So, “Nice Guys” are causing a stir on the Internet again, thanks largely to a new(ish) Tumblr blog called “Nice Guys” of Ok Cupid, which posts selected highlights from the OKCupid profiles of self-proclaimed “nice guys” who make it very clear, in their profiles and in their answers to OKCupid’s “match” questions, that they are in fact anything but nice.
Some of them are actual or potential date rapists, convinced that women that they’re “nice” to owe them sex. Others are bitter from too many rejections, and launch long tirades in their profiles about how women are bitches and whores. Still others are clueless on a more fundamental level, declaring that women have “an obligation to shave their legs” and otherwise prettify themselves for men while noting that they themselves only shower or brush their teeth occasionally.
It’s not clear how any of this is supposed to convince the women of OKCupid that these angry, ranting, hapless-yet-entitled “nice guys” are indeed as “nice” as advertised, much less convince any rational human being to have sex with them.
The site is a goldmine of unintentional self-revelation — as is a similar site with the name of, er, OKCupid Goldmine — and I’ve spent hours looking through the pictures on both sites and discussing them with friends. The only reason I haven’t linked to it in the past is that neither of them blur out the faces of the people they feature, which seems to me a pretty major invasion of privacy. (As you no doubt have noticed, I’ve taken the liberty of somewhat creeepily disguising the faces of the guys in the pics I’m posting here.) But “Nice Guys of OKCupid has been pretty widely discussed, linked to by Jezebel (1, 2) and The Guardian and even the Men’s Rights subreddit, to mention merely a few examples; Ok Cupid Goldmine is also provoking discussions. Posts on both sites regularly get dozens if not hundreds of comments and reblogs on Tumblr. The cat’s already out of the bag.
Here are a couple more of these “Nice Guys” with their faces all spiral-ized:
@thenat: That is totally the best thing on the Internet! Also I hope BoyFabtastic was not too badly mauled, poor guy.
See, to me, the silly moments are part of the fun of sex. How can you enjoy yourself and your partner if you refuse to lighten up? Needing every sexy thing to be “perfect” turns fooling around into Serious Business, and then it becomes performative instead of enjoyable. IMHO.
BoyFantastic** I managed to typo that word 3 times, oh dear XD.
@creative writing student: He was unconscious, probably dreaming about being on a trampoline.
Ninja sex cats ftw.
@Cloudiah, re: Pharaoh
I find that the easiest thing to do is build independent, self-sufficient “neighbourhoods”, and connect them with roads. Also a liberal use of roadblocks 🙂
One thing I found hardest to do was just to accept that there will be slums. Put a few houses near the docks/mines/ferries/wev, give them a water hole, and the fire/architect/police trio, roadblock them in and leave them to their miserable existence. >.>
I don’t have Excel on this computer, but I think this is the link that has the files that show some “sample” blocks. Long and narrow does it, the AI of the wanderers isn’t very good.
http://pharaoh.heavengames.com/strategy/housing/index.shtml
(P.S. “neighbourhoods” is *too* a word, stupid spellcheck)
Viscaria – yeah, that’s how I see it. Who needs to feel like they’re sitting an exam or going for an audition when having sex or making love? Grumbles never did define what he thinks perfect sex is apart from being uber-groomed and shaved (which, seriously, would just give me a case of WTF giggles if I saw a
dilapidateddepilated bloke). But it does sound like giggles and frivolity wouldn’t get a look-in.“How can you enjoy yourself and your partner if you refuse to lighten up? Needing every sexy thing to be “perfect” turns fooling around into Serious Business, and then it becomes performative instead of enjoyable. IMHO.”
Yes, I’d say that’s a very healthy attitude, Viscaria. I think certain pissants have just watched too much porn and haven’t experienced the real thing often enough — if at all. And seriously, why would a Brazilian be mandatory for oral? I mean, unless you’re afraid the pubes will keep you from finding it.
Sex is Serious Business. But nothing says Serious Business can’t also be playful giggly, cuddly, occasionally-disastrous, randomn-attacks-of-cat fun.
Another off-putting thing about Perfect Sex That Is Flawlessly Perfect is that you’ll ruin it by talking about what you like. Your partner is massaging you too hard? This angle isn’t ideal for you? Want to ask your partner if they’re enjoying themselves or if there’s something they’d like to try? Well keep quiet and, pretend, dammit! If you say something you will ruin the sexy illusion that we’re all sexy psychics! And that’s not sexy!!1!
Also *handflail* at all the bully breed love. Bull dogs is best dogs 🙂
(disclaimer: my Frenchie/Boston cross made me type that. she’s been in my lap all afternoon, so reading the internets is the only thing I’ve managed to get done)
::sporfle::
Okay, now I’m seeing an explorer wearing a pith helmet looking for hidden treasure in the jungle.
*giggle*
@Kitteh, I’ll admit I’m probably projecting some of my own ideas of “perfect” sex onto Grumbly Tumbly as he didn’t say anything particularly specific. But um I betcha I’m not too far off.
“Don’t think, just do”, is generally my philosophy when it comes to sex.
You don’t have to think it too much, but “ask before you do” is kinda maybe probably a good philosophy.
Halite – got any pics of Frenchy Boston you’d like to share for the squees?
What’s the diff between French bulldogs and Boston terriers, btw? I mean, I know they’re different breeds, but I’ve never seen them together to compare and in pics I can’t tell them apart.
Viscaria – oh gods yes, that so plays into the “perfect sex means never talking” meme!
@whataboutthemoonz
That can never be said enough!
Viscaria, I probably am too, but his whole “thou shalt be shaved” line leading into that waffle about “perfect or not at all” makes me raise my (unplucked) eyebrows a bit. It’s very suggestive of the common attitude that seems to be stuck somewhere between romance novels and porn.
“You don’t have to think it too much, but “ask before you do” is kinda maybe probably a good philosophy.”
True, but me and my partner know enough about each other at this stage ^_^
I had never understood not wanting to “spoil” sex by talking about it. Talking about things almost always makes them better and you get to relive the happy times. (Of course, I like to talk a lot anyway and am normally still carrying on a conversation about whatever trough most of the foreplay, so it would be really weird for me to not talk about what I like or don’t like and to offer things I’ll do for my partner if he wants them.)
The only time there wasn’t lots of talking was this one time in college and it turns out he kinda suspected he raped me. So…talking it is! (And hopefully avoiding guys like that in the future through luck, there was no way for me to know, I think.)
Should have added – I used to think of it along those lines before Mr K and I finally got together; it was a very teenage thing (prolonged in this case, lol). But now? I really think the giggles and ebil kitties and spontaneity are a hell of a lot more fun, and a hell of a lot sexier for that matter.
@The Kitteh’s
I used to think spontaneous sounded fun and gigglyand awesome, but also thought that I was supposed to be shaved recently and smell beautiful and have my hair nice and makeup on and nice lingerie and I couldn’t figure out how it would all work. (The mechanics around sex always boggled me more than the mechanics of sex.) Finally, I figured something had to give and, luckily, it was the “perfect” part.
Sorry about the typo in your name. Is that an okay shortened form? If not, I’m sorry and it won’t happen again.
Kittehs with or without apostrophe is fine! mildlymagificent called me kitteserf the other day and I lol’d. It’s all too true. Had to laugh when I was referred to as TKUH and took an age to figure out who it was. 😀
kittehserf
can’t even spell me own name