even more rapey than I imagined. Ick.
Martyn, I’ve been trying to explain to you why the way you talk and act is going to piss people off. Now you are seeing the results: People are pissed off.
If you have any desire to make people less pissed off at you, which I think you do, then, first, don’t tell them not to be pissed off. They have every right to be annoyed because you are being obnoxious (and besides, when does telling someone not to be annoyed ever make them less annoyed?).
Instead, please, please, just zip it and try listening. I’ve told you this before, but perhaps you’ll pay attention this time. If there’s something you don’t understand or disagree with, try asking about it, not in an obnoxious confrontational way (“if you think X is true, then what about Y?”) but in a neutral way (“why do you think X?”). And for the love of God, qualify your statements. Learn to use phrases like “I think” and “in my experience.” And then restrict yourself to talking about things that are actually in your experience!
If you don’t do this, then I guarantee, this won’t be the last time someone tells you to fuck off.
That’s horrible. Gods, I loathe these men.
Scenario: Martyn cuts someone off in traffic.
Other driver: “Fuck you!”
Martyn: “That seems a bit personal.”
Other driver: “So fucking what, you cut me off!”
Martyn: “Also, if you have a problem with my driving, then I insist you criticize it by citing the relevant sections of the vehicular code. Otherwise it’s just a personal attack.”
Other driver: “You practically crashed into me!”
Martyn: “That’s just a theory.”
Let’s talk about something happier.
How about today’s surreal and inexplicable Heathcliff cartoon, where Heathcliff is dressed in a tweed coat and smoking a pipe with birds flying out of it while a pet store owner says “Hold it right there, Professor,” all set in an underwater city?
+1 internets for cloudiah
Oooh, I’ve never seen Heathcliff cartoons!
I got from what’s-his-butt that PUA was meant to teach playful banter to people with no concept of ‘playful’ or ‘banter’ at best. And either way, it comes off as creepy, slimey, rude and a way of establishing unnecessary and unwarrented male dominance.
Playful banter is usually done between people who know and trust each other, are aware of each other’s sore spots and limits, and ends with everyone feeling mostly good about themselves, because they know the friendship is strong enough to handle a few snarky insults.
At best, PUA tries to do this on complete strangers.
And then there’s Roissy/Heartiste, who seems to think that pretending to have killed your partner’s pets is a great romantic bonding activity:
http://manboobz.com/2012/03/22/heartiste-totally-dominate-your-woman-by-farting-in-bed-and-pretending-to-kill-her-cat/
People who think the brand of stuff people own defines them lose 500 relevancy points even more immediately.
This has been posted here before, but not for a while: