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are these guys 12 years old? douchebaggery hate hundreds of upvotes men who should not ever be with women ever misogyny MRA reddit taking pleasure in women's pain trigger warning

The Men’s Rights Subreddit: A net exporter of hate

A new shipment of angry MRAs is on its way!
A new shipment of angry MRAs is on its way!

Oh, Reddit, not again. So about a week ago, a woman posted what seemed to be a heartfelt and sorrowful confession to r/confession with the self-explanatory title “I cheated on my sweetheart of a husband for 3 years with my violent, abusive ex. This is the one secret I am taking to my grave.”

Now,  r/confession purports to be a subreddit devoted to helping out those who confess their wrongdoings, and the sidebar warns potential commenters not to be abusive: “No personal attacks, we are not here to make people feel bad.”

But Reddit being Reddit – that is, a hotbed of resentful “nice guys” always looking for an excuse to vilify women in general or a woman in particular – many of the commenters attacked the OP as an evil “scumbag,” or worse. While the worst comments were deleted by the mods, many attacks on the OP remain, some with literally hundreds of upvotes. Those who expressed any degree of empathy for the OP found their comments roundly downvoted.

After a few days, the discussion died down.

But then, after several days of silence, a new wave of abusive comments started to appear.  Like this one:

COmomwhore

And this:

COcuntywhore

Oh, but there’s more:

COnastyover

I’ve saved the worst for last. (I’ve also included the response from the confessor herself.) TRIGGER WARNING for violence.

.

.

.

CONkingdick

So how did a dead thread like this come to life again, and so unpleasantly? Well, you guessed it: it got linked to in r/mensrights and later in r/redpill, a smaller and even more extreme “men’s rights” subreddit.  And indeed, if you look at the comment histories of the people I’ve just quoted, you’ll see that most of them also posted in either r/mensrights or r/redpill around the time they made these comments.

It’s a fair guess that many of the upvotes that these terrible comments got also came from visiting r/menrights-ers.

Back in r/mensrights, one commenter, disgusted by all this, chronicled some of the bad behavior of his MRA comrades:

COibm

A lot more people besides IBM2431 are going to have to stand up and speak out if they want to clean up r/mensrights’ well-deserved reputation as a net exporter of hate.

Not that r/confession is absolved of blame here. While commenters there piled on this woman, who seemed sincerely sorry for what she said she had done, the r/confession regulars found nothing wrong with the behavior of another commenter — a dude, of course — who confessed he’d “fapped” a number of times to cam footage he found of a friend of his sister’s masturbating — which was evidently recorded and put online without her knowledge or consent.

NOTE: By the time this post goes up, it’s possible and even likely that the mods of r/confession will have deleted the worst of the comments from the r/mensrights and r/redpill invaders. But they should still be visible in the comment histories of those who posted them.

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cloudiah
7 years ago

Purple Star, an other commenter with reading comprehension problems. THIS HAS ALREADY BEEN COVERED. READ THE DAMN COMMENT THREAD, WHY DON’T YOU?

cloudiah
7 years ago

^ another ^

melody
7 years ago

I try not to read the comments on YouTube.

I try not to either. It hurts me inside.

I don’t have the energy to deal with Purple Star tonight. Can someone please explain to them that they’re wrong about everything?

That was exactly what I thought. I just worked a 16 hours. I cannot and will not deal with this.

Shiraz
Shiraz
7 years ago

“Are you saying that people cannot control their actions?”

No, where are you getting that from?

“Or is it just women who can’t restrain their impulse to sleep around?”

Where are you getting this shit? It’s funny though, those MRAs who who claim not to know anything about often say men sleep around because of SCIENCE! Evolutionary psychology and all that — to keep mankind from dying out, by god. Also, were you aware that there are places where a women can be murdered for adultry? Did you know that slut-shaming is very popular in the US of A?

“I know women whose husband have cheated on them repeatedly and were certainly not okay with it(as they didn’t cheat).”

So what?

“I understand that you think the rules you demand that men follow do not apply to your sex; but you’re misinformed.”

Strawman arguement. Also, do men often recieve death threats from other men because they’ve cheated? And what “rules” are you talking about? Law or social?

“Also, I live in the USofA where most men do not get away with rape, pedophilia, or domestic violence.”

