So, “Nice Guys” are causing a stir on the Internet again, thanks largely to a new(ish) Tumblr blog called “Nice Guys” of Ok Cupid, which posts selected highlights from the OKCupid profiles of self-proclaimed “nice guys” who make it very clear, in their profiles and in their answers to OKCupid’s “match” questions, that they are in fact anything but nice.
Some of them are actual or potential date rapists, convinced that women that they’re “nice” to owe them sex. Others are bitter from too many rejections, and launch long tirades in their profiles about how women are bitches and whores. Still others are clueless on a more fundamental level, declaring that women have “an obligation to shave their legs” and otherwise prettify themselves for men while noting that they themselves only shower or brush their teeth occasionally.
It’s not clear how any of this is supposed to convince the women of OKCupid that these angry, ranting, hapless-yet-entitled “nice guys” are indeed as “nice” as advertised, much less convince any rational human being to have sex with them.
The site is a goldmine of unintentional self-revelation — as is a similar site with the name of, er, OKCupid Goldmine — and I’ve spent hours looking through the pictures on both sites and discussing them with friends. The only reason I haven’t linked to it in the past is that neither of them blur out the faces of the people they feature, which seems to me a pretty major invasion of privacy. (As you no doubt have noticed, I’ve taken the liberty of somewhat creeepily disguising the faces of the guys in the pics I’m posting here.) But “Nice Guys of OKCupid has been pretty widely discussed, linked to by Jezebel (1, 2) and The Guardian and even the Men’s Rights subreddit, to mention merely a few examples; Ok Cupid Goldmine is also provoking discussions. Posts on both sites regularly get dozens if not hundreds of comments and reblogs on Tumblr. The cat’s already out of the bag.
Here are a couple more of these “Nice Guys” with their faces all spiral-ized:
Russian grammar seems fairly logical to me, far more logical than English, it’s just that there’s a lot of it. Since the consecutive consonants don’t bother me I find it much easier to pronounce than French.
(Possibly because I was never taught Russian by an upper class twit with a silly accent.)
The challenge is that languages like Polish, Czech, Slovak and Croatian evolved their own systems, and while they’re easy enough to learn, and internally very consistent, they often look quite different in print. For instance, if the composer Dvořák had been Polish, his name would probably have been written ‘Dvorzak’ – and similarly, if Krzysztof Penderecki had been Czech, he’d probably spell his name something like Křištof Penderetsky.
What’s even more confusing is if you switch between the Slavic Polish and the non-Slavic Hungarian, as the rules for pronouncing ‘s’ and ‘sz’ are precisely the opposite – the former is ‘s’ (Polish) or ‘sh’ (Hungarian), and the latter is vice versa. I don’t speak a word of Hungarian, but I do encounter Hungarians professionally quite regularly, and I like to be able to pronounce their names correctly as a courtesy – but every time I encounter ‘sz’, my Polish-pronunciation mindset kicks in.
“Opheliac was a fucking masterpiece.”
I found the score, took one look at it, laughed my ass off, and stuck it in a folder. Masterpiece is one word for it, masochistic is another.
And make friends with your e-string, after the first half hour or so you can’t feel your fingertips anyways XD
“Argenti: Of course White Men are oppressed. Just look at how this country is run. All those women voting for men who will “give them things”.”
On that note, SSI wants original records, not duplicates. My psych is sure going to like me tomorrow!
Speaking of Dvorzak, he’s a damned dream to play compared to EA. Never thought I’d find classical music to be easy on the fingers (*6th* position! sixth!)
Geeze, Argenti, 6th, good job! I grew up in a music household, my brother is the professional violinist. Take care of those fingertip calluses.
“It’s not your skin, it’s you.”
Exactly. Typical of narcissists to deflect personal responsibility from their own shitty behavior onto any group they belong to in order to claim “bigotry”. And typical of a troll and a bigot to blame their inability to get along with someone onto the supposed failings of whatever group their target belongs to. “You disagree with my statement because people like you arglebargle; you attack me because I belong to X superior group; my belonging to X superior group leads to my martyrdom”.
Blecch.
And of course, they will turn that statement around and try to cast feminists or other social progressives as using the same script. What they repeatedly fail/refuse to recognize is that when someone of a legitimately victimized group accuses bigots and abusers of it, they are only trying to defend themselves from the actual bigotry and abuse, not ascribing it to the demographic said bigots/abusers belong to. E.g., our problem here is with misogynists and trolls, not men or white men. While bigots and abusers make accusations, it’s based on group hatreds and personal feelings of self-pity and entitlement, and it becomes “My group is superior therefor you are moronic human waste; I am superior therefor I am the target of hatred and abuse.”
