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Imaginary feminists! Don’t destroy “Ian Ironwood’s” sexbot utopia!

Even the Bionic Woman had trouble with fembots.
Even the Bionic Woman had trouble with fembots.

Yesterday we looked at far-right manospheran clod/philosopher Vox Day’s melodramatic response to a Canadian sexbot ban that’s completely imaginary (but that Vox, natch, believed was real). Today, let’s look at an almost 3000-word post by one “Ian Ironwood” of the Red Pill Room, spelling out the dire implications of this imaginary legislation.

ProTip: Before writing 3000-word screeds denouncing something, spend 5 minutes with Teh Google to see if what you’re denouncing is in fact real.

Ironwood opens his argument with this dramatic (if slightly ironic) assertion:

The Sexbot threat to feminism is real.

No one wants to admit it, but it’s coming.  Indeed, the only people who recognize it as such are the radical feminists and the radical nerds, and rarely do folks take those groups at face value when they speak.  But they both have it right, sexbots are in our future.  Indeed, they’re closer than you think, and their capacity to seriously screw with the SMP is very, very real.

For those not fully versed in the pseudoscience of pickup artistry, SMP stands for “sexual marketplace.”

Ian starts us off with a little trip to Japan:

Japan, the undisputed global leaders in male masturbation technology, are [sic] investing literally millions in research into this market.  Why?  Because of the herbivores.

 The “herbivores” are the adult males (I hesitate to call them men) in Japanese society who have opted out of the dating-and-mating SMP entirely.  In consideration of the exhausting and complex web of social and financial penalties involved, these men have just . . . given up on women. 

Manospherians like to pretend that Japan’s much-discussed “herbivores” are essentially the Japanese version of Men Going Their Own Way. I’m no expert on Japan but even I know that’s a bit of an oversimplification.

Naturally, in Ian’s mind, it’s all the fault of those uppity ladies:

You think American women feel entitled?  Japanese “princesses” put them to shame.  Their demands and requirements for a husband are often so grandiose or unrealistic that they have turned-off an entire generation of Japanese men to the very idea of marriage, just at the point where their female contemporaries, themselves working in corporate jobs, are starting to consider it.

But when your day consists of going to work in a cube farm and playing the corporate warrior competing with women all day, apparently it saps your desire to deal with them all night, too. 

So, naturally, these poor cube farming herbivores are turning to vagina replacements:

Long an important part of international sex culture, the last few decades have seen rapid advances in masturbation technology, including the disposable Tenga “egg” stroker you can buy in a vending machine for those long lunch hours.  Japanese dudes whack it a lot, and that’s big business.  

And soon – oh, so soon — Japanese masturbation technology will be able to replace not just vaginas but entire women:

[B]y 2018, and certainly by 2020, we’ll see animatronic Sexbots available for purchase that you will not be able to distinguish from a human being more than ten feet away.

Ian, I will bet you literally a billion gazillion dollars that you are wrong about this.

But, for the sake of argument, let’s assume that Ian is correct, and let him continue his most interesting – and increasingly NSFW — survey of the future.

Every aspect of the phenomenon is being developed: realistic-feeling skin, realistic-looking eyes, realistic-sounding voice, realistic weight and mass, realistic movements …

The current state-of-the-art is still primitive, but that’s changing rapidly.  By 2020 your Sexbot will be able to walk, talk, see, hear, suck, fuck, give you an endless handjob, take it up her vibrating butt and do stuff no mortal woman can. 

“Endless Handjob” is going to be the name of my ambient-drone cassette label.

You will be able to order them in any style, from African to Asian to European to Latin and beyond, any height, any weight, and you will be able to personalize them to suit your particular fetish.  Advanced models will have changeable bust sizes and other options.  Hair, eyes, and accent?  Standard options.

I am glad to hear that sexbots will indeed have eyes as an option. It would be sort of weird otherwise. Can they have more than two? Could they have eyes instead of nipples, and nipples instead of eyes? Could you simply swap out various body parts as if your sexbot were some giant sexy Mrs. Potatohead?

