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How not to impress the ladies on OkCupid

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So @catches_stars on Twitter is pretty hilarious. She’s also got an OkCupid account, and regularly posts snippets of her conversations with some of the more problematic dudes who contact her, some on her main Twitter account and some on @okcupid_TXT. With her permission, and because I’m too lazy to actually write a post today, I’m passing along a few of my favorites.

This overeager fellow has a rather sudden change of heart when his stated plan runs into an obstacle, that obstacle being that @catches_stars finds him completely repulsive.

okeager

This guy is either totally high or trying some weird and misguided PUA wizardry on her. (It does not succeed.)

oksecret

This foot-obsessed fellow spammed her with the same message from several different accounts.

oktoes

This guy, who seems to be shirtless in his profile pic, gets what I assume is, to him, a very disappointing answer.

okbody

As does this fellow.

okchicks

Romance is hard.

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hellkell
hellkell
11 years ago

Know who else liked himself a theory or two? Hitler.

What the fuck, may as well just Godwin the fucking thread. It’s not getting better.

Some Gal Not Bored at All

@Martyn

abstract theory that is not in any form the actual application of said theory which harms people.

The existence of the theory is itself practical. (Both mocking and informative!)

Some Gal Not Bored at All

Anyone else miss Dragon Slayer right about now?

Ranter (@socialrants)
11 years ago

Martyn;

Sorry, I lose respect over assholes who can’t read the very simple explanations that have been given to them over and over and over and over again about why it is not “just a theory” and why it is fucking personal.

You’re not smart. You haven’t gotcha’d anyone. You’re the asshole sitting the back of the class ignoring everything the teacher says then whining about how “the teacher is out to get you” when you fail the test. That’s not cool, its pathetic.

hellkell
hellkell
11 years ago

I lose respect over time for people who make personal attacks without merit when discussing abstract theory that is not in any form the actual application of said theory which harms people.

I don;t give a rip if you repsect me or not, kiddo. You do realize that the sexism that drives game theory is not an abstract for women? No, you don’t. Only a truly clueless asshat thinks like you.

SHUT UP. JUST SHUT UP AND KEEP ON SHUTTING UP UNTIL THERE’S NO MORE UP TO SHUT. wanker.

Shiraz
Shiraz
11 years ago

Um, Martyn, be honest, why do you keep posting here?

Viscaria
Viscaria
11 years ago

By the way, you said a bunch of ignorant and damaging things about lesbians and other queer women. It wasn’t a “win” because oh, hey, you learned something! No harm done!

katz
11 years ago

Sorry. I guess it’s because the personal attacks haven’t stopped and the personal attacks have not addressed the original arguments.

So? That’s how life is, boy. Not everything is a formally moderated debate and, honestly, you should be glad for that because you’d get spanked if you went up against these people at one of those.

But nothing I’ve told you to do requires people to not be telling you to fuck off. In fact, several things I’ve told you to do are specifically things you’re supposed to do when told to fuck off. (Didn’t you read my journal article?) And that, coupled with your general pattern of not responding to what’s actually being said, suggests that you are not understanding what you read.

So I’ll just ask: What is one thing I’ve suggested that you do or refrain from doing?

Nobinayamu
Nobinayamu
11 years ago

ithiliana has provided links which directly challenge game concepts, which is what should have been posted in the first place.

So our personal experiences with PUAs, the numerous posts our host has presented where PUAs are quoted directly, and the number of PUAs who have shown up throughout the history of this blog to defend this “theory” and actually use terms like “last minute resistance” and “bareback persistence,” are worth nothing?

We haven’t quoted How to Succeed with Women so our opinions are meritless?

How about this: Like several other posters, I’m a woman who has actually had to deal with wannabe PUAs in the social sphere. It fucking sucks. There’s nothing playful or sexy about it; there’s no “emotional journey.” It is usually annoying, occasionally humorous (in a laughing “at” not “with” sort of way) and can, depending on the practitioner, run the gamut from creepy and uncomfortable to scary.

Martyn Hare
11 years ago

@katz

I have massive respect for you.

You approach everything by assuming that you are right to begin with and then shoot down everyone who says something that goes against your assumptions. That’s not how someone who wants to learn acts. That’s how someone who thinks they know everything and wants to teach everyone else what they know acts.

Perhaps I have an unrealistic expectation in that I expect arguments to be backed up. The reaction(s) I’ve seen to a harmless explanation of the game have been ridiculously blown out of proportion.

I have learned quite a bit and probably will continue to do so, perhaps on different days with different subject matter to what has been discussed this time round.

@hellkell

I’m oppressing Martyn’s learning! Or would be, if that’s really what he came here for.