(Sorry for the blatheriness, I’m barely caffeinated)
“Take care of those fingertip calluses.
‘It’s not your skin, it’s you.'”
Either reading seems correct, and here *hands over a mug of “super brew”* it’s freshly ground dark roast combined with cheap bricked pseudo-espresso, French pressed — string enough that it scares my not-an-ex XD
String, strong, whatever — not sure if that was auto-correct or Frued, my callouses a not up to par for 6th position, strings, they be evil
Lol, I guess I should have made separate posts ; )
Considering how my fingers feel, I find the temporary misunderstanding to be very fitting.
Lol, more coffee, then I’m trying it again…and then a ballad or a jig or something fucking simple. Hmm, or maybe it’s time for La Folia.
I think I can pronounce that! One semester of Polish in college. About all I still remember is the pronunciations of the unique letter combos like prze and sz/cz.
My 4th grade teacher, who was the embodiment of evil, made us learn French. I understand the theory that introducing children to languages other than their native ones at an early age is helpful and that they can learn languages (in some cases) better when they are younger, but that woman was a horrible human being, so I have been left with a prejudice against French ever since.
Gah! I missed you guys talking about languages. I’m attempting to get a degree in conference interpreting at the moment, so I could go on and on.
Has anyone ever noticed French people randomly (well, probably not randomly, but that’s what it seems like) changing the volume of their voice in mid-sentence? It is bizarre and incredibly irritating if you’re still trying to learn.
I can read Latvian correctly (it’s blessedly phonetic), and understand snippets of it, but I was never taught it properly because my mum and nana used it to talk in front of me and my sister when we were little and didn’t want us eavesdropping. I have a bit of a phobia of speaking it (and French) to native speakers due to once when I was about 14 and was trying to buy cigarettes in Riga. I asked the lady behind the counter, a tiny wizened old baboushka type, for 20 Marlboro reds in Latvian, and she just started shouting at me “NO! YOU SPEAK ENGLISH! EVERYBODY SPEAKS ENGLISH HERE”. So now I’m scared that I’ll sound like a blithering dolt if I try speak forrin.
It’s weird in Latvia though, there’s loads of people who still speak only Russian, and have never felt the need to learn Latvian. It’s my mum’s first language, and about 85% of the population speak English as well so we thought we’d be OK, but there’s always at least one mime-debacle when we try to buy something from a Russian shop.
Also with what Wetherby said about getting your head around consecutive consonant pronunciation – my surname is Latvian and begins with ‘Dz’, and contains an ‘n’ with an accent which turns it into a ‘ny’ sound (like the Spanish n with the ~ thingy on) which is immediately followed by an ‘s’ with an accent which means it’s ‘sh’. When we’re in the UK we just drop the accents and tell people it’s a ‘silent D’ (it’s not, but it’s really subtle) for simplicity’s sake, but I’ve never met a British person who’s been able to pronounce it correctly. Even the ‘English’ version is apparently completely perilous.
That’s funny, because my very foreign last name poses difficulties here for the opposite reason, there aren’t enough pronounceable letters in it! Over half my name consists of letters that are usually silent in French. You should see the looks I get.
Firstly, John Rambo is right… the site ‘niceguysofokcupid’ is down.
And that makes me sad.
Secondly, a commentariet who doesn’t make sidetracking jaunts into music, fluffy animals, and various other interests is… actually no fun to be a part of. There are many sites that I read but never comment upon, because comments are a strict and joyless affair. This is one of the few places I’ll take my coat off and sit awhile.
Because you guys are awesome and I learn loads here.
Finally…
Yes, as you can see, I am excoriated every time I speak. People constantly dogpile me for my baseless conjecture. Every time I say something stupid, people jump all down my throat.
…no, wait, they don’t. Gee, I wonder why that is, even though I’m totally a white dude?
Just read through the entire thread and
1) My sides hurt from laughing. You people rock.
2) Remind me to show off my “ginger cat hanging out with Cthulhu” pic when I get home.
3) I was a nude model in college and there were several rules about hygiene. “Shave your legs, women” was not one of them. Which is good, because I didn’t. Somehow the students were able to focus in spite of my unshaven, unplucked, untrimmed body. And that shit wasn’t subtle. It was as red as the setting sun.
Thanks for the well-wishes, Kittehs and BigMumma.
For those of you interested in what’s going down/might go down: It’s 22C here already as of 6:38 and my area’s been declared a “catastrophic” fire risk area, which is a classification that didn’t even exist until last year’s disastrous Victorian bushfires.
I’m mostly worried about my mum, who’ll be in a hospital nearby having chemo, and dad who’ll be with her, but with national parks blocked off and no-one able to drive left at home my siblings and kitties and I will be entirely helpless if anything does pop up nearby.