Sorry, I’m getting a bit carried away with all the possibilities.

Let’s go back to Ian’s post, which is sounding more and more like some sort of sexbot informercial.

And just how much will dudes have to shell out to get a perfectly-programmed girlfriend delivered to their door?

About the price of an economy car.  Estimates indicate that the best consumer price-point for a Sexbot is about US$7,000.00 (2013).  Leases will likely be available.  So will financing.  But for the average dude, shelling out that kind of cash for the perfect sexual companion is a no-brainer.

I’m pretty sure Ian isn’t thinking with his brain at this point. Heck, he’s even wrong about the cars: a decent economy car is going to cost you at least twice that, and most of them don’t even have vibrating butts.

Imagine a dude getting home from work in his single apartment.  His Sexbot has been pre-programmed to start his dinner and have it ready on demand.  She greets him at the door, asks about his day, gets his dinner, and then spends the rest of the evening satisfying him any way he chooses.  With a sophisticated AI (one of the major focuses of the effort) she will be able to converse with you on nearly any topic or stay blissfully silent.  And you don’t even have to ask about how her day went.

After two years, trade her in for a newer, more advanced model.  Repeat as necessary.

And fellas, this stunningly realistic female human being replacement, with a vibrating butt and as many eyes as you want, will be yours for less than half the cost of a cheap car – in as little as six years from now!

And heck, these sexbots won’t just replace women – they’ll  even replace women who are whores.

Our children’s generation will look forward to a whole lot of men (if Japan is any indication, over half) depending on Sexbots for their erotic entertainment over actual human beings.  Even whores.  Because sexbots are safer than prostitutes by any estimation.

Sounds like life for heterosexual-yet-woman-hating men will become some sort of wondrous sexual utopia!

What could possibly stand in the way of this glorious dream?

Oh, you guessed it already: jealous, and probably ugly, feminists – who for some reason apparently want all of the woman-hating straight men for themselves.

Ian trots out that wholly imaginary Human-Robot Personal Relationship Act that we talked about yesterday. The “proposed law” that turned out to have been an assignment in a law school class about law and robotics. The law that Ian didn’t bother to Google before writing his long, long screed.

Ian is as worked up about this imaginary law as he is excited about his imaginary robot girlfriend(s) of the future. “[T]he thinly-veiled, incredibly obvious motivation behind this freakish proposed law,” he thunders, is that

 feminists are upset because when dudes can buy a girlfriend for less money than an engagement ring, and then have elective temporary vasectomies to cover their bases for the few times they do end up with a real woman, then the future looks an awful lot like a male paradise and a female hell.

Wait, now all men are getting vasectomies as well? Even though they have no reason to bother with mere human females, what with all their talking and their lack of vibrating butts? I’m a little confused now.

What happens when you’re a woman, you want to be a mom, but not only can’t you find a husband . . . you can’t even find decent sperm?  When in order to conceive, you have to convince a dude to commit to providing you with semen, which he can do only AFTER he consciously gets his vasectomy reversed?  No surprise pregnancies, no one-night-stands gone wrong, suddenly the only way a woman can get pregnant is if she can convince a man to commit to her?  If she can even find one who is interested? …

What happens in our society when a majority of working women can’t find husbands – or even dates, thanks to the Sexbot craze – and end up working and paying taxes to subsidize other women’s childbearing?  What happens when a dude with superior genetics can start a bidding war on his balls?

Yeah, but what if Japanese women develop ROBOT SPERM and use it to get pregnant and somehow force men to pay child support for their new human-robot hybrid babies? Did you ever consider THAT, Ian?

I’m not quite sure how all of that would work, exactly, but, hey, the Japanese are awfully clever so presumably they could whip up something like this in, oh, six to eight years or so, right?

