So @catches_stars on Twitter is pretty hilarious. She’s also got an OkCupid account, and regularly posts snippets of her conversations with some of the more problematic dudes who contact her, some on her main Twitter account and some on @okcupid_TXT. With her permission, and because I’m too lazy to actually write a post today, I’m passing along a few of my favorites.
This overeager fellow has a rather sudden change of heart when his stated plan runs into an obstacle, that obstacle being that @catches_stars finds him completely repulsive.
This guy is either totally high or trying some weird and misguided PUA wizardry on her. (It does not succeed.)
This foot-obsessed fellow spammed her with the same message from several different accounts.
This guy, who seems to be shirtless in his profile pic, gets what I assume is, to him, a very disappointing answer.
As does this fellow.
Romance is hard.
This fucking guy. Now it’s like he wants spank bank material featuring our bad times.
Get stuffed, Martyn. You sound like you get off on the pain of others.
Using a bucket is a good idea. Do lingerie bags really work that well? I used to wash my bras in the machine but I had to stop once I realized that I couldn’t find bras for less than 40 bucks (I previously went to Target, but when I finally got my boobs measured… It’s plus size specialty stores or nothing, I guess). The wire always poked through after not very many washes.
Can you wash regular clothes in delicate cycle? Silly question, I’m sure, but I’ve never used delicate before. I don’t really want to spend another 2 bucks every laundry day just for bras. I also hate hand washing, though… Hmmm…
@Some Gal, Advice is fine! I’m at my wit’s end, since I don’t have much experience dealing with depression. His takes the form of self-loathing (“I’m a complete failure”), which then makes him not want to see his friends (“I’m too much of a loser to inflict myself on them”). Plus he forgets to eat, OR drink anything except coffee. Seriously, I had to call him last night and remind him to eat dinner. I’m not even sure he DID eat dinner, though he promised me he would. 🙁
Brunch (not buffet) would be at one of two places that I know he likes, where I can be sure he’ll have at least one good meal.
Anyone else remember that long ago time when we all talked about MRA and PUA IRL? I was but a young girl then and the world was new. There were dinosaurs and Ms. Hester Abortion had not yet given birth to her inventor son. Ah, those were the days.
There was no Martyn ruining threads either.
I agree!
And I did see that Girls Gone Wild is bankrupt. It isn’t justice but I’ll take it.
Tries very hard to ignore the call for personal experience from the one who has been dismissing personal experience throughout the discussion…
…… succeeds.
I would totally join in the makeup shopping if I could. I adore makeup but can’t seem to bother to put it on regularly enough to learn how to do it properly. At least I’m past the writing on my face with eyeshadow phase.
@hellkell
Thanks for the personal attack. I think I’m starting to get off on the aggressive tone of your comments 😉
You can. If anything, it’ll save wear and tear on all your clothes.
I have decided mocking is different from debating!
Hahahahaha!
Yeah, why don’t we ever share the EXPERIENCES we have with PUAs folks? That is something that NEVER HAPPENS HERE. Or on other feminist sites! And of course, the point of sharing these experiences will be to help out the poor, misguided pre-PUAs.
Geez louise, Fartyn is SUCH a stupid baboon.
Martyn: you can’t afford my domme services. Best fuck off now.
I see. You’re a self-proclaimed “expert” on game but you’re going conflate Kino escalation with being “touchy-feely.” Really. Really?
Yes, quite a few. Some of them were humorous, many were annoying and aggravating. Some were scary.
I have shared them with people on this site when we’ve talked about PUA and game, long before you ever showed up here. I realize that you may not have moved past the stage of development where you don’t understand that the sun does not rise and set to your waking hours.
@cloudiah
Just continuing to invite him to things is a great help, I think. If he won’t go this weekend, can you ask again next? Just being persistent should work eventually (although that won’t help with the short-term eating, sadly). Thanks for the recipe btw. It sounds great.
@Molly Moon
Anything that isn’t filthy will be fine in the delicates load I should think. The lingerie bag might be doing nothing for all I know, but I use it anyway.
Absolutely, it’s much better for your clothes. Someone else probably wrote this already.
@Some Gal, I am very persistent. 🙂
Caes in point for this dipshit’s condescension and incompetence.
