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And now back to our regularly scheduled post:
Warren Farrell, whose 1993 book The Myth of Male Power essentially set the agenda for the Men’s Rights movement we know (and don’t love) today, did an “Ask Me Anything” on Reddit yesterday.
Most of the questions he chose to answer were pretty much softballs, and his answers largely reiterated things he’s said before many times. But he was also asked some pointed questions about his views on incest which he chose to answer. Well, sort of. Instead of clearing up the issue, he dug his hole a little deeper.
[TRIGGER WARNING for incest/child abuse apologia.]
Some backstory: As longtime readers of this blog know, Farrell spent several years in the 1970s researching a book about incest, which ultimately never appeared. In 1977, Farrell gave an interview to, of all things, Penthouse magazine, in which he tried to explain his “findings” and his views on the topic generally. The interview revealed that Farrell at the time had some exceedingly creepy views on incest and child sexual abuse.
If you haven’t read my post on the subject, going through the interview in detail, I suggest you take a few moments to read it now. (Here’s a transcript of the entire Penthouse article; in my post you can find links to high-quality scans of the original magazine pages – in case anyone still doubts he said what he indeed said.)
In short, Farrell believed there were “positive” aspects to incest that weren’t being talked about because society deemed the topic “taboo.” Indeed, the working title of Farrell’s book was The Last Taboo: The Three Faces of Incest.
In the past, Farrell has been, to say the least, a bit evasive when it comes to clarifying what he meant by some of the most troubling comments in the Penthouse interview, and would seem to prefer that all evidence of his interest in the issue of incest vanish down Orwell’s famous memory hole.
On Reddit, Farrell was presented with a perfect opportunity to set the record straight, both on his views on incest and child sexual abuse generally as well as on a number of specific quotes. (Note: as you’ll see, most of the first quote listed is the Penthouse author’s paraphrase, but the rest are all directly from Farrell.)
In his response, Farrell addresses none of the quotes directly, and his comments raise more questions than they answer.
“Excellent questions,” he says, before going on to answer none of them. Let’s break down his non-answer.
bottom-line, i did this research when my research skills as a new Ph.D. were in the foreground and my raising two daughters was in the future. had i and my wife helped raise two daughters first, the intellectual interest would have evaporated. life teaches; children teach you more. 🙂
He starts off by mentioning his Ph.D., though he doesn’t mention that it was in political science and not psychology. Moreover, his discussions of his research in the Penthouse interview suggest that his methodology was anything but scientific.
His reference to his daughters seems to suggest that if he had had children he would have realized that there really was no “positive” aspect to incest. One might have assumed he would have picked up on this when the overwhelming majority of the women he interviewed “admitted to having negative attitudes toward their incest,” as the Penthouse article delicately puts it.
Farrell ends this paragraph with a smiley, as if the years he spent trying to find examples of “positive” incest were all just a harmless misunderstanding.
now, for some depth. i haven’t published anything on this research because i saw from the article from which you are quoting how easy it was to have the things i said about the way the people i interviewed felt be confused with what i felt.
This is completely disingenuous. It’s not uncommon to find sexual abusers who’ve convinced themselves that the abuse they inflicted upon children was a good thing for their victims, and most people who write about the subject have no problem distinguishing their views from the abusers and abuse apologists they report on.
No, the really disturbing things about Farrell’s interview are the statements in which he expresses his own opinions on the subject. For example, this quote (referenced in the questions on Reddit), in which he describes some of what he evidently sees as the negative aspects of the incest “taboo.”
[M]illions of people … are now refraining from touching, holding, and genitally caressing their children, when that is really a part of a caring, loving expression, are repressing the sexuality of a lot of children and themselves. Maybe this needs repressing, and maybe it doesn’t. My book should at least begin the exploration.
You can see that whole quote in context in the original article here. Farrell now claims that he didn’t say “genitally” but “generally,” though if you replace that one word in that quote it’s scarcely any better.