But let’s just assume that my idea of robot sperm remains a pipe dream, and that Ian’s pipe dreams somehow become reality. He continues:

The temporary vasectomy is literally just a few years away.  Throw in Sexbots, and suddenly men have reproductive power the likes of which they’ve never dreamed, even at the height of the Agricultural Age.  They will decide when they conceive as a conscious choice, not as a whim of Nature.  Have a bad date with yet-another desperate woman who only wants you for your sperm?  Kandi the Asian 19year old Sexbot will make it all better.

Why is her name Kandi? Is that a common name in Asia?

And that’s why feminists are trying to ban them.  Not because they “objectify” women, but because they make women largely redundant to men.  Suddenly the allure of their genitalia will pale in comparison to the outrageous sexual bombshells rolling off of the Kyoto assembly lines. 

I’m sorry; I just love that last sentence there so much I have to repeat it:

Suddenly the allure of their genitalia will pale in comparison to the outrageous sexual bombshells rolling off of the Kyoto assembly lines. 

Ian dreams on:

Sexbots will actually cure a plethora of social ills: STDs, AIDS, unwanted pregnancy, sexual frustration, loneliness, heartbreak, child sexual exploitation, and more.  Far from making men objectify women . . . it will merely make them ignore them.  Men with Sexbots won’t treat women poorly, because more likely than not, once they have the “perfect” programmed girlfriend at home, there really won’t be any reason to interact with women unless you’re at work.

Yes, because aside from sticking his penis in them, there is clearly no possible reason why a man would ever want to have anything to do with women.

Just imagine a society where any man can get his ashes hauled at any time, in any way, without having to ask a live woman to participate.  Just imagine a society where women can’t get “accidentally” pregnant anymore.  Not only is the impetus to marry absolutely killed, but even the impetus to mix with the opposite sex.  And that’s what is scaring feminists, not the potential for objectification.

Yes,  I’m sure feminist women are crying themselves to sleep at the notion that asswipes like Ian will refuse to “mix” with them any more.

Happily, for him, Ian concludes that the (wholly imaginary) Human-Robot Personal Relationship Act won’t stand up in court. Because of NAFTA, or something. (I kind of skimmed this bit.) But then he’s back to imagining the wondrous possibilities of a sexbotted-up world. Which apparently involves a lot of robot dismemberment.

Just imagine the result if sex with “realistic” Sexbots is actually made illegal . . . why not just pop an alien head on?  Or a animatronic animal head?  Or just a silvery glass sphere?  That’s the real danger for women when it comes to Sexbots: their ability to be customized in ways no woman would ever consent to. 

Uh, I’m pretty sure no living creature, regardless of gender, would consent to having their head “popped off” and replaced with a sphere.

Can’t have a “realistic” full-body Sexbot?  Then just buy her from the waist down.  And then next year spring for a separate torso and head.  You can use them separately, or together! 

Who needs a human girlfriend when you can just fuck a torso?

Cant’ have a Sexbot that portrays a minor?  Get a really, really small model, and no one knows what happens in your imagination.

How thoughtful! So even pedophiles will have a place in Ian’s sexbot utopia.

So while imaginary feminists propose imaginary laws to fight the coming sexbot utopia, Ian will be licking his chops.

I, for one, will be welcoming our new Sexbot masters.  It’s going to tighten up the SMP worse than gay liberation did.  And it’s going to make shallow, poor-quality women completely and utterly undatable, and leave them little or no options to reproduce.  And the women who do reproduce will do so only with the permission, consent and acquiescence of men.

I’m beginning to wonder if this “red pill” is actually some sort of hallucinogenic.

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gelar
gelar
11 years ago

@princesssunnyburn: Or that men won’t want children. Their absence from this screed seems a bit bizarre.

clairedammit
clairedammit
11 years ago

I don’t know you guys, a half-sexbot sounds pretty hot to me. I think he’s on to something.

suspiciouscate
11 years ago

Ugh, these guys are as bad as MGTOWs for the simultaneous, “Well if that’s what you want, go for it!” and “You’re an asshole.” reaction.

Nobinayamu
Nobinayamu
11 years ago

From the hilarious comments thread:

…So no, I didn’t google anything, because I’ve met the dudes who are building the sexbots, seen the current prototypes…

Well, I’m convinced. How/where can I view these prototypes and invest?

