Lady feminists! I have some terrible, terrible news for you from pickup artiste Heartiste, the would-be God Emperor of Poon. Apparently he and his pals have been having sex with you all.
Heartiste lets us all in on this little secret in a post earlier this month titled “Lots Of Feminists Are Getting Banged Out By PUAs.” He explains that those dudes who “scavenge snatch” in upscale white neighborhoods in big American cities – what Heartiste in an attempt at humor likes to call Stuff White People Like Land (or SWPL-Land) – will by definition score with some of you feminist ladies.
This is because most girls in the big blue population sinks of SWPL-Land are feminists of one stripe or another. You can’t swing an Emperor Deluxe condom without hitting a feminist in the cooch if you live or operate within these zones of misandry.
Heartiste helpfully spells out for his readers some of the different kinds of feminists to be found in these misandry zones.
The first, the most extreme exponents of radical feminism are what one of his readers calls the “Jizzabel-type feminazi,” or what Heartiste himself calls “the femcunts.”
Yes, that’s right. Apparently the most radical of all feminist publications, the SCUM Manifesto for our internet era, is Jezebel.
Heartiste explains:
These are your Jizzebomb fanatics, the devotees of feminism as a life-affirming ideology. They are the smallest in number, but the loudest in bitchery and kookery. This is the kind of manjawed girl — typically a lawyer, academic, organic farmer or diversity consultant — who reads and comments daily at sites like Feministing and Slate/Salon/SuckMyClit with furrowed brow, regurgitating what she learns therein at parties and in the middle of dates, exposing a vile expectation that all the world should agree with where her retarded logic takes her.
Uh, I’m familiar with Feministing, and Slate and Salon, but I’m afraid I don’t have any idea about this mysterious “SuckMyClit” site he’s referring to. (There isn’t even a site up by that name, though enterprising publishers will be happy to learn that the domain name is for sale.)
Heartiste continues:
As long as you don’t embroil yourself in her occasional tantrums at invisible enemies, and keep the pick-up light and breezy while steering her in different conversational directions whenever you sniff the approach of another feminist tirade carried along by the id winds, you will get the bang. She is, underneath her femcuntery, still a woman, and as such (however much you may need reminding) she will respond viscerally to ancient cues of your mate worthiness, and her vagina will flower in spectacular opposition to the wilting of her mind.
Heartiste is an even worse writer of erotic fiction than E.L. James.
Oh, and here’s another little bit of shitthatneverhappened.txt. (TW for crude rape reference.)
You don’t want to stay with women like these beyond a few hate smashes, so for shits and giggles I suggest you regale her in the morning with your support of the Second Amendment and the ludicrousness of the equal pay myth. For bonus soul-shivving points, casually muse aloud, after you have sprayed her mug and she’s inserted her glazed face into your armpit nook, that 1 in 5 women who are being raped will orgasm during the act.
Yes, that’s right. Heartiste is publicly posting his fantasies about Jezebel-reading radical feminists rubbing semen (his own) into his armpits with their faces.
Next in Heartiste’s imaginary classification scheme come The Partisans.
These are the girls who occasionally read feminist blogs (usually when a fat femcunt friend passes along a link) and parrot the benumbing Cathedral crap they hear on TV and read in approved MSM papers. But these soapbox episodes are blessedly infrequent and pass unremarked, unless they manage to corral some dipshit manboob into acting as a sounding board for their cockamamy nonsense on white male privilege and socially constructed beauty standards (Hugs Shyster, Scrotumless Scalzi, I’m looking at you two distilled estrogen pools.)
Hey, a shoutout! Thanks, pal!
And finally, The Lemmings:
MOST women in the cities will have spent the better part of their sexually adventurous single girl years steeped in the platitudes of feminism, and they will know nothing else. Combined with women’s natural aversion to abstract thinking beyond immediate, selfish concerns, what you wind up with is a population of lickspittle lemmings who mindlessly nod in agreement every time a talking head exploiting this deficiency in the mental circuitry of half the voting public sonorously intones something about “equal pay for equal work”, or “war on women”. The Lemmings, by far the largest group of women you will likely encounter unless you live in South Dakota, include all types of girls, from club sluts to self-important HR robots to daddy’s princesses to deliriously frantic scenesters. Luckily for your sanity, these girls do not take feminism seriously … .
In the end, Heartiste tells his readers that “90% of your city’s women are feminist in name if not in execution.”
So they’re feminists, even though they’re not really feminists. Gotcha. With such an expansive definition, it’s no wonder Heartiste is convinced that a significant portion of the women he “bangs out” – whether in the real world or in his fevered imagination – are feminists of some sort.
He concludes:
Most hardcore feminists, whether or not they know it, are fucking men who either pretend to give a shit about their precious ideology, or don’t even bother with the pretense of pretending to give a shit about it. In fact, the majority of men, and an even bigger majority of players, are like me: they find feminism absurd on its face and will dismissively change the subject anytime the girls they are seeing make the mistake of veering into feminist bromide territory. Most girls are sensible and will know when their feminist retardation is turning off the men they like, and will quickly fall in line with the change of subject.
