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Abused women “demand” their abuse: How MRAs make the abusers’ arguments for them

Arrestreport

An Orlando man, Faron Thompson, was recently charged with battery and child neglect after an altercation in which he allegedly tried to force his fiancée to swallow her engagement ring when she tried to leave him. (More details here.)

This sort of abuse is depressingly commonplace when women try to free themselves from abusive and controlling men; indeed, if I posted every news account along these lines on this blog I wouldn’t have time to do anything else.

No, I mention this case because something that Thompson reportedly told police reveals a lot about the mindset of abusers. When they arrested him, police say, Thompson complained that:

Women always claim assault, but never accept responsibility for provoking someone.

That is how abusers think.

It’s also how a lot of MRAs think.

Indeed, when I read Thomson’s reported remarks, the y immediately brought to mind something written not that long ago by Karen Straughan, the YouTube videoblogger who goes by the name of Girl Writes What. Straughan describes herself in her A Voice for Men bio as “the most popular and visible MRA in North America,” and given the rapturous reception her videos get on You Tube and on Reddit, this may not be an idle boast.

In the rather revealing Reddit comment I’m thinking of (which I blogged about earlier), Straughan suggested not only that abused women regularly “demand” the abuse they receive, but that many of them also get some sort of sexual charge from it. Oh, I’m sure she’ll deny that she really meant all that, but I can’t see any other way to read the following.
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Oh, and in case you were wondering what article she’s referring to in the last paragraph — the one she says isn’t “seriously ethically questionable” — it’s a post from the repugnant Ferdinand Bardamu arguing that men should “terrorize” their partners because that’s the “the only thing that makes them behave better than chimps.” For more about that charming piece, titled “The Necessity of Domestic Violence,” see my post here.

I’m having less and less of a problem with calling the Men’s Rights movement “the abusers lobby.”

I’m sure there are some MRAs who are as repulsed by Straughan’s argument as I am. If you’re one of them, and want your movement, such as it is, to be remembered as something other than “the abusers lobby,” you need to call out all those MRAs who make such arguments. Might I suggest that you start by challenging the “the most popular and visible MRA in North America,” otherwise known as Girl Writes What?

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Shiraz
Shiraz
7 years ago

“Poor David, he writes an article & it’s pronounced “dead” two days later by his fans.”

Um, wow, is daycare out? Not effective, baby huey.

“No doubt issues of abuse are less relevant to manbobz regulars than issuing their own abuse to readers, sorry “trolls”, of their site.”

Sweetheart, you’re a troll. What, you want us to buy you an ice-cream? You’re too sensitive for this line of errr, work.

Shiraz
Shiraz
7 years ago

Delicate, yeah, hellkell. Though it must have been nice to be treated as The-Best-Thing-Ever growing up.

(Sic) Male
(Sic) Male
7 years ago

“Guys, the LAWS OF THE INTERNET apply. Any man who posts a comment on a blog is owed a respectful reply.”

Tell that to your fem friend who used the word “owe” in the first place, dear.

cloudiah
7 years ago

Bust out the fainting couch and smelling salts, some dude is not having his dudely feelings gently buffered.

I think we should pool our resources and open a day spa for the fragile flowers of the MRM. We could have special packages:

Women are being mean to me on the Internet, which is just like Domestic Violence
* massage
* manicure/pedicure (no polish)

I was nice to this girl for weeks, but she dated someone else!
* massage
* manicure/pedicure (polish optional)
* skin rejuvenation therapy
* nose/ear hair trimming

etc.

We could clean up!

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
7 years ago

Given that he’s a member of the MRM I’d say this baby would be a better match if it wasn’t for the whole homophobia thing.

cloudiah
7 years ago

You mad, snookums?

thebewilderness
7 years ago

The troll quality has dropped off dramatically around here.

Some Gal Not Bored at All

Dumb or disingenuous? My money’s on dumb. I think he honestly forgot what point he was trying to make.

hellkell
hellkell
7 years ago

Aw, diddums get a boo-boo, Sic Male? It’s past your bedtime sweetie, you need your rest.

Cloudiah, love the spa idea.

cloudiah
7 years ago

I’ve been gazing raptly for too long. Need eyedrops.