Chayanov
Chayanov
11 years ago

He imagines his home life should be a porn version of an early 60s sitcom. Instead of Samantha being a witch, she’s a sexbot. Tune in next week to find out what hilarious and sexy antics ensue when his boss comes over for dinner!

Creative Writing Student
Creative Writing Student
11 years ago

@Kakanian

Divide the US down the Mississipi with manbots on the West and fembots on the right!

Not entirely sure where the non-binarybots would go. Canada, maybe?

princesssunnyburn
11 years ago

gelar: That too. If I try to think about a future with realistic robotic partners, (ha ha) I imagine it would come out to the majority of people still preferring a human partner, while a small few, both male and female, might choose to have a robotic partner, and those of that group who want kids (again, both male and female) will either adopt or conceive through sperm doner or surrogate like those unable to conceive through normal means do now.

And anyway, such a future is much further off than this halfwit wants to believe.

blitzgal
11 years ago

They use the “red pill” imagery from The Matrix to illustrate how humanity is blind to “the truth” about women — a movie in which humanity is enslaved by a golem of its own creation. And yet, they’re the first to jump on board the AI train. I just find that humorous.

katz
11 years ago

What happens to the ones that are traded in? Will many used bot lots with vaguely greasy salesmen attached spring up all across the land? If your refurbished sex bot causes injury when you use it will you be able to sue?

That would pretty well negate the STD benefit. *shudder*

katz
11 years ago

Divide the US down the Mississipi with manbots on the West and fembots on the right!

Not entirely sure where the non-binarybots would go. Canada, maybe?

They live on boats on the MIssissippi and pay no taxes. GOING GALT, BABY!

heathenbee
heathenbee
11 years ago

“This guy has never dealt with corporate Japan if he thinks that substantially modifying his bot isn’t going to void the warranty.”

Also, this entire concept takes “pre-owned” to a whole new level. And once your “experienced virgin” is no longer a virgin, what do you do? Start a robot-shaming blog?

Seraph
Seraph
11 years ago

Nobinayamu got there first, but I just feel the need to say:

You know, as sex toys, sex bots sound pretty awesome. Vibrating butts? Sure, I’ll give that a try. Switchable chassis so I can try different fantasy women without actually cheating on anybody? There’s a plus. Make dinner? Hell, I’ll settle for self-cleaning.

But my girlfriend and I went on our first date to The Thing prequel, and afterward we talked about whether the Thing was a shapeshifter or a disease with a hivemind.

My ex-wife took me to see “Evil Dead: The Musical” for one of our last Valentine’s Days together.

If a robot gets to the point where it can do these things…sorry, you’re not dealing with a toy anymore, you’re right back to dealing with people.

CassandraSays
11 years ago

They’re also forgetting that the egos of regular dudes don’t work like theirs. Part of the motivation for wanting sex (especially with lots of women, or with exceptionally hot women) for a lot of guys is the ego stroke, ie. proving that someone wants them. There’s no “I am so awesome!” feeling to be had from just buying a bot. For some men it works that way (probably the same ones who currently believe that having a nice car proves that they’re awesome), but for most guys? They’re going to want the affirmation that comes from knowing that the person you’re fucking could have chosen someone else, but they chose you.

Evito
Evito
11 years ago

First of all, let me say that the last two posts, along with David’s commentary, have been funny as HECK.

Secondly, let me thank everyone who told me about feminism101 and captain awkward last time I was here. I’m still don’t agree with everything on these sites, but it certainly gave me a lot to consider and learn from.

Third, part of the above post (the sarcastic statement of men only wanting to stick their penises in us ladyfolk) reminded me of some stuff I used to read when I was 100% MRA…and even then it didn’t mesh with my life experiences at all.

I guess the easiest way to ask this is; Does anyone here think that hetero women and hetero men can be real friends? I’ve *always* thought the answer was Yes, but every single MRA site I’ve ever read has said No.