There are exceptions. A few supercharged feminists will eventually wind up with sycophantic manboobs for lovers, and a more perfect pairing I couldn’t imagine.
Aw. Another shoutout. It’s almost as if he has some sort of he-man heterosexual man crush on me.
Not that I know of.since all the big fires a bit south of here back at the hottest part of January.
Is it weird that:
stood out to me as particularly bad in the context of the rest of that thing?
@lowquacks – that’s good. Let’s hope it settles down, though there’s still February to go yet (shudder). Roll on autumn.
@MorkaisChosen – bad as in Roissy’s woeful writing, or bad as in the irony of him claiming other people are the ones stuck on “immediate, selfish concerns”?
Oh lor’, I just found an Oglaf cartoon that’s so relevant, and even mentions Scented Fucking Candles! NSFW!
I think he’s trying to be funny to his audience whilst trying to enrage (feminist) women, but it fails so bad as his tirade doesn’t have enough truthfulness woven between the lies so it doesn’t stick. It doesn’t offend because there is nothing I could actually relate to.
Dear Heartiste, the trick to doing it right is to make the insult truth-based enough to make it hit the target, lies and exaggerations are a nice extra or a cherry on top. But then, you wouldn’t know a whole lot about feminists or even women in general. You think you do because you “observe” and “reason” but you do it all through an odd filter that distorts reality. So you’ll keep missing the target. Keep writing these, they’re amusing for the rest of us!
First: Thank you for all the kitties! Maru is adorable! Belly up and meowing! (I always watch additional videos after the one presented has finished playing)
Second: My language is getting worse by reading these MRA thingy’s.
Third: This Heartiste? He hates himself more than he hates feminists, methinks. Wouldn’t it be better to withhold his manly goodness rather than spread it all around? (ew)
Kitteh’s Help: bad as in “well fuck you and your ideas about women.”
I dunno, for some reason “women are less intelligent than men” strikes me as more offensive than some of the other stuff (not to say the other stuff isn’t horrible…). Quite possibly biases showing.
So, he thinks 90% of women are feminists? That explains a lot. Also, I thought they were all supposed to be ugly- but now he’s saying some of them are hot enough to have sex with?
And yes, I know I’ve had sex with a few guys who are less than virtuous. I don’t plan on doing it again, but I’m not going to spend my time worrying about it either. And I can usually spot a PUA-type from a mile away. They are irritating as hell. I never bring up gender politics, but they always do in some way: the last one lectured me on how women who study poetry just want to be dominated (lolwut). The best thing is to ignore them, I’ve found.
Regarding PUA… On the rare occasions when I do go out to some kind of club without Husband, it has happened a few times that some kid gets into conversation with me about my job and how incredibly interesting it must be, implying without saying it straight out that I must be terribly clever for having the job I have. Now, since I’m in a monogamous marriage there’s no such thing as efficient PUA techniques when it comes to me – BUT it’s not like I’m completely unmoved by this approach. I reckon it’s probably a fairly efficient strategy if you wanna get laid. Okay, might be hard to pull off if it turns out the girl/woman you’ve been checking out works at McDonalds… but perhaps not impossible (and you could obviously do the same routine about the subject she studies if she’s a student).
So I was thinking; if we assume that I’m not psychologically unique, why isn’t this a PUA trick taught? Ask about what she does and then discuss what she does and how interesting it is and imply that she’s gotta be this great person for doing what she does?
But of course, the obvious answer is that it’s not just about getting laid; it’s about WINNING THE GAME. And you can only do that by pushing people down rather than building them up, amiright?
And what about the 10% of women he doesn’t consider feminists? Most women who are truly anti-feminist are conservative and religious, and wouldn’t be having pre-marital sex anyway (but oh right, many MRAs consider ‘evangelical princesses’ to be sluts and/or feminists). Is he just talking about women who have misogynistic views and agree with him?, because they certainly do exist.
i kind of have to wonder how sick you have to be to fantasize about manipulating a woman into having sex with you and then taunting her about how pathetic you think everyone belonging to the same sex as her is. then again i underestimate the collective batshittery of the MRAs.
@Dvaerghundspossen (sorry I have no umlaut)
They think it doesn’t work because it implies the man is beta or below the woman he is trying to pick up, which girls secretly hate (apparently). He needs to show he’s alpha, which means putting her down while talking about how great he is.
With me, the best pick-up tactic is someone being honest. If I feel he’s flattering me falsely I am slightly turned off, and if he’s putting me down I am very turned off. If he’s nice but says when he dislikes something, that’s the best. Unfortunately, most young men around here go for the ‘puffing yourself up while putting her down’ strategy (usually just the second part). Any compliments I receive are related to my appearance, not my interests or occupation. As soon as I mention my occupation, most will counter with ‘well, I do [insert better thing here] or ‘that sounds boring’. A shame they can’t be themselves, really.
