In not-quite spring, a young MRA’s fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love, and how women are all a bunch of moneygrubbing whores that get uglier and uglier as they get older.
Over on the Men’s Rights subreddit, discussions of marriage are busting out all over, like the buds of new spring flowers or the skidmarks in an MRA’s underpants. The fellows are not too keen on this whole marriage thing, which is an obvious female trick to rob men of their money and sperm and tie them to rapidly depreciating assets (women) who are only going to get uglier as time goes by.
In one thread, a fellow named wrez shares these thoughts, to much acclaim (or at least a few dozen upvotes):
In another, a fellow named rathum2323 suggests that any women interested in marriage is clearly up to something nefarious.
All that said, I am pleased that Reddit MRAs are managing to convince their friends not to marry. Because if you’re someone who turns to MRAs for marriage advice, it’s probably best for all concerned that you never marry anyone or anything.
Uh, not in my experience. It didn’t really change anything, but it was something we both wanted to do. We had also been together for 6 years before getting married, so YMMV.
I have no problem with this, as a concept. Civil marriage does afford an outstanding number of tangible benefits -not exclusively financial- from which it isn’t fair that the unmarried are excluded. Especially when you consider that the nuclear family, a concept ostensibly bolstered by state-sanctioned marriage, is not actively supported government policies that make it easier to raise children.
But if civil marriage were abolished tomorrow, I’d still want to get married to my man. I’m not marrying him for the tax breaks.
katz, I should have mentioned hospital visitation, or dying intestate, because they’re exactly the sort of things I was thinking of in the matter of marriage having legal and social rights that are denied to same-sex couples. Woman my mum worked with had been with her partner for decades, but had no legal standing and was treated like shit by her partner’s family after partner’s death. They basically threw her out of her home.
Joanna – I can’t say if the feeling is like going from liking to loving, because I can’t recall clearly the development of my feelings for Mr K. It’s too long ago, lol. There was actually a touch of apprehension as well as happiness for me when we married, because I didn’t know him as well five years ago and worried that he might have some traces remaining of his earthly attitudes once we were married. Wasn’t the case, of course, but it did touch me then – and I know other people (my sister, for one) who’ve had vague unease about marriage even though they’d lived together for years (as she and BiL had).
Hear, hear!
I think it’s totes unfair I can’t claim married status on my tax. Oppression! Ageism against people >400!
Why any man would get married today is beyond me. I mean, in the past, sure, you needed that particular skeleton key to open the chastity belt. But ever since the lock was busted open in the ’70s, that hasn’t been the case. Weird.
There is also “to make moving to another country easier” as a reason to get married. A friend of mine fell in love with a Swiss guy and they would have happily been together and not married, but governments like to see a contract between 2 people before they’ll cough up visas.
I agree that weddings are often far more costly than they need to be, but that is not the fault of wedding/marriage. And having a wedding has a purpose beyond making a show of getting married. It’s probably the only time in your life you get you and your partners families together in the same place. And weddings are often the only time you see a lot of your relatives. And, you know, parties are fun.
But I disagree that marriage shouldn’t’ be a legal institution. If you are going to share your life with someone – making them your next of kin and sharing your stuff (I think the biggest sign you’re actually married is when you co-own white goods) – then you should have the terms officially in writing. I’d actually like to see it taken further – that everyone works out their own contract rather than going with the default marriage contract (though there could be a basic one you can use like those “do your own will” kits so it’s easy to do. And you should be able to make a contract of partnership with anyone – not just the person you’re having sex with. Like, you should be able to make a life partner contract with your best friend. And you should be able to put an expiry date on the contract, and any other caveats that you want just like any other contract. The only restrictions should be that both people are legally capable of signing a contract and it doesn’t conflict with any existing contracts.
I don’t see that happening, but I think it would be a good way to do things.
My parents got married on a farm and asked their friends to all bring a dish for the reception (also at the farm). My mother made her own wedding dress. As my dad danced with a lot of different folk dancing groups, they had friends of all different ethnicities who brought all sorts of interesting and diverse food. They did this because they had very little money – largely due to the fact that my dad was still paying off the debts his first wife, the drug addict, had incurred. My dad also had custody of his son with his first wife. This was back around 1970, so it was certainly unusual for the father to get custody back then.
There’s no point to having a wedding unless you enjoy it.