The Penthouse article also contains this astounding quote from him:
“When I get my most glowing positive cases, 6 out of 200,” says Farrell, “the incest is part of the family’s open, sensual style of life, wherein sex is an outgrowth of warmth and affection. It is more likely that the father has good sex with his wife, and his wife is likely to know and approve — and in one or two cases to join in.”
And this:
“Incest is like a magnifying glass,” he summarizes. “In some circumstances it magnifies the beauty of a relationship, and in others it magnifies the trauma.”
In some circumstances it magnifies the beauty. Farrell gives absolutely no indication here that he is explaining someone else’s views; it seems to be what he himself believes. And until and unless he specifically addresses this quote it is hard to read it any other way.
Let’s go back to Farrell’s “answer.”
i have always been opposed to incest, and still am … .
That’s true, at least to an extent. In the Penthouse article, even though he seems to agree with many of the abusers’ rationalizations for their abuse, he does state specifically that he’s
not recommending incest between parent and child, and especially not between father and daughter.
But then he goes on to say this:
The great majority of fathers can grasp the dynamics of positive incest ‘intellectually’. But in a society that encourages looking at women in almost purely sexual terms, I don’t believe they can translate this understanding into practice.
As far as I can figure it, he’s saying that he’s opposed to father-daughter incest because in today’s sexist society it’s … hard for fathers to do incest properly? If that can be seen as being “opposed to incest” I guess he is opposed. I would love some clarification from Farrell on this point.
Back to Farrell’s answers on Reddit. After sort of, kind of, suggesting maybe his research was a bad idea (in that part above about his daughters) he returns to defending it:
but i was trying to be a good researcher and ask people about their experience without the bias of assuming it was negative or positive.
Really? Seeing abuse as abuse is “bias?” Would you consider it reasonable to study, say, murder, or violent assault, or even someone falling to their death off a mountain “without the bias of assuming it was negative or positive?” Or is it just sexual abuse of young girls and boys that merits such “objectivity?”
And yes, though Farrell now portrays himself as an advocate for both men and boys, he told the Penthouse interviewer that “boys don’t seem to suffer” from sexual abuse — sorry, incest. (That quote is a paraphrase of Farrell’s views from the Penthouse author.)
And then comes this amazing bit, in which he suggests that his interest in challenging the “taboo” of incest was in some ways inspired by the gay liberation movement of the 1970s – because on some level the sexual abuse of children is roughly similar to gay sex between consenting adults?
i had learned this from the misinformation we had gotten about gay people by working from the starting assumption of its dysfunction.
Amazing, just amazing.
You might think that Reddit’s Men’s Rightsers would be appalled by Farrell’s creepy non-answer. Nope. Most of them seem to think he addressed all possible concerns with the issue, with one poster getting dozens of upvotes for suggesting that MRAs bookmark “Dr Farrell’s response to the incest (mis)quote … for easy reference!”
It wasn’t a misquote, and his “response” was worse than no response at all.
The apologies for Farrell’s non-answer aren’t surprising. Other MRAs who are familiar with the interview have also gone to great lengths to explain it away; indeed, one of Farrell’s fans went as far as suggesting that “Penthouse was not always “pornographic” and to characterise it as that is just to demonise and imply that the article as being far more overtly sexual that it was.”
I will repeat what I said last time I wrote about Farrell: if he disagrees with any of my conclusions here, or feels he wishes to clarify or explicitly repudiate anything or everything in the Penthouse article, I’m offering him a chance to explain himself here in a post on this blog — in his own words, unedited.
Some people never think to ask themselves, is it me or is it them. I think with trolls and MRAs it is because they suspect they will not like the answer.
One might ask wtf the alleged Frenchman is doing in the US at all if he hates the place so much. Not studying (or maybe, given his story changes), not working, since he manages to spend little time having to speak English … yeah, right, really plausible story.
Protip: don’t come to Australia. You hate the accents and people in a US university town, you’ll really loathe them here.
Yeah, Brz is boring. We have low standards for trolls, and he just ain’t living down to them. I find Dragon Slayer more entertaining; he has a more colorful vocabulary. I give him the Roman thumbs down.
