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Seth MacFarlane was the real boob on Oscar night

seth-macfarlane

I find the Oscars tedious, and only watched a few minutes last night — I bailed shortly after Captain Kirk made his appearance — but apparently I should have stuck around, if only to watch the insufferable Seth MacFarlane’s award-winning performance as Unfunny Misogynist Asshole Host.

What, you say, he didn’t actually win an award for that? Well, yes he did: Having read a number of accounts of the whole sorry spectacle, I’m awarding MacFarlane the non-coveted Man Boobz Boob of the Day Award (Oscar Edition). In the wake of MacFarlane’s performance at the Oscars, in which he devoted a whole song to actresses’ breasts, I should note that I am using the word “boob” to mean “nincompoop.” Which, to be honest, is an undeservedly mild epithet for a guy who punctuated his comments with repeated jokes about rape.

A few of the highlights of MacFarlane’s night:

That song-and-dance number about how great it is to see so many boobs in films  – including, specifically, in The Accused, and Monster, and Boys Don’t Cry. You know, during the rape scenes in those quie serious films.

MacFarlane’s animatronic teddy bear (from his movie Ted) joking about attending an orgy at Jack Nicholson’s house – you know, the place where Roman Polanski raped a 13-year old girl.

Oh, and then there was MacFarlane joking about how 9-year-old Quvenzhané Wallis would be too old to date George Clooney in about 16 years. (What, is Heartiste writing MacFarlane’s jokes?) And his bizarre domestic violence joke about Chris Brown and Rihanna. And on and on. (See here for many more examples.)

Getting into the spirit of the evening, whoever was doing The Onion’s twitter account decided it would be hilarious to refer to the aforementioned 9-year-old Quvenzhané Wallis as a “cunt.” The Onion later deleted the tweet and offered an apology for it.

Somehow I doubt we’re going to get an apology from MacFarlane.

Here are a couple more takes on the whole unfortunate evening.

Why Seth MacFarlane’s Misogyny Matters (Vulture)

Seth MacFarlane and the Oscars’ Hostile, Ugly, Sexist Night (The New Yorker)

Oscar Watch: Was That Awful or What? (NY Post)

EDITED TO ADD: Oh, joy! The Men’s Rights subreddit weighs in on the issue, in a thread sort-of-responding to that New Yorker piece.

EDITED TO ADD AGAIN: Actually, r/mensrights has two threads on the subject; here’s the other one.

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inurashii
inurashii
8 years ago

ugh.

Ashley
8 years ago

I’m glad I missed it.

reginaldgriswold
reginaldgriswold
8 years ago

Ugh indeed. Seth MacFarland was such a weird and terrible choice. Especially contrasted to Amy Poehler and Tina Fey at the Golden Globes.

Dragon Slayer
Dragon Slayer
8 years ago

I’m not a big fan of Family Guy, but MacFarlane is one handsome fellow. This will all die down once the tingles start.

Joanna
8 years ago

I’d expect to see that kind of shit at the MTV awards but not the Oscars. And the boob song? Is Seth MacFarlane like 12?

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
8 years ago

Can’t say that I ever really wanted to know what ArksyDragon’s type was.

cloudiah
8 years ago

What, can’t you uptight feminazis take a joke? Go pet your cats and die alone with unshaved legs! LOL.

[Sorry, I momentarily channeled the typical MRA reaction to this. I’m better now.]

Dragon Slayer
Dragon Slayer
8 years ago

I have a type, but MacFarlane isn’t really it. He’s one of those men with an appeal that is practically universal. My jeans are up to my knees right now.

Joanna
8 years ago

@Dragon Slayer: I think I’d be attracted to him if he didn’t talk =P

Some Gal Not Bored at All

@Joanna

And if he looked a little less smug. (And more singing, which is really the only reason he isn’t fully in the guys-whose-misogyny-makes-them-frightening-not-sexy category. I love showtunes.)

hellkell
hellkell
8 years ago

Drags, no one cares. Isn’t his banning nigh? He is Arks, right?

