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How not to impress the ladies on OkCupid

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So @catches_stars on Twitter is pretty hilarious. She’s also got an OkCupid account, and regularly posts snippets of her conversations with some of the more problematic dudes who contact her, some on her main Twitter account and some on @okcupid_TXT. With her permission, and because I’m too lazy to actually write a post today, I’m passing along a few of my favorites.

This overeager fellow has a rather sudden change of heart when his stated plan runs into an obstacle, that obstacle being that @catches_stars finds him completely repulsive.

okeager

This guy is either totally high or trying some weird and misguided PUA wizardry on her. (It does not succeed.)

oksecret

This foot-obsessed fellow spammed her with the same message from several different accounts.

oktoes

This guy, who seems to be shirtless in his profile pic, gets what I assume is, to him, a very disappointing answer.

okbody

As does this fellow.

okchicks

Romance is hard.

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talacaris
talacaris
11 years ago

It’s the linear time flow that gives me the most problems when I take something, it’s hard to deal with that.

leftwingfox
11 years ago

Kinda wish I could get stoned… it takes a lot of pot to trigger any sort of reaction in me, and that reaction is “groggy”. I get that sensation free every morning before coffee.

I refuse to try hallucinogens. I have a tenuous enough grasp on reality as it is, thank you very much.

Which pretty much leaves booze. Yay for being a cheap drunk. 🙂

Molly Moon
Molly Moon
11 years ago

Some gal: the same goes for me. I mean I haven’t done a whole lot of psychedelics (well, I’ve done mushrooms, acid, and dmt, but only once each) but it was mainly perceptual and physical effects, not psychological. Apparently on acid I got a little paranoid that my sober friend was staring at me and I kept snapping at her to leave me alone, but I have no memory of either feeling or behaving that way so I’m not counting it. All my other thoughts were pretty much what you would expect to think after knowingly taking a hallucinogen. Mostly “ooh pretty! Ooh cool! I’m tired. More pretties!”

It’s a little disappointing to be told for years that you have no idea what it’s like to do psychedelics until you have actually done them, only to do them and be like “yeah, that’s pretty much what I expected.” 😛

I keep my doses pretty light though so probably that’s why

leftwingfox
11 years ago

@Molly Moon: I like it. 🙂 Part of my issue is the term “abstract” though.

He’s using it in the same way as people who say “Communism works great, in theory”. He’s then turning around and trying to say that’s the same thing as a scientific theory which is the end result of observation and experimentation.

Some Gal Not Bored at All

@Molly Moon

Mostly “ooh pretty! Ooh cool! I’m tired. More pretties!”

That was my experience with ecstasy. It was a physical tired, not a mental one. I just wanted to lay on a blanket and watch the stars and be talked to. I was JUST SO CALM. My friends wanted to do things or to go catch up with the rest of our group and they kept making me walk places. I complained about that A LOT.

On mushrooms, I was completely the opposite. I don’t think I sat down except when I had to because one of our group started freaking out and then crying and then freaking out about the tears seeming like blood. That was “boring”. (I evidently lose quite a lot of my empathy on those.)

Some Gal Not Bored at All

My other mushroom experience was going to visit a friend in FL (who kept her AC off most of the time fro financial reasons) from Boston (where we had no AC) and sitting under the Ac that got turned on for the party talking about how I had always been hot and it was so wonderful to be cool and why was the whole world hot. There were a lot of jokes about Nazis in a pyramid (if you’ve seen OSS 117: Cairo Nest of Spies, which I highly recommend, you’ll get it), which freaked out some of our group and we had to calm them down by assuring them the Nazis were in fact locked in a pyramid and we would be okay.

Dvärghundspossen
11 years ago

Well, I’ve never used illegal drugs. I’m scared it might trigger psychosis (I have a psychotic disorder to start with, and have been right-down psychotic at times, quite often borderline psychotic). I’ve drunk alcohol, sometimes a lot, but that actually has an anti-psychotic effect on me (I used to self-medicate this way before I got psychiatric help…). I’ve encountered other psychotics who claimed that this CAN’T be true, because it’s scientifically proven that alcohol doesn’t work that way. Well, I can only report what it’s been like for me. And maybe it’s not directly anti-psychotic but indirectly… all my psychotic and border-line psychotic episodes except one have been connected to hypo-mania, and I guess alcohol calms you down.

ANYWAY, I’ve had ONE SERIOUSLY WEIRD TRIP once when I happened to take way too much of my various prescription meds (which included tranquilizers). I was talking to a friend on the phone, when I noticed that a little reflection of light on the phone cord gradually became bigger and bigger. Eventually that light had become a sphere, about the size of a bowling ball, that just hung in the air in front of me. Inside the sphere a 3D movie started to play, featuring Jesus and his disciples during the last supper. I said to my friend “this is pretty weird, but a 3D movie about Jesus is projected from my phone cord”. My friend was like “uh, maybe you should just lie down and get some sleep now”. Which I did, and when I woke up I was back to normal.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
11 years ago

I’ve always avoided psychedelics because my imagination is vivid and weird enough already. Like the dream where I thought my bed was floating in the ocean surrounded by sharks, and I didn’t want my boyfriend to get up to go pee because I was still half in a dream state and thought that the sharks would eat him if he stepped off the bed.

