An Orlando man, Faron Thompson, was recently charged with battery and child neglect after an altercation in which he allegedly tried to force his fiancée to swallow her engagement ring when she tried to leave him. (More details here.)
This sort of abuse is depressingly commonplace when women try to free themselves from abusive and controlling men; indeed, if I posted every news account along these lines on this blog I wouldn’t have time to do anything else.
No, I mention this case because something that Thompson reportedly told police reveals a lot about the mindset of abusers. When they arrested him, police say, Thompson complained that:
Women always claim assault, but never accept responsibility for provoking someone.
That is how abusers think.
It’s also how a lot of MRAs think.
Indeed, when I read Thomson’s reported remarks, the y immediately brought to mind something written not that long ago by Karen Straughan, the YouTube videoblogger who goes by the name of Girl Writes What. Straughan describes herself in her A Voice for Men bio as “the most popular and visible MRA in North America,” and given the rapturous reception her videos get on You Tube and on Reddit, this may not be an idle boast.
In the rather revealing Reddit comment I’m thinking of (which I blogged about earlier), Straughan suggested not only that abused women regularly “demand” the abuse they receive, but that many of them also get some sort of sexual charge from it. Oh, I’m sure she’ll deny that she really meant all that, but I can’t see any other way to read the following.
Oh, and in case you were wondering what article she’s referring to in the last paragraph — the one she says isn’t “seriously ethically questionable” — it’s a post from the repugnant Ferdinand Bardamu arguing that men should “terrorize” their partners because that’s the “the only thing that makes them behave better than chimps.” For more about that charming piece, titled “The Necessity of Domestic Violence,” see my post here.
I’m having less and less of a problem with calling the Men’s Rights movement “the abusers lobby.”
I’m sure there are some MRAs who are as repulsed by Straughan’s argument as I am. If you’re one of them, and want your movement, such as it is, to be remembered as something other than “the abusers lobby,” you need to call out all those MRAs who make such arguments. Might I suggest that you start by challenging the “the most popular and visible MRA in North America,” otherwise known as Girl Writes What?
Kitteh: gratz on the Catmoji invite. It’s my second home. I love looking at all the photos of the cats, and I also like that people there are *nice*.
Hi danielle (is shortening your nym to that okay?) — GGW is definitely a dangerous one, for the reasons katz said. The “well if a woman says it” aspect can’t help things any either
After reading that, I’m not sure whether I want to puke or cry. There’s all sorts of things that I want to say, but I don’t think any of them will make me feel better, so I’m just going to go hug my cat.
Having just watched Django Unchained, I think I can safely say that Girl Writes What is the Stephen of gender relations.
Only not as funny, obviously.
Brain bleach courtesty of Mads and Fribs. These two little slackers exemplify “meh”.
http://youtu.be/CDmUxtljZ-I
That’s what makes me laugh, it’s just a blog, for shit sake. Maybe these people organize their meetups and postering campaigns.
PaulE also has quarterly fundraising drives like he’s PBS, so he’s totally deluded about what it is he does.
Tugley Logger,
I love how MRAs talk about Erin Prizzey as if she’s a saint and proof that feminists are evil (because clearly all feminists make death threats) even though she is also the one who thinks that most abused women like to be abused. She sure is a righteous social justice figure.
Does Elam get money from those or no?
Hi Pell.
Trying to sound black doesn’t look good on you, Pell.
I almost want Demarcq back.
Alex, I’ll add with the “keep lines of communication open”. I’ve lost at least one friend because I immediately raised flags about her boyfriend, and in response she shut me out at his request. (Others have managed to keep in better touch.)
I have another friend who has managed to sneak communication to me, and I try really hard to answer comments on his behaviour and not make it about him, because I think I’m pretty much her last line of communication outside of him and her parents.
It’s hard, though. I wish you all the best.
After reading many of your comments on this thread it’s so obvious that many of you are exactly the type of women described in the original post. Verbally abusive and manipulative women who become the “oh so wounded victim” with crocodile tears and all when men stand up for themselves.
Also dropping docs for GWW and WBB – classy! I wouldn’t have expected any less from such a select class of entitled whiners.
From the original post…
>> “Women always claim assault, but never accept responsibility for provoking someone.”
>> That is how abusers think.
>> It’s also how a lot of MRAs think.
What you’re saying then…
Men, the physical abusers, are THE ABUSERS and women, the verbal abusers, liars and manipulators, are the poor victims.
You suggest that there couldn’t possibly be any provocation by the women. That’s impossible.
Men, just out of the blue, decide “hey, I’m bored maybe I should just go beat up on my wife for shits and giggles”.
Your poor argument may appeal to the perma-victim feminist gaggle that follow you but any rational human being can see through your logical leaps.
Pell, don’t you have homework to be doing right now? Or chores?
Hi Cloudia, hello Argenti Aertheri–shortening my name is totally fine with me.
I haven’t caught up with the comments yet, but I banned babyd and deleted his comments. Racist shithead.
I let though some extremely problematic victim blaming comments from “disposable man”; I’ve got him on moderation.
Disposable man, I didn’t “dox drop” anyone. Straughan/GWW has started to identify herself with her real name on AVFM. It’s in the bio at the end of her articles, which she wrote herself.
Shorter disposableman: You’re all lying women. Because I say so.
Yawns.
Let’s see… Feminists are opposed to both physical and verbal abuse by any gender. MRAs think a woman who verbally abuses a man deserves to be beaten, choked, etc.
Yeah, I’m still sticking with feminism.
Disposable man, who is WBB? Wooly Bumblebee? I’m pretty sure she’s posted her real name on AVFM, but I don’t actually know what it is, nor do I really give a shit. I wrote about her once and I don’t think anyone referred to her w/ her name.
Oh David, how could you be so manipulative, provoking disposableman into making that false accusation? He can’t possibly be expected to be responsible for checking his facts before sounding off. /snark
Poor Daveeeeeed, relegated to his little treefort, raging impotently at the world.
Wooly Bumblebee: prime example of how atheists are not automatically superior to xtians for beliefs/reasoning ability.
Creating conflict out of willful misunderstandings with friends and family members, then demanding that the partner take their side in the conflict, is one of the most common isolating techniques that abusers use.