Errrr, from Dean Kilpatrick, Ph.D — At the national level, major victimization surveys suggest that most sexual assaults go unreported. The National Crime Victimization Survey, conducted each year by the U.S. Department of Justice, found that only 32% of sexual assault cases were reported to police in 1994. The Rape in America survey conducted as a part of the National Women’s Study found that only 16% of rape cases were reported to police or other authorities (Kilpatrick, Edmonds & Seymour, 1992). Data from the National Survey of Adolescents indicated that only 14.3% of sexual assault cases had been reported. Thus, these national studies indicate that somewhere between 14% and 32% of all sexual assaults or rapes are ever reported to police.

“And the fact that they once did really doesn’t excuse this womans behavior.”

*Sigh*

“That was then, this is now.”

Huh? What?

“And the biggest irony is that the guy she was cheating on got away with domestic violence against her because she kept coming back and giving him exactly what he wants: sex!”

So, it’s her fault he abused her? Of course.

” Besides, these MRAs, whoever they are, aren’t the only ones “obsessed” with responsibility and the consequences of peoples actions.”

*shrug/eyeroll*

thebewilderness
7 years ago

I think we just witnessed an anal cranial inversion.

Some Gal Not Bored at All
Some Gal Not Bored at All
7 years ago

@Purple Star

Practically everything you said was wrong.

Are you saying that people cannot control their actions? Or is it just women who can’t restrain their impulse to sleep around?

No and no. The statement clearly says that MRAs are obsessed with consequences, but only for women and that they are obsessed with these consequences for relatively minor offenses compared to the major offences they excuse or encourage for men.

I know women whose husband have cheated on them repeatedly and were certainly not okay with it(as they didn’t cheat). I understand that you think the rules you demand that men follow do not apply to your sex; but you’re misinformed.

Of course cheating is wrong no matter who does it. We are not misinformed, rather your understanding of what we think is wrong. Very wrong.

Also, I live in the USofA where most men do not get away with rape, pedophilia, or domestic violence.

This is not true. Please educate yourself before you bother us with your crap. (You can try RAINN for a start as that is super easy to find and understand. Then you may want to move on to Justice Department and domestic violence statistics. You can do it?)

And the fact that they once did really doesn’t excuse this womans behavior. That was then, this is now.

The fact that men do get away with rape and domestic violence has nothing to do with this woman’s behavior. No one said it did. However, both current and historical attitudes toward men who rape and/or abuse are important when it comes to people responding to this woman and what she did. This is where the double standard of MRAs is clear.

And the biggest irony is that the guy she was cheating on got away with domestic violence against her because she kept coming back and giving him exactly what he wants: sex!

Oh dear FSM. This is not irony. It also is not how domestic violence works. Stop blaming the victim! It is not her fault that her boyfriend abused her and it is not her fault that he got away with it. He got away with it for reasons that will become clear if you do your homework. Also, there is no way in hell her boyfriend only wants sex as you imply.

Besides, these MRAs, whoever they are, aren’t the only ones “obsessed” with responsibility and the consequences of peoples actions.

No. They aren’t, but they, as a group, are uniquely obsessed with women’s responsibility and consequences for women WHILE excusing men. Other groups, such as conservative Christians single out certain types of women (and, less so, men) while excusing certain types of men (and, less so, women). Racists single out people of color while excusing whites. Get it? (By the way, obsessed is important and differentiates MRAs from more moderate misogynists.)

Some Gal Not Bored at All
Some Gal Not Bored at All
7 years ago

@Shiraz

Well done looking up stats!

@Purple Star

Look! Someone did the work for you. Now there are no excuses for failing to understand.

katz
7 years ago

Can’t stop looking at the squittens!

Shiraz
Shiraz
7 years ago

“@Shiraz

Well done looking up stats!”

Thanks, gal. I also got some deja vu while writing that post. Purple sounds a lot like that snot-nosed kid, jon.

Some Gal Not Bored at All
Some Gal Not Bored at All
7 years ago

@Shiraz

Don’t most of our trolls sound like interchangeable snot-nose kids?

melody
7 years ago

Glorious. Two folks who dealt with it!
Bravo.

And women who come forward to report rape are often shamed for doing so. My friend in middle school step father was slipping it to her room at night. Her mother caught him and pressed charges, but around school rumors circulated. She ended up staying home from school for awhile. Honestly, it is ridiculous. A 12 year old girl did not tempt her 40+ stepfather into her bedroom. HE is a sick F*ck and she was victimized.

Knowing what will happen if you come forward makes it really hard to come forward. I still feel guilty about what happen to me when I was 8, but I know logically I didn’t cause it to happen. However, the culture we live in makes raped/sexually abused individuals feel guilty for what happen to them. THAT is the culture of the USA.

drst
drst
7 years ago
Argenti Aertheri
Argenti Aertheri
7 years ago

Whether octopus, octopuses, octopodes, octopusī, octopodes, octopod, sea beastie, or octopussy, it says NOPE NOPE NOPE!