RE: Kittehs
Yeah, the previous tenant of the meatsack tried to be, I’m betting, what Emma the Emo was advising women to be: utterly, completely selfless. And without a self, she became us… in part because we met a rapey Nice Guy who, shock of all shocks, whined constantly about not getting laid or ass-patted enough by the female gender.
Which is why I have very little patience with incels. After Rapey McRaperson, I was celibate for a couple years until meeting hubby, and it took a couple years after that before I beat the trauma into submission. I simply can’t fathom and connect with how painful it must be to not have sex, because my first experiences were all abusive. It’s like trying to understand rich people bitching about money woes.
The fake-French thing was sorta entertaining until he turned it into an excuse to say things that sound gay. Now he’s boring and probably a sock. Hang him out to dry.
LBT – and Emma has the hide, or maybe stupidity, to be complaining about us being nasty about her. Pathetic doesn’t begin to describe it. (Actually I’d go for “contemptible”.)
I have frankly no patience at ALL with anyone calling themselves incel and whining, whining, whining. Yes, a person can be lonely and wish mightily to meet someone they can care about or just have sex with. Been there, done that. It also applies when the one person you want isn’t (or you don’t know they are) available, and the idea of anyone else is repugnant. Calling that incel would have made me laugh: it wasn’t a situation I’d have chosen but it was still down to me, my choice, not a Gharstley Fate imposed on me by the world or the gods of love or whatever. Much less was it Awful Men Who Owed Me Sex not doing what they were supposed to!
I hardly know y’all, LBT – only Rogan, a little – would it be totally out of line to say I’m glad you folk are here? That you’re cool people? Traumatic origins but … yeah, good people as a result?
Please accept my apologies if I was crossing a line to say that!
RE: Kittehs
Yeah, it’s just bizarre to me, because… not having sex is a person’s default state. Doesn’t help that I’m mostly asexual, so I have never felt this apparent romantic/sexual loneliness. (HAVE had general loneliness, of course, that I can get!)
And no, it’s totally fine. I mean, I’m lucky; at least I had a few moths of existence BEFORE meeting Rapey McRaperson, so he wasn’t my origin; he just insured I’d continued existing. My sister, she got made SPECIFICALLY because of him, which is a shitty origin. But the way I see it, I’m glad she’s here. She’s a good person. We might have a sad beginning to our story, but we control how it’ll end, and now it’s a happier one.
@Kittehs – yeah, that would be ME for the last *mumble* years. It’s depressing and frustrating and lonely and I have Issues that need dealing with. It sucks. And yet… somehow I have never transmogrified those negative feelings into “all men are evil whores and the government should provide me with a boyfriend wah wah wah.”
Frankly these MRA “incel” whingers are giving the rest of us “just lonely” folks a bad rep.
LBT – I was scared of sounding like “Hey, horrible origin but it’s okay ‘cos you’re here now!” and that would be just NOT what I was trying to get at. Your second paragraph says what I was trying to (without knowing the specifics of when each of you came to be). Just … I’m glad I know youse*, even just the little bit I do.
drst – I wasn’t at that stage of loneliness, or only passingly, so I was lucky, and internet hugs if your want ’em! For me there was a bit of “you’ve made your bed, now lie in it” – I was emotionally committed and really not up for casual sex or looking elsewhere for a relationship, which was frustrating, all right, but … well, I had to suck it up, I guess, though I was achingly lonely for him at times.
What kinda makes me laugh at the incels (NOT lonely people generally!!) is that my reality has changed – I’m very much married – but materially, physically, nothing has changed at all. And yet, wow … I’m not dead yet**!
