So, “Nice Guys” are causing a stir on the Internet again, thanks largely to a new(ish) Tumblr blog called “Nice Guys” of Ok Cupid, which posts selected highlights from the OKCupid profiles of self-proclaimed “nice guys” who make it very clear, in their profiles and in their answers to OKCupid’s “match” questions, that they are in fact anything but nice.
Some of them are actual or potential date rapists, convinced that women that they’re “nice” to owe them sex. Others are bitter from too many rejections, and launch long tirades in their profiles about how women are bitches and whores. Still others are clueless on a more fundamental level, declaring that women have “an obligation to shave their legs” and otherwise prettify themselves for men while noting that they themselves only shower or brush their teeth occasionally.
It’s not clear how any of this is supposed to convince the women of OKCupid that these angry, ranting, hapless-yet-entitled “nice guys” are indeed as “nice” as advertised, much less convince any rational human being to have sex with them.
The site is a goldmine of unintentional self-revelation — as is a similar site with the name of, er, OKCupid Goldmine — and I’ve spent hours looking through the pictures on both sites and discussing them with friends. The only reason I haven’t linked to it in the past is that neither of them blur out the faces of the people they feature, which seems to me a pretty major invasion of privacy. (As you no doubt have noticed, I’ve taken the liberty of somewhat creeepily disguising the faces of the guys in the pics I’m posting here.) But “Nice Guys of OKCupid has been pretty widely discussed, linked to by Jezebel (1, 2) and The Guardian and even the Men’s Rights subreddit, to mention merely a few examples; Ok Cupid Goldmine is also provoking discussions. Posts on both sites regularly get dozens if not hundreds of comments and reblogs on Tumblr. The cat’s already out of the bag.
Here are a couple more of these “Nice Guys” with their faces all spiral-ized:
In case anyone is devastated with curiosity, the third critter in the Fantasia 2000 Noah’s Ark Skeptics’ Club is a griffin:
http://www.vibrantcoach.com/images/528_2012_02_Dragon_Unicorn_Fantasia_2000.jpg
>re hats. I like them.
Same here. I know that they kinda look silly, but I simply found that a hat and a good coat protects me from the elements better than an umbrella. And that’s a fairly important consideration if you’re living in a place that’s cold and wet for eight months or more.
Makes reading Fedoras of OKC is kinda painful for me though.
Grumbles: Wrong, pecunium. You said the appropriate answer I should give to the question is ‘Yes.’ Obviously it isn’t. The correct response on my part is to simply skip the question, which I have done.
That’s the cop out. Your personal opinion is women can do what they like, but if they don’t shave their legs, you won’t date them.
You think the women who date you are obliged to shave their legs.
By saying, “yes” you honestly express your position. By not answering the question you pretend you don’t have an oppressors view of your partner.
Hats! There’s been a hat conversation while I slept! ::sobs::
I had a gorgeous one, sort of like a shortish top hat, and a wide-brimmed black straw one with black lace veiling during my Goth days. These days it’s more caps – I really like the butcher-boy or baker-boy style and have a few of those. I’ve also got lots of berets. Since I took up knitting and happened upon a pattern for a slouch cap that adapts really well (pure luck, that) to a beret pattern you can do on straight needles, I’ve made a couple of those and will do more once the weather is more knitting-friendly.
I really like fedoras, especially since Mr K took to wearing them. Half my time watching Foyle’s War was spent drooling over Foyle’s and Milner’s hats and Foyle’s gorgeous overcoat.
Summer hats are a bit of a pain, though. I find it’s generally more useful to just carry an umbrella as a sunshade when it gets seriously hot; hats are limited to middling-sunny days. A few years back (marriage day!) I bought a wide-brimmed red straw hat. Once we were out of the shop I asked Mr K what he thought of it. He gave me a sidelong look and said, “It’s very red.”
I made him pay for that, though. Next time I went to the shop where I bought it I told the staff what he said and we had a good laugh about it.
Forgot to add – CWS wins an internet for the spiffytash script!
