Oh, Reddit, not again. So about a week ago, a woman posted what seemed to be a heartfelt and sorrowful confession to r/confession with the self-explanatory title “I cheated on my sweetheart of a husband for 3 years with my violent, abusive ex. This is the one secret I am taking to my grave.”
Now, r/confession purports to be a subreddit devoted to helping out those who confess their wrongdoings, and the sidebar warns potential commenters not to be abusive: “No personal attacks, we are not here to make people feel bad.”
But Reddit being Reddit – that is, a hotbed of resentful “nice guys” always looking for an excuse to vilify women in general or a woman in particular – many of the commenters attacked the OP as an evil “scumbag,” or worse. While the worst comments were deleted by the mods, many attacks on the OP remain, some with literally hundreds of upvotes. Those who expressed any degree of empathy for the OP found their comments roundly downvoted.
After a few days, the discussion died down.
But then, after several days of silence, a new wave of abusive comments started to appear. Like this one:
And this:
Oh, but there’s more:
I’ve saved the worst for last. (I’ve also included the response from the confessor herself.) TRIGGER WARNING for violence.
.
.
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So how did a dead thread like this come to life again, and so unpleasantly? Well, you guessed it: it got linked to in r/mensrights and later in r/redpill, a smaller and even more extreme “men’s rights” subreddit. And indeed, if you look at the comment histories of the people I’ve just quoted, you’ll see that most of them also posted in either r/mensrights or r/redpill around the time they made these comments.
It’s a fair guess that many of the upvotes that these terrible comments got also came from visiting r/menrights-ers.
Back in r/mensrights, one commenter, disgusted by all this, chronicled some of the bad behavior of his MRA comrades:
A lot more people besides IBM2431 are going to have to stand up and speak out if they want to clean up r/mensrights’ well-deserved reputation as a net exporter of hate.
Not that r/confession is absolved of blame here. While commenters there piled on this woman, who seemed sincerely sorry for what she said she had done, the r/confession regulars found nothing wrong with the behavior of another commenter — a dude, of course — who confessed he’d “fapped” a number of times to cam footage he found of a friend of his sister’s masturbating — which was evidently recorded and put online without her knowledge or consent.
NOTE: By the time this post goes up, it’s possible and even likely that the mods of r/confession will have deleted the worst of the comments from the r/mensrights and r/redpill invaders. But they should still be visible in the comment histories of those who posted them.
Purple Star, an other commenter with reading comprehension problems. THIS HAS ALREADY BEEN COVERED. READ THE DAMN COMMENT THREAD, WHY DON’T YOU?
^ another ^
I try not to either. It hurts me inside.
I don’t have the energy to deal with Purple Star tonight. Can someone please explain to them that they’re wrong about everything?
That was exactly what I thought. I just worked a 16 hours. I cannot and will not deal with this.
“Are you saying that people cannot control their actions?”
No, where are you getting that from?
“Or is it just women who can’t restrain their impulse to sleep around?”
Where are you getting this shit? It’s funny though, those MRAs who who claim not to know anything about often say men sleep around because of SCIENCE! Evolutionary psychology and all that — to keep mankind from dying out, by god. Also, were you aware that there are places where a women can be murdered for adultry? Did you know that slut-shaming is very popular in the US of A?
“I know women whose husband have cheated on them repeatedly and were certainly not okay with it(as they didn’t cheat).”
So what?
“I understand that you think the rules you demand that men follow do not apply to your sex; but you’re misinformed.”
Strawman arguement. Also, do men often recieve death threats from other men because they’ve cheated? And what “rules” are you talking about? Law or social?
“Also, I live in the USofA where most men do not get away with rape, pedophilia, or domestic violence.”
Errrr, from Dean Kilpatrick, Ph.D — At the national level, major victimization surveys suggest that most sexual assaults go unreported. The National Crime Victimization Survey, conducted each year by the U.S. Department of Justice, found that only 32% of sexual assault cases were reported to police in 1994. The Rape in America survey conducted as a part of the National Women’s Study found that only 16% of rape cases were reported to police or other authorities (Kilpatrick, Edmonds & Seymour, 1992). Data from the National Survey of Adolescents indicated that only 14.3% of sexual assault cases had been reported. Thus, these national studies indicate that somewhere between 14% and 32% of all sexual assaults or rapes are ever reported to police.
“And the fact that they once did really doesn’t excuse this womans behavior.”
*Sigh*
“That was then, this is now.”
Huh? What?
“And the biggest irony is that the guy she was cheating on got away with domestic violence against her because she kept coming back and giving him exactly what he wants: sex!”
So, it’s her fault he abused her? Of course.
” Besides, these MRAs, whoever they are, aren’t the only ones “obsessed” with responsibility and the consequences of peoples actions.”
*shrug/eyeroll*
I think we just witnessed an anal cranial inversion.
@Purple Star
Practically everything you said was wrong.
No and no. The statement clearly says that MRAs are obsessed with consequences, but only for women and that they are obsessed with these consequences for relatively minor offenses compared to the major offences they excuse or encourage for men.