@Dvärghundspossen
Their whole shtick is about making women so insecure that they’ll sleep with you just to get rid of that feeling. Which makes sense since their prey (as far as clients go) are overwhelmingly dudes that are completely unsuccesful in getting attention from conventionally attractive women and/or women they’re attracted to in general and are insecure and bitter because of it.
@Dvärghundspossen
I have wondered the same. I’ve read up on their techniques and I have to say, if a guy comes on me “negging” me I’m not gonna converse with them longer than to tell them to fuck off. If they press the matter the angrier I get. There’s some horribly aggressive “negs” recommended but even the milder ones get a bad reaction out of me. It’s not that I’m truly offended, I’m just pissed off that some asshole comes to spout those things when I’m having fun.
I assume if any of their tricks work they work on women who are already looking for a shag and thus open to approaches. These women might be looking for just a one night stand, just like the guys. A woman who has other things on her mind, such as having fun with her friends, isn’t going to be easily impressed or railroaded off her planned course of evening. Then there are vulnerable individuals, perhaps with mental problems who might be more susceptible, sadly (this counts as predatory abuse from the PUAs). My own practical experience suggests all of this, though it is of course limited and may not be everyone’s experience.
(I had something else in mind, but my thoughts got interrupted as i was rushing for the train. So this post may be incomplete.)
Eurgh, Heartiste’s writing makes me wants to scrub myself clean with bleach and wire wool.
I honestly can’t fathom why he has so much contempt for the women that he (allegedly) sleeps with.
It’s like, he hates women, and as well as hating them he views all women who have sex as “fallen” or something, or defiled and as being worth even less than “pure” women. And so he’s whole purpose in life is a to sleep with and “ruin” as many women as possible to justify hating them even more. And so he can say to himself “these women are dirty, whoreish slutty, sluts because they slept with me, ha! Look how right I am about women!”.
He is quite literally the vilest human being I have ever seen.
What’s odd about their approach is that it seems to assume that the most conventionally attractive women will be the most insecure and thus the easiest to manipulate. Now, it’s not like women who are conventionally beautiful and insecure don’t exist – in fact, modelling as a career is almost guaranteed to chip away at the self esteem of even the most confident person in some ways – but in general that idea seems, um, just a LITTLE counterintuitive. And in my experience, going by what happened when I first started to see PUA approaches in bars and clubs, that assumption often results in the women quite openly laughing in the man’s face.
The group of women who I think are more likely than average to be insecure enough for that stuff to work on, though, are very young women, which I still think is the real reason that PUA targets them. In terms of looks there’s really not much difference on average between 25 year old women and 19 year old women, but in terms of self-confidence? The difference is often huge. So basically they’re taking advantage of the insecurity of adolescents and how easy it is for adults to bully them.
There’s also the fact that some brain functions, like the ability to predict potential consequences and make decisions based on those predictions, don’t come fully online until at least the early twenties. They’re taking advantage of that too.
@ Historophilia
Also, to get all internet psychologist for a women, you have to have a really low opinion of your own sexuality to think that contact with it “ruins” other people. Normally I feel sorry for people whose self-loathing is that deep, but not if they’re trying to self-medicate by hurting other people.
For a moment, not for a women. Apparently I really need some coffee.
@Cassandra, definitely, it’s very much a toxic view of male sexuality.
I think it’s been said before on this thread, but it seems like the only thing he hates more than women is himself.
Also, it’s not clear if he ever intends to settle down some day, get married or have a long term relationship. But if he does, and he’s so used to viewing women he has sex with with such loathing and contempt then he’s going to struggle to sustain a healthy long term partnership.
Not that I hope he does have such a relationship, the idea of some poor woman married to this pathetic excuse for a human fills me with horror.
So the thing about Heartiste and other well-known PUAs is: I don’t doubt that they do get laid. I think it’s likely that they have a lot of drink-in-face experiences, but every once in a while they are going to run into a woman for whom this stuff works, or who doesn’t give a shit that she’s sleeping with a scumbag. It happens.
But all this going on about it? I think it’s because he’s trying to convince himself that he’s happy with it. He is clearly devoid of empathy, and therefore a piss-poor candidate to ever form a meaningful connection. So he has to tell himself, over and over, that he doesn’t want one. If he doesn’t, he might realize that it isn’t true.
I just have three things to say:
That is not how the id works. I know Freud is full of crap, but supposedly the id is a person’s basest and most impulsive desires, which then get filtered by the subconscious. If feminism is a social thing and deep down she is “still a woman”, then the “feminist tirade” will not be “carried along by the id winds”. Seriously, if you’re going to use fancy words then at least use them properly.
Lickspittle? First Steele and now this jerk, what is it with this word?
It takes a unique personality to turn “nobody with half a brain would fuck me” into bragging.
If I had sex with Heartiste I would take up douchibg.
I think a combination of thin bleach and holy water would remove the desecrating taint from my genitalia.
*douching
@Creative Writing Student
Followed by an exorcism 😛