Can this not turn into another “Let’s All Explain To Sgt Grumbles That We Don’t Care About What Makes His Penis Do A Happy”-A-Thon?
I don’t shave my legs because it bores the fuck out of me. If someone doesn’t want to date me because of it, then I know that I don’t want them anywhere near my (fuzzy) crotch. It’s up to no one but the bearer of the legs in question.
Oh and inb4 “BUT MEN SHAVE THEIR FACES”, if I liked a bloke and he grew a beard, it’s none of my business, it’s his damn face.
nat, good point, about feeding the unterbrücken, even if what I’m saying is he’s a lying sack of shit.
I guess now would be a good time to totally confess that it took this website and a few others to point out to my thickheaded, misogynist (sp?) brain what is actually wrong with what they are saying. And I still don’t fully understand what’s wrong. And, um, the weather was better today! Sunny!
Hey Tina, you want some sun, I’ll donate ours if I can figure out how! Going to be 36 C here again tomorrow … shudder.
@kittehs
Woah! I’m a far bit further north then you and we’re only at 27C now.
It’s going for that here today, too. Upsy-downsy is about the only good part of this heatwave! Did you see Hobart – HOBART – got to 42 on Friday? We got to 41 and it was like being in a feckin’ oven on the trams.
I shave my legs and I don’t like the thought that somebody thinks I’m obligated. I couldn’t date that person. My body is mine.
………………
I feel that it is weird that a lot of guys expect ladies to be shaved bare down there………
I’m sorry, but I’ve tried it. 1) it look wrong on me in my opinion 2) it is a hassle 3) If you don’t stay on top of it and get prickles it is SUPER uncomfortable.
IDK no guy has ever complained to me about it, but people on the internet can be complete jacka$$es in regards to shave/not shaven.
I keep it trimmed and nice, but I’m not shaving or waxing.
I don’t care if someone else wants to shave her legs. It can be more practical if you wear stocking/pantihose, simply for comfort. I do side-eye the whole cultural “women don’t have body hair” crap that it’s based on, but that’s another matter. Me, I don’t wear clothes that are going to show my legs like that anyway, and I cannot be stuffed going through the hassle of it. I have Clydesdale ankles, moreso with menopause, and when I look at my toes I think I’ve got Hobbit ancestry. 😛 Mr K likes me as I am and it’s no other man’s fucking business what I do with my body. (Don’t read that as Mr K’s opinion being the decider, he likes me as I am regardless of what I choose to do with my body.)
Pubic hair … the idea of removing it is a personal side-eye squick for me. I always see it as “it’s like this in porn and that’s how you’re supposed to be” with a side order of potential pre-pubescent fantasies thrown in. Yeah, I know that’s not necessarily the case at all, and it’s up to the body’s owner, none of my business, but it’s how I react to any man expecting a woman to denude herself there for him.
@Argenti
I haven’t read the Odyssey yet, but I imagine I’d enjoy it more than the Iliad, I’ve always been more interested in brilliant displays of intellect and wit over brutal violence; as for the Aeneid I had trouble actually reading it as it’s the one book I didn’t manage to acquire for class. Speaking of University, if anyone’s curious, I REALLY need to get my ass in gear this semester, switching meds did a real number on my sleeping habits and general ability to focus on work, fortunately I should be able to get everything sorted out now.
You know, all this talk of assholes on OKCupid was kind of what spurred me into creating a profile, cuz I’m never mean in real life and I wanted to be mean to some trolls asking for sex. I mean, the other half of the reason was because I have a real adult job and an apartment now and my friends from college are mostly gone so why not.
Turns out that 30% of the messages were innocuous “Hey, what’s up?” that I would never answer, 1 or 2 messages that were amusing because one was “hey u dtf” and the other asked me if garlic makes you fart. I have fun with both of those. The rest? The rest seemed like decent people attempting to start relevant conversations taken from the info on my profile.
