So, “Nice Guys” are causing a stir on the Internet again, thanks largely to a new(ish) Tumblr blog called “Nice Guys” of Ok Cupid, which posts selected highlights from the OKCupid profiles of self-proclaimed “nice guys” who make it very clear, in their profiles and in their answers to OKCupid’s “match” questions, that they are in fact anything but nice.
Some of them are actual or potential date rapists, convinced that women that they’re “nice” to owe them sex. Others are bitter from too many rejections, and launch long tirades in their profiles about how women are bitches and whores. Still others are clueless on a more fundamental level, declaring that women have “an obligation to shave their legs” and otherwise prettify themselves for men while noting that they themselves only shower or brush their teeth occasionally.
It’s not clear how any of this is supposed to convince the women of OKCupid that these angry, ranting, hapless-yet-entitled “nice guys” are indeed as “nice” as advertised, much less convince any rational human being to have sex with them.
The site is a goldmine of unintentional self-revelation — as is a similar site with the name of, er, OKCupid Goldmine — and I’ve spent hours looking through the pictures on both sites and discussing them with friends. The only reason I haven’t linked to it in the past is that neither of them blur out the faces of the people they feature, which seems to me a pretty major invasion of privacy. (As you no doubt have noticed, I’ve taken the liberty of somewhat creeepily disguising the faces of the guys in the pics I’m posting here.) But “Nice Guys of OKCupid has been pretty widely discussed, linked to by Jezebel (1, 2) and The Guardian and even the Men’s Rights subreddit, to mention merely a few examples; Ok Cupid Goldmine is also provoking discussions. Posts on both sites regularly get dozens if not hundreds of comments and reblogs on Tumblr. The cat’s already out of the bag.
Here are a couple more of these “Nice Guys” with their faces all spiral-ized:
Wow, I missed a big thread! Though can I just say, I appreciated that this didn’t become a feminist in-fight fest over the possible patriarchy of people choosing to shave their legs? Those always gave me major eyerolls back in the day.
Lulz at the ‘oral sex on unshaved women is impossible’ thing, plus the weird hair = nonhygienic thing. I mean, there’s this amazing invention called a bath. It’s really quite easy and enjoyable.
“Though can I just say, I appreciated that this didn’t become a feminist in-fight fest over the possible patriarchy of people choosing to shave their legs? Those always gave me major eyerolls back in the day.”
I totally forgot about those! Seconding that thanks then, wtf body hair you do or do not remove is your damned choice!
Though I did mean to comment earlier that leg shaving is remotely like face shaving under one condition — non-cis but biologically male + facial hair = all the weirdness. Of course, that’s still not exactly socially required, just personally compelling (does that phrase make sense?)
Naïf: And don’t speak out both sides of your mouth.
Physician, heal thyself.
I’m so impressed that your life outside the internet (in what I assume was an attempt to troll me because I was doing three things I felt more important then attending on your reply to me), involves watching something, while using the internet. I was making something, which someone else will use to make something, while watching something else with my partners and discussing the nuances of it.
Why ought I be impressed that you had tabs open?
You’re not impressed by intonation? This from the guy who can’t see the implications in his own words? The Guy who is telling people they aren’t, “raising the level of discourse”? Raising the level of discourse is all about “intonation”. You do care.
You waltzed in here, some months ago, telling us all how smart you were, and explaining to us what you thought we needed to know. We told you we weren’t impressed.
In the time since the impressions you’ve made have not improved the overall opinion. In some cases (mine) you’ve managed to degrade it, and then degrade it again.
If we were on something approaching a level, I wouldn’t need to talk down to you, but you can’t even pick up on the things I say which ought to tip you off (hint, my using an aramaic word, some time back, to insult you, might have tipped you off that I have a grasp of things like Hebrew terms of devotion from the Song of Songs).
You guess at my history (Russian… nope), and condescend to me, then seem to think (when you are wrong) that you ought not be treated as you have done. Sorry kiddo, but I don’t owe you a fucking thing more than common courtesy, and (as you’ve not expressed any to me; barring a lack of overt swearing), I’ve been more polite than you deserve.
@Argenti Aertheri
Makes sense to me and sounds just as sucky as socially compelling tbh. In fact, moreso because you can’t try to escape it by wearing pants.
Nai¨f: And ooooh. You used the word petulant. That makes you feel grown-up; doesn’t it.
Touched a nerve did I? Son, I’ve got scars older than you, hell I’ve got scars I clearly recall getting, which are probably older than you. Pointing out your petulance doesn’t make me feel grown up. I am grown up. I’ve been grown up for decades (I’d say that when I was managing editor of a weekly paper, serving a community of 25,000 I was probably a, “grown-up”, and that was back in the ’80s).