You’re the one who made this statement about the application—not theory— of eugenics, douchekayak:
Are you really so ignorant that you think that eugenics begins and ends with genetic screening?
Why don’t you blast off, you detestable fart rocket.
I’m not caught up and don’t know if this was addressed, but —
“I am aware of the term ‘ableist’, I do not believe anyone should be discriminated against for any disabilities they acquire.”
So discriminating against those of us who’re disabled because of genetics is a good form of eugenics? And what if there’s a gene for doubling down on incorrect and potentially dangerous views? One you clearly have. Is eugenics against that gene still acceptable?
Also, it’s <i>italics</i> or <em>emphasis</em> — and neither of those links where to the stats I was looking for, but more stats for my collection of MRA math rebuttals = more better.
Some gal & Molly: The lingerie bag is good for keeping your bras from getting tangled up in the rest of your clothes and stretching them out too much.
@ cloudiah
it sounds like you’re doing as well as can be expected with your friend. Depression is really really good at making everything good be bad.
For me it helps not having too many choices. So maybe if you say something like “I would really like to take you to brunch.” rather than “do you want to go?”
And it’s next to impossible to deal with, sorry, but one potential response to him saying he’s a failure and doesn’t want to inflict himself on you is saying something like that it makes you feel good to help get him out of the house. I don’t know how much you guys have discussed the depression and what helps him and doesn’t, but if there are things (like getting out of the house, eating dinner, etc) that he has admitted help him, you can focus on that you like to help, and that by doing these things you are helping, even if he feels bad, because it has already been determined that these things help.
And probably distractions are best. It is possible that trying to help him talk through things, he’ll just be able to argue himself into feeling worse (I’m projecting and guessing). Discussing and paying attention to things completely unrelated to him and his issues, like hobbies you have in common, what happened to you in traffic the other day, and whatever you might talk about with a non-depressed person. Basically trying to show that while you care about him, his being depressed isn’t being a big personal problem for you (I assume it’s not, since you’re trying to take him to brunch)
Of course, everybody’s different, so take my advice with several grains of salt. Big thing for your own mental health, try not to take it personally if anything you do doesn’t *work.* Part of his brain is trying very hard to stay miserable, and you can only do what you can.
@cloudiah
I asked my sister since she has TONS of experience in this very thing thanks to me *preens* and she suggested persistence/nagging :), offering limited choices like “We can go to brunch or we can walk to the store and buy some food to eat at my/your house. Which one?” and inducing a mild feeling of obligation like “I really want to go to brunch, but I won’t go without you”. She said all these can backfire, but also are what has mostly worked for her.
Wait is Martyn asking we divulge our stories? Why on earth would we do that? Especially to a person who has shown a lack of sympathy. I’m sorry, but I don’t talk about my past hurts on demand and anyone who would expect me to isn’t someone I would want to tell my story too.
Oh, and I know this was PAGES ago, but:” …when couples have children in excess, let abortion be procured before sense and life have begun; what may or may not be lawfully done in these cases depends on the question of life and sensation.”
Aristotle, Politics 7.16
In response to the claim that abortion was frowned upon in ancient rome or greece. It was an accepted practice.
@hellkell
Glad to know that the lingerie bag has a purpose other than keeping all the stuff that doesn’t go in the dryer together. 🙂
@Argenti
Was the one you were thinking of the one with the 50% of men asking for custody of the 50% of the men who divorce (and on and on)? I remember it and it seems recent and don’t mind looking again, but want to make sure I am looking for the right thing.
@Cloudiah For me, when the depression is bad, I can’t any decisions – the pressure of choice is too much. Even choosing what I want for lunch between 2 options is too much – and so instead of choosing, I go without.
So you may find your friend is best if you make all the choices, including what to eat, where to go, etc.
Custody stats?
Women are more likely to ask for custody. And fathers who ask for custody (and don’t give up) are very likely to get either sole or joint custody:
http://www.amptoons.com/blog/files/Massachusetts_Gender_Bias_Study.htm
Just some statistics I found.
I go to volunteer for a couple of hours, and come home to another 100+ comments! I’ll try not to dredge up too much old stuff.
@Martyn
Do you hear yourself? If it has a positive bias, how is it balanced?
Seriously, do you hear yourself?
Ooh, and what does it tell you?
I notice you haven’t responded to my earlier questions, either…