So, “Nice Guys” are causing a stir on the Internet again, thanks largely to a new(ish) Tumblr blog called “Nice Guys” of Ok Cupid, which posts selected highlights from the OKCupid profiles of self-proclaimed “nice guys” who make it very clear, in their profiles and in their answers to OKCupid’s “match” questions, that they are in fact anything but nice.
Some of them are actual or potential date rapists, convinced that women that they’re “nice” to owe them sex. Others are bitter from too many rejections, and launch long tirades in their profiles about how women are bitches and whores. Still others are clueless on a more fundamental level, declaring that women have “an obligation to shave their legs” and otherwise prettify themselves for men while noting that they themselves only shower or brush their teeth occasionally.
It’s not clear how any of this is supposed to convince the women of OKCupid that these angry, ranting, hapless-yet-entitled “nice guys” are indeed as “nice” as advertised, much less convince any rational human being to have sex with them.
The site is a goldmine of unintentional self-revelation — as is a similar site with the name of, er, OKCupid Goldmine — and I’ve spent hours looking through the pictures on both sites and discussing them with friends. The only reason I haven’t linked to it in the past is that neither of them blur out the faces of the people they feature, which seems to me a pretty major invasion of privacy. (As you no doubt have noticed, I’ve taken the liberty of somewhat creeepily disguising the faces of the guys in the pics I’m posting here.) But “Nice Guys of OKCupid has been pretty widely discussed, linked to by Jezebel (1, 2) and The Guardian and even the Men’s Rights subreddit, to mention merely a few examples; Ok Cupid Goldmine is also provoking discussions. Posts on both sites regularly get dozens if not hundreds of comments and reblogs on Tumblr. The cat’s already out of the bag.
Here are a couple more of these “Nice Guys” with their faces all spiral-ized:
Hah, I used a couple of dating sites in my 20’s (OKC, and a local one in Vermont), and frequently got messages from dudes whose profiles said they had daughters my age. The Vermont one even had me listed as taken and looking for friends, but that didn’t stop them (which, come to think of it, also happened on MySpace…). I think some guys will just message anyone listed as female.
Can’t sleep … jerks will eat me … can’t sleep … jerks will eat me ….
But why the fuck should I care what a potential mate had to say to that particular question? Nobody says, “I’m looking for a girl who shares my views on leg shaving.”
I actually found the leg-shaving question to be one of the most useful potential date filters on OKCupid. Because I figure any guy who thinks I have an “obligation” to shave my legs is one who does not think I own my own legs and therefore call all the shots regarding their presentation and use. (I answered it “no” and wrote in the comment box, “‘Obligated’ to whom? They’re MY legs!”)
I do happen to shave my legs, even though I have very fine hair that’s almost impossible to see, because I like the way it feels. But any guy who answered that with a “yes” was immediately off my list, because I found it such a basic bodily autonomy question. I mean, if a guy thinks I’m “obligated” to do something as benign as shave, he probably also thinks I’m “obligated” to provide my boobs/vagina/etc. on his terms as well. And as I was coming off a long-term relationship in which my ex thought I was in fact obligated to do just that, that was an INSTANT NO for me.
Incidentally, I met on OkCupid the guy I eventually married. He still does not think I am obligated to shave my legs. 😉
@drst
I have the board game. (Back to reading the rest of the thread.)
Oh yeah, don’t they say that evil scientists faked the fossils?
Some creationists believe in dinosaurs. They believe the dinosaurs lived in the Garden of Eden, but it was only 6000 years ago rather than millions. Sadly, like the unicorns, they did not survive the Flood 🙁
He’s Jewish and has a rebbe, so it’s probable he wears peyot, and shows tzitzit
He likes math (see, “I invented the concept of ‘x’, and my rebbe solved Fermat’s Last Theorom in his head in 30 seconds).
drst: OK that I seem to be the only one old enough to remember Rich Hall’s “sniglets” aka “words that should be in the dictionary but aren’t.”
I remembered them. I thought most of them were better at, “let’s be cute”, than, “I think that works,”.
“Do you think women have an obligation to keep their legs shaved?” This question irks me. I’m sure many guys who answer in the affirmative are simply assuming it is asking about personal preference, since this is a dating site, after all. But the phrasing couches it in terms of ‘obligation’ to which I say, nay, it’s a free country. So I suppose I’d answer ‘No’, although that may imply that I would actually date someone who didn’t shave, as I fail to see how the question is relevant in any other respect.
