So, “Nice Guys” are causing a stir on the Internet again, thanks largely to a new(ish) Tumblr blog called “Nice Guys” of Ok Cupid, which posts selected highlights from the OKCupid profiles of self-proclaimed “nice guys” who make it very clear, in their profiles and in their answers to OKCupid’s “match” questions, that they are in fact anything but nice.
Some of them are actual or potential date rapists, convinced that women that they’re “nice” to owe them sex. Others are bitter from too many rejections, and launch long tirades in their profiles about how women are bitches and whores. Still others are clueless on a more fundamental level, declaring that women have “an obligation to shave their legs” and otherwise prettify themselves for men while noting that they themselves only shower or brush their teeth occasionally.
It’s not clear how any of this is supposed to convince the women of OKCupid that these angry, ranting, hapless-yet-entitled “nice guys” are indeed as “nice” as advertised, much less convince any rational human being to have sex with them.
The site is a goldmine of unintentional self-revelation — as is a similar site with the name of, er, OKCupid Goldmine — and I’ve spent hours looking through the pictures on both sites and discussing them with friends. The only reason I haven’t linked to it in the past is that neither of them blur out the faces of the people they feature, which seems to me a pretty major invasion of privacy. (As you no doubt have noticed, I’ve taken the liberty of somewhat creeepily disguising the faces of the guys in the pics I’m posting here.) But “Nice Guys of OKCupid has been pretty widely discussed, linked to by Jezebel (1, 2) and The Guardian and even the Men’s Rights subreddit, to mention merely a few examples; Ok Cupid Goldmine is also provoking discussions. Posts on both sites regularly get dozens if not hundreds of comments and reblogs on Tumblr. The cat’s already out of the bag.
Here are a couple more of these “Nice Guys” with their faces all spiral-ized:
I am lucky, my hair doesn’t get stinky, so if I braid it (so it doesn’t get visibly lank) I can go a week, or so, without washing it. I can go a bit longer if I use conditioner alone (because some of the agents they use in conditioners are mildly detergent).
I do use a mixed nylon/bristle brush on it, at least once a day. I do the “soap on the scalp, and then work it down” trick too.
The worst part is the two days after a really thorough washing, because it doesn’t want to be braided; it’s worse in the winter.
Does anyone who’s work hair clips or pins or whatever find they just don’t stay in place?
Wow are you all off topic. The subject is mysogyny–an important topic these days– and you’re all nattering on about your hair. Way to go.
@The Kittehs’
Have you tried wrapping part of the clip in a hair band (just one of the cheap rubber bands wrapped in threads)? My mom used to do something like that for my sister (who has really thin hair that everything fell out of) for both the friction and the bulk, but the friction part should work for thicker hair.
@DannyJane
If it’s so important to you, say something on-topic. If not, fuck off, troll.
Some Gal – that’s a good idea, I should try that.
DannyJane, are you a troll? Have you ever bothered to read the blog? We go off topic all the time. It’s accepted (hell, David posts kitty articles when he feels like it or the MRM is too disgusting even for his ironclad stomach). Don’t come in here telling regulars what to talk about.
I started reading this blog:
http://www.howtohairgirl.com/
And learned how to make a shaggy, long bob (“shlob”) for myself. Super easy, people compliment it a lot, can be done tipsy and it holds style in my curly, but fairly fine hair. I recommend it.
So DannyJane, care to expound on misogyny?
Or is it just an excuse to try and beat up on us because a comment about the hidden misogyny in a comment about hair led to a side-topic in a 1,306 comment thread (to date).
Get with the program.
My hair is straight as a sunbeam. I braiding it wet gives it some curl, for a couple of hours, but that’s it.
I am not a troll. I responded to someone’s posting on FB about the mysogynistic behavior of men on OK Cupid, something I had rather extensive experience with. I’ve never been on this board before, so no, I don’t know your habits. I came looking for an intelligent discussion but as soon as I posted everyone started talking about their hair.
I don’t need to get with your or any program, nor do I wish to be attacked further. I think you devolved to a shallow discussion when there was a larger issue. Not to worry, I’m terminating my membership. Feel free to natter on without me about any topic you please.
@DannyJane
On the off-chance you are still reading, it is always rude to come into a thread you haven’t read. We covered a lot of important on-topic stuff days ago. Now, we are on to other important stuff. I mean, hair affects our lives daily and hopefully Nice Guys do not. If you had something to say, say it. Otherwise, you ARE a troll. In fact, you are a troll that is on the list of the 14 trolls that show up to every article on feminism.
@pecunium
Me too! The curl is actually mostly gone if I so much as run my fingers through it.
Do I detect an undertone of “Silly wimminz?”
3/10. “Terminating my membership” is a nice touch, but why even bother flouncing if you’ve only made one previous comment? You could just say nothing and be a drive-by commenter.
“Terminating my membership” LOL!
Is there a registration or fee someone forgot to tell me about?
Piss off if you’re going to be trollish. There are innumerable feminist websites where going off-topic is not welcome – go hang out on them and leave us to, y’know, enjoy talking about what we’re talking about.
(Anyone get a socky smell of “What you’re talking about isn’t important! You should talk about what I want to talk about!” mansplaining from this concern troll?)
DannyJane: I don’t need to get with your or any program, nor do I wish to be attacked further
Then don’t insult people. Don’t presume that the tail end of a 19 page discussion is the only thing being discussed.
I think you devolved to a shallow discussion when there was a larger issue.
So talk about what you think we aren’t. Don’t tell us we’re doing it wrong, when you weren’t doing it at all; not just in the previous part of this discussion, but here and now.
Your platitudinous preaching about, “the larger issue” still isn’t talking about it, just abusing us for not entertaining you the right way.
But go ahead, stick the flounce, everyone will be the better off.
“I’ve never been here before. Rather than read any one of the hundreds of posts with hundreds of comments, I’m going to click on the most recent comment and read no further. It’s not about what I want to talk about? I shall berate the posters for being shallow and off-topic. This will make me popular!”
I think “an important topic these days” was particularly snotty. I gave them the benefit of the doubt. Assuming they understood the oh-so-complex if/if not choices I presented, they chose troll.
“And then I will wax indignant when it doesn’t!”
Some Gal – yeah, that “an important topic these days” has a very trolly smell (possibly old socks). I mean, who comes in talking about misogyny as if it’s something new?
The off-topic tangents are one of the best things about the comments here. I would have lurked anyway, but it is the great community (built on sharing random fun, advice, and stories) that made me a commenter.
Same here.
I can’t remember if someone said it just the other day or it was in an old thread I was reading, but I agree with the comment that the derails are a big part of the fun here. They said how joyless some of the feminist blogs they read are, terribly serious and always on-topic. Which is fine, and important for anyone who prefers that style, but hell, when did it become a rule that all blogs have to be like that? Or that random tut-tutting trolls get to tell David how to run his own blog? (This one had nothing like the staying power of Schticky, lol.)
I’ve learned a hell of a lot here, and plenty of it was from totally OT stuff. Besides which, given the toxicity of the stuff David posts about, who could bear to be on topic all the time? And what’s the bet that even if we were, DannyPrecious &co would then tell us to stop being so frivolous by using mockery instead of having a Serious Discussion?
I seriously think we should ONLY talk about hair for the next week, just to make sure DannyJane doesn’t come back. I think I’m going to get a shaggy bob, just like reginaldgriswold! (Though perhaps I should ask Kittehs’ what haircut her sister has and go with that…)
Cloudiah, I misread that as, “shaggy boob” (I blame The Naïf), which was a very different image.
Coincidentally, Shaggy Boob is the name of my 80s-era cover band.