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How not to impress the ladies on OkCupid

cupids2

So @catches_stars on Twitter is pretty hilarious. She’s also got an OkCupid account, and regularly posts snippets of her conversations with some of the more problematic dudes who contact her, some on her main Twitter account and some on @okcupid_TXT. With her permission, and because I’m too lazy to actually write a post today, I’m passing along a few of my favorites.

This overeager fellow has a rather sudden change of heart when his stated plan runs into an obstacle, that obstacle being that @catches_stars finds him completely repulsive.

okeager

This guy is either totally high or trying some weird and misguided PUA wizardry on her. (It does not succeed.)

oksecret

This foot-obsessed fellow spammed her with the same message from several different accounts.

oktoes

This guy, who seems to be shirtless in his profile pic, gets what I assume is, to him, a very disappointing answer.

okbody

As does this fellow.

okchicks

Romance is hard.

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hellkell
hellkell
7 years ago

cloudiah, hugs to you and your friends.

Falconer
7 years ago

Hugs all round!

::passes babies around for cooing::

Some Gal Not Bored at All

Cloudiah, I am so sorry. Hugs!
I’m thinking good thoughts for all 7 of you (awesome neighbor locksmith included because he is awesome).

Some Gal Not Bored at All

@Falconer

*All the cooing*

cloudiah
7 years ago

Hugs back! And cooing!

Myoo
Myoo
7 years ago

Hugs, cloudiah.

Viscaria
Viscaria
7 years ago

What a painful weekend 🙁 hugs, Cloudiah.

Falconer, I hope new parenthood is going well for you two.

Falconer
7 years ago

I hope it’s clear I passed the babbies for cooing not to spotlight the babies, but for brain bleach. It seems like that’s what everybody took it as, but I thought just now that it might seem like I was trying to grab the discussion.

New parenthood is a mixture of grind and adorableness. Their features are so tiny! But their tiny little fingers are so strong. And they don’t have sense yet not to piss when I’ve got their diapers off. >:( I’m going deaf from them screaming on the changing table and blind from their utter angelic beauty.

No more midnight bedtime for me, though. Get down early, that’s the key to feeding them overnight and going to work in the morning.

Falconer
7 years ago

Oh, and Skype now says my computer is fast enough for video calls, but I haven’t done anything since last night.

I’m waiting on a 1 GB ATI video card which Amazon sold me for $45, and I hope that’s going to help. Skype recommends at least 32 MB of video card, and I’ve got an integrated video card (not really a gaming machine, but tbh, I’ve got consoles for that).

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help

::chortle::

Would anyone mind if ya did grab the conversation with brand-new babbies? I don’t reckon so!

😀

cloudiah
7 years ago

Sounds like you’re getting the hang of parenthood, Falconer! 🙂

Falconer
7 years ago

Oh, I hope so.

BlackBloc (@XBlackBlocX)

Babbage’s difference engine is a conceptual leap away from modern computers, in that it is a dedicated machine and not a programmable one. It does one task only. It is more akin to a pocket calculator than a computer.

Figuring out that you could build a universal machine to do math in general, rather than only being to automate a very restricted set of problems, was Turing’s contribution.

Morgan
Morgan
7 years ago

Aaaannnd this is why I don’t ever intend to try internet dating…. =P

Some Gal Not Bored at All

@Morgan

The “horror stories” really are horror stories. I feel like I should defend internet dating because my sister met her fella that way, but I don’t particularly like him so meh. 🙂

Eve
Eve
7 years ago

LOL, I love that the top guy called her a “count”. What a duckhead!

SpleenyBaggage
SpleenyBaggage
7 years ago

Joining the discussion way late, but on the “what are you doing this weekend” front, I just wanted to brag that I’m seeing Bob Mould live here in Sydney this Saturday night. WOO! Also, Martyn is a dead-set tool who really should go away and have a good hard think about himself before engaging on any level with other human beings. Thank you.

cloudiah
7 years ago

I am old. I first saw Bob Mould play with Hüsker Dü in, I think, 1984 or 1985. Did I mention I was old? Have a great time, SpleenyBaggage!

SpleenyBaggage
SpleenyBaggage
7 years ago

Thanks Cloudiah! We’re probably not far off the same age actually; I was old enough to see him back then, but it just took me a lot longer to get on board the Mouldy greatness train. BTW,I just realised that when I commented above, I was commenting on an old thread, and that my weekend coming up is a week later than the weekend everyone else was commenting on. Buh.

Irregardless of the passing of time however, my comment re MH’s toolocity stands. I’m sure he hasn’t changed that much in a week (sadly).

xiaobaobao
xiaobaobao
7 years ago

Just minor whinging from feminists who think everything is offensive. The “Nice Guys” of OKCupid are already too nice, if you ask me. They should be much more assertive, especially when they detect a feminist is speaking.

emilygoddess
emilygoddess
7 years ago

Why don’t you come and say that on an active thread? Afraid of being challenged?

Some Gal Not Bored at All

I just finished a delicious mac and cheese. Of course, this was a lot less enjoyable than it could have been because the boyfriend and I couldn’t stop whinging about how offensive it was. And don’t get me started on how offensive the cat was when she completely ignored us.

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help

Maddie was offensively lying in the corridoor offensively refusing to move so I had to lift the offensive shopping jeep over her to offensively get past.

Some Gal Not Bored at All

@The Kittehs’

I had to look up “shopping jeep.” I am offended that I had to do that.

I think I am sticking with my first offensive mental image anyway.

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help

That Compass one is very offensive. It has a mean expression.

I think it’s offensive that a) my house isn’t big enough for that sort of jeep to fit down the corridor and b) I’m not strong enough to lift one over the offensive cat. Offensively.

Nezumi
Nezumi
7 years ago

Okay, I totally want to be a Fembot Count. “Count Emily the Fembot of Fembotopia!”

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