Get over yourself.
‘“Though can I just say, I appreciated that this didn’t become a feminist in-fight fest over the possible patriarchy of people choosing to shave their legs? Those always gave me major eyerolls back in the day.”
I totally forgot about those! Seconding that thanks then, wtf body hair you do or do not remove is your damned choice!’
I *wish* I could forget about those : P My mom still gives me a quizzical look when I comment that I need to shave (I was gonna say “gives me the hairy eyeball” but I figured that was pushing it a bit…)
Pube Terror 28: The Inhalation.
Argenti: It’s not the youth, it’s the lack of maturity. I spend lots of time with perfectly wonderful people who are not yet in their teens,and not yet in their twenties.
Most of them don’t tell me I don’t know what I don’t know. When they do, I explain (gently) why that’s not polite.
Pube Terror 29 – Unplanned Flossing
Pube Terror 29: “That Isn’t Toothfloss”
This whole thread reminds me of a line from a short story: ”Like women everywhere,she appreciated kindness, but they didn’t surrender their virtue to it; that was reserved for heroes…or rogues.”- from ”Reave The Just” by Stephen R. Donaldson.
Actually, (warning TMI), a lover of mine and I did have some pube problems once. For some time I was aware of her IUD. Turns out a pube had gotten knotted in the “string”. We found this out at an exam. So I held her hand while the GYN used the speculum and snipped the tail.
Problem solved.
Pube Terror 30: The Tickle and the Sneeze.
Pube Terror 30: Wrong Turn.
I mean, if it’s so hard to find…
RE: Pecunium
Oh god that sounds horrible! *crosses legs in sympathy*
Some Gal — pants still work better than a skirt!
Pecunium — as long as me and the rest of the under 30 crowd aren’t getting luped in with the Naïf! As for the IUD, aurgh, that is unfortunate!
This whole thread reminds me of that episode in The Wire when Jimmy has just been demoted to harbor police and Bunk comes to see him. Bunk goes: Ahoy, matey. The girls always tellin’ me about the little man in the boat. Now, I know who they talkin’ ’bout..
The IUD thing was more of a bother for me. She said the snipping wasn’t so bad (and the GYN didn’t mind my being there, partners is partners… though this was the same insurance plan that had refused to pay for her IUD).
I was the one who was getting poked in the pecker.
@pecunium, what’s up with that? Back when I was married and insured, our plan would cover my pregnancy and delivery, it would cover Viagra (I checked out of curiosity), it would cover our kid’s circumcision (even though it was delayed while I fought to not have it done and by the time I gave up and gave in he was too old for an office snip and had to be fully anesthetized), but would it cover an out-patient vasectomy? Noooooooo…..
She was under 35, and hadn’t had kids. They’ve changed the rules now, but then it wasn’t allowed. So we went to PP and had it done.
And it kicked her ass. The cramps were horrid. She was laid up for about three days, and off her game for about a week (that was about how long it took before she could ride her horse again… which was a terrible torment, forget the sex).
The first day was awful. Nothing I could do, and her in misery.
Oh man : ( When I was a kid, my mom scared me off of IUDs with some horror story about her sister (this was in the 70s, my mom wasn’t trying to scare me off of BC). It’s always been way down my list of possible BC options. So glad my baby-maker’s nearly expired by now : P
What’s funny (in a sad sort of way) is that as recently as a couple of days ago I was giving the Naïf tips about how to better fit in.
But it seems I nailed it with the nickname.
heathenbee: It was the problems with the Dalkon Shield, (and the 5 percent or so of women who ended up sterile) which caused all IUDs to be taken from the market for awhile, and some serious redesigns to those which were returned to it.
Just like that male pill… that high a level of so serious a side effect; in a treatment which isn’t the only one which does the job, meant it got pulled.
Yikes.
I’m getting an IUD in a bit. I am… nervous, to say the least. Still, right now I’m on oral BC and [TMI after this point] my boobs are sore on a regular basis, the doctor seems to think it’s the sole or biggest contributing factor to my frequent nausea, and sometimes my sex drive just shuts down for weeks or months at a time. Plus, reducing the length and severity of my periods should be a help to my chronic floor pain, which flares up around my bleeding-out-my-insides time. So it should be better in a whole bunch of ways. But eek!
Hey everybody. Guess I might as well delurk since I can’t sleep and it’s the thing to do today. I need to sleep at night since grad school requires me to be performant during the day and most of you are in incompatible time zones to me, I can’t contribute too often, but I thought I’d give a shout and say thanks for the endless entertainment.
Btw, my handle refers to a silly punctuation mistake in German. Don’t go calling me a misapostrophist, though. I mean, some of me best friends are apostrophes!