WHY DID PEOPLE NOT TELL ME ABOUT THIS? Here I am, expecting to have fun with trolls and now I hate myself because I have to ignore otherwise lovely people because I’m a pretty extreme introvert and I can only handle a few social interactions at a time. Maybe I just don’t attract assholes? I don’t know. The two sort-of dates I’ve gone on have been just fine. The guys were really nice.
I don’t have a lot of experience with jerk-off people, so maybe they’re all secretly jerks and I’m not seeing it but . . . ugh. No man ever talks to me in real life like this. What the hell, men.
Also, I kind of love the Nice Guys of OKCupid’s author’s reply to anonymous insults. Simple yet satisfying.
@Argenti – from last night, I love the Odyssey mostly because I wrote a paper on how the Wizard of Oz is the same story. 🙂
(Dorothy/Odysseus go into a dream state, encounter strange creatures, a powerful sorceress, monsters, wise elders who help them get home, etc.)
@hellkell – Excellent. We can get our diabetes medicines from that place Wilford Brimley shills for!
I can’t keep up with the topic switches! Hats and shaving and cartoons, oh my.
One random note on pubic hair – shaving and waxing can be deeply uncomfortable and risk health complications, but trimming may be necessary for hygiene/comfort reasons (Google “Bartholin cyst” if you want to know. I’m not linking, because it’s rather gross and deeply unpleasant. Also highly painful.) But individuals should do what they want to do with their bodies and not have to conform to someone else’s expectations, and definitely not to their demands.
@Wandarox – put the word “feminist” in your profile, you’ll get plenty of assholes.I had a guy message me demanding that I prove feminism wasn’t a CIA plot.
I shave lots of places often, but more often I can’t be bothered. It is so much work and not a lot of payoff (like a half a day for legs, a couple of days for pubic areas, so not enough). I wouldn’t be with someone who wasn’t attracted to me regardless of what state I’m in. I like things shaved occasionally and that’s got to be okay too.
I hate when people talk about it looking prepubescent because I never look that way no matter what I do. I am an adult and look it with or without hair, thank you very much. My pubic hair does not add years the way some men’s beards are said to. However, no-hair as a requirement does indicate discomfort with women’s bodies that I find squicky.
Nice guys has been shut down. I has a sad.
Wonder if legal action was threatened, just a lot of online harassment, or…?
Give it a rest, kittehserf, you’ve got **nothing** to complain about. It was 45 in Adelaide that day.
Yeah, I know. It was only for one day so it doesn’t really ‘count’ for the record books. But it’ll be 36 today, then …. nothing under 37 until Friday.
As for Hobart. We had a holiday in Tas a couple of years ago. I’ve always envied them for good gardening weather – I was wrong. It turns out that Hobart, of all places, had the lowest rainfall of any capital city in 2009. The only thing that saved them from total desiccation was their low evaporation rate – not enough heat and sun. Don’t know about the annual rainfall, but they’ve certainly got enough heat for the time being.
@lowquacks, she did mention she was getting legal threats.
At Aussie manboobzers, that’s why I love where we are, sure it’s humid but most of the year it’s not and temperatures hover in the mid to high 20s for most of the year. No crazy spikes in temperature.
An oppressor’s view of my partner? What, should I date people I have no wish to date lest I suffer your moral censure?
It’s like if I’m sharing a pizza with someone. If you wanna get some shit like pineapple, I’m getting my own fucking pizza. I know that’s a flawed analogy, because we could always go half-and-half, but let’s say for the sake of argument that this particular establishment won’t do that.
45! Yikes! We haven’t had it that bad since the Black Saturday week in ’09, at least not in Melbourne. I think the north of Victoria, Mildura and so on, are going to be around there for a while yet.
::goes to the Not That Hot corner of shame::
Some Gal – yeah, I know it’s not really right about the prepubescent stuff, it’s my gut reaction/suspicion about blokes who insist on it, more than anything else. Not exactly rational.
drst – “I had a guy message me demanding that I prove feminism wasn’t a CIA plot.”
OMG you had a message from NWOslave? :O
And I just know some people are going to somehow misconstrue my analogy as comparing women to pizza.