Of course cheating is wrong no matter who does it. We are not misinformed, rather your understanding of what we think is wrong. Very wrong.
This is not true. Please educate yourself before you bother us with your crap. (You can try RAINN for a start as that is super easy to find and understand. Then you may want to move on to Justice Department and domestic violence statistics. You can do it?)
The fact that men do get away with rape and domestic violence has nothing to do with this woman’s behavior. No one said it did. However, both current and historical attitudes toward men who rape and/or abuse are important when it comes to people responding to this woman and what she did. This is where the double standard of MRAs is clear.
Oh dear FSM. This is not irony. It also is not how domestic violence works. Stop blaming the victim! It is not her fault that her boyfriend abused her and it is not her fault that he got away with it. He got away with it for reasons that will become clear if you do your homework. Also, there is no way in hell her boyfriend only wants sex as you imply.
No. They aren’t, but they, as a group, are uniquely obsessed with women’s responsibility and consequences for women WHILE excusing men. Other groups, such as conservative Christians single out certain types of women (and, less so, men) while excusing certain types of men (and, less so, women). Racists single out people of color while excusing whites. Get it? (By the way, obsessed is important and differentiates MRAs from more moderate misogynists.)
@Shiraz
Well done looking up stats!
@Purple Star
Look! Someone did the work for you. Now there are no excuses for failing to understand.
Can’t stop looking at the squittens!
“@Shiraz
Well done looking up stats!”
Thanks, gal. I also got some deja vu while writing that post. Purple sounds a lot like that snot-nosed kid, jon.
@Shiraz
Don’t most of our trolls sound like interchangeable snot-nose kids?
Glorious. Two folks who dealt with it!
Bravo.
And women who come forward to report rape are often shamed for doing so. My friend in middle school step father was slipping it to her room at night. Her mother caught him and pressed charges, but around school rumors circulated. She ended up staying home from school for awhile. Honestly, it is ridiculous. A 12 year old girl did not tempt her 40+ stepfather into her bedroom. HE is a sick F*ck and she was victimized.
Knowing what will happen if you come forward makes it really hard to come forward. I still feel guilty about what happen to me when I was 8, but I know logically I didn’t cause it to happen. However, the culture we live in makes raped/sexually abused individuals feel guilty for what happen to them. THAT is the culture of the USA.
My reaction to Purple Star:
http://memeorama.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/nop-nope-octopus.gif
Whether octopus, octopuses, octopodes, octopusī, octopodes, octopod, sea beastie, or octopussy, it says NOPE NOPE NOPE!
“Don’t most of our trolls sound like interchangeable snot-nose kids?”
Well, they are hard to tell apart…like Smurfs, or sea monkeys.
The octopus is walking away from another octopus so that people won’t be able to refer to the two of them.
katz, either that or it’s trying to find the octopuppies
Purple Star: try reading the comments, and the post.
When you do, talk about them. Then we’ll deal with you.
Can we not use octopussy? That was a bad James Bond movie, so I will require more than the usual mind bleach.
Kiwi Girl — I included it because someone said it as a play on words of octopusī, but sure. I’m in favor of octopuppies or sea beasties anyways!
Teeny tiny sea beasties!
I feel like all the trolls on this thread have gone like this:
Us: Trolling people on the Internet is a douchey thing to do and doesn’t improve anything.
Trolls: BUT SHE DID A BAD THING!
Us: Yes, but we’re not talking about the thing she did, that’s not what we’re here for. We’re here to say the trolling is not okay.
Trolls: BUT SHE DID A BAD THING!
Us: “Misogyny. We mock it.” Comprendo?
Trolls: YOU ARE EXCUSING HER BEHAVIOR!
Us: We’re not talking about her goddamn behavior OMFG.
Trolls: YOU ARE TERRIBLE PEOPLE NOW TALK ABOUT WHAT WE WANT TO TALK ABOUT!
@LBT you got the caps lock behaviour correct, but I feel that the grammar should be worse, if you’re going for accuracy. There’s also a logic flow through the troll comments that overstates it’s probability in reality. 🙂
I was bitten by a rabid English teacher as a small child. I can not consciously change my grammar in the way required.
I actually tried to write like Steele a few times. Couldn’t do it.
Maybe I can help?
Us: Trolling people on the Internet is a douchey thing to do and doesn’t improve anything.
Trolls: BUT SHE DID, A VILE THING!
Us: Yes, but we’re not talking about the thing she did, that’s not what we’re here for. We’re here to say the trolling is not okay.
Trolls: BUT SHE DESERVES IT, SHE DID A VILE THING, TO THAT POOR MAN! CHEATERS ARE INHUMAN!
Us: “Misogyny. We mock it.” Comprendo?
Trolls: BUT SHE DID A HORRIBLE, VILE THING, VILE, TRULY VILE; AND TO A MAN! CAN’T YOU, VILE MISANDRISTS SEE THAT?!
Us: yes, what she did was wrong, but that doesn’t justify misogynistic replies.
Trolls: STOP EXCUSING HER VILE BEHAVIOR; YOU VILE M-FEMINISTS!