So… you don’t think it’s relevant, and you don’t like the use of, “obligation” but if a woman is to considered a viable candidate; for you, and she doesn’t shave her legs you won’t date her.
So the honest answer from you, in the context of, “if she wants to date me does a woman have an obligation to shave her legs?” is Yes.
Which is why it’s a useful question.
“Some creationists believe in dinosaurs. They believe the dinosaurs lived in the Garden of Eden, but it was only 6000 years ago rather than millions. Sadly, like the unicorns, they did not survive the Flood ”
That explains so much…poor unicorns! 🙁
I haven’t heard any creationists deny dinosaurs existed, although I’m sure that some do… I’ve only heard the “they actually lived at the same time as humans” version. And that Behemoth in the Bible was a dinosaur, and all legends and fairy-tales of dragons were inspired by dinosaurs that people actually met long ago.
The Creation Museum in Kentucky spends a lot of time baiting their hook with dinosaurs. They have dinosaur sculptures outside, they have animatronic dinosaurs inside with their mannequins of Adam &
StEve, they explain how the Tyrannosaur will lie down with the Gallimimus, and they patiently explain how this was all possible because there was no death in the world.And seriously, while you’re oohing and ahhing at the rather cheesy dinos, they try to slip past things like “Cain married his sister, because God decides what’s moral and immoral, and God hadn’t decided that impregnating your close relatives was a Bad Thing yet,” together with “We had a nice thing going, and then Some Woman Done Fucked It Up, and now we have inner-city gun violence.”
I believe they stopped the animatronic robots who were laughing at Moses and sounded like a bad Mel Brooks routine, but I think the gimlet-eyed Methuselah creepadroid is still going.
Ken Ham recently decried feathered dinosaurs as the Lies of Satan, probably so he wouldn’t have to spend money he doesn’t have on new dino models. And it isn’t even every dino species that’s feathered!
Sorry for the rant. Ken Ham and his Creation Museum are in my home state, it’s a sore spot for me.
oops, I Will go fix Pierre’ s moustache immediately!
I’ve heard that God left the dinosaur bones around, looking all old, to test the faith of believer’s. So…I guess that means dinosaurs didn’t really exist, just their bones exist.
I never put the bones were planted theory together with not-existing before, but it makes sense. Well, it doesn’t make sense, but it is illogically consistent.
That’s okay, Falconer. John the Otter appears to share both a city and a first name with me… 🙁
Believers. I blame my autocorrect. That is one of those typos that makes my brain hurt.
“Faith of believer’s” — not just wrong, but repetitive!
Somehow dinosaurs having feathers just makes them more awesome.
Hence the brain-hurting. (I can handle lots of typos, but unnecessary apostrophes set my teeth on edge.)
I rather like the idea of Pierre’s mustache resigning in protest of MRAs. Yay Pierre!
*mental image*
On MReddit:
spiffytash: So anyway, your belief about penguins in crude and inaccurate, and you should engage with varied penguins in order to gain a true picture of what penguins are like before dismissing them based on really… bizarre… stereotypes.
RandomMRA: ARGLEBARGLE MANGINA!
spiffytash: I’m not a mangina, I’m a moustache.
Dani: I think he doesn’t mean Mary Tudor, as the only person I associate that with is Elizabeth I’s older sister, and she would truck with no dissent.
I’ve seen this tumblr and I think it’s always a service to humanity to publicly out anyone who has stated they believe rape is acceptable in any circumstance. I’ll admit though I’m confused about the whole “Nice Guys wear fedoras” thing. None of the Nice Guys I’ve dealt with had them, it’s something I remember more from people into ska, the one my husband and I share, and the one Abuelito kept for formal occasions, though he preferred those old-timey wool caps
RE: Argenti
One of my favorite one-off moments in Fantasia 2000 was during ‘Pomp and Circumstance,’ which they had rigged as Noah’s Ark. As the rain came down and the ark geared up to go, you had a brief glimpse of a unicorn, a dragon, and possibly something else pointing and laughing. You never saw them again.
RE: leg-shaving
God, I HATE that meme. Also the meme of body as communal resource. When I had top surgery, there was some backlash about how our tits were just SO AWESOME (yeah, dude, you try finding a cost-effective 30D bra) that it was somehow a public disservice to hack them off. Like we were desecrating a public space or something, instead of tailoring OUR personal body for OUR use. What the hell?
RE: bi women on OKCupid
Oh god that article makes me head hurt. That’s NOT HOW FUCKING BISEXUALITY WORKS. Christ on a crutch.