I’ve never though MacFarlane was funny. He tries way too hard.

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help

Arks, if you think he’s such a catch, go for it. Even if he weren’t a shitstain, he does nothing for me.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
8 years ago

Feeling a combination of boredom and vague nausea when ArksyDragon shows up is one of life’s few universals.

titianblue
titianblue
8 years ago

I know this’ll come as a bit of a shock, DS, but what you find appealing =/= practically universally appealing. Not close by a long million miles.

patterrssonn
patterrssonn
8 years ago

Not to mention all the racist crap from the unfunny asshole too.

Dragon Slayer
Dragon Slayer
8 years ago

Actually, MacFarlane’s voice is half of his charm. It’s positively Sinatra-like.

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help

In fact, having looked again, he’s got one of those totally unmemorable faces I’d never even notice on the street.

Freemage
Freemage
8 years ago

Seth MacFarlane is a horse’s ass, and has been for pretty much all of his professional life.

That said, the Onion’s apology for their Twitter-fail? That’s how it’s done. The text of that apology should be given to every college PR class in the country, with the explanation that, “If your client screwed up, and isn’t willing to go this far to make things right, then dump them, because eventually they will do something unsalvageable.”

Here’s the text:

Dear Readers,

On behalf of The Onion, I offer my personal apology to Quvenzhané Wallis and the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences for the tweet that was circulated last night during the Oscars. It was crude and offensive—not to mention inconsistent with The Onion’s commitment to parody and satire, however biting.

No person should be subjected to such a senseless, humorless comment masquerading as satire.

The tweet was taken down within an hour of publication. We have instituted new and tighter Twitter procedures to ensure that this kind of mistake does not occur again.

In addition, we are taking immediate steps to discipline those individuals responsible.

Miss Wallis, you are young and talented and deserve better. All of us at The Onion are deeply sorry.

Sincerely,

Steve Hannah
CEO
The Onion

(Hope the block-quote worked.)

Some Gal Not Bored at All

@CassandraSays

Don’t forget the eyerolling. Dragon Slayer provokes eyerolling second only to Diogenes. (If they started interacting with each other, I swear my eyes would pop out and roll across the floor.)

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help

If you like Sinatra’s voice. I always thought his singing (both the voice and the famous phrasing) woeful – flat and unmusical.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
8 years ago

They’d both probably be more pleasant to be around if they made their first friend, too.

Some Gal Not Bored at All

@The Kittehs’

I like Sinatra, but only because he makes me think if my grandfather. So, it isn’t sexy at all.

Dragon Slayer
Dragon Slayer
8 years ago

I’ll admit that MacFarlane wasn’t a particularly good host. However, the ensuing clamhurt makes it entirely worth it. And the Woman Bloc won’t be able to stay mad at this man for long, because he’s way too handsome. No harm done.

titianblue
titianblue
8 years ago

DS, we’re not mad. We’re contemptuous.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
8 years ago

Arks in his denim bermudas and Diogenes in his slacks and blazer would make such a lovely combination.

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help

“Seth MacFarlane is a horse’s ass”

That’s an insult to horses’s arses. This is a horse’s arse and it’s prettier, more useful and probably more intelligent than Seth MacFarlane. (The horse in question is the mighty Black Caviar.)

🙂

hellkell
hellkell
8 years ago

Clamhurt? That’s really not in line with your best work. Try harder, monkey.

Some Gal Not Bored at All

@Dragon Slayer

And the Woman Bloc won’t be able to stay mad at this man for long, because he’s way too handsome.

That’s not how things work.

Polliwog
8 years ago

Seth MacFarlane is an enormous ass and was a terrible host, but that picture isn’t of Charlize Theron’s reaction to the boobs song – it’s a picture of Charlize Theron that was PART of the boobs song. The whole “joke” of the opening monologue was “Tee hee, look how terrible and offensive I am,” and he used old footage of celebrities looking annoyed in reaction to the jokes he “wasn’t” making, like the boobs song he “didn’t” perform.