Nothing should, though; my house is reasonably wind-sheltered, so I’m not too worried for it and the various creatures in it. Still, it’s scary stuff. I’ve a few friends in far riskier areas and I am very worried about them and others around them.
The fact that the medication I’m on causes hyperhidrosis (excessive sweating – of the forehead mostly for me) won’t make things any more fun.
I’ll try to post here when the fire warning’s been downgraded a bit to assure you I’m still alive.
Predicted high temp for today is 44C with hot winds.
Please do let us know you and yours are okay. Scary.
I’m in one of the lowest areas and should be fine. Mostly friends on the escarpment just south I’m worried about.
State government sent text messages to everyone in the area telling us it would be safer not to be in the area but that it’s totally not an evacuation warning, which seemed thoughtful but also a little irresponsible/panic-inducing in some people who were at no real risk.
Hi lowquacks,
I was down in Hobart on Friday when it reached the unprecedented 41.8 C – hope you’re safe and can remain relatively cool. I was at my brother’s house and every so often we stirred out of doors to see how the Tasman Peninsula fire was creating a huge pall of smoke. One of our friends from high school was near the edge of that bushfire, basically watching for a wind shift in case the fire should turn in her house’s direction. Not fun, and so I’m not envying you today. Stay safe.
I hope you and yours stay safe, lowquacks. We’re all thinking of you.
I always hate the “it’s just about hygiene!” argument when it comes to women not somehow adhering to patriarchal standards for maximum boner efficiency for all the menz ever (except, you know, modestly because, sluts). Hair (when not in my food because, ick) is not by nature unhygienic. Hair isn’t dirt or sweat or grease or grime, it’s just hair. The equivalent of a guy not showering for a week and being out and in public would be a woman not showering for a week and being out in public. Not showering = not showering. Not showering =/= not shaving because shaving isn’t a hygiene thing. I do shave, about once a week in the winter and twice a week in the summer (but not the bits because no thank you) but my general problem with the whole “women shaving is just a cultural expectation and that’s the way it is, just like showering!” is because, no, it isn’t. Yes, men and women are expected to clean themselves regularly in the public world and try to present a neat appearance. But shaving is an ADDTIONAL thing women are expected to do (just like perfectly cutting and dying and styling that hair and the make-up and the outfits), and the pressure just isn’t there as much for men who shave their facial hair. Sure, that’s also something people might often consider as part of keeping up a neat and clean appearance, but men have the option of growing beards, mustaches, and can generally be a bit more lax with their shaving regimens if they want to be. Not to mention, in my experience, hygienic expectations for men seem to be more lax in general. If a dude is smelly and unwashed, whatever, he’s a dude, and how dare you point out his smelly unwashedness you horrible, stuck up bitch! But if a woman is smelly and unwashed there’s something wrong with her, she’s unwoman, she’s not just stinky, she’s a failure of a woman for not being a perfect smelling, perfect looking, ethereal angel. Same thing with aging. There are a bieberton of magazines out there all proclaiming to me that I’d better start a skincare regimen now, before I start getting more wrinkles, that I need to buy this and that cream and this and that serum and use this and that wash, etc, etc, etc. but when men age, they’re considered “distinguished”.
Plus, my other beef with the “it’s just cultural expectation!” bit is, that yeah, we know that. Do you never stop to think why? Or that just because a culture expects something, doesn’t mean it’s right? Or what the implications are of a society that expects more in terms of maintenance from women than from men?
And seriously, I can’t help but feel incredibly sorry for someone who claims to be totally willing to change their entire look and/or style just to be with someone. I can’t tell if Dio is bluffing or just has low self esteem or desperately wants to be someone’s real life Ken doll or what. Pro tip: if someone wants to change you that badly, they might not actually want to be with *you*, rather, just an idealized version of you or what they think you can be/they can turn you into. Which is never really the healthiest of things in a relationship.
Why do I get the feeling after reading all of that splosion that Dio is one of those OKC guys who messages you with the opener “what do you go for in guys?” Like, what, you really think I’m going to think it’s some huge coincidence that you’re semi-nerdy and love dogs and reading and are a bit of a political news junkie and like to watch British comedies and sometimes go out for a beer or two AFTER I’ve just told you those are things I like in/like to do with a potential boyfriend? I want to know who you ARE not who you think you can fold yourself into until the day of our eventual break-up when either you decide you can’t pretend to be something you aren’t anymore or I decide you aren’t the person you lead me to believe you were. It’s cheesy, but true, if you want to find someone who will love you for the person you are, you have to let yourself be that person.
Thank you for my new favorite unit of measurement. Here, have an internet.
Stay safe, lowquacks!
“Stay safe, lowquacks!”
Seconding/thirding/fourthing/whatevering that!