Kiwi girl
Kiwi girl
7 years ago

He should get some cheese sauce with that whiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine.

CassandraSays
CassandraSays
7 years ago

Watch the end of the Stewie clip, guys.

(Sic) Male
(Sic) Male
7 years ago

“Delicate, yeah, hellkell. Though it must have been nice to be treated as The-Best-Thing-Ever growing up”

Yeah, I’m a “speshul snowflake” Shiraz.

Shiraz
Shiraz
7 years ago

I know you are, sweetie! The bestest snowflake in the whole world!

cloudiah
7 years ago

The Stewie clip is perfect.

cloudiah
7 years ago

Okay, I’m going to lose the snark for a minute, and talk to (Sic) Male seriously.

/disengages snark

Dude. What do you expect? You come onto a feminist blog, and you are not exactly impressive. You don’t say anything smart or incisive. You’re not funny. You whine like a little baby (see clip handily provided by Cassandra).

Why should we take you seriously? Why are you deserving of anything more than mockery? ‘Cos frankly, I’m not seeing it. You want respect? Earn it.

/snark re-engaged

emilygoddess
emilygoddess
7 years ago

“Guys, the LAWS OF THE INTERNET apply. Any man who posts a comment on a blog is owed a respectful reply.”

Tell that to your fem friend who used the word “owe” in the first place, dear.

That would be me *waves*

I don’t get it. I used to word “owe” first, therefore I’m the one who thinks men are owed something? Are you actually trying to make sense, or are you just typing whatever comes to mind?

mary
mary
6 years ago

As the economy drops, alcoholism climbs, drug abuse increases… this sort of thinking will increase. Anything to take their mind off the pain of failure, or fear of failure, some men believe controlling their wives will make them whole. As long as women trade their safety for a nice house, there will be misery. However as more women become the bread winners, there will be fewer men needed. Children will look to their mothers, and fear their fathers. Their fathers will roam, afraid of living alone, willing to put up with anything not to be alone again. The mothers have their adult children to comfort them. I am one of those women. Now I am learning that many traditional marriages of my colleagues ended – a union on paper only. Separate housing. My divorce seems to be a mere formality. I left him a long time ago, but he forgets… “…my wife” he still says.

Argenti Aertheri
6 years ago

My brain is too scrambled, can anyone else parse this? I’m getting stuck on women trading for houses causing misery and men wandering putting up with anything.

LBT
LBT
6 years ago

…necro troll attempted freeform poetry? I really have no idea either.

LBT
LBT
6 years ago

I dunno, my grandfather was a pedophilic veteran of a bunch of wars, and nothing dropped my respect and affection for him like finding out he was a child-molester many times over.

sparky
sparky
6 years ago

Sounds like the plot of some dystopian-future sci fi novel.

“In the year 3314, bands of lonely and abandoned fathers roam the streets, looking for someone, or something, to cuddle so they won’t be alone!”

Argenti Aertheri
6 years ago

LBT — this is my problem with automatically respecting veterans, if they’re assholes, then being in war(s) doesn’t negate that!

Oh, pecunium, if you should happen to see this, my cousin did 4 and out, so there’s no way you’d have been anywhere near each other, thus answering that — he was out just before you were in.

Now, those are two veterans I respect, and my grandfather. Well, respect is the wrong word on my cousin, that implies he’s remotely adult like! I’m fond of him, but I still think of him as the teenager chasing little me around (back when I was happy…I wouldn’t trade those memories for the world)

LBT
LBT
6 years ago

RE: sparky

“In the year 3314, bands of lonely and abandoned fathers roam the streets, looking for someone, or something, to cuddle so they won’t be alone!”

I think I read that. They unleashed their affections on dogs, tanks, and other fuzzy animals.

RE: Argenti

Yeah, our grandfather got the whole gun salute and everything, on account of being part of the Glorious Generation. Ugh. So much anger.

Argenti Aertheri
6 years ago

Ick. My grandfather specifically doesn’t want it, and he actually deserves it (worst anyone has ever accused him of is cheating on his wife, but seeing how that was wife #2’s parents disapproving of the marriage, idk that I buy it)

Unlike my father, one of my cousins accused him of molesting her. And that I buy. And haven’t mentioned before huh? Yeah, he’s scum.

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