Usually the reasoning is “men and women don’t get along”, “women hate male activities”, “men being strung along by friendships that don’t mature are manginas”, “a real man would never debase himself like that”, “women don’t give anything to male friends, only take”, and my favorite, “women have nothing to offer a man other than her vagina, so why should he bother with the rest?”

As a woman who has plenty of male friends that I’ve given gifts/money/attention/comfort/advice/a place to stay and hasn’t slept with any of them AND they still invite me to have fun with them, I have yet to get this.

What say you peoples? Am I delusional in thinking we can acknowledge opposite sex attraction but still be friends, or not?

Tina
Tina
11 years ago

Lulz! I couldn’t even finish the article. Please tell me this is a joke. All that comes to mind is “loser”. And how dare we Western women or USA women lose our title of worst women in the world!

heathenbee
heathenbee
11 years ago

“They’re going to want the affirmation that comes from knowing that the person you’re fucking could have chosen someone else, but they chose you.”

The sexbots will be programmed to not reward with dinner until their clitoral orgasm level is reached. “You. Moved. My. World. Harold. You. Get. Gravy. And. Whipped. Cream. With. Din-din.”

howardbann1ster
11 years ago

Evito: um, duh?

If the thinking on one side of the debate is insulting, treats men poorly, and generally requires you to act like you’re living under the Taliban… is there any doubt that it must be the MRA way?

On the other hand, acknowledging that you’re a person, they’re people, freindship, relationships, whatever, you’re all grown-up human beings who can make that decision for yourselves? Yeah, that would be feminism, again.

So… yeah.

heathenbee
heathenbee
11 years ago

“Does anyone here think that hetero women and hetero men can be real friends? I’ve *always* thought the answer was Yes, but every single MRA site I’ve ever read has said No.”

You have noticed this is not an MRA site?

CassandraSays
11 years ago

I guess the easiest way to ask this is; Does anyone here think that hetero women and hetero men can be real friends?

As a woman who has plenty of male friends

Looks like you answered your own question.

freitag235
freitag235
11 years ago

Truly, the world of MRAs never ceases to astonish.

“Ewwww…icky wimmenz begone! Sexbots for all. Oh, can we program them to be self-cleaning because ewwww?”

Carleyblue
Carleyblue
11 years ago

Yes, I think men and women can definitely be friends. But I’ll be honest: I don’t remember ever having a heterosexual male friend who at some point did not want to have sex with me (that includes my best friend from when I was 12 and those over 40 *sigh*). I’m not saying this to boast, because seriously it kind of annoys me. Most of them didn’t want a romantic relationship either, just sex plus continued friendship/sharing of common interests. This happened all the time with guys I played music with until I had to stop. Many of them were fine with ‘just’ being friends, but it is still awkward. If I’d been remotely attracted to any of them, I would probably have gone for it, but I just wasn’t. So it makes me wonder.

I think MRAs don’t really see women as people like themselves. Do they have a lot of male friends even, I wonder?

PennyDreadful
PennyDreadful
11 years ago

Hi, it’s heathenbee. Once I’m out of moderation I’ll be PennyDreadful *waves*

Karak
Karak
11 years ago

I find it fascinating he’s sure that women wouldn’t want a sexbot. He bitches about women having jobs and earning power, and it really doesn’t occur to him a woman wouldn’t want a dildo/maid?

And I like how he gives nods to pedophiles and furries, but gay people apparently don’t exist.

And the technology is not as close as he thinks it is, and he hasn’t addressed the Uncannny Valley issue, or how this would place enormous power of reproduction in the hands of women… It’s like he can’t really be bothered to consider anything realistically.

AND I CAN’T BELIEVE I JUST PUT ALL THAT THOUGHT INTO PRETEND SEXBOTS

ianironwoodi
11 years ago

@Cloudia: “I would like to hear more about how gay liberation tightened up the SMP.”

I’ll have a post on my blog about that in about a month.

ianironwood
11 years ago

“Is it just me, or is “Ironwood” the most obviously false name since “Underhill” ?”

“Ian Ironwood” is my porn name.