Shiraz
Shiraz
7 years ago

“Don’t most of our trolls sound like interchangeable snot-nose kids?”

Well, they are hard to tell apart…like Smurfs, or sea monkeys.

katz
7 years ago

The octopus is walking away from another octopus so that people won’t be able to refer to the two of them.

Argenti Aertheri
Argenti Aertheri
7 years ago

katz, either that or it’s trying to find the octopuppies

pecunium
7 years ago

Purple Star: try reading the comments, and the post.

When you do, talk about them. Then we’ll deal with you.

Kiwi girl
Kiwi girl
7 years ago

Can we not use octopussy? That was a bad James Bond movie, so I will require more than the usual mind bleach.

Argenti Aertheri
Argenti Aertheri
7 years ago

Kiwi Girl — I included it because someone said it as a play on words of octopusī, but sure. I’m in favor of octopuppies or sea beasties anyways!

Argenti Aertheri
Argenti Aertheri
7 years ago
LBT
LBT
7 years ago

I feel like all the trolls on this thread have gone like this:

Us: Trolling people on the Internet is a douchey thing to do and doesn’t improve anything.

Trolls: BUT SHE DID A BAD THING!

Us: Yes, but we’re not talking about the thing she did, that’s not what we’re here for. We’re here to say the trolling is not okay.

Trolls: BUT SHE DID A BAD THING!

Us: “Misogyny. We mock it.” Comprendo?

Trolls: YOU ARE EXCUSING HER BEHAVIOR!

Us: We’re not talking about her goddamn behavior OMFG.

Trolls: YOU ARE TERRIBLE PEOPLE NOW TALK ABOUT WHAT WE WANT TO TALK ABOUT!

Kiwi girl
Kiwi girl
7 years ago

@LBT you got the caps lock behaviour correct, but I feel that the grammar should be worse, if you’re going for accuracy. There’s also a logic flow through the troll comments that overstates it’s probability in reality. 🙂

LBT
LBT
7 years ago

I was bitten by a rabid English teacher as a small child. I can not consciously change my grammar in the way required.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
7 years ago

I actually tried to write like Steele a few times. Couldn’t do it.

Argenti Aertheri
Argenti Aertheri
7 years ago

Maybe I can help?

Us: Trolling people on the Internet is a douchey thing to do and doesn’t improve anything.

Trolls: BUT SHE DID, A VILE THING!

Us: Yes, but we’re not talking about the thing she did, that’s not what we’re here for. We’re here to say the trolling is not okay.

Trolls: BUT SHE DESERVES IT, SHE DID A VILE THING, TO THAT POOR MAN! CHEATERS ARE INHUMAN!

Us: “Misogyny. We mock it.” Comprendo?

Trolls: BUT SHE DID A HORRIBLE, VILE THING, VILE, TRULY VILE; AND TO A MAN! CAN’T YOU, VILE MISANDRISTS SEE THAT?!

Us: yes, what she did was wrong, but that doesn’t justify misogynistic replies.

Trolls: STOP EXCUSING HER VILE BEHAVIOR; YOU VILE M-FEMINISTS!

Kim
Kim
7 years ago

Re GGG: I was wondering if there are many guys like him in countries where they have arranged marriages. Like, they grew up expecting their parents to find a wife for them, and now they’re dissapointed rather than liberated by having to do it themselves.

Kiwi girl
Kiwi girl
7 years ago

There’s the rub, none of us type fluent Troll. 🙁

I’m raising a glass and saying bravo to you too for trying, they were valiant attempts, but, in the final analysis, the depths to which you had to sink were just too low.

Pip pip.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
7 years ago

That why I initially thought he was from a different region. Croatia I was not expecting.

Even if he was from a culture that does arranged marriages isn’t he a bit young, though? Given that he seems to be dating his “incel” years from the onset of puberty.

Argenti Aertheri
Argenti Aertheri
7 years ago

Thanks for clearly that up David!

Re: GGG —

“Given that he seems to be dating his “incel” years from the onset of puberty.”

Ok that’s just weird, even from a purely mathematical view. Puberty starts, on average, at 10~13. In the US, average age of loss of virginity is 17. Ignoring the issues with the concept of virginity and regional differences, that’s, at minimum, four years where most of his peers weren’t having sex either.

