So @catches_stars on Twitter is pretty hilarious. She’s also got an OkCupid account, and regularly posts snippets of her conversations with some of the more problematic dudes who contact her, some on her main Twitter account and some on @okcupid_TXT. With her permission, and because I’m too lazy to actually write a post today, I’m passing along a few of my favorites.
This overeager fellow has a rather sudden change of heart when his stated plan runs into an obstacle, that obstacle being that @catches_stars finds him completely repulsive.
This guy is either totally high or trying some weird and misguided PUA wizardry on her. (It does not succeed.)
This foot-obsessed fellow spammed her with the same message from several different accounts.
This guy, who seems to be shirtless in his profile pic, gets what I assume is, to him, a very disappointing answer.
As does this fellow.
Romance is hard.
I suspect that it isn’t just a certain group. In fact I would venture to guess that the reception they receive here is the same as they receive wherever they go.
David nearly got him in that thread by posting a link to a gay porn site … it was worth reading on, because Amused and a guy(?) who doesn’t post here any more did the most wonderful long take-downs on the next page. Owly was completely mixed up, as usual. He was on about how biology rules everything, men and women are totally different, and social conditioning can’t change anything, but at the same time claimed that everyone arguing otherwise had been … socially conditioned to do so.
It was curious reading, because he hadn’t reached the stage of calling little girls whores and saying women should be beaten for saying things he disagreed with. He was, for Owly, almost moderate. A wingnut, totally, but not spewing the same levels of poison as later.
Falconer, I’ve used Google Hangouts with people with not great internet connections; it’s still jerky, but in my experience a little bit better than Skype. YMMV. But the babies must be seen, all over the interwebz!
I’ve had a kind of terrible Saturday*, and I’m trying to decide whether or not to do a feelings dump here.
*Technically, my friends have had terrible Saturdays, but that has made me sad.
Feelings dump away if you want, cloudiah! I’m up for hearing, though if you want Useful as in Relevant advice I probably can’t help.
I’m sorry cloudiah. Feelings dump all you want.
(Hugs cloudiah)
[commence feelings dump with TRIGGER WARNING FOR SAD PEOPLE AND ANIMAL STORIES]
So first I get a call from my depressed friend (who you all have been very generously advising me about). His sister, who is agoraphobic, apparently ignored some abdominal pains for many months, and then a neighbor found her collapsed and now she is in the hospital with some kind of terrible cancer diagnosis and a not very good prognosis. And she is in Brazil, so it’s not like he can just up and fly to her bedside.
Next call is from my best friend, who lives in the mountains. She was walking her adorable dog last night, dog got off the leash for like 2 friggin’ minutes and then they hear a terrible yelp in the bushes. A coyote got her. She died in their arms. She and her girlfriend are heartbroken. Her girlfriend found this dog when she was doing Hurricane Katrina rescue work and brought her home, and she was like their kid.
I swear to the FSM that the next time the phone rang I almost didn’t answer but did, and it was another friend calling to tell me that his roommate has taken to beating him up regularly and he’s terrified of him. (Logically.) The apartment is in my friend’s name, and this “roomie” was only supposed to be there temporarily, so I headed over there and friend’s very kind locksmith neighbor offered to change his locks for free while I stood lookout and started moving the roomie’s belongings into a storage area. Friend is staying with other friend’s tonight to avoid drama, and I left a note for the violent “roomie” telling him where to find his crap — and to not bother coming back. Locksmith neighbor has promised to keep an eye out for him too.
[end feelings dump]
OK, the story about the dog and the coyote made me want to cry too. Going to go hug my cat for a while now.
(Does friend’s asshole roommate know where zie works, and does zie have a plan in place to address the possibility of roommate turning up there for a while? And someone to go with hir when zie does return to the apartment? Don’t want to be too paranoid, but I tend to err on the safe side when it comes to people who’ve proved that they’re violent.)
cloudiah, all the hugs! That is beyond a shitty weekend for you and your friends. 🙁
Asshole roomie knows generally where he works, but not precisely. It’s a secure building, and friend is going to alert security and give them a picture of the guy. His supervisor and co-workers can also be drafted to watch his back. His most vulnerable point I think is when he’s at the bus stop near his apartment, but there are lots of stores so he said if he saw the dude he would just duck into a place with lots of people. He’s also going to call his supervisor and temporarily alter his schedule so that asshole won’t be able to predict when he can find him. Any other tips for what he should do at work or traveling to/from work?