In other news, talacaris is boring even when talking about recreational chemicals. That takes special talent.

BlackBloc (@XBlackBlocX)

Computers could not have formed without the observation and testing of phoenomena long before the theories computers were based on were created. Nothing “abstract” about them.

Unfortunately, computers are one of the poorest examples for this argument, because it is one of the few modern technologies that was invented out of pure mathematics. Turing came up with the concept but it was considered a neat little theoretical trick without much hope of being realized in the physical, until engineers designed the machine based on his idea.

So you leave yourself open to the people who argue that math is purely abstract and does not reside in any empirical observation of the universe, and while I disagree with that statement it’s a lot harder to demonstrate that part than to just point to the steam engine, for instance.

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help
The Kittehs' Unpaid Help
11 years ago

@Marie – you’re welcome! 🙂

@Some Gal – “When contending with the blockquote monster, checking for correct formatting is not itself practical.” ::wheezes with laughter::

Hello, talacaris is back JAQing off and tone-trolling again. Get a new script, dude, this one’s old.

I read an article about early-onset dementia yesterday (mostly Alzheimer’s, but other sorts can have early onset too). There was one really scary comment buried in it, by Adrienne Withall, a co-leader of “Inspired, a research collaboration between the University of NSW, the University of Sydney and several major hospitals”. Talking about various causes of dementia, she’s quoted as saying, “I look at some of the drugs around at the moment, like ice, and I think it’s going to be really terrifying. Someone in the Inspired study is working with drug and alcohol services to see who this population is and how we are going to manage them later on.”

I don’t know how much research has been done and what links there might be, but hell, the very possibility of drugs leading to dementia would put me off if I’d ever been tempted!

For me it’s much the same as alcohol: never liked the idea of artificially changing my mood, losing control of my behaviour, etc, etc, plus the matter of them being illegal anyway. Somewhat ironic in that I’m now on mild antidepressants and have no desire to be off them! 😛

talacaris
talacaris
11 years ago

“talacaris is back JAQing off and tone-trolling againtalacaris is back JAQing off and tone-trolling again” why don’t peolple like that? Even cops don’t seem to like that, for some reason.

Some Gal Not Bored at All

@talacris

I already gave you a kitten with all the answers. What more do you want? Here it is again.

Some Gal Not Bored at All

Here it is again.

talacaris
talacaris
11 years ago

It does not explain cop psychology enough. They are also prone to scream “get the fuck out here”, when questioned and corrected.

Some Gal Not Bored at All

The video totally addressed that. Just watch it again.

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help
The Kittehs' Unpaid Help
11 years ago

I find it very difficult to believe someone can live day to day in an Anglophone environment, speaking English, reading English, and have no idea what FUCK OFF means. In short, it means GO AWAY. If a cop yells it, just do what they say, hmm? Could save you a lot of pain.

thebewilderness
thebewilderness
11 years ago

It isn’t a cop thing, it is a human thing. Strangers coming up to you and instructing you on how you are doin’ it rong are assholes who frequently get told to fuck off.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
11 years ago

Hey guys, don’t discourage the poor thing from telling cops to fuck off. Instead encourage hir to take a camera, film the result, and put the footage up on YouTube.

talacaris
talacaris
11 years ago

This explains more

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help
The Kittehs' Unpaid Help
11 years ago

I notice talacaris is trying the Brz “not an Anglophone” game. He hasn’t done that in previous trolling efforts.

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help
The Kittehs' Unpaid Help
11 years ago

Cassandra, I like your evil thinking there!

Maybe talacaris and Tom Martin should do some videos together.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
11 years ago

What’s happened to Tom, anyway? Did he figure out a way to pay his debts other than trying to con gullible MRAs out of money?

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help
The Kittehs' Unpaid Help
11 years ago

Perhaps he’s decided to go to Debtor’s Prison as a martyr for the movement. I can just see him in some tatty Dickensian suit, shackles on his ankles …

melody
11 years ago

@Emilygoddess: I’m adopted. And if I ever want children I will adopt.

I’ve never tried illegal drugs, but after some of the prescribed drug cocktails I don’t think I want. I’ve been a drooling idiot as a result of medication, hallucinated bunnies everywhere and been the happiest person in the world as a result of medication. It kind of puts you off trying drugs that would have any similar effects.

Fuck off has always been pretty clear. I’ve never heard it and been like “gosh, I wonder what they mean”.

And no one likes it when people pretend being told fuck off or go away doesn’t mean what it means. Guys pull that BS sometimes.
You: Leave me alone.
Guy: You don’t mean that
You: Get away from me
Guy: How far? This far enough?
You: NO. FARTHER.
Guy: You like my company though. I can tell.
You; *walks away*
Guy: *follows*
You: GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME. And don’t touch me.
Guy: Does it make you hot.
You: *runs for a business and dodges inside*
Guy: *follows* Whats wrong?
You: Ask some women if you can sit with them. Get assent and sit
Guy: *stands creepily behind you*
You: Go away or I’ll call the cops.
Guy: Why would you do that? If you wanted me to leave you should have just told me to go.
You: *slams head against table*

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help
The Kittehs' Unpaid Help
11 years ago

And manly tears will fill for him,
His buttocks’ hard-chair burn,
For his mourners will be outcast men,
Men’s righters always mourn.

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