Croatia average age for loss of virginity? No such luck finding that, but the percentage of sexually experienced 15 year old boys is 21.9% versus 24.1% for Canada. Of Canada’s 15-19 year olds, 43% report having had sex at least once.

In short, unless he hit puberty way late or something, there’s no reason, whatsoever, for him to have found it weird that he wasn’t getting any right after puberty. Except, you know, the media sells it like everyone is doing it already!

All numbers are wiki citations if anyone wants citations.

Tulgey Logger
Tulgey Logger
7 years ago

My friend swears it’s “octopodus” but hell if I know.

Not to be confused with OCTOPOTUS, the 14th through 22nd President of the United States.

Octopotus f’taghn!

Some Gal Not Bored at All
Some Gal Not Bored at All
7 years ago

So, since all the trolls seemed so intent on portraying infidelity as the worst thing ever, I checked around and good stats on it seem really hard to find. Going by the lower estimates (which seem to align more with me not personally knowing anyone who had an affair except my father, which was hardly typical), 10-20% of people cheat on a spouse and, of the percentage of those that are revealed/discovered, roughly 30% will stay together. So, it isn’t quite as unforgiveable as the trolls pretend (although it is worth pointing out that some people can’t afford to leave a spouse and that sucks).

Since MRAs also get so upset about possibly raising other men’s children, it might be worth knowing that only 3% of children are the product of infidelity. Since some of those will be kids of cheating men and some will be children that were admitted to not be the husband’s, that probably means that less than 2% of kids are being passed off as someone else’s. (And actually, as people seem to be less likely to cheat on a spouse than a boyfriend/girlfriend and not all kids are born to married parents, if you are married to the child’s mother it probably means that the kid is even less likely than that to be some other guy’s.) Wow are MRAs screwed over by shit that hardly ever happens!

The stats are here: http://www.statisticbrain.com/infidelity-statistics/
I won’t vouch for the site except to say that they give a citation and the numbers are consistent with some on Wikipedia and on mainstream news sites.

emilygoddess
emilygoddess
7 years ago

although it is worth pointing out that some people can’t afford to leave a spouse and that sucks

Yep. There’s also cultural pressure not to leave your spouse, particularly among religious conservatives and “old-fashioned” types: Marriage is a sacred vow and you can’t break it. Boys will be boys. He wouldn’t have cheated if you’d met his sexual needs! Being cuckolded is humiliating. She wouldn’t have cheated if you had more manly sexual prowess! Etc…

I assume those stats are from the USA? The figures I hear most often come from a UK study, which found that 30% of couples will experience cheating, and that men and women cheat at equal rates. I’ll be damned if I can find the study now, of course…

Creative Writing Student

@Kiwi Girl

Octopussy was the title of a really weird James Bond short story. I got the impression that the villain was in romantic love with his pet octopus and when Bond pushed him into the water and he was drowned by her he was really really happy…

It’s been a while since I read it.

whataboutthemoonz
7 years ago

Maybe TMI, but I know a married couple where cheating was a problem. I don’t know what lead to their decision to stay together, but they were both in school and had a house and two kids together and as far as I know a divorce would have fucked them all over, royally. I don’t think it’s fair to say “just get a divorce if you want to cheat”. It’s not always a simple situation.

Some Gal Not Bored at All
Some Gal Not Bored at All
7 years ago

@emilygoddess

I would assume they are from the USA as well, but really no place was clear a out it. (There were lots of sites citing that closer to 70% of marriages will experiences infidelity and lots if sites discussing why that was wrong, but no sites being really explicit about where they were talking about.) I

Is the 30% referring to all couples or just married ones? I found really different stats for non-married couples – around half. (Which still seems high, but I do at least personally know someone who cheated on a boyfriend so it seems like it could be true.)

Some Gal Not Bored at All
Some Gal Not Bored at All
7 years ago

@whataboutthemoonz

I agree and it is why I looked for the actual stats. Cheating is more complicated in general than the trolls are portraying it as.

I mentioned my father above and he is someone who I’m not sure I blame too harshly for cheating. He was gay and closeted, had an affair, and eventually came out and left my mom. I blame him for exposing my mom to possible STDs (he contracted AIDS and this was during the mid-80s so that was really terrifying for my mom), but the finding someone else – the emotional infidelity – is really hard to blame him for. It might also be that I never really got to know him so I’m more ready to forgive.

thenatfantastic
thenatfantastic
7 years ago

I don’t think it’s fair to say “just get a divorce if you want to cheat”. It’s not always a simple situation.