Locksmith neighbor who is a seriously tough looking dude is going to be there tomorrow when my friend goes home, and told him to call first so he could make sure the coast was clear. Locksmith neighbor was the bright spot in the day. He’s a complete stranger who heard a commotion and then spent a significant amount of time helping out. He also called my friend to tell him that the asshole picked up his stuff without too much drama about an hour ago.
And thanks for the hugs. I’m collecting them and then passing them on telepathically to my friends, who had the really shitty weekends. 🙁
More hugs are on their way!
You may have as many hugs as you want! On the friend with the asshole roomie, it sounds like he has things covered. It just sucks that he’s going to have to watch his back for a while.
@cloudiah
All the hugs
*passes on a whole passel of jedi hugs for Cloudiah’s sad/upset/sick/hurt people* I’m glad friend got away from asshole roomie! I hope asshole roomie falls in a pit full of legos and wears out his shoes quickly.
Re: effects of alcohol on psychosis – alcohol is a depressant; in most people it depresses the frontal lobe, which is the seat of restraint, planning, and abstract thought; that’s why people are often more impulsive and loud on alcohol. I could see how it would medicate for psychosis related to mania. Most of the psychosis I deal with isn’t related to mania, sadly; I wish we could figure out what they all are associated with, ’cause the gods know most of my clients really struggle because of them. In my experience, there appears to be some sort of personality-effect on psychosis – as in, delusions and hallucinations often seem to reflect the emotional experiences of a person’s life, or be a misunderstanding of some shared-reality thing they heard about.
For example, I finally found the roots of a client’s belief that a “repayment plan” is some sort of prison sentence/program/something because the actual meaning of repayment plan had been taken care of within her delusional matrix (she finds feelings of fulfillment through “earning money” to pay for everyone’s benefits in our local area) and so she’s essentially casting about for other things it could mean. And so I give up reality-testing it, since it’s a foundational delusion instead of something I might be able to shift with effort. Human minds are so fascinatingly wonderfully complex.
Damn… that’s a hell of a day. Jedi hugs to you and your friends, cloudiah. Best wishes to all of you.
*multiple rounds of hugging for cloudiah and friends* That is just awful, all of it.
As for your request for tips — use other nearby bus stops and alter routes to/from other places the violent ex-roommate might try finding him (eg grocery store). If he’s friendly with any of the owners of those shops he could duck into, he might want to try warning them to just call the cops if they see violent dude and him together. Not sure how much of a difference that slight time advantage could get, but in a major city it might manage to get a cop there while asshole is still being an asshole.
Plus the more obvious things, keep the door locked, ask who’s there / use peephole, close and lock first floor (or otherwise accessible) windows…and not to start a reverse elevatorgate, but don’t use the stairs in the apt building, harder to corner someone in an elevator (clearly not impossible, but increases your odds of spotting him before he spots you).
Sorry if that’s all too much of Argenti lecturing, I have a stalker ex or two (one perk of moving back to CT, I highly doubt the Pittsburgh one will go through the trouble of finding me here)
Cloudiah: So sorry that your friends are going through such rough times.
Thanks, you guys. We kind of think asshole guy will move on quickly. He’s a (superficially) charming dude who will probably move on to a new target. But I am passing along all tips to my friend.
cloudiah — that’s about as good as it can be, having stalker ex turn up goddamned 5 years later was terrifying (lucky, the not-an-ex was all :O and “what can I do?” — ze’s awesome like that)
Actually, that’s my best advice, and I imagine it doesn’t need to be said — be there and believe him. Which is very likely just how you work, cuz you’re also awesome like that 🙂
Five years later?
FUCK.
🙁
Just about this time last year actually. And the rapist ex that’s relevant currently. So more like nearly 7 years after he uh, it’s more complicated than just “than he raped me” but I’m not (yet) drunk enough. But yeah, he’s definitely more persistent than cloudiah’s friend’s former roommate.
I wish I were awesome like that, but thanks. 5 years later! WTF. Glad not-the-ex was truly awesome, Argenti.
I’m going to try to go to sleep now. I’ve been staring at pictures of adorable doggie (RIP) and crying. 🙁
Hugs to all needing/wanting them … Night, cloudiah!
Poor doggie…and so fast. That’s really got to hurt, thankfully I’ve always lost pets when they were either obviously very ill, or it was obvious it might run bad fast (Ich is bad enough that I’m always happy when I lose less than 25% of the tank…maybe I’m just hardened to it because I have to be…)
I wish you and the doggie owners the best in dealing with it. And I don’t care what anyone else may say, pet funerals are totally acceptable!
And best of luck to your other friend and his sister!
G’night cloudiah, I’m sending more hugs and warm thoughts your way. And you’re welcome to some of my whiskey tea if you want any.