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How not to impress the ladies on OkCupid

cupids2

So @catches_stars on Twitter is pretty hilarious. She’s also got an OkCupid account, and regularly posts snippets of her conversations with some of the more problematic dudes who contact her, some on her main Twitter account and some on @okcupid_TXT. With her permission, and because I’m too lazy to actually write a post today, I’m passing along a few of my favorites.

This overeager fellow has a rather sudden change of heart when his stated plan runs into an obstacle, that obstacle being that @catches_stars finds him completely repulsive.

okeager

This guy is either totally high or trying some weird and misguided PUA wizardry on her. (It does not succeed.)

oksecret

This foot-obsessed fellow spammed her with the same message from several different accounts.

oktoes

This guy, who seems to be shirtless in his profile pic, gets what I assume is, to him, a very disappointing answer.

okbody

As does this fellow.

okchicks

Romance is hard.

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Some Gal Not Bored at All

@hellkell

Enjoy your snuggles! Good night!

drst
drst
11 years ago

Gah. So many feels. I aspire to be Rowlf (the rare Zen Muppet) but I’m probably way more of a Gonzo in reality.

Shiraz
Shiraz
11 years ago

Martyn, you at a mixer (in meatspace, of course) must be a really sad thing.

You’re one of those smug little squirts who thinks he’s some kind of intellectual ninja. I know your type, most people here do. You’re not here to learn. I dunno if you’re actually telling yourself that or not, but there ya go. You’re a mansplainer who gets off on mansplaining.

Plato said humans were given two ears and one mouth so they can listen twice as much as they speak — or in this case, post.

Some Gal Not Bored at All

Since we are talking about Muppet movies, can I put in my vote for “Follow That Bird.” It was my all-time fave non-animated movie as a kid.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q8IHMctrKCg

Viscaria
Viscaria
11 years ago

I love The Muppets! I really like Rowlf too, but Animal is my favourite.

Some Gal Not Bored at All

Why do my links not work, btw? 🙁

Viscaria
Viscaria
11 years ago
katz
11 years ago

@katz: What is one thing I’ve suggested that you do or refrain from doing?

In general terms, don’t be obnoxious.

In terms of your list, perhaps the most important one is ‘not assume what I say is right’. However, you did also say, not in these words (I am typing this without scrolling):

– to not frame myself as an authority
– to not disregard the personal views of people
– to use qualifers when starting sentences to better add context

Okay, good. But you are still doing those first two and not doing the third. You are framing yourself as an authority by saying what does and doesn’t count as a source. (Not everything important was ever written in a book, and if you’re at school, you ought to know that primary sources are the most valuable of all.) You’re disregarding people’s personal views by insisting that this is a theoretical conversation when lots of people have had real-life experiences about it. And, well, if you’ve been using qualifiers, it hasn’t made you sound less like you think you know everything.

P.S. You can’t respect me without respecting my friends.

Nobinayamu
Nobinayamu
11 years ago

Oh, drst, there’s some dust in my eyes.

Just when I’ve decided that The Muppet Movie wins:

I can’t choose. I won’t.

Sir Bodsworth Rugglesby III
Sir Bodsworth Rugglesby III
11 years ago

God new troll is boring. JAQing off tone trolling? Almost makes me with he was ranting about the gold standard.

drst
drst
11 years ago

not from the movies, but this is one of my favorite bits from the Muppet Show.

And with that, I have a couple of beers, take myself for a walk and go to bed.

Some Gal Not Bored at All

Night, drst!

katz
11 years ago

Rowlf is my favorite, too. His face is very static, but they get lots of expression out of his body language. I love his Tom Waits-esque voice, too. His parts aren’t usually funny, exactly, I just really enjoy watching them!

Viscaria
Viscaria
11 years ago

I’m trying to pin down what childhood emotion it is The Muppets always rekindle in me, and I think it’s hope. Hope that the world can be a great place for everyone, and wonder at all the little things that are already special.

whataboutthemoonz
11 years ago

Martyn, no one actually believes that you’re here for intellectually honest discussions. Go away.

Viscaria
Viscaria
11 years ago

Anybody who thinks you need to slight the marginalized in order to be funny should take a lesson from the very funny, very warm-hearted and caring, world of The Muppets.

*Sniffs for no particular reason*

Some Gal Not Bored at All

@Viscaria

They make me feel loved.