(Basically, for those who didn’t watch it, the gimmick was that he got a message from the future saying the show would be terrible and everyone would hate him as a host, with examples of the sort of terrible offensive things he’d do. The boobs song was one example of that.)

bread
bread
8 years ago

Wow so many people are defending Macfarlane on those other sites omg. My family was watching it what saved me were snarky twitter remarks (the people i follow on twitter) were altogether just hilarious enough to make it bearable.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
8 years ago

Well, I guess someone has to be the bitchy one, right?

He’s not all that handsome. I could break it down into all the individual flaws that make him not all that handsome, but I don’t want to do any collateral damage to perfectly nice people who happen to look like him.

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help

No wonder Arks is crushing on him – just another misogynist wanker looking for attention.

cloudiah
8 years ago

Well, Cassandra, you must concede that he has very white teeth.

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help

Cassandra – can I join you in the list of Bitchy Ones? I find him totally unhandsome, without any consideration of his personality.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
8 years ago

MacFarlane is sometimes funny, though (usually when he’s punching up instead of down). Arksy is a one trick pony who doesn’t know how to make jokes about anything other than how much vaginas scare him.

Dragon Slayer
Dragon Slayer
8 years ago

It’s entirely natural to posture on the Internet; when I was in junior high, my friends and I would diss celebrities too. But eventually, you have to grow up and admit that if any woman was in front of Seth MacFarlane, Niagara would erupt from her thighs.

Some Gal Not Bored at All

@Dragon Slayer

Do you get turned on by being angry, frustrated, scared or bored? Because I don’t.

Polliwog
8 years ago

And if he looked a little less smug. (And more singing, which is really the only reason he isn’t fully in the guys-whose-misogyny-makes-them-frightening-not-sexy category. I love showtunes.)

If MacFarlane would sing a lot and never, ever talk, I think I’d find him moderately attractive. As it stands, whatever good looks he might possess are vastly overshadowed by the fact that he appears to be incapable of going five minutes without making a joke that boils down to “Bitches, amirite? LOL!”

kamilla1960
kamilla1960
8 years ago

http://www.wsws.org/en/articles/2009/10/pola-o05.html

It is important to know why certain people are targeted when they are, both in the case of Polanski and other more recent events such as the Dominique Strauss-Kahn affair.

Academy Awards–anyone who cares about cinema must certainly cringe at the dumbing down of this event–it really doesn’t matter who ‘wins’, but the attitude towards cinema as an art does matter.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
8 years ago

Aw, look, he’s getting all defensive now. Wannabe-scathing comments about how icky and pathetic female arousal is are his safe place, kind of like a blankie that he can take with him everywhere he goes.

kamilla1960
kamilla1960
8 years ago

Just a note about the “boobs” song–It was prerecorded along with the reaction shots.

cloudiah
8 years ago

If Niagara erupted from my thighs, I would get myself to an emergency room STAT. I’d be concerned about the state of my femoral artery.

Now, here’s a handsome man.

Joanna
8 years ago

“Niagara would erupt from her thighs.”

That sounds painful.

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help

Arksy makes me laugh because although he says he’s bisexual and does all right with the guys, he’s obsessed with his fear of women’s bodies. Like, dude, what’s your problem?

Maybe he thinks our “clams” will shut tight and cut his willy off if he ever puts it inside. Never mind the vagina dentata, this is the vagina arcidae.

(Look up arcidae for the reason for that Latin-mangling pun.)

katz
8 years ago

Fair play to the Onion. That’s a classy apology.

hellkell
hellkell
8 years ago

Arksy, do you really think that we all find the same men attractive? You are so dumb.

Dragon Slayer
Dragon Slayer
8 years ago

Aw, look, he’s getting all defensive now. Wannabe-scathing comments about how icky and pathetic female arousal is are his safe place, kind of like a blankie that he can take with him everywhere he goes.

Ah, well. I crack jokes sometimes; you post on an Internet message board three hundred times a day. We all have our vices.

hellkell
hellkell
8 years ago

Now we’ve reached the “you’re losers who are here all the time” portion of the Troll Show. Arks, get better material.

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