I see this wrez person wants something beautiful that puts out and actually cares for him. I suggest a Fleshlight and a pet. Perhaps he could Bedazzle the Fleshlight to pretty it up a little more.
As for people like rathum2323 – don’t want to pay for the upbringing of the fruit of your loins? Don’t have kids. If you have children, they are partly your responsibility whether you have custody or not. They don’t suddenly stop being your children just because you and your wife divorced and she got custody.
@Dragon Slayer
To get your hands on her dowry of course.
@Kim
It would be nice if you could divide things up. I would rather my sister inherit anything I have than the boyfriend because she would benefit more from it. I want the boyfriend to be with me for medical stuff. I want to be able to testify against him in court. That wouldn’t be anything like marriage as it currently stands, though.
It is a completely different system and while you can argue it does create families, it isn’t an official state acknowledgement of a type of relationship. Rather, it is state facilitation of many types of relationships. That is a distinction that matters immensely to me. I refuse to hand over the power to officially define my relationship to anyone, especially not the government. Marriage as it stands gives the state that power. A pick-and-choose contract package means that things cannot be redefined without your explicit permission.
OT – ellex, Some Gal – I found that Handeze have an Australian website and ordered one of their gloves yesterday. Free delivery in Oz, which is good!
Ah yes, dragon boy, I love modern times too! I can have sex with dudes without also having to clean their house or mothering them when their fee-fees get hurt. I can choose to see a man again — or not, and walk away if he doesn’t respect me. I respect others’ desire to get married, but for me, marriage sounds kind of crappy, so your attempt at provoking us with your remedial post failed in every possible way. *Snort* Amateur.
It makes me laugh that Arks thinks having sex with people you’re not married to is some sort of modern invention.
@The Kittehs’
Wonderful! I hope they work! The other thing I should have mentioned is ice massage for pain. You rub an ice cube in a small circle where it hurts until it is numb. (Watch for white spots and don’t do it for over 10 minutes.) It works wonders on my back. I use push-up popsicle molds filled with watter and frozen. If it works for you, the pain relief is amazing.
His tiny brain would explode if he visited 19th century London. There was a hella lot of hand-wringing among the middle classes because so many of the working classes didn’t see the need to get married. And somehow I doubt it was a new thing then.
Watter? I’m getting worse at this English thing than our faux-Frenchman.
Thank you, Some Gal! I must try that, I hadn’t heard of it before. I’ve done the cold massage thing of sorts, with a drink bottle filled with ice, for my legs and feet; this sounds like a colder and more specific rub, which would be great on the wrist.
Of course all this wrist pain is David’s fault … 😛
(meaning his blog’s too interesting – gad, how to write an easily misinterpreted line!)
No, no, Watter is West Country – Sir Walter Ralegh said his first name like Watter or Warter. 🙂
After so long, I have tons of pain-relieving tricks. The trouble is remembering the ones I don’t use that often/ever. For cold on your wrist, they make these ice packs for wine bottles that are perfect for wrists/hands. Much cheaper than some of the special-shaped medical ice packs too.
@The Kittehs’
Back on-topic (sort of), my grandparents stayed in hotels together before they married. I doubt they were going to a neighboring town to sight-see.
Idk if everyone knows this, or it needs mentioning, but frozen peas make amazing ice packs can you can mold to fit around any part. And then eat.
1) sex outside marriage in a post-1970’s concept
2) sex work is the oldest profession
Someone reconcile those?
I’m not sure what’s worse, the ones who are against marriage because they think most women aren’t worth it or make marriage a horrible union, or the ones that practically demand that women marry in their 20s (not 30s!!! and the less sexually experienced, the better), while they are still naive and beautiful.
@Argenti
Something about sea creatures, genitalia, and ooze.
Did I do it?
Hi Ashley! Glad to see you here. I think the ones demanding marriage are worse because these guys should probably be avoiding other people. I wish they would actually GTOW.
That depends, are you implying that pink clams readily release their love juices but will only grant access to their gateway (wtf did he say?) inside the confines of marriage?
Fuck it, pink clams release love juices but pulsating sea cucumbers are only accessible via marriage rites. (Do I get points for originality on “pulsating sea cucumber”? Seems to crass to get points of any kind)
What happened to faux-French anyways? Or should I not summon the whiny kraken? (Wait, that’s NNY huh? I’m so confused!)