I wouldn’t advocate that, I’d say “if you have problems with your relationship that might cause it to end, speak to your partner(s) and see what solutions, if any, you can come up with”. I mean there’s a million reasons why people cheat, and a million solutions to each reason. People don’t seem to advocate talking as much as they should do. From MRAs who think their partners just plain shouldn’t have an opinion, to Cosmo readers who think if they just waggle their eyebrow in a specific way then all their relationship woes could be solved, to just the general cultural idea that you can use passive-aggression to force your partner to do something they’re not gender-coded to like (or actually just plain don’t like)… I find it all really sad. I mean, just use your fucking words. Relationships are not supposed to be adversarial. You are actually supposed to like the person you’re in one with.

pecunium
7 years ago

I know, lessee… half a dozen cases of just plain cheating. I know a few more of relationships that couldn’t take the strain of change, and so led to dissolutions misogynists might paint as, “unfaithful woman”, because they had very short times from break up to new romance; sometimes with friends they had sought out for comfort.

The ugliest cheating I know of tends to be in poly-situations. Mostly because one party seems to think that their partner will veto the outside interest, and so they refuse to talk about it, and then all sorts of drama happens.

Those tend to be very large, and pretty permanent rifts. My personal experience has been that (mostly) talking about it may lead to a breakup, but those are usually not that durably acrimonious, no matter how much the initial separation leads to anger.

I know one couple (non-poly) who broke up, got a divorce; he had been unfaithful, and some other stuff. They still got on, and for a couple of years after the divorce were still having a sexual relationship; to their childrens’ amusement.

lightcastle
lightcastle
7 years ago

The ugliest cheating I know of tends to be in poly-situations.

I’ll second that. I think they up the drama even more if they are going with the whole belief they are too evolved for jealousy, etc. etc.

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help

“too evolved for jealousy”

::hak hak BLORRK::

lightcastle
lightcastle
7 years ago

Kitteh’s, yeah, that’s a proper reaction, I think. 🙂

Sadly, it’s a pretty common attitude for Poly. I think it has diminished some over time, but you’ll still encounter it. I think now it tends to be more how they just have so much better tools for dealing with it and communicating, which still tends to boil down to “if you are mad about it, it is your fault for not processing properly”.

Look, if someone wants to be an asshat, they are going to be an asshat, whether or not they claim a particular relationship style or philosophy.

Argenti Aertheri
Argenti Aertheri
7 years ago

“I’ll second that. I think they up the drama even more if they are going with the whole belief they are too evolved for jealousy, etc. etc.”

*is totally doing that, skulks off to corner* And he didn’t even cheat, he decided to go monogamous with someone else. Which, frankly, is weirder, we weren’t serious, so sleeping with someone else was “meh, I expect that” but siously dating someone, who isn’t me…yeah…

/rant

On topic, depends on the situtation how it works out /obvious statement

lightcastle
lightcastle
7 years ago

Oh Argenti. Yeah, that’s kind of annoying, but really, what can you do? People structure their relationships in various ways. Maybe he was just looking for serious and that happened to be monogamous with who he found.

Nonetheless, break ups tend to suck, regardless of the overall circumstances. Just on principle. So sympathy from me.

The Kittehs' Unpaid Help

::makes small offering to Ceiling Cat in gratitude for never having gone through any of this shit, be it poly, mono or whatever::

Jessay (@jessay)
7 years ago

Late to the party but that government girlfriends guy is the absolute worst. I can’t even express my rage.

And I also don’t think cheating is as big of a deal as people make it out to be because I don’t believe that monogamy is right for everyone, but that we’re pressured as a society into being monogamous when many of us shouldn’t be, setting ourselves up for failure. While I wish it was as simple as being poly or open when it’s how you would flourish with your partner, it just isn’t.

Argenti Aertheri
Argenti Aertheri
7 years ago

I missed the condolences on my pseudo-relationship failure (idfk) but thank you.

Jessay — his blog is one of the very few that get featured here that scare me (does that sentence make sense?)

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
7 years ago

He does seem like if he’s not a Poe he’s probably going to kill someone sooner or later. So I’m hoping he’s a Poe.

Jessay (@jessay)
7 years ago

The only thing that gets me through that blog is the hope that he’s a really dedicated and elaborate troll because if he isn’t I worry for the people around him. He treats “his story” like a punishment for girls who don’t give him a boner and/or get a lady boner from him. This is what you get for not giving me the sex I NEED you stupid woman!

Alexandra
Alexandra
6 years ago

Men use any excuse for their double standards. Don’t you wish they stuck up for women they way they do their bad behavior ? Their bad behavior gets excuses women’s bad behavior gets death.