*this was your daily word of Strine
**this was your daily Python reference
Considering the dude is 24, it is absurd for him to be so angry about “incel.” I know my high school wasn’t all high schools, but most of the people I knew were not having sex and did not have sex or a relationship until their late teens, early 20’s, just like him. While most of these people weren’t happy about it and longed for a relationship, they weren’t violent or abusive, and didn’t try to hurt anyone. I’ve met a lot of people who are, or have been incel, well into their 20s, for much longer than he has, and NONE of them act like this. It’s just infuriating to watch someone blame their cruelty on the lack of a love life. He’s just completely unwilling to accept personal responsibility and dead set on believing that everyone else is wrong. Doesn’t matter how many others who qualify as incel tell him that this isn’t rational behavior, he still treats it as a result of being incel and not his own conscious decisions. How do you even reason with a person like this? Is it just a lost cause?
How about we not use the term incel at all? It’s just stupid, distorts the meaning of the word celibate, and gives credence to their whining. If they haven’t had sex … well, like LBT said, that’s humans’ default state. If they’re not married, big deal, not everyone wants to be, and it isn’t a requirement for sex (and the situations when it was were limited).
What do people think? Leave the word to describe the twits using it, and not give it unwarranted cred?
Indeed, using a fake word empowers the concept. It’s just hard to discuss the group of people that identify themselves that way without using the word.
Scare quotes could be our friends here. 😀
At first I was trying really hard to never use the terms “alpha,” “beta,” etc without quotes or qualifiers, since they not only aren’t real concepts but also don’t refer to real people, but I sort of gave up.
*pops in* alpha fish are a thing /comment apropos to nothing
I’ll be actually back sometime tomorrow! *pops out*
(Oh and Rogan, you have awesome sisters btw, not sure which one you’re referring to there, but yeah, they’re both awesome in their own ways [and Mac, feels weird calling everyone else awesome!])
Now, my last night in my hotel bed…zzzzz…
So are betta fish! *rimshot*
::does quick Google search::
But wouldn’t bettas automatically be alphas, bein’ fighing fish and all?
RE: katz
Oh, katz, that’s TERRIBLE.
RE: Argenti
ALL my system members are awesome.
RE: the term ‘incel’
It feels unpleasant in my mouth, which seems appropriate for such unpleasant people. But I do find the term ‘involuntarily celibate’ to be… weird. I mean, I would think the majority of adults how are celibate aren’t entirely thrilled about it. It’s like saying… ‘involuntarily not a dogowner’ or something.
What about Sneak? No one mentioned Sneak. Sneak is awesome.
I like the assumption that everyone who isn’t a dog owner is unhappy about it. I, for one, am involuntarily not this guy.
Celibacy as used historically tended to have more to it than just not being married ‘cos circumstances. It was at least partly about people who chose to enter religious orders, or ascetics, or people doing it for spiritual reasons in general (at least in societies were spiritual and physical were seen as being at odds). This whole “I haven’t had a date in a month!” or “I’m entitled to the supermodel of my choice!” tripe just degrades the word until it’s amost meaningless … which fits right in with the “words have meanings” hurdle one encounters all the time with MRAs, lol.
Just heard about the US having more bad storms in the midwest and east coast – hope everyone’s okay!
Puppy swarm! 😀
Now “incat” is a term I could go with. If I wasn’t a cat
ownerservant it would be due to circumstances, and I’d be most unhappy about it.Hey, how about a term for us unpublished authors? “Inpubs” or something. We could get together and whine about how we’re not published, how we’ve never published anything ever (well, not in the last 6 months), how we totally should be published because our books are awesome, and we could write angry screeds to publishers demanding that they publish our books and come up with convoluted schemes for how the government could ensure that we all get published.
And don’t even MENTION self-pub. Of course we COULD self-pub but that would NOT make us no longer inpubs. Also it might give us hairy palms.
Should I just go ahead and register governmentsgetpuppies.wordpress.com (and/or governmentsgetkittens)?
governmentsgetbookdeals?
Inpubs would be perfect. It’d describe the group and the likely setting.
There should definitely be a governmentgetspuppies/kittens blog. After all, Rule 34.
So, speaking of governmentsget[insert cute animals here], I was talking to a co-worker today about my unimplemented plan for dealing with last summer’s ant infestation in our building — duh, get a couple of anteaters! Anyway, she told me she has a friend who actually has a couple of pet anteaters. I had a jealous.
I am inant(eater).