Deoridhe
Deoridhe
11 years ago

*eyes HP computer and iPhone hooked up to it*

Somehow, knowing SmartyMarty would never be interested in me makes me feel like I’ve won such a prize! Such an amazing wealth of happiness. It’s like winning the Lotto, I think. I mean, in general, I value reading for comprehension, so being distained by someone who can’t read a subheading is so delicious.

I actually started a whole second on How Not to Pick up a Chick from my experiences with Second Life. Having it all in plain text somehow helped a lot in showing just how… pathetic the interactions are. How clear it is that the person on the other end has no interest in me. I’ve been considering putting up a How To from a recent person I met (where it actually started with a complement), but I want to ask him permission first.

It seems like there are these basic errors men keep making that, I dunno… seem obvious to me? Don’t lead with a sexual comment. Be interesting and have something to say. Ask questions. If you’re not interested, excuse yourself and move on. Sometimes I feel like someone explaining tying a shoelace to someone in their thirties who keeps interrupting me with, “But when do the PENGUINS show up????”

Kim
Kim
11 years ago

@Harey
If you really want to learn, this is not the place to do it. You need to learn how to be in a minority space first before you come to a place like this.

I am not convinced you actually *want* to be an ally, but if you do, then you need to learn how to do it. Try this article – http://bunnika.wordpress.com/2011/12/04/overstepping-allies/ and then spend some time reading 101 blogs and understanding how your privilege makes you sound like an insufferable arse. There are plenty of articles out there that you can read without interacting directly with women before you’re ready. That way we don’t get irritated and you don’t get told to fuck off. It’s win/win.

Martyn Hare
11 years ago

@Shiraz

You’re one of those smug little squirts who thinks he’s some kind of intellectual ninja. I know your type, most people here do. You’re not here to learn. I dunno if you’re actually telling yourself that or not, but there ya go. You’re a mansplainer who gets off on mansplaining.

It’s not called being an intellectual ninja to want to see some basic justifications, it’s called knowing that when people supply the information, that’s it’s good and can be backed up. That’s not to say personal opinions are bad at all.

“mansplaining” just sounds like a cop-out, claiming that I believe my explanations are somehow superior due to sex. That’s not really the case at all.

@Some Gal

Sorry I failed to appreciate the effect my explanation would have. What else can I possibly say? It was made in good faith, not with the intent of being offensive, upsetting or forming any attempt at invalidating the personal opinions of others.

@Tulgey Logger

Dude, a harmless explanation would make clear that “Game” is a misogynistic system of thought which portrays women as puzzleboxes for men to solve through manipulation and even intimidation. Casting “Game” as some form of play in which everybody feels warm and fuzzy at the end is not harmless, it’s dangerous: that’s why people have been reacting the way they have.

There are misogynists abusing women whos methods of abuse include ideas derived from game. That cannot be denied.

I don’t believe game holds up to scrutiny, but casting game as a “misogynistic system of thought which portrays women as puzzleboxes for men to solve through manipulation and even intimidation” is harmful – it stifles discussion of ways for people to better express their desires in a more attractive way to others. Because, lets face it, if someone does not want to have sex with someone else, they’re not going to have sex with them.

I feel for people who suffer shit because people who wont take no for an answer try to manipulate and intimidate others but that should *never* *ever* stifle legitimate discussion of any psychosocial theory or concept (and yes, I use the term loosely here).

Deoridhe
Deoridhe
11 years ago

This is my favorite random starter. You can start to sing it and people will just… join in.

Viscaria
Viscaria
11 years ago

@Some Gal, a million thanks to Jim Henson and his team for bringing that feeling to you and others.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
11 years ago

The kid who’s making Baby’s First Attempt at Talking Politics is still here? Do we need to start talking bra sizes again to banish him?

Sorry, but my patience with 101 stuff is very low.

Kim
Kim
11 years ago

P.S. to everyone else… I know there are better, more general articles out there about how to engage in a minority space but my google fu fails me atm. Can anyone throw some links at me?

Martyn Hare
11 years ago

@Kim

If you really want to learn, this is not the place to do it. You need to learn how to be in a minority space first before you come to a place like this.

I will take what you’re saying on-board. I’ve thus far only read one 101 blog. My only experiences with minority spaces consist of a small period of time speaking to people at an REC.

There are plenty of articles out there that you can read without interacting directly with women before you’re ready. That way we don’t get irritated and you don’t get told to fuck off. It’s win/win.

yeah, okay

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