That’s what learning from many sources is for. If you didn’t make things personal, y’know, your words could have a much larger impact on a greater range of people. Why stick to ridicule and insult which obscures what important points you do have when you could simply make points and contribute an awful lot to not just my own learning, but that of everyone else too!

Some Gal Not Bored at All

@Martyn

Look at all the people you’ve alienated. How does that not make you stop, SHUT UP FOR THE NIGHT, and think about why that might be?

katz
11 years ago

The existence of the theory is itself practical. (Both mocking and informative!)

Well played.

Kim
Kim
11 years ago

That’s a myth. Myth!

Yeth?

drst
drst
11 years ago

@Marty – this isn’t a classroom. The world does not exist for you to learn. Nobody is obligated to stop what they are doing because a pretentious little wanker has wandered in demanding to be educated. And you don’t get to set the terms of how people engage with you when you behave like a spoiled little shit.

Nobody here cares about whether or not you respect us. I can tell you we absolutely do not respect you.

Also you REALLY need to read all of these:

http://birdofparadox.wordpress.com/derailing-for-dummies-google-cache-reconstruction/#educate

http://birdofparadox.wordpress.com/derailing-for-dummies-google-cache-reconstruction/#hostile

http://birdofparadox.wordpress.com/derailing-for-dummies-google-cache-reconstruction/#intellectual

Some Gal Not Bored at All

@Martyn

a harmless explanation of the game

It isn’t fucking harmless and it wasn’t fucking appropriate in multiple ways. Do you remember even one of them?

Fuck fuck fuck. You are so aggravating.

hellkell
hellkell
11 years ago

Nice tone troll, Martyn. Shut up.

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help
The Kittehs' Unpaid Help
11 years ago

Just FUCK OFF. Nobody wants you here. Are you getting some cheap thrill from that, sonny?

We aren’t here to teach you or anyone. You’ve willfully ignored everything said and now worn out what little welcome you had. If you wanted to learn, you’d have been off reading all those links at the side.

FUCK

OFF

FOREVER

Nobinayamu
Nobinayamu
11 years ago

The reaction(s) I’ve seen to a harmless explanation of the game have been ridiculously blown out of proportion.

What on earth made you think that we needed an explanation, let alone your highly specious explanation, of “game.” Did you bother to check the blog’s history? Do you think we’d never heard of “game”? Did anybody ask you for an explanation?

drst
drst
11 years ago

@Kim “Good grief, it’s a running gag.”

🙂

Martyn Hare
11 years ago

@katz: What is one thing I’ve suggested that you do or refrain from doing?

In general terms, don’t be obnoxious.

In terms of your list, perhaps the most important one is ‘not assume what I say is right’. However, you did also say, not in these words (I am typing this without scrolling):

– to not frame myself as an authority
– to not disregard the personal views of people
– to use qualifers when starting sentences to better add context

hellkell
hellkell
11 years ago

I can’t take Martyn’s obdurate obtuseness and tone trolling any more. I’m going to snuggle the Biscuit.

Have fun with the new chew toy. Goodnight!

Nobinayamu
Nobinayamu
11 years ago

@Kim “Good grief, it’s a running gag.”

I can never pick a favorite between The Muppet Movie and The Great Muppet Caper. They both edge out the other films as my top two but I cannot choose between them. On the one hand, I love the music in The Muppet Movie. “I’m Going to Go Back There Someday,” almost never fails to move me to tears. I know, I know.

But The Great Muppet Caper has high fashion models and water ballet.

Ranter (@socialrants)
11 years ago

Probably not possible, but wouldn’t it be cool is there was a way to give select regulars, those who have shown that they are smart and not trolls, a way to downvote people. Then after say 3 downvotes that person is put in a temporary ban until David has a chance to read over it and make a decision. Obviously that power couldn’t be given to everyone, just for select ones. *wishful thinking*

booburry
11 years ago

Holy moly. The guy that decided to message her in order to drone on and on about his I-rage is so strange. I know that when a dude starts checkin’ out my electronics and proceeds to give me a patronizing lecture on why they are garbage is like…my number one turn on.
I guess the thinnest of silver linings is that for once it is someone shaming a gadget rather than a human body part?

Tulgey Logger
Tulgey Logger
11 years ago

Oh lord, I must say that Martyn Hale is one of the most snobby and entitled people I’ve ever had the pleasure of not meeting.

But hey, he demands that we challenge things on exactly the grounds he wants, so let’s all get in our padded armchairs, light up our pipes, and jovially discuss the theory behind overcoming “last minute resistance” as a means to get laid.

Dude, a harmless explanation would make clear that “Game” is a misogynistic system of thought which portrays women as puzzleboxes for men to solve through manipulation and even intimidation. Casting “Game” as some form of play in which everybody feels warm and fuzzy at the end is not harmless, it’s dangerous: that’s why people have been reacting the way they have.

PS the friendzone don’t real.

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