Fellas! Better hold on to yourselves, because I’ve got some terrible news for you.
Actually, you’d better NOT hold on to yourselves. Because this is the news, straight from that always 100% reliable news source, the Men’s Rights subreddit:
I wonder if manginal orgasms are still allowed?
May they find that they’re out of coffee just when they really need a cup.
May they be forced finally and irrevocably to go their own way.
May Anonymous perform a master hack on all of their followers, in which extensions are installed on all their browsers across all platforms, so that any time they try to go to avoiceformen.com they are automatically redirected to A Voice for Pierre.
May their chooks turn into emus and kick their dunnies down.
(For translation send $2.99 in a stamped self-addressed envelope to …)
May weevils infest all their powdered goods in the cabinet.
May the only milk at the store be skim.
May Cheetos and Mountain Dew go out of business, depriving them of sustenance. Hot Pockets, too.
Apparently I have learned to speak Australian.
May someone serve them mac and cheese made with fat free cheese. At Thanksgiving.
May they go their own way and find that nobody has noticed.
May they discover their last carton of milk has curdled only after they pour it into their coffee.
Cassandra – G’day maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate.
May they be seen as they truly are.
May they eat a chicken sandwich and swallow what they think is gristle, then realise it was the extremely expensive porcelain crown they got put in a week before.
I love all your curses. Sometimes I cannot think too hard about the things these people say, even in the soothing context of mockery. :/
I concur about not getting pets if you don’t really like them. I want to see a shift away from the idea kids need to be raised with pets and just generally the entitlement of it all. Obviously I’m a big fan of kids being raised with pets, but if the parents aren’t genuinely enthusiastic and dedicated to it you’re not teaching them anything *good*.
I remember doing a surrender when I worked at the SPCA, and of course you have to be pleasant to them. The mother was crying, the father was totally jovial and like “this is what you do when you don’t want it”. I hated that their son was learning from the father that it was a totally acceptable option and I had no way of conveying that it’s not, we just exist to prevent people bashing them on the head inexpertly instead.
I like children, but have very low tolerance for spoilt arseholes. Some kids are just jerks. And I never really got babies – my distaste is amplified by the awfulness of people handing you babies because you’re a lady-type person. Arg, it’s breakable and doesn’t even really interact yet, please don’t? O_O
May they be pointed and laughed at by random strangers.
May their health insurers inform them that misogyny is a pre-existing condition that makes them ineligible for cover.
When I went to the shelter to get my kitty there was a woman surrendering a chihuahua because it was “harder to take care of than I expected”. The cop handling the intake was giving her so much side-eye, you could tell that he was dying to give her an earful but wasn’t supposed to.
Hrovitnir – I’ve held exactly one baby in my life and hope never to do so again. Apart from the breakability and not interacting, the potential for shit or vomit is enough to make me barf. Cat vomit and shit I can deal with, it doesn’t bother me. Human, not so at all.
The surrenders and associated scumbags are the main reason I couldn’t work in animal welfare. I’d be HULK SMASH with them. “Hey, I’ve got an idea! Let’s euthanase you instead, Mr Oxygen Thief!”
🙁 Hopefully she realised it early and didn’t screw it up too much. My coworker once gave this dude the biggest dressing down surrendering his cat because it wasn’t using the litter tray when he was changing it weekly. He actually seemed to get embarrassed in the end but we still got the (extremely lovely) kitty.
At first I was like, huh.
And then I was like, ewwwwww.
Hahaha, Kitteh. I definitely think human shit and suchlike is WAY grosser than any animals, but it isn’t so bad with your own. My eldest sibling is 14 years younger than me so I did some nappy changing and it wasn’t too bad. (No babies for moi!)
Apparently when I was little I used to projective vomit *every time* this one guy picked me up. lol
Yeah one of my leftovers from my fucked up upbringing is not knowing how to do calm confrontation. So I just seethe and fail to ever dress people down, no matter how much they deserve it. *bitter*
@Kittehs’: A dunny is a jakes, isn’t it? If it is, apparently I can speak some Australian, too.
I don’t know what a chook is, but I know what an emu is. Foul tempered, mostly.
chook is a chicken.
My worst. Worst. experience with this sort of thing was when a workmate was trying to organise homes for a stray and her litter. The cat and kittens had turned up at her neighbour’s place. The neighbour had no liking for animals but agreed to keep them for the time it took workmate (who did a lot of animal rescue work) to get this done. I was going to take the mother cat; all the kittens had been offered homes too.
The day I came to work to collect the mother cat, workmate came down to the foyer and told me neighbour had had the whole family put down. Neighbour decided she just didn’t want them around any more. It had been a few weeks, just long enough for the kittens to leave their mother, she KNEW they were all about to be claimed, and she had them murdered.
I basically had a fit there in the foyer and wished … well, wished death upon her. To do that was unspeakable. I didn’t even know the cat and kittens but grieved for them. I still feel rage thinking about it, even after seventeen years and with the firm belief that those kitties are alive and well across the veil.
The good thing that happened that day was that we (Mum and I) determined that we would save a cat whether the Unspeakable Scum from Hell wanted it or not. So we went to a rescue hospital and ended up with not one but two – Katie and Fribs, who were about three and four months old respectively. Fribs is still with us, Katie crossed in ’09. She spent thirteen years (to the day) being Alpha Queen Kitty, bedazzling us with Teh Cute and generally winding me around her little tabby thumb.
A dunny is a toilet indeed. 😀 Emus aren’t so bad, Ostriches are generally worse I believe. Nothing’s as bad as a Cassowary! Chook = chicken. Do people in the US not use that?
l think babies are cute to look at, but really gross and not a little bit boring. I couldn’t stand to spend as much time with one as I spend with my cat. Little kids who can talk I like, but I still think I’d rather spend a really long stretch of time with my cat.
What. The. Fuck. I feel you Kitteh, I would probably be happy if that person keeled over too, and I’m not ashamed of that one bit.
I have a Facebook-friend I met on my vet nursing course. She’s a bit odd in real life but we have shared interests and started getting on well. Then she decided to move overseas. Cool! THEN she looked into costs to bring her cat. Couldn’t afford it. Oh well. Be sympathetic because it’s sad. ARHICAN’TBEYOURFRIENDANYMORE.
After spending all morning trying to figure out where my friend Squidgy had gotten to a guy showed up at my door with a picture of her and said they saw her out by the road on their way to work so they took her to the shelter. OMG!!!!!
When I arrived at the shelter they wanted to know how I could prove that she was mine, cuz she had just been brought in that morning and was not available for adoption. Unfortunately I had failed to bring the family photo album.
There she was sitting there all totally bummed out and depressed in a glass enclosure with the rest of the incarcerated miscreants. When she saw and heard me she very nearly drilled through the glass. There was much shrieking and carrying on, on both sides of the glass, and they did allow that it was indeed possible that she was my friend and permitted me to post her bail.
So off topic it is in the tropics but there is a very sick little sister of a person who’s blog I follow who could use some cheering up according to her brother. here is the website:
http://karlsmallwood.wordpress.com/2013/01/08/help-karls-sister-earn-karma/#more-872
He asks for things like pictures and videos and I cannot draw on anything so I thought maybe y’all might be able to. Thanks!